Happiness without marriage

Curlykale

Curlykale

New Member
What do you think about it? What do you think of a lifetime relationship where both are fully committed and 2 true soul mates who trust, protect, love and daily choose each other, 2 people who have made each other that promise, without "necessarily" getting married (meaning that it can happen as a ritual and celebration one day, but the celebration and document is not the essential goal)? I know an Australian happy couple of friends (wonderful people) who have this philosophy.
Would you live something like this, or what do you think when you see something like this?

I have a very open mind on the subject but I have been wondering what marriage per se means in different cultures, religions, moments of history, and for each person / especially what it means in our society, as many people get married but what if it has a different meaning or motivation for each couple.
 
Last edited:
I see nothing wrong with it, but If you're so committed, why not just get the papers and get the additional benefits?
 
I agree with what you mentioned op. Me and my bf are the same way but he is wanting to marry me now...and i will marry him because i love him so much but we will never have any kids. But I'm still ok with us not ever getting married.
 
The happiness itself isn't depending on the actual marriage certificate, but there are other factors in a long term relationship that need to be settled with some kind of paperwork IMO.

In most cases, people own their house together, they have children (perhaps even children from previous relationships) etc.

It also depends on your religion, cultural setting, upbringing, lifestyle, financial situation and much more whether you will be happy without a ring or not.

ETA I know plenty of unmarried longterm couples, it's pretty common here.
 
IMO any couples living in the US (I'm not too familiar with how other cultures view marriage) are better off marrying if the commitment, love and shared aspirations are there. I can think of so many benefits that married people get in the US that why not just go ahead and marry? If you love each other as much as you do, then add the extra of getting all the benefits that are not available to the both of you as singles.

Also, for any couples who plan on having children, marriage can be a great protection for their children in case of divorce and/or death. A happy couple still has to deal with their family members after all and if you do not secure the future of any children you have (i'm assuming that both individuals will have valuable assets that will benefit their children) then some greedy family members might step in and fight you all the way to the poor house due to the fact that you were not protected by the laws of marriage. Just my simple thoughts :)
 
:yep::yep::yep::yep::yep:


Etherealsmile said:
IMO any couples living in the US (I'm not too familiar with how other cultures view marriage) are better off marrying if the commitment, love and shared aspirations are there. I can think of so many benefits that married people get in the US that why not just go ahead and marry? If you love each other as much as you do, then add the extra of getting all the benefits that are not available to the both of you as singles.

Also, for any couples who plan on having children, marriage can be a great protection for their children in case of divorce and/or death. A happy couple still has to deal with their family members after all and if you do not secure the future of any children you have (i'm assuming that both individuals will have valuable assets that will benefit their children) then some greedy family members might step in and fight you all the way to the poor house due to the fact that you were not protected by the laws of marriage. Just my simple thoughts :)
Click to expand...
 
I think it is possible as long as everyone is open and neither wants marriage. I hear and read about a lot of people being happy and not wanting marriage, but in the background ONE does really want marriage they are just going along for the "ride" because they really love their mate. In the later there really isn't happiness.

I also think that it is a good idea if both do not want children and are willing to still keep seperate lives. Moving in together, living as husband and wife, frankly IMHO you should be married.
 
For me, marriage is for religious reasons.

I do however don't see anything wrong with such union.
 
Etherealsmile said:
I can think of so many benefits that married people get in the US that why not just go ahead and marry? If you love each other as much as you do, then add the extra of getting all the benefits that are not available to the both of you as singles.
Click to expand...

What benefits are these?
 
Of COURSE it can work, if both people involved are OK with it. It wouldn't work for me, but this doesn't mean I can/will tell someone it won't work for them.
 
Wouldn't work for me, but to each his own. The biggest thing for me would be the religious aspect- fornicating for years on end?? Nah, I'd rather do the right thing based on my belief system.
 
Yes, it can definitely work. I know of about 4 couples who are around 50yrs old who've been together since they we're like 20. They live together, have grown kids, etc. I'm sure some of them are married by common law now though.

I've heard the answers to the 'so why have you never gotten married' questions asked by others for 2 of the couples. A: they didn't see a need to. One of those couples the lady is/was a SAHM. All of the couples seem happy/normal to me. And yes, these are black people. One couple is white.

Would it work for me? I'm not completely opposed to it. Hopefully by the time I'm looking to get married, the government will have some more 'use it now' benefits... like a $6000 sign on bonus or something :lol:

Sent from my WX445 using WX445
 
Religion and children play a big part where I live as well in the choice people make (my 2 friends don't have children/are not Christian). I have to strongly agree with the fact that if there is not honesty on the subject, at some point the person who wished to marry the other one will feel frustrated.

That is interesting that in Sweden/ Europe this is more common than in the US. I come from Europe as well and I see more and more friends and acquaintances considering marriage an option, usually children and religion play a big part in this decision (or maybe economy as well when the economy is bad and people have to wait to have children, cynical but often true).

There is the dilemma that, when you meet a person and you are told "I want marriage one day" the first thing you wonder is "hey wait a minute, marriage with me or marriage, period" (lol)? When I met my SO I perceived that he wanted me FIRST, marrying came after me, it was the second thing he wanted, not the first one. I found this attractive, as if "he wanted me, no matter how, no matter what".

I have a friend who left her boyfriend because he didn't want marriage. She loved him and they were such a great couple. But she told me "If he prefers to loose me to marrying me, then I am doing the right thing". I really agree with her, then I think of them I wonder "was marriage the issue or were there other issues"? As I told her, he could think "If she prefers to loose me to being with me without marriage, then we better split".

It is a such complicated subject. Maybe when the 2 fully trust each other it becomes less complicated.
 
Last edited:
I see nothing wrong with this. If two people are happy and content then what is the problem. This is just my opinion but I don't see how religion and marriage have anything to do with eachother. I don't see how marriage=happiness either.

This is one of those questions that is hard to just answer straight. It depends on the person and their beliefs.
 
I knew someone who was in a similar situation who upon the partner passing away lost their home and 100's of thousands of dollars because they never legally married their significant other. I would see the person and feel so bad. All they had to do was make it legal and they would have been set.



Sent from my Nexus S 4G using Nexus S 4G
 
Kalia1 said:
I knew someone who was in a similar situation who upon the partner passing away lost their home and 100's of thousands of dollars because they never legally married their significant other. I would see the person and feel so bad. All they had to do was make it legal and they would have been set.



Sent from my Nexus S 4G using Nexus S 4G
Click to expand...

That's a choice they made. It's a pity, but some people refuse to look into the legal consequences of their behavior. :nono:

All they had to do was write a simple will, at the very least.

This happened to a famous couple in Sweden as well. The author of the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and his lady were not married and his brother and father ended up with everything when the author died.
 
wow hadn't thought about it, it depends on what each of the 2 feels about possessions and money / if one of the 2 is in need in case of emergency and so on, but definitely an interesting point
 
Kalia1 said:
I knew someone who was in a similar situation who upon the partner passing away lost their home and 100's of thousands of dollars because they never legally married their significant other. I would see the person and feel so bad. All they had to do was make it legal and they would have been set.



Sent from my Nexus S 4G using Nexus S 4G
Click to expand...
I don't feel sorry for folks in that type of situation. If they weren't married the least they should have had is a will. I don't understand why people are so afraid of writing a will. It's not like you are going to write your will then die the next day. It is a lack of planning and ignorance in it's purest form.
 
FlowerHair it is a pity.

This particular couple had been together over 20+ years. One partner passed very suddenly. The other lived for a few more years with a chronic illness. However they were so enthralled with the legal system to try and secure some of the partners wealth that it took a toll on their health and they eventually passed away too. It was very sad to see.
 
Well, me and my husband both joined the army when we were engaged, but engaged isnt married. And y'all know the military doesn't respect that girlfriend/boyfriend crap...so we had to get married sooner rather than later.

I don't see why someone would like to be just with someone for years on end rather than just marrying the other person. Just do it.
 
Theresamonet said:
What benefits are these?
Click to expand...

Well...when he gets sick, you get to take off of work and take care of him. Then when he gets REALLY sick and has to go to the hospital, you get to be in there with him. Now he's totally disabled and unable to work. So you get his disability checks. Then when he gets REALLY REALLY sick you get to tell the doctors what to do with him. Then when he dies you get to plan his funeral and decide where he's buried :grin: then you get the rest of his money and stuff! :lachen:

Oh! And if he commits a crime and is a felon, you don't have to testify against him! :lol:

Yea, I see why these lil 20yr old WW get with these 60, 70, 80 yr old BM :lol:

I mean come on now, government. They better make it rain on me when I say "I do!" :lachen:

ETA: oh, but yes, I do think the government offers good benefits to married peoples. But they can still do better lol
 
Last edited:
ThickHair said:
I think it is possible as long as everyone is open and neither wants marriage. I hear and read about a lot of people being happy and not wanting marriage, but in the background ONE does really want marriage they are just going along for the "ride" because they really love their mate. In the later there really isn't happiness.

I also think that it is a good idea if both do not want children and are willing to still keep seperate lives. Moving in together, living as husband and wife, frankly IMHO you should be married.
Click to expand...

I agree with this. If the situation is basically a long term boyfriend/girlfriend type situation and you don't live together and have separate assets and no kids and are both happy with that, then why get married. Actually, this is the situation I'd like to have right now. Of course, I may change my mind later, but I don't see it anytime soon. Don't want kids, don't desire marriage or have any religious motivations for it.

Now if you are living together and sharing assets and everything, and especially if you have kids, in that situation you really may as well go ahead and get married. At least here in the US, idk about other countries.
 
If two people are committed to each other and especially if children are involved, I don't see why they don't make it official? In the US especially. :look: I know things are different in Europe, but in the US it's a more beneficial to be married just out of practicality. Some ladies have already mentioned the most important ones: wills and succession and making important hospital decisions. I would go crazy if I or my loved one was in the hospital and we couldn't make decisions for each other. Marriage is also important to me for religion/spiritual reasons.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

cocoberry10
Spinoff: So, What's the Purpose of Marriage/What Do You Expect From Marriage?
Replies
15
Views
297
Radianthealth
Radianthealth
zzirvingj
How do you keep the passion in a marriage?
2 3
Replies
65
Views
1K
DaughterOfZion1
D
winterinatl
What is happiness, in the context of a relationship?
Replies
9
Views
224
tatje
tatje
G
Marriage, the good, the bad and the ugly
Replies
29
Views
2K
carcajada
carcajada
Fine 4s
What does marriage minded mean?
Replies
6
Views
307
LiftedUp
LiftedUp
Back
Top