Having Mixed Feelings Since the BC

[GaiasDaughter24]

As someone who has inlaws that seem to think it's ok to say whatever comes to their mind to my face, nip this in the bud NOW! You can be polite about it but set them straight NOW. I made the mistake of letting things slide with my inlaws just to keep the peace (completely out of character for me but I figured I have to deal with them forever, so.........) and then my MIL made a NASTY offensive remark in front of my child.It was my fault because I had not set boundaries. Please explain to them that you don't appreciate their comments and why. Understand, that if you're SIL makes comments about your kids before they're born, she'll do it when they're born as well.

About your hair, it's YOUR hair. You know why you went natural. Forget what other people think about it.

 

[lilsparkle825]

I didn't bc for just that reason, that was partially it. Also, you're probably right. Maybe I am weak. You're not the first person who has thought that. I cry at the end of every sad movie like a baby! I'm sensitive. I always have been so I guess I better learn to expect negative comments either way. Should I act more aggressively in response to negative things they say? How do I do that without being rude/disrespectful?

I hope you didn't take that the wrong way -- I was just pointing out what I see because I want you to stand up for yourself. I know I have a screw loose so I would probably say something really nasty, but I seriously think a response such as "Hmm, that is a thought" or "Is that what you think?" would be perfect for them. That way, you are not being disrespectful, but you are showing them you don't agree. Actually.....they seem like the type that may need something a little harsher at first, such as "I know I haven't really said much in the past because I was trying to keep the peace, but...." and then let them know how you feel.

Whatever decision you make, whether it is to relax your hair or stick this thing out (which I am all for), I hope you are happy. In the end, that is what will matter.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

This fit me to a tee until I started to appreciate that I needed to make peace with my natural hair. I needed to find out what it is that makes my hair happy. It turns out that I didn't know half of what I thought I did know. I spent all day on You Tube yesterday educating myself on different ways to nurture my natural hair. It helped me develop a new respect and love for natural hair and made me more determined to remain natural. Now I am keeping a journal to help me see what products, regimens, or techniques need to be tweaked. I also have some favorites of long hair naturals when I'm feeling down. Now I am working on keeping a positive view and ignoring the hair snobs.

 

[EccentricRed]

It hasn't even been a month since I BC'ed and I'm already contemplating being relaxed again. Is it normal to have mixed feelings like this?

I transistioned for 18 or so months. I had went to a party with my APL straightened hair, and everyone loved it. But I looked like EVERYONE ELSE. The next day I co-washed my hair, and decided on the spot to cut it off...

At first, I was soooooooooo proud that I finally did it. I told myself I was going to wait until September 2010. A couple of days in I realized my hair wasn't a long as I wanted it to be. I started getting down on myself and wishing I hadn't made such a big mistake. I freaked out! A week after cutting it, I put micro's in and I kept my micros in until April. Now I can say a few days before June that I am really glad that I did BC.

I don't think it's abnormal to be uncomfortable for awhile...it is a BIG change. I had been getting relaxers for 14 years! But girl...it doesn't matter! It's your BEAUTIFUL (I'm sure) hair! I know it's hard not to have that support, but you know what? When I started going natural, people looked at me like I was crazy! One of my best friends BC'ed because of the progress she saw in my own hair. And if all else fails, you have us!

When you get that confidence there is nothing no one else can tell you!

My Motto is "Love the hair you're in!"

 

[motherpopcorn562]

your natural hair can mimic a looser state.... you an use flexirods, flat ironing, bantu knot. but yea *** that sis in law and her mom, obviously they think black is beautiful since the sis has a black man.
Me personally, i can't keep much hair on my head with a relaxer but I retain a lot being natural, so it differs from person to person.

maybe you can try the curly girl method-http://www.tightlycurly.com/technique/therules/

 

[motherpopcorn562]

but most important...what does your so think/say?

 

[slangups]

Sweetie, this may sound a little harsh but be glad you're young enough to grow (in all ways) and grow. You will figure it all out. Wish someone had told me about LHCF when I was 22. Wait! There was no LHCF when I was 22. So-now I'm 52 and just now deciding to care about my hair. You have lots of time, lots of support here and lots of courage. Hang in there. You can do it ....whatever "IT" is.

 

[slangups]

Sweetie, this may sound a little harsh but be glad you're young enough to grow (in all ways) and grow. You will figure it all out. Wish someone had told me about LHCF when I was 22. Wait! There was no LHCF when I was 22. So-now I'm 52 and just now deciding to care about my hair. You have lots of time, lots of support here and lots of courage. Hang in there. You can do it ....whatever "IT" is. "IT" may be returning to relaxed hair, rocking your fro, ditching your SO's family, finding a way to have common ground with them-whatever it is-you can do it, and do it with unwavering grace.

 

[Solitude]

Hi....just wanted to share a few thoughts I had while reading through the thread...

As far at the anger about the lack of knowledge, that can really be said about so many areas in life. There are some people whose parents didn't teach them about nutrition, or money management, or the importance of education, so they were overweight, or bankrupt, or under educated until they sought out the knowledge that empowered them and possibly changed their lives. On a less dramatic scale, it's the same with hair care.

I didn't bc for just that reason, that was partially it. Also, you're probably right. Maybe I am weak. You're not the first person who has thought that. I cry at the end of every sad movie like a baby! I'm sensitive. I always have been so I guess I better learn to expect negative comments either way. Should I act more aggressively in response to negative things they say? How do I do that without being rude/disrespectful?

You don't have to be aggressive. It's more about the way you carry yourself. You have to be confident, and tell yourself that you are beautiful. However, if someone does say something outright disrespectful, you have to cut them off and correct them. If you're not sure if they are trying to be rude, ask for clarification. "What do you mean by that?" Don't just let the comment go, then wonder about it or let it bother you afterward.

This woman's TWA is soooo beautiful and this vid she made about rocking your TWA with confidence is great http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKziSULrArg.

I would say It's normal to have mixed feelings sometimes Im transitioning Im in my 11th month and sometimes I think am I really the type to be natural (which doesnt really make sense). As far as the stares you receive when you are out dont assume that they are bad. I find myself staring at naturals hair all the time just yesterday I was waiting in lline to get a sandwich and the woman in front of me had the most beautiful shiny natural hair it wasnt long but it looked so healthy and the texture was gorgeous I was all up in her head she caught me looking I was embarrassed but she was really sweet and smiled wished everyone a good holiday before leaving. Dont assume the stares are a bad thingnthey could be admiring your hair.

As the poster above stated, don't assume the "stares" are negative. I stare at women with natural and relaxed hair. I can't help it - sometimes their hair is very long, or very thick, or their style is so unique, or their hair just looks pretty to me.

I saw a Hispanic woman today with 3C/4A tight curls. Her hair was APL, but I was trying to figure out how long it would be stretched, probably tailbone. I saw a little girl at church with cute little twists in her 4B hair...I stared at her in church. Some women might be admiring you and you don't even realize it. I assume you live in Brooklyn? Isn't natural hair quite common??? Anyway, your hair looks great and there are sooo many women who wish they had the confidence to rock their natural hair. You might end up being an inspiration to someone else. But, if you do choose to relax again in the future, you have to do what makes you happy.

 

[JuiceMobsta]

Girl, dont worry about everybody else and just do YOU. If you get too caught up with what others think of you then you will never be happy. If they choose to stare at you,let them stare. If they choose to talk behind your back, let them talk. Because while you are up and worried about others perceptions of you or the different people you have encountered during the day, those very same people are probably off somewhere living life, and they probably already forgot about whatever it is they were thinking about your hair. And not to mention that over time when people see how much your hair has grown, and how thick and full and healthy it is, they wont have anything to say but to stare in jealousy. So just do you boo.

And BTW, that whole thing about her babies hair is gonna be better than your babies hair is a load of bull**** and I hope you dont buy into that mess. Cause her man could have other family members that have hair coarser than him and the children might take after them. So there again, its just talk, let her talk. She'll learn one day.

 

[Solitude]

another great vid

http://www.youtube.com/user/misskrisnew#p/u/32/XbklK6cjEnw