grrrrr... venting....

[HappilyLiberal]

Ok... I am 21 weeks post today. I think I am doing a long-term transition. Anyway, My hair has grown out enough for my natural curl pattern to begin emerging (I am 2-2.5 inches depending on which part of my hair you're measuring). So I am sitting there showing off my new growth and telling my mom that since I can't afford a flat iron right now, for Thanksgiving and Christmas I am just going to wear my hair the way I always wear it--wash, DC, rollerset, and phony bun. Because I rollerset on magnetic rollers, this process usually straightens out most of my new growth so I am able to smooth my hair back with some moisturizer into a ponytail, baggy the ends, stick the bun on and have a look that is sleek and neat.

Anyway, my mom tells me I need to go ahead and relax my hair and put off transitioning until I can afford a flat iron because my hair is too nappy to keep wearing that style. And, it occurred to me that she thinks I am going to keep my hair flat-ironed once I go natural so she won't have to look at my nappy hair.

And no, I will not be putting a relaxer in my hair for Christmas. I don't have any cash, so my Christmas present to myself will at least be not 'effin' up a 27 week transition (it will be 27 weeks by Christmas).

 

[Ijanei]

I am having this saaaaame exact problem. After I wash my hair my mom is always saying "ooh girl, you need to go ahead and get that perm." Man o man that ticks me off. Then after I flat iron she is like, "ok it looks nice." smh

Best I can say is stick it out. do what's best for you and your hair. Shrug off their opinions. When your hair is looking nice, full and healthy, they will see what you were trying to achieve. HHG

 

[Ishtar]

I concur with that. I am so fed up with my conservative white is right left side of the family. I am so ashamed of them as African Americans.

I made a statement that I wanted braids so badly and I couldn't wait to get them done. One of the little girl says " Not while my mom is around. She'll never go for braids."

I told her just watch and see. She goes on to say that braids are ugly and by the way they get their hair straightened just about every week. The little girl who was sporting almost waist length hair is now closing in on APL. This particular little girl is neck length and has never had a relaxer in her life. Her lack of growth is attributed to daily flatironing that is encouraged by her mother.

I turned kindly and said to her " Those women you admire on t.v. wear braids. I consider them very beautiful and black hair is beautiful to me whether it is in dreads, twists, a fro, or braids. I'm not living to make anyone happy except myself."

 

[lilsparkle825]

Ishtar I like the way you handled the situation with the little girl. Although it may not pay off immediately, I bet what you said and just the fact that you are so independent will make quite the impression.

HappilyLiberal most of us have been there. It's really tough when a close friend or family member makes those types of comments -- I can imagine saying to my mom "you GAVE me this hair!" I wish you an easy and speedy transition.

 

[Janet']

I'm sorry OP!

 

[HappilyLiberal]

I'll be 5 months post tomorrow and I just posted in another thread that I might relax at six because my new growth is really getting thick.

Then, I just had a brainstorm...

I had to wash my hair because I have a job fair to go to tomorrow. I normally detangle and then use a rattail comb right before I rollerset. The last couple of times I did this (a) I was losing some hair and (b) I could not get the hair smooth all the way because I was trying to avoid losing hair. Today, I used a soft bristle brush to smooth my hair. Not only did I lose less hair, but my hair is much straighter following the rollerset than it had been in some time. I haven't rollerset with a brush since I started my HHJ three years ago. But this seems to work better on transitioning hair. So, it looks like I'm good again for now.

 

[Mook's hair]

OP, I was trying to PM you but the forum is still a little glitchy with the changes..

This is so familiar. I've read recent threads on other forums with ladies having issues with their mother's & sisters.

You are going to have to stop sharing your transitioning journey with those who show negativity.

Do what you feel your hair needs, but don't discuss it with them, come on here and talk to all of us. We will listen and comment and offer help where we can. We love giving support and holding each other up through our hair journey.
Take pics at least every other week. It will help you to be able to look back and track your progress. Sometimes the journey can seem slow but when you look back on pics. You'll say wow and have a big smile on your face. And it will help you continue forward.

Start doing scalp massages once a week. And keep your ends protected with a silk scarf when you go to bed.

Do not be afraid to trim off split ends. At first it will seem like it is counter productive but as your natural hair grows, you will struggle less with the 2 textures if you do regular trims.

I transitioned for 2 years and there were several times when I felt compelled to stop and return to relaxing. But I am so glad that I did not. There were a few times when my mom and 1 cousin expressed that I NEEDED TO RELAX MY HAIR. ***GRRRRR it is so annoying.

Just keep your journey to yourself and share it with your online LHCF family.

hit me up if you need to.

 

[caribeandiva]

Why don't you just BC? It's so much easier not having to deal with 2 textures and you might be pleasantly surprised by how much you love your new 'do.

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

Great advice Mook. Especially the part about not sharing your journey with negative people.

 

[DrC]

(don't mind her.)

 

[shunemite]

Hmmmm.... I agree with Mook'sHair, don't share your dreams repeatedly with people who are negative. Sometimes the most negative people can be your own family. Not because they are bad people, but because they have their own insecurities. Your mother may have faced rejection when she was your age a long time ago from society when she tried to wear her hair the way she wanted to. She's trying to protect you from hurt and "shame". I know my own mother told me of how she had a big fro in the early 80's when my brother was in grade school and she heard his white friends teasing him and she felt bad for him. It was hard for her to tell me that story. Shortly after that, she got her first jehri curl and never looked back. She still makes odd comments to me on and off. I do get hurt, but when I try to remember that this is me and what I want, I just pay her no mind and do me. I recall that right before David fought Goliath his own brothers were his WORST critics. I also recall that he ignored them, fought Goliath, and later became KING. What did they have to say about that?

 

[Tiye]

You can get a flat iron at walmart for less than forty bucks. Not saying you have to straighten your hair if it's not what you want to do but just don't want you thinking you need a lot of money to get a flat iron.

 

[SimJam]

Sorry to hear abt ur issue with negative ppl.

from the above posts u can see that many of us have experienced this. I had my fair share from my bf's sister.

but now she just has to sit and gawk at my beautiful hairl LOL

Time will deal with ppl who show negativity to u

 

[HappilyLiberal]

Why don't you just BC? It's so much easier not having to deal with 2 textures and you might be pleasantly surprised by how much you love your new 'do.

Wow... the quote feature is working again...

In answering your question... my face is too round for short hair. I have BC'd twice and both times I went back to a relaxer because I hate my hair short. So, this time I am planning to transition for 2.5 years so I can retain length.

 

[HappilyLiberal]

OP, I was trying to PM you but the forum is still a little glitchy with the changes..

This is so familiar. I've read recent threads on other forums with ladies having issues with their mother's & sisters.

You are going to have to stop sharing your transitioning journey with those who show negativity.

Do what you feel your hair needs, but don't discuss it with them, come on here and talk to all of us. We will listen and comment and offer help where we can. We love giving support and holding each other up through our hair journey.
Take pics at least every other week. It will help you to be able to look back and track your progress. Sometimes the journey can seem slow but when you look back on pics. You'll say wow and have a big smile on your face. And it will help you continue forward.

Start doing scalp massages once a week. And keep your ends protected with a silk scarf when you go to bed.

Do not be afraid to trim off split ends. At first it will seem like it is counter productive but as your natural hair grows, you will struggle less with the 2 textures if you do regular trims.

I transitioned for 2 years and there were several times when I felt compelled to stop and return to relaxing. But I am so glad that I did not. There were a few times when my mom and 1 cousin expressed that I NEEDED TO RELAX MY HAIR. ***GRRRRR it is so annoying.

Just keep your journey to yourself and share it with your online LHCF family.

hit me up if you need to.

It's kind of hard to not discuss it with her since we live in the same house and she can see my new growth. BTW... I drool over your braid styles. I have absolutely no braiding skills. I am going to have to go get me one of those heads from the BSS and practice.

 

[HappilyLiberal]

Sorry to hear abt ur issue with negative ppl.

from the above posts u can see that many of us have experienced this. I had my fair share from my bf's sister.

but now she just has to sit and gawk at my beautiful hairl LOL

Time will deal with ppl who show negativity to u

The thing is.... I can't wait for my hair to get long enough to put into twists. But those twists will drive the woman batish crazy. She used to hate my braids.

 

[caribeandiva]

Wow... the quote feature is working again...

In answering your question... my face is too round for short hair. I have BC'd twice and both times I went back to a relaxer because I hate my hair short. So, this time I am planning to transition for 2.5 years so I can retain length.

oh I see. What about wigs or micros?

 

[jerseygurl]

My mom is always asking when I will get a relaxer. She was a non believer when I started my hair journey but that stopped when she I got to MBL. I expect her to stop when she sees how healthy my hair looks.

Keep ya head up OP