Giving up the "Mmmhmm good-goods" on the regular

[MsBoinglicious]

"If you get the milk for free then why buy the cow...". I know ya'll heard that expression. lol

Yeah so my question goes to the ladies who are in committed relationships (but are NOT married) who are sexually active with their SO.

Do you feel giving up the Mmmhmmm good-goods on the regular/often will hinder or help your relationship? Why?

 

[barbiesocialite]

Yes, I do regulate how much I "give it up." IMO doing it too much will spoil him, cause him to get too comfortable and complacent because his hunt will be up....

And there def is no, and will be no, hittin it raw unless we're married.... he knows I only believe in hormonal bc after marriage and that I don't believe in single-parenthood for myself so that settles that bit....

 

[Windsy]

If I'm going to hold the goods for ransome them I'm going to hold them for ransome and NOT give it up period....I don't understand how denying myself well-deserved "O" on a regular is going to make him complacent to the point that he won't want marriage.

If a man want to marry you, he'll do it.....whether he's getting rationed cooch, COD (cooch on demand) or no cooch.

I do however believe in NOT doing any and everything; I believe if I'm going to potentially cross moral lines sexually, it will be for when I become his wife and not before.

 

[jennboo]

See, this is tricky.

People rail against shacking up because of the likelihood of complacency, lessening the urgency for the man to propose, and doing wifely things/playing house before the real commitment (ie, the man getting the milk for 'free'). I admit that i sort of feel the same way about sexing all willy nilly before marriage. I wasn't built to abstain til marriage , but at the very least maybe rationing the cooch a la barbiesocialite is a good way to go?

 

[Syrah]

I do what pleases me and I make adjustments when I notice him exhibiting feelings of entitlement or expectation. Too much "good good" is NOT what stops a man from wanting to marry you.

Him feeling entitled to you and all of you (sex included, but is not the only thing) is the problem.

 

[barbiesocialite]

See, this is tricky.

People rail against shacking up because of the likelihood of complacency, lessening the urgency for the man to propose, and doing wifely things/playing house before the real commitment (ie, the man getting the milk for 'free'). I admit that i sort of feel the same way about sexing all willy nilly before marriage. I wasn't built to abstain til marriage , but at the very least maybe rationing the cooch a la @barbiesocialite is a good way to go?

this is how I feel about it; I personally consider sex on the regular a wifely duty, until I become a wife I will have self-restraint. Since I am no longer a virgin, I do believe in saving little things for my husband where he will be the first and only. I will say that there is a lot for me and my future husband to look forward to in the sex department. Doing things in increments and working on a earn-reward system (for lack of a better phrase) also applies to my relationships overall. I have nothing against other women's choices but for my own comfort, I move slow as molasses in January, in regards to physical activity and it's never hindered my relationships. I actually find it encourages initiative......

 

[Ediese]

I'm in a LDR, so it doesn't really apply to me. I will say though that since I live on my own, I've become very comfortable walking around the house naked. lol Since we video chat every night, I had to put a stop to that. After I thought about it, I realize that I don't want him to get too accustom to seeing me in the nude. I could imagine that would get old after a while.

 

[Triniwegian]

I think the sex is just an added bonus.
If I was going to keep my choka as a prize I wouldn't have slept with him in the first place.
I don't think holding out will speed up the process of marriage. Besides, sex is not only for him to enjoy. Why is there this underlying notion of sex being something only the man wants and not the woman?

 

[Windsy]

I think the sex is just an added bonus.
If I was going to keep my choka as a prize I wouldn't have slept with him in the first place.
I don't think holding out will speed up the process of marriage. Besides, sex is not only for him to enjoy. Why is there this underlying notion of sex being something only the man wants and not the woman?

I think this is it!!....I love sex, I want it, me holding out would mean me not getting satisfaction either and like you said, why not just not give it up in the first place....it's almost like a tease....I'd be so frustrated if I was being rationed sex so I wouldn't become complacent.

 

[texasqt]

Can somebody ask a male about this??? Like a brother, cousin, best male friend, etc.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[jennboo]

Conterria and Windsy

I hear what the both of you are saying regarding not wanting to stifle your own pleasure just to discourage complacency on the man's part. But i think about it like this too...at the end of the day, ish gets old...if i want to prolong the excitement and novelty while also getting a chance to learn these men for my own benefit...i am cool with sometimes stifling some of my desires. For example, no matter how much i'd like to see a guy or talk to him on the phone, etc., i will purposely decline a date every so often and either not pick up the phone or talk for like 3 minute before cutting the convo off (even if id like to talk to him til sunrise). Works for me.

Like i said, i won't abstain but i'm not going to give it up all the time whenever he wants it.

 

[Windsy]

@Conterria and @Windsy

I hear what the both of you are saying regarding not wanting to stifle your own pleasure just to discourage complacency on the man's part. But i think about it like this too...at the end of the day, ish gets old...if i want to prolong the excitement and novelty while also getting a chance to learn these men for my own benefit...i am cool with sometimes stifling some of my desires. For example, no matter how much i'd like to see a guy or talk to him on the phone, etc., i will purposely decline a date every so often and either not pick up the phone or talk for like 3 minute before cutting the convo off (even if id like to talk to him til sunrise). Works for me.

Like i said, i won't abstain but i'm not going to give it up all the time whenever he wants it.

I hear ya, but this isn't a guy you are dating.....this is your SO that you've been in a committed relationship with.

If both people are on the same page in the relationship I just don't see how complacency will deter marriage IF that is a mutual goal.

It almost seem like I'm doing Jedi mind tricks just to get him to the altar. It shouldn’t be this difficult if there is a mutual goal.

 

[Triniwegian]

Sex never gets old... If you are worried about that what are you going to do for the 50+ years you are going to be married for?

 

[jennboo]

Sex never gets old... If you are worried about that what are you going to do for the 50+ years you are going to be married for?

I understand. But you have to allow for a diff set of rules and precautionary measures in the very begining of a relationship. The beginning of a relationship is the most tricky part of it, a make or break situation if you will. Kind of like...the most precarious portion of flight is the take-off (and landing) but when you are leveled-off, crusing 30,000 feet in the air in a giant man made bird over the atlantic for 15 hours, not AS precarious. Folks can get up and walk around, stretch their legs, take off the seatbelt, etc.

If i am dating a man and we are in the beginning stages, even after a few months of a bona fide, titled, committed relationship (bf/gf situation....) i'll still ration it off. After years and years, the dynamic between us will be much stronger and different... such that him seeing the same naked body and getting the same goods won't be a huge deal.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I hear ya, but this isn't a guy you are dating.....this is your SO that you've been in a committed relationship with.

If both people are on the same page in the relationship I just don't see how complacency will deter marriage IF that is a mutual goal.

It almost seem like I'm doing Jedi mind tricks just to get him to the altar. It shouldn’t be this difficult if there is a mutual goal.

the same way cohabitation deters marriage more often than not-- which also goes back to "why buy the cow...."

 

[jennboo]

I hear ya, but this isn't a guy you are dating.....this is your SO that you've been in a committed relationship with.

If both people are on the same page in the relationship I just don't see how complacency will deter marriage IF that is a mutual goal.

It almost seem like I'm doing Jedi mind tricks just to get him to the altar. It shouldn’t be this difficult if there is a mutual goal.

But really how often is it that both the man and the woman are on the same page about marriage at the same point in time? Let's be real.

Sometimes you've got to do jedi mind tricks, ha.

I really don't think that men necessarily WANT or CRAVE marriage like lots of women do, i really don't. Like ..."if i'm already getting wife benefits ...i'm cool w/out a marriage license "

 

[barbiesocialite]

But really how often is it that both the man and the woman are on the same page about marriage at the same point in time? Let's be real.

Sometimes you've got to do jedi mind tricks, ha.

I really don't think that men necessarily WANT or CRAVE marriage like lots of women do, i really don't. Like ..."if i'm already getting wife benefits ...i'm cool w/out a marriage license "

The reverse situation also works in a similar fashion. I've been in a situation, and currently sorta in a situation, where I am cool with the way things are but my partner isnt. They know the only way to get me doing anything other than what I'm doing now is to take things to the next level. Problem is, right now, I'm not interested. Maybe in 2 or 3 years, in the meantime I'm kinda stingy (not just sexually, but with my time & attention) which is why is probably why my SO wants to get married and I don't.


EDIT: I'll probably always be this way since I've always behaved in such a pattern with regards to my relationships/friendships etc; so for me it's not really an act of playing games, it's an inherited disposition. It's natural and works for me.

 

[jennboo]

The reverse situation also works in a similar fashion. I've been in a situation, and currently sorta in a situation, where I am cool with the way things are but my partner isnt. They know the only way to get me doing anything other than what I'm doing now is to take things to the next level. Problem is, right now, I'm not interested. Maybe in 2 or 3 years, in the meantime I'm kinda stingy (not just sexually, but with my time & attention) which is why is probably why my SO wants to get married and I don't.


EDIT: I'll probably always be this way since I've always behaved in such a pattern with regards to my relationships/friendships etc; so for me it's not really an act of playing games, it's an inherited disposition. It's natural and works for me.

Right...so your man would likely have to play jedi mind tricks to get you to be on the same page with him right now in regards to marriage .

 

[Renewed1]

I do however believe in NOT doing any and everything; I believe if I'm going to potentially cross moral lines sexually, it will be for when I become his wife and not before.

Windsy I agree with this statement. I reserved a lot of things I wanted to do sexually, because the GOTM (guy of the moment) wasn't my husband. And I want to have some things to just give to hubby not a GOTM.

I know women who feel they should do whatever coloring acts/tricks they want to do; because whomever they marry probably already done it. I disagree with this statement, I know a guy (friend) who said he didn't do a lot of stuff sexually, because he wanted to save something for his wife; considering he did alot of firsts unmarried (kids, house, etc).

 

[kismettt]

you know your man. if he is the type that needs to have sex regulated to get to the alter, and that's fine with you, go ahead.

 

[PinkPeony]

I think this is it!!....I love sex, I want it, me holding out would mean me not getting satisfaction either and like you said, why not just not give it up in the first place....it's almost like a tease....I'd be so frustrated if I was being rationed sex so I wouldn't become complacent.

ITA
Please an O is the least I/HE can do for myself. ONE of the many benefits of a relationship is regular O's with someone that cares for you.

 

[LiftedUp]

I like sex so with my last relationship it was whenever, however. I'm not going to deprive myself of something I love tbh and I don't agree with regulating certain aspects to get him to propose. If a man wants to marry you he will, he also will drop hints like talking about your future together etc. I do draw the line at ironing and cooking cuz hey I'm not your wife lol. However, sex is more than wifely duties it concerns my happiness and joy as well.

 

[PinkPeony]

I hear ya, but this isn't a guy you are dating.....this is your SO that you've been in a committed relationship with.

If both people are on the same page in the relationship I just don't see how complacency will deter marriage IF that is a mutual goal.

It almost seem like I'm doing Jedi mind tricks just to get him to the altar. It shouldn’t be this difficult if there is a mutual goal.

If a dude wants you he wants you.
Neither our sex life nor my Moscato drinking could chase DH away.

 

[NaturalRed]

For everyone that is "rationing the goods", I know a lot of guys believe that married men get less sex from their wives then they did before they were married. Are any of you at all concerned that he's not happy with the amount of sex you're giving him and won't marry you because he knows that it's going to decrease even more once he marries you?

 

[barbiesocialite]

For everyone that is "rationing the goods", I know a lot of guys believe that married men get less sex from their wives then they did before they were married. Are any of you at all concerned that he's not happy with the amount of sex you're giving him and won't marry you because he knows that it's going to decrease even more once he marries you?

no. I know from experience and the legacy of women in my family this is not the case. Actually, I've found the opposite to be true. But again, this is what works for ME and the type of man/relationship I prefer. I'm very traditional and prefer more patriarchal and less egalitarian relationships....

 

[jennboo]

Question:

For the women who are against shacking up because they believe that doing too much too soon/before marriage will prolong a proposal or allow the man to become complacent , (why buy the cow...)

Are you guys also against sex before marriage? Why or why not? and what is the difference?

 

[Lucie]

I don't understand the logic in rationing lovemaking because a couple is not married. I love being with my SO and we have already discussed future plans on being together permanently. IMHO some people think too much and make things so much more complicated than necessary. If you have to be rationing off certain things, where does it end?

When a man wants you (as it has been typed before) nothing will stop him from taking things to the next level. Also, there are men out there looking for more than a penis-holder. They are looking for a woman who can love them, support them, build a life with them, et cetera. Sex is important but not everything.

 

[caligirl]

Windsy I agree with this statement. I reserved a lot of things I wanted to do sexually, because the GOTM (guy of the moment) wasn't my husband. And I want to have some things to just give to hubby not a GOTM.

What kind of things are worth saving for your husband? Are we talking physical things or emotional stuff?

 

[MizzBrown]

Can somebody ask a male about this??? Like a brother, cousin, best male friend, etc.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

I wish we had men on this board with input because we keep asking the same circular questions about how men feel about stuff like sex, wearing wedges, hairstyles, etc. basically putting words in THEIR mouth when we really have no clue.

It helps to have male friends. You get the true perspective.

 

[MizzBrown]

What kind of things are worth saving for your husband? Are we talking physical things or emotional stuff?

There was a thread on this I think. Some folks have no problem giving up their good-good but they REFUSE to put the crayon in their mouth, go backdoor, or let the crayon do other stuff...

I see it from both sides. You already gave it up, so you want to somehow save more intimate acts for your husband.

However, some say how much more intimate can you be if you already let him in your good-good? You let him in. Your mileage went up 1 mile already.