hair advice on visiting boyfriend

[mortensgirl]

hey,i'll be visiting my boyfriend who i havent seen in forever coz he lives in london,the last time i saw him i had braids,and he has a thing for long hair,my hair is chin length.and i just joined so i'm just beginning to get this hair thing right.he is a white boy and doesnt seem to understand the whole braid thing.he did say"how am i supposed to run my hands through your hair with those in them?"

i dont want to braid it this time,i'm okay with my length and he will have to be okay with it too!!!!but how do i keep it looking okay, without having to scare the man with all my oils and all????

 

[mortensgirl]

oh c'mon you guys!was that a stupid question????

...................*sigh*.........nevermind i guess..............

 

[aqualung]

Not a stupid question at all. I'm assuming you wanna please this dude by showing off your straight, long hair and letting him touch it. A long weave is out, right?

You could get a rollerset before your flight and hope the weather cooperates in London such that you stay straight the entire trip. No humidity! That's what I'd do. You can wrap it at night and wear a satin scarf to bed. Put serum in it daily to keep the straight, swinging, bobbed style without being greasy. I'd recommend John Frieda relax texture correcting serum. In the case of rain, your curls will return, but the serum will give them definition.

Do you have enough time before your trip to
1. get a rollerset,
2. see how many days it lasts straight with the help of serum,
3. shower it back to curly, and
4. see what kinda curl definition you get and whether it's cute on you?

Ya gotta experiment and identify your cute styles (straight and curly but withOUT the braids) so that you're ready for London.

HTH,
Meg

 

[debyjay]

No, it was not a stupid question, even some black boys can be scared by all the stuff we use. I have a friend who has dry hair coz she doesn't want her man's hand getting oily from running it through her hair (both are black) Thankfully mine is tickled pink by all my stuff and is using mango butter on his head now! So girlie, I say go and take some S-curl with you -- it provides moisture without being oily. You can simply tell him if he asks, that black hair needs a lot of moisture especially in the fall. And if he has a problem with that then just enjoy London while you're there, come home and find yourself a new b/f . Good luck.

 

[aqualung]

Oh yeah, one more thing. When I went to Dresden over the summer, I tried to get my touchup done as close to the trip as possible such that new growth was NOT something I'd have to worry about while on travel.

My conditioner washes in the shower were a breeze -- no tangles. I'd get out of the shower after combing under the shower stream with a detangling conditioner, apply leave in conditioner and serum, and blast my head with the blowdryer (NO combing) til it was 1/2 damp. By the time I got dressed, the curls in my hair were defined, it was nearly dry, and I was ready to go!

 

[offthechainliz]

I went out with a white guy last year (well, actually columbian) and one day he had the nerve to say to me "why don't you get some long hair extentions or something"

I then told him if you can't accept me for me then I don't need to be here and I walked out. He called me for days trying to apoligize. I quess the point is wear your hair the way YOU want to, not the way you think you should to satisfy some guy. If he can't accept you for you lose him.
I'm sorry if I sound a little harsh.

 

[CORBINS]

I've dated a white guy before and I did like him and everything, but at the same time, I was always trying to please him. I was frustrated with my hair because of what I had to put in it to keep is healthy. I was wishing that African-American didn't have to go through so much to maintain their hair. After a while I decided that I wasn't feeling good about myself and I got rid of him. Now, my HUSBAND that I have who is mixed, understands my hair and accepts me for me and accepts my hair as well.

 

[pebbles]

Hi mortensgirl, welcome!

Your question wasn't stupid. If you're just going for a brief visit, try mixing some oil with equal parts of distilled water in a spray bottle. That should hold you for a little time. I like Kemi-Oyl mixed with distilled water myself.

 

[mortensgirl]

hey guys,thanks a lot for the advice.i've taken it to heart.where can i get distilled water from????

 

[pebbles]

You can find it in any drug store or supermarket.

Have a great trip, by the way.

 

[cheveux]

Hello Mortensgirl,

This morning, I read your post and had a flashback of almost 20 years ago when I was visiting my, then boyfriend, now husband, in Europe. Your message has been nagging at me all day. Initially, I didn't post on the thread because I've read some of the ladies' opinions on interracial dating/marriage and some of them are rather strongly against it. I try to steer clear of unnecessary intrusion. Nevertheless, I wanted to pass along what I hope you'll regard as helpful advice.

Don't become too preoccupied with the hair thing. Sometimes men who are not aware of how time consuming our hair can be will make casual comments that we take to heart because it is dead center on our radar screen. You might consider gently putting the cards on the table at this point to let him know that ours is not a wash and wear existence. This doesn't need to be apologetic or defensive, merely matter-of-fact. The sooner this gets said the sooner you can take the obstacle out of the way for both of you. Be prepared for a host of ongoing questions but keep yourself grounded - our hair makes us special. As for tips, I finally discovered that pin curls in the shower worked relatively well for a short visit in Europe. I also have a favorite salon I pop into for a quick wash and set. Getting advice from some of the ladies on the board who live in London on a good salon to pop into for a quick wash and set might also work well. And I agree with the advice to get your hair done just before you leave.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, take a look at a picture of your boyfriends' father. I did and his father was bald. Now, almost 20 years later, my husband has a receeding hairline and I'm still using my curlers, dome hair dryer, oils, wrap, setting lotion, . . . the works and my hair is in better shape (thanks to advice from this board) than it has ever been and he is my biggest "hair fan". My point is, sometimes we obsess over all the exterior attractions excessively. I hope and expect that what your boyfriend really cares about is who you are inside; accentuate that! Put your hair in the back of your mind - afterall, you're going to enjoy being together.

I hope that helps,
Cheveux

 

[mortensgirl]

youre great!!!!!!thankyou very much,i did lookat a picture of his dad......not much hair there!!!!that makes me feel a lot better!!!!!!!!thanks god youre alive!

 

[SweetNic_JA]

I agree with Cheveux,
If he is right for you he will accept you regardless. He'll just view it as another hair thing.

Always be comfortable in your skin. He'll love you for it! Use your hair products and your oils without fear.

I've been dating an Italian guy for the last month or so and believe you me he has seen me in and out of my glory.
He is convinced that he is in love

so he tries to spend as much time as he can possibly spend with me...That brings me to my story. Like you I had braids when I met him. Well when it came time to remove my braids, he wanted to be with me. so he was with me the whole night while I took out my braids, while I washed and style it, and believe me, he saw me pull out my silk scarf

when it was time for bed.

He has also seen the result of me not wrapping my hair at night and I must say that he is a big PROPONENT of the silk scarf

So go to London, see your man, and just let him know that you had to do things a little differently that what he's used to see him.

 

[caramelbarbie]

Hi Mortensgirl!
I had to post cause I know exactly how you feel! I've dated white guys in the past but I always had that "just got my hair relaxed" look. I wasn't commited to doing my hair like I am now.
When I started dating my boyfriend(who is white) this summer..I decided that I'd have to explain the whole blk girl hair thing to him upfront and see his reaction.
I took him to the beauty supply store and bought my $23-$50 conditioners. I got him to help me pic out a pony to match my hair colour. I told him how I wrap my hair at night. When I would blowdry my hair straight he know that he'd have to be careful if he touches it. He has seen me freak out if I see 2 hairs on the pillow.( He thinks touching my hair is a treat.....now he says"baby I'm touching your hair and i love it". LOL or he'll say "just put the phony on don't worry about blowdrying your hair" or he'll find a beauty supply store somewhere behind god's back for me. It can work out. Just let him know what you go through..it actually brought my guy and me closer.
Hope this helps you.
N.