Have you ever changed yourself to keep or get a man?

[Suerte]

I was listening to Wendy Williams yesterday and there was a married guy who had complained that his wife had gained too much weight. They were in their mid 20's and had been together since they were like 15 years old. They had a child together as well.

Now, I think that yes....you should kinda try to stay the same size you were when you married, because being physically attracted to your partner is important.

Wendy ALSO said... "You've already emotionally left your marriage, but still tell her to lose weight so she has options when you all finally part". Basically... have her lose weight so she can find a man.

Has anyone ever gotten with a guy and while in the relationship, he wanted you to change your appearance. Whether it be getting breast implants, changing your hair color or hair style, gaining or losing weight, dressing a different way, etc.

And has anyone ever changed themselves BEFORE getting into a relationship so that they could find a 'better catch' with their improvements than they would have as their normal selves? You know, like hitting the gym to lose weight so you can dress cuter or getting a boob job or wearing your hair in an attention getting style. All with the intention of catching a man.

If you have, please describe and if you haven't please describe that, too.

 

[FlowerHair]

I was listening to Wendy Williams yesterday and there was a married guy who had complained that his wife had gained too much weight. They were in their mid 20's and had been together since they were like 15 years old. They had a child together as well.

Now, I think that yes....you should kinda try to stay the same size you were when you married, because being physically attracted to your partner is important.

Wendy ALSO said... "You've already emotionally left your marriage, but still tell her to lose weight so she has options when you all finally part". Basically... have her lose weight so she can find a man.

Has anyone ever gotten with a guy and while in the relationship, he wanted you to change your appearance. Whether it be getting breast implants, changing your hair color or hair style, gaining or losing weight, dressing a different way, etc.

And has anyone ever changed themselves BEFORE getting into a relationship so that they could find a 'better catch' with their improvements than they would have as their normal selves? You know, like hitting the gym to lose weight so you can dress cuter or getting a boob job or wearing your hair in an attention getting style. All with the intention of catching a man.

If you have, please describe and if you haven't please describe that, too.

I did this before meeting my ex It wasn't only with the intention of catching a man, I just decided I needed to work on me and present myself in the best possible way. It worked! Although we're not a couple anymore, I have kept my workout routine and still try to dress cute every day.

I think most men would be proud to have a woman that looks nice and feminine. Just like we want a man who takes good care of himself - no beergut etc.

Edited to add: I did not have a boob job though or any other surgery.

 

[dlewis]

I haven't but this should be interesting.

 

[cocoberry10]

Wendy ALSO said... "You've already emotionally left your marriage, but still tell her to lose weight so she has options when you all finally part". Basically... have her lose weight so she can find a man.If you have, please describe and if you haven't please describe that, too.

LOL@Wendy Williams giving marriage advice. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with “upgrading” yourself (i.e. hitting the gym, getting a new hairdo, etc.). However, if it’s to keep a man, I think that you will find that he probably won’t be kept too long. I agree with you about trying to stay the same size. I’m not married, but my health is extremely important to me, so I exercise and eat right. I’ve never actually tried to change myself for a man, but the guys I’ve dated have seemed satisfied with me in terms of looks, and body. I’ve always been a small, curvy girl, but I still work out for my health and overall wellbeing. If my husband wanted me to change something, I’d be more prone to take it into consideration (depending on what it was). If it was just some dude I was dating, I doubt it!

 

[cocoberry10]

I just decided I needed to work on me and present myself in the best possible way. It worked!
I think most men would be proud to have a woman that looks nice and feminine. Just like we want a man who takes good care of himself - no beergut etc.

I agree with this.

 

[gone_fishing]

I've made changes and I don't regret them.

My fiance does not like my shirley templer curls. As a result, when we go out, I normally wear my hair straight.

I wanted to dye my hair - he scrunched up his nose at the idea. He says he likes my natural color.

I cut my hair 3 times in 2007 - a total of 4 inches before I joined this board - he wants me to grow my hair out again...he was hyper that I got a pretty good chunk of hair cut off just before the cruise.

He hasn't told me to lose weight but he shows he's proud of me when I go to the gym faithfully which I did before he came along.

I used to have 15 stuffed animals on my bed. One of the bears snored. He hated them. He assumed they were all from other guys. Some of them were but they had all been on my bed for so long I didn't really think of them as coming from someone. They were just my "bear" collection after awhile. I never thought about any particular guy who gave me one in fact I couldn't even tell you who gave me what when (cept the snoring bear came from my ex husband and it's my favorite one).

He didn't tell me to throw them away but he did ask me to put them away. I ended up donating them to my son's old child care center after having them dry cleaned. *shrugs*. I haven't really missed them but my snoring bear is hidden under my bed. I secretly sneak him back out when my fiance isn't over. LOL. I love the bear because he snores and its so cute and not because of who it came from btw.

Let's see...

He said my bedroom was too cluttered and he suggested sweetly that I get rid of two wing chairs I had in my bedroom - I had a love seat and all my other bedroom furniture after all...

Ok, I let him get rid of the wing chairs and we changed my room around. It's actually much better and another good decision from him.

I really can't think of anything else he's asked me to change....

I think it's ok to make changes if you also think they would be good or if they don't bother you but I wouldn't recommend changing it if you know you will resent him for it later.

 

[Ms Red]

I have never changed myself prior to meeting a man or in the midst of a relationship. I've grown as a woman but not changed myself.

 

[Suerte]

Wendy kinda got me thinking though because I know that when I was smaller... the quality of men was much, much better.

I'm in the process of getting out of a relationship with a man who is married. To his damn career. We've been having a series of conversations and this weekend, I'm finally at the point where I can just come out and say that I can't take it anymore and I'm leaving. It's a birthday present to myself.

Being bigger... the quantity is still the same...I still get guys that hit on me every day, but I've noticed that they aren't guys that I would normally talk to when I was smaller. The quality has changed. Instead of professionals in their early 30's... it's guys in their early-mid 20's who might have a roommate, still be in school or are working at a retail store or customer service call center or something like that. Also, a lot more men that have kids approach me...where as before it was guys that didn't have any or maybe only had one.

Basically it's gone from 8 out of 10 being good catches....to 3 out of 10 being good catches.

So I'm kinda evaluating that. Not just the health factor as motivation... but the man factor.

I think it's just a sad but true reality. You know?

 

[Innocent_Kiss]

I'm sure I have in my past changed or altered something about myself - physically, emotionally, etc for a relationship, for a lack of a better term. Presently, though, I do find myself really "into me." I am typically, though, regardless of my marital status. I can be honest in saying, however, that the relationship I'm in keeps me on my P's and Q's so to speak lol My bf has a habbit of "showing me off" to ANYBODY that'll look. He and his alderman are really close. I thought I was coming over to meet his grandparents. I ended up meeting both sets of his grandparents, his barber (LOL!), his Godmother, AND his alderman. I keep these things in mind when I'm getting ready to go out with him. ITA with cocoa, ain't nothin wrong with an upgrade! Just as long as it's first for YOU.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

There is this book I have called "Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others" Size/Weight did play a factor in the reasonings behind a man's choice for a wife.

Suerte, your conclusion about quality in the quantity makes alot of sense. I have a friend that is trying to lose alot of weight for this reason. She's starting to feel that perhaps she isn't married yet because of her size and the wrong kind of attention it seems to attract, but I think it's more than JUST the outer, the inner has to be worked on as well.

For myself, coming out of a smothering relationship and having more ME time to concentrate on myself, I made conscious efforts to get my hair, body, & skin into better shape to feel more confident about myself. Because you can always attract men, but there's a complete confidence that I feel you must possess to attract the type of man that you want and will want you the way you want him.

I don't think there is anything wrong with it. Motivation is motivation, as long as your drive is coming from you as well, ain't nothing wrong with doing it for a man because you'll benefit as well, not just him.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

I'm sure I have in my past changed or altered something about myself - physically, emotionally, etc for a relationship, for a lack of a better term. Presently, though, I do find myself really "into me." I am typically, though, regardless of my marital status. I can be honest in saying, however, that the relationship I'm in keeps me on my P's and Q's so to speak lol My bf has a habbit of "showing me off" to ANYBODY that'll look. He and his alderman are really close. I thought I was coming over to meet his grandparents. I ended up meeting both sets of his grandparents, his barber (LOL!), his Godmother, AND his alderman. I keep these things in mind when I'm getting ready to go out with him. ITA with cocoa, ain't nothin wrong with an upgrade! Just as long as it's first for YOU.

This is me too. And my current boyfriend also likes to show me off and whoever he introduces me to says something about my beauty either in front of both of us or to him when he's away, and he loves it. I already want to make sure I look good for him everytime he sees me anyway but the 'showin off' is definately in my consciousness when I'm seeing him.

 

[BAP28]

this latin dude damn neared pursued me to no end..and when i finally said okay we can date..

dude was tryign to have me wear tight clothes all the time..i wear fitted clothes..im not gonna rock a spandex outfit from head to toe..well you know where that went..

i said adios...papi..cuz this is not gonna work...

 

[cocoberry10]

I made conscious efforts to get my hair, body, & skin into better shape to feel more confident about myself. Because you can always attract men, but there's a complete confidence that I feel you must possess to attract the type of man that you want and will want you the way you want him.
I don't think there is anything wrong with it. Motivation is motivation, as long as your drive is coming from you as well, ain't nothing wrong with doing it for a man because you'll benefit as well, not just him.

I totally agree with this. I definitely think the inside has to match the outside if you want to “keep” a man you attract. This is the principle of why when some men cheat on their “dimepiece” wives with someone who was sloppy, etc. it baffles people. But it shouldn’t. Confidence will always be necessary to keeping a quality man.

 

[cocoberry10]

this latin dude damn neared pursued me to no end..and when i finally said okay we can date..

dude was tryign to have me wear tight clothes all the time..i wear fitted clothes..im not gonna rock a spandex outfit from head to toe..well you know where that went..

i said adios...papi..cuz this is not gonna work...

LOL maybe you have that Latin Boy Spray that tatiana was talking about too
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=138767

 

[MJ]

Someone on this forum said she and her husband made a promise to stay close to their wedding day weight as possible and the work together to make sure that happens. I think that's ideal. I don't think it's fair to the other person in a relationship if one person allow themself to gain tons of weight after making a committment. Attractiveness is important before and after committment, the whole "he/she should love me for me" doesn't really cut it in that situation IMO.

 

[cocoberry10]

Someone on this forum said she and her husband made a promise to stay close to their wedding day weight as possible and the work together to make sure that happens. I think that's ideal. I don't think it's fair to the other person in a relationship if one person allow themself to gain tons of weight after making a committment. Attractiveness is important before and after committment, the whole "he/she should love me for me" doesn't really cut it in that situation IMO.

I think this is a good idea!

 

[Suerte]

The guy I am with now prefers larger women. He only likes light skinned women over 200lbs with at least a DDcup breasts and clear skin...and they can be any height as long as they aren't taller than him when they have on 4 inch heels and they have to be very feminine (dress up and wear makeup, have hair and nails done, etc), actually.

He's very particular.

I met him when I was smaller than what I am now, though.

But since I plan on leaving him...I know every man out there isn't like that.

I know a whole lot of men enjoy having sex with large women but they will have a smaller girl at home... and I don't do casual sex. The sex is either gonna be with a man that I love 100%...or I'll be charging the guy PER POUND! Or I'll just be celibate. Which I have done before.

Wendy is a crazy broad...but I do think that she was right about this couple's situation...and it made me think of my own.