has anyone dated someone overseas

[dragongirlmk09]

like malaysia or other places over seas a friend of mine is dating a 40 year old man over there she is planing to go there june 25 of 2011 just wondering do you think this is a scam or for real. she has been talking to him on the phone for 2-3 months he has not asked for any money from her and he is planning a trip to the united states to stay here a month to see if the relationship is going to work.

 

[Zuleika]

As long as she doesn't give him money. He pays his way to come over and he stays at a hotel, treats her well, they should be okay. I just hope she doesn't marry him quickly (without really knowing him) just so he can stay in the states. Also one month to get to know each other? hmmm, I don't know.

 

[dragongirlmk09]

thank you for your response well he has not pushed her to get married he just said that he wants to get to know here better and he said its her choice whenever she wants to get married. Also he has already been to the united states before to work he plans on moving here when they get to know each other better like they have dated for a while.

 

[Syrah]

How'd they meet? I want to be cynical but one of my close friends met a man here in the US who within 4 days picked up and moved to France for a year. As a result their relationship was Skype all day everyday until about 2 months ago when she went to visit him.

Needless to say, a year later - he's moved back to the US and they're taking it day by day. She actually said before he moved here that once he gets here "they're starting over" because who a (wo)man is over the phone is very different from who a (wo)man is in person, up close in personal.

Like others, be safe. He better stay in a hotel AND have his own means of transportation. And if she goes there, she needs to do the same. And she should keep her space (home or hotel) private for a majority of the visit.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

One never knows but I see the best advice has been given about him paying his own way, staying at a place other than hers. So, they have never met in person? Crazy for either to be talking marriage even casually since they have no idea what the other is like in real life...those long distance relationships are mostly fantasy.

 

[dragongirlmk09]

bumping reposted two time sorry

 

[dragongirlmk09]

How'd they meet? I want to be cynical but one of my close friends met a man here in the US who within 4 days picked up and moved to France for a year. As a result their relationship was Skype all day everyday until about 2 months ago when she went to visit him.

Needless to say, a year later - he's moved back to the US and they're taking it day by day. She actually said before he moved here that once he gets here "they're starting over" because who a (wo)man is over the phone is very different from who a (wo)man is in person, up close in personal.

Like others, be safe. He better stay in a hotel AND have his own means of transportation. And if she goes there, she needs to do the same. And she should keep her space (home or hotel) private for a majority of the visit.

they met on blackplanet.com and have been talking on the phone for 4 months

 

[Syrah]

they met on blackplanet.com and have been talking on the phone for 4 months

BlackPlanet still exists??? I mean, c'mon - even Crips and Bloods have BlackPlanet pages...

I dunno about this one...

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

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[Ballerina_Bun]

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[DayStar]

I am. My SO is in the UK. The 5 hour time difference sucks, but we make it work, primarily over skype and facebook DAILY for hours.

 

[TeddyBear]

The problem is that you don't know what the true intentions are. By not seeing the person (man in this case) and seeing the body language and all those senses you see in person, it's hard to say what his intentions truly are. Even in person, it's hard to know at times intensions, just imagine only by phone.. you can't know.

Let him come and visit her first and he can stay in a hotel & pay all the expenses. Is he Malaysian or in the USA military? He may also be looking for a way into the USA -marriage--> residency. If he's American, then please ignore the previous sentence. If later on she wants to visit his country after his initial visit. She should bring along a male friend or a male family member, but don't go alone into a foreign country just to visit this man whom you dont really know. It's too risky and dangerous to go alone.

I would also do a police & financial background check if possible before he visits her.
She's probably viewing him with pink colored glasses (illusions). She doesn't know the reality of how he is until she actually see's him in the real.

 

[TeddyBear]

How old is your friend?

 

[MissJ]

Recipe for disaster. Why do either of them have to search so far for a mate? Is something wrong with them that they can't find someone closer to home? Or is this just the perfect arrangement for someone who wants to eat his cake and still have it?

 

[kayte]

In terms of going to see the guy FIRST....through internet dating
I've done that only twice.... and only domestically and only because my circumstances
really dictated a change...getting away....even for a date... was very healing
and the men made it safe and appealing...otherwise...they need to come to me

for example..and in my case ...the guy paid for my bus ticket (I hate flying) he gave me
his credit card number..which I gave to greyhound and I also booked my own bed and breakfast with his credit card....and then ripped up the number...so he paid
for EVERYTHING...and it was clear I was not staying with him. When I got there
he met me at the bus stop (with daisies) took me to lunch
got me stashed in the B&B and took responsibilty for anything I needed financially that weekend...dinnners...sightseeing ..all our dates
etc
my family knew where I was
his contact info....with him and one other guy... it was perfectly fine
lovely...but it only take one time to go wrong...
overseas is much more risky..and costly

 

[Enyo]

I wouldn't do it. I saw tons of it in the Muslim community when I was a believer (mainly American women "dating" men from overseas). Most of them just wanted papers.