Hanging out with the neighbour

K

KaramelKendra

Active Member
**Please don't quote**

I just recently separated from my other half ,we have a child together and i m currently living on my own .i recently started seeing my neighbour after he invited me for dinner ,the first evening we spent together was great ,we talked about alot of things and we seem to have quite alot in common .After 5 hours we kissed .He told me i m very attractive and seem to genuinely enjoy my company ,i always thought he was attractive but never really thought about him in any way .He texted me the next day saying he dreamed about me and to have a good day .
Date number 2 he texted me asking me to go over anytime as the door is always open for me , unable to resist i went in, we talked a long time and we kissed again .
Date number 3 :I texted him asking him how he was doing at 10pm ,he asked me to go to his house ,this time he was rather agressive with his flirting and we ended up having sex .Huge mistake on my part .
The next day he didn't text me at all ..so i ask him what's up he told me he s busy with work yet asked me to go see him .He gave me a hot drink ,told me he thought about the previous night all day and couldn't focus at work ,he then closed his laptop and chatted with me for about an hour and a half ,he started talking about his work out regime and how "he wants his perfect woman wherever she may be to think he's great inside out " .that was an akward moment ,i felt like an idiot as obviously he s not even taking in consideration it could be me ,he even went as far as saying "if i have you what do i need a girlfriend for " .Please somebody explain this line ...
I feel i made a mistake giving up the goodies so quickly and that probably slowed down the race on his part .
What do you guys think ?
 
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DON'T DO IT!!!


Rule #1, don't eat where you **** or in this case sleep and don't sleep where you eat.


I'm in the process of SELLING my house behind that mess. Don't do it please.

Its hurts when the relationship doesn't work out. Not to say it won't work out, but if it doesn't, be aware.

It already sounds like he's on some ol' convenient tail down the street mess already. I'd leave him alone. They all come out strong, but once feelings get involved, it will change things and if he's just out to get some and you get vested, it will HURT to see him everyday.
 
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Yeah,

I'm not sure if he's an idiot or a jerk but he was pretty clear in what he meant. He's not considering you for the gf role. Now that that's clear I think you should keep a distance from him, because even if you were to continue to use him as a bed warmer it doesn't seem like he respects you off the basis of his etiquette alone.

If you do decide that you want to keep him around for your own selfish reasons, I think you can flip the script on him and regain the upper hand. You'd have to start ignoring him though and then call him when you want to see him.
 
Sorry to say, but I highly doubt this situation will go any further than this. He's basically trying to make you his f*** buddy. Not even FWB status since your time together hasn't gone beyond you going to his house.

If you're cool with just casually messing around with this dude, do you. But if you want something serious, I suggest you look elsewhere.
 
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Those were not dates. Y'all chilled in the house. I wouldn't expect anything to come from this but the best action would be to fall back and no more house dates. Be nice, wave and go on your way when you see him.

A neighbor doesn't make a good f-buddy IMO. You are on the rebound so maybe lay low for a few weeks with the dating.
 
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Honestly, I have no clue what dude is up to. He's playing some kind of game.

I'm more concerned about you and like a, previous poster said, rebound issues. Your separation is so soon and with a child that is a lot to deal with. Trust me, been there. It's easy to have a false sense of attachment at this stage of breaking up. But that's the rebound.

Distance yourself completely. If he wants you, he'll come after you. And no sex even if he does!
 
TayMac said:
Those were not dates. Y'all chilled in the house. I wouldn't expect anything to come from this but the best action would be to fall back and no more house dates. Be nice, wave and go on your way when you see him.

A neighbor doesn't make a good f-buddy IMO. You are on the rebound so maybe lay low for a few weeks with the dating.
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I was just coming to say this. Going to someone's home isn't a date. But both those kiss occasions I vet he initiated. He was trying to push abduction test the waters. To me he is implying you two to be bump buddies and he probably thinks you're thinking the same or seeing him soley as a rebound.
 
Yeah it doesn't sound like he's looking for a serious relationship with you. I wouldn't engage with him anymore, even if you're just looking for sex right now, you sound like you would end up having feelings for him later, if you haven't already.

So I think you should just cut ties with him now. Which will be difficult since he's your neighbor. Are you good with giving the cold shoulder?
 
I would not expect much from this man. Men are a trip..SMH at him not calling and being busy the day after...If you are comfortable having only a physical relationship, just be careful because if things go south, you will still have to see this man all the time, unless you move. I think that you are vulnerable due to your recent breakup so take it easy! I would hate to see you get hurt.
 
Cut your losses hon, learn from this and move on. (((HUGS)))

I know what it is like to be separated. I may sound like your grandma but don't spend much 1-on-1 time with men right now. Focus on yourself, what lessons you learned from your marriage, your child and heal. Right now the company felt nice but your neighbor has shown you who he is within 3 "dates." Also, dates are outside of the home.

All the best to you lovie.
 
still no text ...I see his car in the driveway ....in the previous encounter he said he s not going to text cuz he s going to leave the door open for me to go in anytime .*rolling eyes* He clearly doesn't care at all ...
 
He won't text and if I were you, I wouldn't text him either.
This sucks and I'm sorry you feel this way, but it's time to refocus your energy as Lucie stated.
 
Don't start stalking the man OP. Everyone isn't cut out for no strings sex. Better to realize now. Remember he did not promise you a relationship but he SHOWED you what was up!
 
KaramelKendra said:
still no text ...I see his car in the driveway ....in the previous encounter he said he s not going to text cuz he s going to leave the door open for me to go in anytime .*rolling eyes* He clearly doesn't care at all ...
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@karamelKendra Girl why would he text or call when he's already gotten the candy and that all he really wanted, if he was serious, care or respected you he would have gone about this differently. No Gentleman treats a lady like that. All he's leaving that door open is for you to bring your candy to him, he's not even working for it:nono::nono::nono:. Maybe you confided in him (i don't know) he saw how vulnerable you were and took advantage of that.

Count your losses and move on, spare yourself the heartache and drama OP. This is SAD!
 
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KaramelKendra said:
still no text ...I see his car in the driveway ....in the previous encounter he said he s not going to text cuz he s going to leave the door open for me to go in anytime .*rolling eyes* He clearly doesn't care at all ...
Click to expand...

He really just doesn't matter. Focus on yourself and your healing. When you do start dating get clear with yourself about what you want. If you just want to fool around, fine, but if you want a gentleman who loves you, only go on real dates the first few months, really get to know each other, don't hang or chill at his or your house until you know him well, he has courted you, and you feel comfortable. Many men will gladly have sex with no dating, on the first date, etc. if you are willing. You have to set the standard.
 
When I get back home I'm going to post a song that me and my gfs save just for these sorts of situations. :yep:

A close friend of mine recently went through something very similar. Only the man in question quickly wifed someone else up and started throwing it in her face.
 
OP I don't know what you expected and what you're expecting out of these "interactions".
You don't need to get emotionally involved in a non-existent relationship right now, especially not after you've just ended a serious relationship and you have a child.
Do not watch him, look for him, or attempt to communicate with him. You're already more hooked on him than you think whereas he just cares about the goodies. Move on NOW.

Sent from my phone
 
in the previous encounter he said he s not going to text cuz he s going to leave the door open for me to go in anytime
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I'm all kinds of in my feelings that he has used this on somebody before and it worked.

Quit looking in the direction of this fools house. You don't need to know when his car is there or not. Don't respond to any texts you might receive and if he says hi to you walking down the street don't acknowledge his existence.
 
Tune your neighbor out and go on with your life.

Get some hobbies and rediscover how wonderful spending time with your kid is. That does wonders for taking your attention off of a man that doesn't return your level of interest.
 
Ok I don't know if you're an emotional person. This may not work for you but what I would do in this situation is just go on with your life and be happy with yourself. Do not avoid him and by that I mean if you see him, say hi and keep it moving. Do not let him see or feel that his actions affected you negatively. Switch it up on him. Make him feel like you only wanted the sex from him and it wasn't all that so you have no more use for him.

Focus on yourself and be the best YOU. Dress nicely, get dolled up, start feeling great about you and others will take notice and want to be around you. Now mr. Neighbor will be the one checking for your car and trying to ring your doorbell.
 
FemmeCreole said:
Ok I don't know if you're an emotional person. This may not work for you but what I would do in this situation is just go on with your life and be happy with yourself. Do not avoid him and by that I mean if you see him, say hi and keep it moving. Do not let him see or feel that his actions affected you negatively. Switch it up on him. Make him feel like you only wanted the sex from him and it wasn't all that so you have no more use for him.

Focus on yourself and be the best YOU. Dress nicely, get dolled up, start feeling great about you and others will take notice and want to be around you. Now mr. Neighbor will be the one checking for your car and trying to ring your doorbell.
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I agree with what's in the bold.

Be prepared, because he's going to eventually reach out to you once he starts feeling ignored.
 
FemmeCreole said:
Ok I don't know if you're an emotional person. This may not work for you but what I would do in this situation is just go on with your life and be happy with yourself. Do not avoid him and by that I mean if you see him, say hi and keep it moving. Do not let him see or feel that his actions affected you negatively. Switch it up on him. Make him feel like you only wanted the sex from him and it wasn't all that so you have no more use for him.

Focus on yourself and be the best YOU. Dress nicely, get dolled up, start feeling great about you and others will take notice and want to be around you. Now mr. Neighbor will be the one checking for your car and trying to ring your doorbell.
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YES!!! Everything this poster wrote!

Always maintain your dignity and grace as a woman. When he looks your way, kindly acknowledge him with a smile and a, "How are you? Wish I had time to chat but life being what it is, it has me moving in different directions. Take care!" Wave goodbye and get into your car or walk into your house, but YOU keep the conversation short and sweet.

If EVER he tries to engage you in further conversation, apologize for not having time to chat, then tell him he'll have to hit you up on text sometime. When/if he texts, don't respond. Just smile and be grateful for regaining control over your emotions. :-D

Never show anger, hurt or disappointment! It really is true; "The best revenge is to live well!".
 
FemmeCreole said:
... just go on with your life and be happy with yourself. Do not avoid him and by that I mean if you see him, say hi and keep it moving. Do not let him see or feel that his actions affected you negatively. Switch it up on him. Make him feel like you only wanted the sex from him and it wasn't all that so you have no more use for him.

Focus on yourself and be the best YOU. Dress nicely, get dolled up, start feeling great about you and others will take notice and want to be around you. Now mr. Neighbor will be the one checking for your car and trying to ring your doorbell.
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This is EXACTLY how I would have handled this in my pre-married days. It will cause him to think "Why is she NOT chasing me?" "Why is my 'open door policy' NOT working?" "Was I NOT good in bed?" etc etc... I also agree that you should look fly every time you leave the house because when you look good you FEEL good. Put effort in your clothes, hair, appearance with a little extra attention that what you would normally give. He'll notice but that's just a side effect of you transitioning in your healing stages. Most importantly, if you're a praying woman, pray for the strength to move on and the ability to allow a man to find you that's worth YOUR time and your goodies! I'm sure it will all work out well for you... just use this lil situation here as a reference of what you DON'T want (easier said than done!)
 
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