Giving up the "Mmmhmm good-goods" on the regular

Hmm I do get the logic behind that idea but I dunno if that's how it really works out in real life. I feel like it places an unrealistically high emphasis on sex. I mean sex is important but not that important.
 
jennboo said:
I really don't think that men necessarily WANT or CRAVE marriage like lots of women do, i really don't. Like ..."if i'm already getting wife benefits ...i'm cool w/out a marriage license :lol:"
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I agree, unless family expectation for marriage within a certain timeframe is high, most men nowadays aren't in a rush to get to the altar.

I know a few women who set ultimatums or strongly hinted their way to an engagement to speed up the process; otherwise the guy would've taken much longer to marry them.
 
freelove said:
Hmm I do get the logic behind that idea but I dunno if that's how it really works out in real life. I feel like it places an unrealistically high emphasis on sex. I mean sex is important but not that important.
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This is a very good point :yep:

Men are emotional creatures too. They need and like love and support, especially ego stroking! Sex may be on their minds a lot, but there are other important components to a relationship. Plus, i have never heard of a man marrying just to get more sex. This makes no sense....not when some women are throwing it around everywhere for free. Sex, Love and Marriage are not mutually exclusive...no matter how bad people want it to be :look:
 
I only see all of these mind tricks and rules as necessary to reel in a man/woman who is lukewarm about you, which unfortunately, most men and women end up trying to do. Think of the men who were head over hills for you that you did not want. It seemed like nothing you did could stop them from chasing. Women who choose men who are crazy about them end up having a peace of mind that many other women will never know. None of the games, tricks, or over-analyzing how to get a man who is very into you to actually desire you as a wife and future mother of his children.
 
Oh you lucky ladies, getting sexed up whenever you feel. *sigh*. My SO feels like everything that is wrong in our relationship is because we aren't saved, which means he often feels guilty about the act whenever it *seldomly* happens.

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When your man loves you, seeing you naked never gets old to him.

Ediese said:
I'm in a LDR, so it doesn't really apply to me. I will say though that since I live on my own, I've become very comfortable walking around the house naked. lol Since we video chat every night, I had to put a stop to that. After I thought about it, I realize that I don't want him to get too accustom to seeing me in the nude. I could imagine that would get old after a while.
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I always think of that cereal commercial whenever I hear discussions like these and I just want to say that line.."You silly rabbit..tricks are for kids"..It has been said over and over again if a man wants to marry you, he will do it regardless of what you may/or may not be rationing. I think men are very simple when it comes to decisions like these..they don't tend to overthink and over analyze like us women do about everything in a relationship. I will not play games to trick a person into moving to the next level in a relationship or marriage. I want a man to marry me because he plain and simple wants to. I do believe in not giving the cooch to every Tom, Dick and Harry but when I do I will not be playing coochie games.
 
:yep::yep::yep::yep::yep::yep::yep:


Sexyred said:
I always think of that cereal commercial whenever I hear discussions like these and I just want to say that line.."You silly rabbit..tricks are for kids"..It has been said over and over again if a man wants to marry you, he will do it regardless of what you may/or may not be rationing. I think men are very simple when it comes to decisions like these..they don't tend to overthink and over analyze like us women do about everything in a relationship. I will not play games to trick a person into moving to the next level in a relationship or marriage. I want a man to marry me because he plain and simple wants to. I do believe in not giving the cooch to every Tom, Dick and Harry but when I do I will not be playing coochie games.
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Klearli said:
Oh you lucky ladies, getting sexed up whenever you feel. *sigh*. My SO feels like everything that is wrong in our relationship is because we aren't saved, which means he often feels guilty about the act whenever it *seldomly* happens.

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OUCH! And how does that make you feel? :nono:
 
barbiesocialite said:
Yes, I do regulate how much I "give it up." IMO doing it too much will spoil him, cause him to get too comfortable and complacent because his hunt will be up....

And there def is no, and will be no, hittin it raw unless we're married.... he knows I only believe in hormonal bc after marriage and that I don't believe in single-parenthood for myself so that settles that bit....
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hmmm.... like attracts like I see......

this is the second time we have tried dating and although we've had a sexual relationship before we havent started back at it yet again for various reasons, including my withholding the goods.

Although we've been very cautious about our physical activity this time around, he said that we need to improve the quality of our relationship bc sex will get in the way. This had something to do with him feeling that he has not done his best by me and he doesnt want me to see him like that anymore. He also stated that the next time he will be having sex will be after he's married. Guess he means me. Technically, I'm not the one withholding anymore. It's him! :lol:
 
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Klearli said:
Oh you lucky ladies, getting sexed up whenever you feel. *sigh*. My SO feels like everything that is wrong in our relationship is because we aren't saved, which means he often feels guilty about the act whenever it *seldomly* happens.

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Are you sure we aren't dating the same guy?!?!?! i kid, i kid lol..... for me however, it's not a matter of being lucky, I feel relieved bc I experience that same level of guilt and that I'm devaluing myself and the relationship. As much as I've dated, I've not been equally comfortable with the sexual activity once in my relationships, so I usually have to drink something to do it... This is also why it's so easy for me to put the reigns on sexual activity compared to other single women. I'm glad not to be in the situation anymore.....
 
evsbaby said:
When your man loves you, seeing you naked never gets old to him.
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I remember my friend telling me about how her SO got mad at her for cooking without any top or bra on. We all just came to the conclusion that yeah he likes to see your body but not all the time.
..not to mention, that its dangerous!


I think how long you wait into the relationship to start having sex ia more important than how often. For example, having sex with your man the first week you know him will change his ability of seeing you as wifey but if you wait six months and have sex with him everyday after that...that shouldn't ruin anything.

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evsbaby said:
When your man loves you, seeing you naked never gets old to him.
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You might want to ask some men about this. I've heard co-workers talking about their wives and saying things like "I wish she'd put a towel on when she gets out of the shower". "Does she always have to brush her hair naked?". "At least put a bra on". :lol: :look: :perplexed How we got on the topic in the first place is entirely different thread...

I know its inevitable for it to change, but I'd like to prolong his thinking my nakedness is sexy for as long as possible. And part of that is making the nakedness "less" available. It doesn't mean I'm sitting here with an abacus checking each time we got down, or I was naked, but I'm conscious of the fact that he is not my husband so he is not entitled to anything beyond my respect and honesty.

I'd rather SO see me putting some thigh-highs on and think "Focus. FOCUS!!" rather than "ehh...just another day". He can think "ehh...just another day" after he's committed to my good, bad and ugly. :lol:
 
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Klearli said:
Oh you lucky ladies, getting sexed up whenever you feel. *sigh*. My SO feels like everything that is wrong in our relationship is because we aren't saved, which means he often feels guilty about the act whenever it *seldomly* happens.

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barbiesocialite said:
Are you sure we aren't dating the same guy?!?!?! i kid, i kid lol..... for me however, it's not a matter of being lucky, I feel relieved bc I experience that same level of guilt and that I'm devaluing myself and the relationship. As much as I've dated, I've not been equally comfortable with the sexual activity once in my relationships, so I usually have to drink something to do it... This is also why it's so easy for me to put the reigns on sexual activity compared to other single women. I'm glad not to be in the situation anymore.....
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Ladies there are 3 of us up in this boat.:lachen:. When SO and I just started out....coloring was on and popping all the time. Dang, dude has stamina. Best.coloring.ever :yawn:. But we are both trying to be good christians so we are trying to hold back on that. His idea really :ohwell:.

When sex was regular, he wasn't losing interest cuz I'm baaad (as in really good :grin:). We hold back now because of the guilt :sad:. I'm ok with it because SO's all in love and amped to marry me and I see him really trying to "do right by me" in all areas of our relationship. He believes if we put God first we'll be fine. He's my snugger bugger and I love him :yep:.

Also, we both know it might be unrealistic to think we'll NEVER have sex pre-marriage again but we're trying dammit :lol:.... taking it one week at a time :look:
 
barbiesocialite said:
this is how I feel about it; I personally consider sex on the regular a wifely duty, until I become a wife I will have self-restraint. Since I am no longer a virgin, I do believe in saving little things for my husband where he will be the first and only. I will say that there is a lot for me and my future husband to look forward to in the sex department. Doing things in increments and working on a earn-reward system (for lack of a better phrase) also applies to my relationships overall. I have nothing against other women's choices but for my own comfort, I move slow as molasses in January, in regards to physical activity and it's never hindered my relationships. I actually find it encourages initiative......
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I'd like to hear more about this... Curiosity has gotten the best of me. :yep:
 
MizzBrown said:
There was a thread on this I think. Some folks have no problem giving up their good-good but they REFUSE to put the crayon in their mouth, go backdoor, or let the crayon do other stuff...:look:

I see it from both sides. You already gave it up, so you want to somehow save more intimate acts for your husband.

However, some say how much more intimate can you be if you already let him in your good-good? You let him in. Your mileage went up 1 mile already. :lol:
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One would think it would be the other way around....lol. I remember hearing stories from my older aunt on how women would do everything but actual intercourse so they could maintain their "respectability" :ohwell:
 
Good arguments ladies. I'm not sure any of these 'games' really matter actually. But whatever makes both parties in the relationship feel respected absolutely works every time.
 
I don't think being naked all the time is sexy either...
LOL reminds me of that Seinfeld episode LOL
 
Sosa said:
Ladies there are 3 of us up in this boat.:lachen:. When SO and I just started out....coloring was on and popping all the time. Dang, dude has stamina. Best.coloring.ever :yawn:. But we are both trying to be good christians so we are trying to hold back on that. His idea really :ohwell:.

When sex was regular, he wasn't losing interest cuz I'm baaad (as in really good :grin:). We hold back now because of the guilt :sad:. I'm ok with it because SO's all in love and amped to marry me and I see him really trying to "do right by me" in all areas of our relationship. He believes if we put God first we'll be fine. He's my snugger bugger and I love him :yep:.

Also, we both know it might be unrealistic to think we'll NEVER have sex pre-marriage again but we're trying dammit :lol:.... taking it one week at a time :look:
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My SO is devoutly Christian and, I was raised in a very strict household and come from an extremely conservative family. Also, even though I identify as agnostic, I value a lot of Judeo-Christian values for marriage/relationships & family so it all goes hand-in-hand for us.

Although I've dated a lot, my sexual history is spotty and not what most people think it is. I've always been a "withholder" for good reasons so there's a lot I havent done. The other day he mentioned that he wants to keep me "clean." :rolleyes: That said, temptation is a mutha.... I don't know if we are going to make it much longer on both ends-- he always wanna see me in lingerie and I always wanna see him with his shirt off because football has his body looking right :look::lachen:
 
Incognitus said:
I'd like to hear more about this... Curiosity has gotten the best of me. :yep:
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Pretty simple: I'm an opportunist. Nothing with me is free. There is a reason for everything I do and every interaction. For various reasons, I'm an extremely guarded person. I never do anything for anyone or am giving of myself just because. That said, no one gets attention from me--let alone sex-- without doing something first to "earn" it. And when you mess up or stop/start doing certain things that don't sit well with me, I'm an indian giver and take it back. If you want me to keep doing something, you have to continuously work for it. A man just can't have what he wants from me, when he wants just because he's used to getting it or even because I just feel/want/desire to do it. My entire life runs like this though, not just sex.

People can judge me if they like, it works for me. I'm not complaining and rarely have a problem creating and sustaining meaningful relationships and friendships.


ETA: I was discussing my current relationship with my ex not too long ago. Evidently what I'm doing now is routine behavior for me because I did it to the ex too. They pointed out that I make people chase me at first, then apparently I use sex to lure people in and once they are trapped or hooked I start withholding :lol:
 
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Hey if it works for you in the way that you want it...keep doing it.
I know many people who follow the 'earned' philosophy.
 
barbiesocialite said:
Are you sure we aren't dating the same guy?!?!?! i kid, i kid lol..... for me however, it's not a matter of being lucky, I feel relieved bc I experience that same level of guilt and that I'm devaluing myself and the relationship. As much as I've dated, I've not been equally comfortable with the sexual activity once in my relationships, so I usually have to drink something to do it... This is also why it's so easy for me to put the reigns on sexual activity compared to other single women. I'm glad not to be in the situation anymore.....
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What's odd is that I notice I am much...nastier now. Like, I kind of have a potty mouth. I almost called my boss the n word. Idk why. It just seemed right. Or, I say explicit sexual things when I used to be much more reserved with my language. I even use profanity sometimes...and its hard to talk better now. I blame it all on lack of coloring.

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Klearli said:
What's odd is that I notice I am much...nastier now. Like, I kind of have a potty mouth. I almost called my boss the n word. Idk why. It just seemed right. Or, I say explicit sexual things when I used to be much more reserved with my language. I even use profanity sometimes...and its hard to talk better now. I blame it all on lack of coloring.

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O see I've always been explicit and borderline offensive with my sexual rhetoric :look: (as well as been a proponent of masturbation)
I've always watched porn too, my homegirl used to say "barbie watches porn like they're cartoons." :lol: With me it's just that actions speak louder than words-- my language and flirtatiousness alludes to sex but the sex I actually have is quite limited. lol Now my SO isnt even tryna hear about it as much because of the clean thing....

forgive me if I'm being intrusive but just out of curiosity, what are you going to do about this with your SO since you want to and he doesnt? Is he waiting for marriage now or something like that?
 
barbiesocialite said:
O see I've always been explicit and borderline offensive with my sexual rhetoric :look: (as well as been a proponent of masturbation)
I've always watched porn too, my homegirl used to say "barbie watches porn like they're cartoons." :lol: With me it's just that actions speak louder than words-- my language and flirtatiousness alludes to sex but the sex I actually have is quite limited. lol Now my SO isnt even tryna hear about it as much because of the clean thing....

forgive me if I'm being intrusive but just out of curiosity, what are you going to do about this with your SO since you want to and he doesnt? Is he waiting for marriage now or something like that?
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Mmm, he's so perfect in every other way I decided to deal with it. Were still intimate...like cuddling and stuff. Just nothing that has to do with coloring. I started documenting our 'encounters' and I see that they happen about every 14 days or so, which I guess isn't thaaaat bad. We talk about marriage a lot, but we really haven't decided for sure since we went through a period of fighting A LOT. And were about to have a child together, so that puts a whole new spin on it. I'm not so free to just ignore him for days when he annoys me.

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Well , here is my experience. Me and my DH have been together 20 years. We have two kids. We have lived together for the last 16 years. We have only been legally married for 2 years. It was me that hesitated. He finally put his foot down stating that we can't be trying to raise kids with moral values and teach them one thing and clearly living another.

Now, he was obviously getting his milk for free. I guess he thought it was so good that he had to buy the cow(lol).

As a general rule, I seldom said no even b4 we were married. He know how to read my moods and he generally respects that. So sometimes he doesn't even make amove even though he probably wants to.
 
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