Hair...The Black Woman's Curse?

[lilamae]

I was sitting on a cheap sofa in the Ikea store with my legs crossed determining the comfort and quality of my prospective new purchase when I was struck by the length (waist) and curls on this white girls head. I was like "ooh, I can't wait".. then seconds later, another just-past midback passes by, then a hip bone length and then another waist length!

One by one they passed me by with nice heads of hair I was nearly certain they took for granted.

After about a minute or two more dreaming of waist length and trying to shake off the " it's -just-not-fair -that-i-have-to-work-so-hard-to-grow-my-hair attitude...I hopped off the sofa and headed to the garage and back to my office as lunch time was ending.

I walked into the break room where 3 sistas were discussing working out. And you know the cliche conflict we always have with regard to working out came up: hair care. The conversation went something like this..

" Girl, I don't know about no hot yoga! Hot yoga will have my hair lookin a hot mess" ( everyone laughs as I stand there with a straight face)

"I know chile, only way I'm doing all of that work is if I'm getting my hair done the next day!"

The conversation continues and I nonchalantly observe. Then one of the olders ladies struck a nerve with her final statement as she left to the room..."Hair...it's the black womans curse" she said as she casually walked away.

Fresh memories of the white girls effortlessly boucing their long hair combined with the black womens' break room conversation about their frustation with basic hair maintenance while working out had me feelin like "why do WE have to do so much more??!!"

I mean I know its has to do with texture and yadi-yadi-ya but sometimes it just gets frustrating and I know I can at least come here to let out my " hair frustration".

When I was in the 5th Grade my mom sent me to a nearly all white school and she told me that I was gonna have to work twice as hard.

I guess I'll just have to apply that concept to hair as well.

 

[Mystic]

Awwww, I totally understand where you are coming from.

I do not look at it as a curse though - our hair is just different. I tend to look at it as a blessing. Of all the races in world, which other one gives our big afro look???? None! Everywhere you look, most people have straight hair that hangs down, ours doesn't. To me that is unique, and I love it.

On the other hand, it's so easy for the others to grow their hair quickly and that's the part that gets frustrating sometimes.

I was sitting on a cheap sofa in the Ikea store with my legs crossed determining the comfort and quality of my prospective new purchase when I was struck by the length (waist) and curls on this white girls head. I was like "ooh, I can't wait".. then seconds later, another just-past midback passes by, then a hip bone length and then another waist length!

One by one they passed me by with nice heads of hair I was nearly certain they took for granted.

After about a minute or two more dreaming of waist length and trying to shake off the " it's -just-not-fair -that-i-have-to-work-so-hard-to-grow-my-hair attitude...I hopped off the sofa and headed to the garage and back to my office as lunch time was ending.

I walked into the break room where 3 sistas were discussing working out. And you know the cliche conflict we always have with regard to working out came up: hair care. The conversation went something like this..

" Girls, I don't know about no hot yoga! Hot yoga will have my hair lookin a hot mess" ( everyone laughs as I stand there with a straight face)

"I know chile, only way I'm doing all of that work is if I'm getting my hair done the next day!"

The conversation continues and I nonchalantly observe. Then one of the olders ladies struck a nerve with her final statement as she left to the room..."Hair...it's the black womans curse" she said as she casually walked away.

Fresh memories of the white girls effortlessly boucing their long hair combined with the black womens' break room conversation about their frustation with basic hair maintenance while working out had me feelin like "why do WE have to do so much more??!!"

I mean I know its has to do with texture and yadi-yadi-ya but sometimes it just gets frustrating and I know I can at least come here to let out my " hair frustration".

When I was in the 5th Grade my mom sent me to a nearly all white school and she told me that I was gonna have to work twice as hard.

I guess I'll just have to apply that concept to hair as well.

 

[lilamae]

You're so right. i do believe our hair is beautiful and unique. Perhaps it's just the " grass is greener on the other side' that had me trippin for a while. I do remember being in jamaica and all of the white tourist had cornrolls!!!So they too admire what we can do with our hair.

So I'll get off the pity pot and realize that i am blessed with what i have.

 

[longhairhopeful]

Girl...I totally feel your frustration.

Just reading that took me back to a salon visit where another patron was expressing how desperately she needed a full weave just so she could keep up her workout regimen.erplexed Why must we do all this just to exercise?

It seems as though there's always a serious life-decision that has to be made (okay maybe not life, but definetly serious)-Swimming, Sports, merely going out on a Rainy day all require deep thought, preparation and many times sacrifce.

Oh Well...to quote my college freshman history professor- "it's hard but it's fair, sad but it's true.

 

[Mystic]

Girl! Pity pot?????? What are you talking about??? Your hair is beautiful, thick, long, GAWGEOUS!! You have NO reason at all to be on any pity pot. But, I totally understand though where you are coming from - the more we get, the more we want and....., we want it NOW! If you are not wearing your hair out, wear it out more often, and the number of compliments you get will be a testimony to the fact that your hair is just as admirable as the ones you were admiring.......... and you will feel so much better.

You're so right. i do believe our hair is beautiful and unique. Perhaps it's just the " grass is greener on the other side' that had me trippin for a while. I do remember being in jamaica and all of the white tourist had cornrolls!!!So they too admire what we can do with our hair.

So I'll get off the pity pot and realize that i am blessed with what i have.

 

[Monigirl]

I feel chatty tonight and wanted to share this

I know how you feel I have hair frustration too. I wish relaxed black hair care never envolved chemical burn, underprocessing and breakage, reversion, etc... And I wish I knew more about my natural texture. And was born into a society where natural hair was the norm amongst black women, instead of relaxed looks. Plus I wish wearing it one way or the other was easier but both textures have its pro and cons when it comes to maintance and acheiving longer length in general. (this is just me blah..blah, blahhing)

As a black woman I feel Hyperpigmentation has been a curse for me more than anything else. Meaning: Blemishes and marks left on my face from pimples I don't even pop or touch. Personally I have spent more money on skin care then hair care in my life.




Lilamae I forgot to say something...... the white women you saw that day might of been registered with the Extension101 Forum. It is a hair care forum teaching white women how to put in extensions, with tutorials, and different techniques helping them achieve long length in seconds. http://hairextensions101.com/forum

I learned allot from this forum on how to attach weave hair.

Pics of some members from the site and weave installation pics http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d188/saralee26/waginstall1.jpg
http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d188/saralee26/waginstall1.jpg

 

[Mahalialee4]

Could you explain the "hyperpigmentation" thing? Is this only in patches or are you referring to the overall color of your skin? thanks for reply.

 

[cmesweet]

First of all, you never know what a White person, or any person for tat matter went through to grow their hair. Plus, I see that you are in California, that might not have been their hair in the first place.


Secondly, I think people make a choice to do alot with their hair. I don't do much with mine. I am a member of a predominantly White hair board and we use the same hair techniques, except since I have curly/ coily hair, I stick to add or take off things on my regimen.

Thirdly, My mother always said to "not want what other people have, you never know how they got it." Really take this into mind, you don't know how hard people have worked. I can honestly say, based on the other forum that I belong to and THIS forum that people with long lengths of hair do not work that hard on it, in fact they don't do much to it. Take notes!

 

[butterfly_wings]

About the exercise bit, why not just spray your roots with some leave in conditioner and tie it up in a ponytail or bun?

 

[Ms.Honey]

Honey don't fret. White women have just about if not more hair drama than we do. They've been wearing extensions longer and more of them wear them more than we do. They unlike us tend not to put all of our business in the streets and keep it on the down. Most white men STILL don't know what extensions are but every little black boy past the age of 4 does
We kind of expect to have jacked up hair at one point or another so when it happens we know we need to step up our game and hit the salon or something to get it back on track but can you imagine being a white girl with stringy, wimpy brunette hair when long, lush and blonde is the standard? Or watching commercials with other white girls with bouncing behaving hair and you have to tease and use a can of hairspray to keep your scalp from showing? No honey we have it easy hair wise compared to the majority of white women in the world. They'd kill to have our hair.
Now when it comes to Indian women, we're screwed

 

[bravenewgirl87]

Girl...I totally feel your frustration.

Just reading that took me back to a salon visit where another patron was expressing how desperately she needed a full weave just so she could keep up her workout regimen.erplexed Why must we do all this just to exercise?

It seems as though there's always a serious life-decision that has to be made (okay maybe not life, but definetly serious)-Swimming, Sports, merely going out on a Rainy day all require deep thought, preparation and many times sacrifce.

Oh Well...to quote my college freshman history professor- "it's hard but it's fair, sad but it's true.

We really don't have to. You're neglecting one fact, these women are all relaxed straight and might be afraid of a little nap. I just got my touch up and worked out til sweat was pouring down my face. My hair reverted a little, but I just went on about my life like nothing happen. Some women, a touch of nap will send them jumping off a cliff.

 

[BlkOnyx488]

I think about this a lot too. I have a white girl friend who had her waistlength hair butchered buy and overzelus (sp) hairdresser. Within 6 months her SL length her was back to past bsl. meanwhile my hair in 6 months looked like well like it did 6 months ago.

I use to think I must of have done something really bad when I was baby to always be "bald headed". I have never had hair longer than nape length. And even though I am now doing all this stuff now to hopefully get my hair to grow, I still don't believe it can happen for me. I keep expecting to wake up and find a mysterious short patch in my hair that just appears out of now where. If the wind blows my hair seems to break off.
Ok on to happy talk yah politics!

 

[MrsWatson]

I used to feel this way in college. My roomie and BFF was a white chick who would cut her hair like twice a year. I'd always ask "why'd u cut it" and she would say, "it gets in the way. I tried to roll over in my sleep last night and got caught in my hair". So, she would cut it up to neck length and in 3 months (literally) she'd be damn near APL. I always thought it was unfair that I was sleeping in satin scarves, balancing moisture and protein, dusting my split ends, etc., all while achieving little growth. All she would do is wash a few times a week and she had major growth, no breakage issues or anything. I've learned a lot more about MY hair since then, but i definitely feel where u were coming from. I've had to battle myself on this issue before, as well.

 

[bravenewgirl87]

First of all, you never know what a White person, or any person for tat matter with through to grow their hair. Plus, I see that you are in California, that might not have been their hair in the first place.


Secondly, I think people make a choice to do alot with their hair. I don't do much with mine. I am a member of a predominantly White hair board and we use the same hair techniques, except since I have curly/ coily hair, I stick to that regimen.

Thirdly, My mother always said to "not want what other people have, you never know how they got it." Really take this into mind, you don't know how hard people have worked. I can honestly say, based on the other forum that I belong to and THIS forum that people with long lengths of hair do not work that hard on it, in fact they don't do much to it. Take notes!

On Point! I think black women have the most beautiful hair because so many of us care to take care of it. White women straighten their hair so much that the color often looks brassy and the texture is like straw. My dorm room used to reek of smoke because my two roommates would leave both straightening irons on, high heat, and run the iron through their hair every 5 minutes (literally). Well, damn! How much more straighter can you want your hair? Do you want to look like Gong Li? The only time I've ever seen my boss's hair look nice was yesterday when she came in without taking a bath. She didn't wash her hair so the natural oils were still there and it look a gorgeous blond. I did my white roomie's hair once. She just had her hair died blond, but it was a murky brassy color from being damaged. I mixed a deep conditioner up and schlabed it on her hair, blew it out and straightened it.... she had the color of a newborn Scandinavian and the texture of silk. She never looked so good in her life.


And white women spend so much in extensions and color. You know its bad when you have to dye your coochie hair to match the hair on your head.
Blond is such a commidity and so it straight hair in the white community, that white women go to insane lengths just to look like this:

But, remember, many white women cannot look like this because of their mixed ethnic backgrounds or more Medditerrean background. I know many Italians, Latinas, Greeks and Middle Eastern women who dye their hair to death to look more white. They also wear colored contacts.

 

[anon123]

Fresh memories of the white girls effortlessly boucing their long hair combined with the black womens' break room conversation about their frustation with basic hair maintenance while working out had me feelin like "why do WE have to do so much more??!!"

I think it's because we want our hair to be like other people's. If I were totally honest with myself, especially knowing the type of hair I have, I would have to admit that the most natural way to wear my hair would be in a TWA or in locs. I really think that is how my hair was meant to be worn. If I had either of those, there would be no fighting my hair. Perhaps braids would be another way. I could work out and wash my hair whenever I wanted. But for whatever reasons, for lots of us that ends up not being what we want. So we end up fighting our hair and trying to make it do stuff that it doesn't want to do. As long as we do that, we will have a harder time with our hair than is necessary. Or at least, if one's hair is like mine, they will have a harder time than is necessary.

 

[jamiss]

It seems like most of the white women I see keep their hair quite short. A lot of them favor short, haus frau looking haircuts because even if they let their hair grow long, it would be thin and stringy looking. They spend as much time in salons as we do, but unlike most black women, they don't mind ugly -ass hair cuts.

Plus they go through great lengths to get dark skin. There is a woman who goes to my gym, every time I see her I am reminded of how much I want one of those brown leather coach bags! She has all but ruined the quality of her skin so she could be brown. So they have a whole set of issues most of us won't have to worry about.

 

[SunnyDelight]

Lilamae - girl don't fret - your hair is beautiful. I'll bet that while you were sitting on the sofa checking out their hair, those same girls were saying to themselves "Oh my gawd, look at her gorgous brown skin. Looks like warm caramel. It's so unfair that mine isn't as beautiful with so little work."

 

[LunadeMiel]

If only you knew what some white women go through to take care of their hair. I have a white coworker (well 2) who is always telling how jealous they are of my wash and gos. To her she can never wash and leave her house without blowdrying and flat ironing her hair first. Trust, it's not as easy and effortless for them as you may think. I do less to my hair than most white women that I know.

 

[Inches411]

I think it's because we want our hair to be like other people's. If I were totally honest with myself, especially knowing the type of hair I have, I would have to admit that the most natural way to wear my hair would be in a TWA or in locs. I really think that is how my hair was meant to be worn. If I had either of those, there would be no fighting my hair. Perhaps braids would be another way. I could work out and wash my hair whenever I wanted. But for whatever reasons, for lots of us that ends up not being what we want. So we end up fighting our hair and trying to make it do stuff that it doesn't want to do. As long as we do that, we will have a harder time with our hair than is necessary. Or at least, if one's hair is like mine, they will have a harder time than is necessary.

I guess your right but the way i feel is that even others who dont have stick straight hair have the option of straightening without so much effort. fro example 2a 3a type hair so i feel why should we be excluded. And to be honest I have heard plenty naturals talk about the frustrations of doing their hair even in a non manipulative style. So its like its not even about it being straight all the time. Sometimes our natural hair can be a struggle too. Not complaining though.. we have what we have and we work with it. ya know

 

[Mrs.Green]

lilamae you hush your mouth!! With your head of hair lord. Half us on this board is gawking at you to reach your lenght the same way you look at them. Your hair is GAWGEOUS!

 

[Dayjoy]

I agree that we can't say all white women have it easy as far as hair goes. But in general they seem to have it easier. There is a little girl in my DD's kindergarten class that has MBL hair. I know they aren't extensions and a lot of work did not go into her hair. Her mama ain't taking her to no salon, ever. DD's friend next door--her mother keeps her hair cut to SL. She just got a haircut about a month ago and now she's almost back at APL. Another little one in DD's class just got her hair cut last week. I didn't recognize her that day. Now her ends are not as blunt as last week already due to the growth. These are just the kids I see every day! But we are all given a mixture of blessings and "curses" in this life. I love my hair (even though I texlax) and love DD's natural hair even more. It is more difficult to manage though. It is what it is, and what it is is what God gave us.

 

[PeggyFair]

I always thought that the hair of WW and BW grow at the same rate, just that we have to be extra careful with keeping up the moisture level and reducing breakage especially when it is relaxed. And for me personally, I never wanted to have mid back or waist length hair because of the hassle involved in washing it twice a week, so seeing that on other races never fazed me. I always thought that SL and APL were the ideal on BW, and these lengths can be achieved fairly quickly with the right amount of TLC.

 

[Lady Esquire]

That is one way of looking at it. But I choose to see our hair as one of the things that makes us so unique on this planet. It is versatile and it is our crowning glory. Women who aren't as informed and who subscribe to the black hair myths will mostly likely view our hair as a curse. But it is far from that.

 

[InnerSoul]

Awwww, I totally understand where you are coming from.

I do not look at it as a curse though - our hair is just different. I tend to look at it as a blessing. Of all the races in world, which other one gives our big afro look???? None! Everywhere you look, most people have straight hair that hangs down, ours doesn't. To me that is unique, and I love it.

On the other hand, it's so easy for the others to grow their hair quickly and that's the part that gets frustrating sometimes.

@ the bolded Beautifully Stated !

 

[sunnydaze]

That is one way of looking at it. But I choose to see our hair as one of the things that makes us so unique on this planet. It is versatile and it is our crowning glory. Women who aren't as informed and who subscribe to the black hair myths will mostly likely view our hair as a curse. But it is far from that.

Thank you.

 

[MeccaMedinah]

Some women, a touch of nap will send them jumping off a cliff.

That is the truth!

If only you knew what some white women go through to take care of their hair. I have a white coworker (well 2) who is always telling how jealous they are of my wash and gos. To her she can never wash and leave her house without blowdrying and flat ironing her hair first. Trust, it's not as easy and effortless for them as you may think. I do less to my hair than most white women that I know.

This is true as well. One of my best friends (white) has a beautiful, thick head of short hair. She said that it would take time & effort for her to grow her hair out. She said white girls with , pretty heads of healthy hair have to spend lots of time & money on their hair. I work with a woman who has hair so pretty it looks fake, she does a lot to her hair. Some of my other co-workers have been growing their hair out for years and only have MBL hair.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Honey do fret. White women have just about if not more hair drama than we do. They've been wearing extensions longer and more of them wear them more than we do. They unlike us tend not to put all of our business in the streets and keep it on the down. Most white men STILL don't know what extensions are but every little black boy past the age of 4 does
We kind of expect to have jacked up hair at one point or another so when it happens we know we need to step up our game and hit the salon or something to get it back on track but can you imagine being a white girl with stringy, wimpy brunette hair when long, lush and blonde is the standard? Or watching commercials with other white girls with bouncing behaving hair and you have to tease and use a can of hairspray to keep your scalp from showing? No honey we have it easy hair wise compared to the majority of white women in the world. They'd kill to have our hair.
Now when it comes to Indian women, we're screwed

 

[PeggyFair]

That is one way of looking at it. But I choose to see our hair as one of the things that makes us so unique on this planet. It is versatile and it is our crowning glory. Women who aren't as informed and who subscribe to the black hair myths will mostly likely view our hair as a curse. But it is far from that.

Also, even when BW straighten their hair, it will never be as straight as that of a WW, and that in itself is a good thing, cuz when it is that straight it tends to look limp sometimes. Even when we relax our hair, it still has body.

 

[anon123]

I guess your right but the way i feel is that even others who dont have stick straight hair have the option of straightening without so much effort. fro example 2a 3a type hair so i feel why should we be excluded. And to be honest I have heard plenty naturals talk about the frustrations of doing their hair even in a non manipulative style. So its like its not even about it being straight all the time. Sometimes our natural hair can be a struggle too. Not complaining though.. we have what we have and we work with it. ya know

Oh, I complain all the time about the difficulty in doing my natural hair. I don't straighten my hair at all but it's still difficult. The difficulty is not in trying to get my hair straight, the difficulty is in trying to get it to do things that it doesn't want to do. One of these things would be being straight, but there are others. Basically, my hair just wants to be a twa or locs. Maybe in braids all the time. Only then would I not be fighting my hair.

I just don't look at 4b hair being more difficult to straighten than 3a hair as 4bers being excluded any more than I look at 2a hair not holding twists or braids or tiny tight curls as them being excluded. Different hair does different things. If we lived in a world where everyone wanted a short afro made up of 10,000 tiny tight curls, people with straighter hair would have a hard time doing it because they'd be trying to do something their hair wasn't meant to do. Then straight haired people would be wondering why it's so hard to have something so simple as a bunch of tight kinks, and why even 3bers seem to have an easier time of it then them and they'd be all sad about it.

The only point I'm making is that it's only difficult because we try to make it something it doesn't want to be. So we can either accept the difficulty, or let it be what it wants to be.

 

[Inches411]

Oh, I complain all the time about the difficulty in doing my natural hair. I don't straighten my hair at all but it's still difficult. The difficulty is not in trying to get my hair straight, the difficulty is in trying to get it to do things that it doesn't want to do. One of these things would be being straight, but there are others. Basically, my hair just wants to be a twa or locs. Maybe in braids all the time. Only then would I not be fighting my hair.

I just don't look at 4b hair being more difficult to straighten than 3a hair as 4bers being excluded any more than I look at 2a hair not holding twists or braids or tiny tight curls as them being excluded. Different hair does different things. If we lived in a world where everyone wanted a short afro made up of 10,000 tiny tight curls, people with straighter hair would have a hard time doing it because they'd be trying to do something their hair wasn't meant to do. Then straight haired people would be wondering why it's so hard to have something so simple as a bunch of tight kinks, and why even 3bers seem to have an easier time of it then them and they'd be all sad about it.

The only point I'm making is that it's only difficult because we try to make it something it doesn't want to be. So we can either accept the difficulty, or let it be what it wants to be.

ok thanks for clearing that up.