hanging out

[AfroKink]

A guy I went on a date with once and talked on the phone with a bunch of times asked me to come over and hang out this past Thursday. I already had plans that night so I didn't see him. I don't know if it's a good idea or not. My gut says "no". He's the good friend of a friend of mine and lives in the same building she does. We met through her.

Problem 1: Hanging out at someone's house isn't a real date, and I don't want to fall into the habit of sitting out on the couch watching TV or movies. I can do that by myself in my own place.

Problem 2: I'm a virgin and not trying to change that status before I see a ring on my finger. He doesn't know this yet. Being alone in someone's apartment seems risky. I don't want him getting ideas, and I don't want to put myself in a position that I will regret later. I'm naive and well inexperienced. I've fallen for the "Come over and hang out" thing, only to have things go farther than they should have


He's made references to me coming over a few times before so I'm going to have to confront this situation eventually.

Should I go with my gut or am I over thinking things?

Lys

 

[ThickHair]

Go with your gut. Don't just "kick it" with him. If you start off in the kickin it stage most people never leave that stage when they want more. Men can kick it forever.

 

[glamazon386]

I don't think you're overthinking anything. I don't go to people's houses to chill for that very reason. Nor can they come to my house. And certainly not after 1 date. Do what you feel comfortable with.

 

[BK Bombshell]

Always, always, always go with your gut.

You made two valid arguments against going in your own post. It's not a real date and you'll be in an uncomfortable (and vulnerable) position. It doesn't sound like a good idea and ITA with ThickHair; once you fall into that rut, it never ends. If he wants to see you, let him make plans to take you out. If he doesn't make the effort to do that, but keeps wanting you to come over, then you'll know what he's about and at that point I'd advise you to keep it moving.

 

[Ms Red]

Go with your gut is my advice. If he wants to court you, let him do just that! Put in the work Also, you have the opportunity to set the stage of any potential relationship *now*. You control this and should show him how you want, need and deserve to be treated.

 

[AfroKink]

Thanks ladies. My gut it is!

Lys

 

[sky_blu]

I was about to add another go with your gut! First instincts are usually 99.9% of the time right

 

[Bunny77]

Always go with your gut. When I've gone against your gut, I've regretted it!!!!!

Even if you didn't plan on sleeping with the guy, I never recommend "hanging out" so early in a dating relationship because it's just a cheap way for a man to get out of having to date you. Every situation I know that started with too much "hanging out" early always ended up with the woman being angry that a man never took her out. All they did was chilled at his or her house... and you don't want to set that standard!!!

(And the sex thing is a whole other story... but either way, "hanging out" would be a bad idea!)

 

[msmills2U]

Being alone in someone's apartment seems risky.....

great advise ladies

always go with your "woman's intuition"

God gave women this wonderful gift for a reason.

 

[TLC1020]

Yes I agree, you guys should be going out and doing outside things. Once coming over starts its hard to change that.. I have a girlfriend right now that's going through this very thing. Her and her guy never go out together like dinner or movies or whatever. Now she is 2 months pregnant and nothing has changed, yesterday I asked her why they don't go out together although she want be out on an actual date, she couldn't even answer the questions as to why. I was thinking since it wasn't done beginning the guy got comfortable with going to her house and her going to his... This is what I'm doing right now, if a guy don't suggest going out, I will, we are going to be doing outside things so that we can get use to being on dates together. I'll even take the initive to suggest places for us to go, this has to be doing early in the courting/dating stages b/c that's when you are getting to know each other...

Being over each other house all the time will eventually lead to sex...

 

[tocktick]

imo, you made the right decision. no one invites you to their house for a "date" if they don't know you that well. from my experience, they most likely want to make a move on you. if you do not want to put yourself in that kind of situation then it's best not to go. aside from that, there is the danger factor of being in a house alone with a man you don't know too well. i think the fact that he's tried to get you round his place a couple of times is indicative of the game he's running right now. finally, i agree that hanging out at someone's house (whether they are trying to get you to sleep with them or not) is not a date and speaks volumes about the person suggesting such a thing.

 

[AfroKink]

Yes I agree, you guys should be going out and doing outside things. Once coming over starts its hard to change that.. I have a girlfriend right now that's going through this very thing. Her and her guy never go out together like dinner or movies or whatever. Now she is 2 months pregnant and nothing has changed, yesterday I asked her why they don't go out together although she want be out on an actual date, she couldn't even answer the questions as to why. I was thinking since it wasn't done beginning the guy got comfortable with going to her house and her going to his... This is what I'm doing right now, if a guy don't suggest going out, I will, we are going to be doing outside things so that we can get use to being on dates together. I'll even take the initive to suggest places for us to go, this has to be doing early in the courting/dating stages b/c that's when you are getting to know each other...
Being over each other house all the time will eventually lead to sex...

no I can't do that. Run Alyssa Run!

Lys