Giving up the goodies early...........

[ebonyhair]

I had a conversation with a male friend (a mental health counselor) at a function last night and he explained to me that he would advise any woman to sleep with a man that shes dating EARLY in the relationship . This way SHE can decide if SHE wants to continue seeing him after that.-Now SHE'S in control.He says that men show thier true colors after sex and sleeping with him early will allow you to figure out what your dealing with instead of wasting several months to sleep with him and find out that he is nothing like the person that he pretended to be. I'm confused!! Has anyone tried this strategy and what was the outcome??

 

[Almaz]

WTF. A woman should KNOW early in the relationship if she wanted to stay with him or NOT. You don't have to sleep with someone quickly. That is the problem now people shagging to early in the relationship to figure out if it is just the sex or do they really LIKE this person and usually when it starts out like that it fizzles.

 

[pookaloo83]

Alot of men are phony until you give up the goods. I agree with what the OP's friend says. My hubby does too. I'm not saying you should sleep with a guy early, but some men will hang around until you give it up and then will never call you again. They got what they wanted and then they move on. Me personally though, I would do it later in the relationship. I don't want to go sleeping around until I find the right one!

 

[ebonyhair]

WTF. A woman should KNOW early in the relationship if she wanted to stay with him or NOT. You don't have to sleep with someone quickly. That is the problem now people shagging to early in the relationship to figure out if it is just the sex or do they really LIKE this person and usually when it starts out like that it fizzles.

He's not saying that a woman should do this to decide if she wants to stay with him or not. He is saying that most men are phony until you give up the goods and this may weed out the phonies.

 

[Almaz]

Yeah I can see that point also but even if you don't decide to give up the goodies. Will they still stick around or leave anyway. Most people send their representatives at the beginning. Maybe I can tell when dudes are just BSing.

I can understand it both ways but man

 

[calmsensual1]

Lest we forget that we can get pregnant?

Bump all that. I'm picky about who I give my goodies to because not all men can be great fathers.

 

[Almaz]

And what about STD's These days is seems like Pregnancy is the LEAST of worries DYING is

 

[calmsensual1]

That too!@almaz

 

[cocopuff]

I had a conversation with a male friend (a mental health counselor) at a function last night and he explained to me that he would advise any woman to sleep with a man that shes dating EARLY in the relationship . This way SHE can decide if SHE wants to continue seeing him after that.-Now SHE'S in control.He says that men show thier true colors after sex and sleeping with him early will allow you to figure out what your dealing with instead of wasting several months to sleep with him and find out that he is nothing like the person that he pretended to be. I'm confused!! Has anyone tried this strategy and what was the outcome??

I have never tried this aproach and I can say that it probably won't happen in the future. A$$ is always the last resort with me.

 

[KiSseS03]

I had a conversation with a male friend (a mental health counselor) at a function last night and he explained to me that he would advise any woman to sleep with a man that shes dating EARLY in the relationship . This way SHE can decide if SHE wants to continue seeing him after that.-Now SHE'S in control.He says that men show thier true colors after sex and sleeping with him early will allow you to figure out what your dealing with instead of wasting several months to sleep with him and find out that he is nothing like the person that he pretended to be. I'm confused!! Has anyone tried this strategy and what was the outcome??

Dang... OP, no offense to you, but I hope your friend isn't giving out this kind of advice to the people he counsels!

 

[Lady S]

I understand what your friend is saying, but I also think he's seeing it from a male point of view. Sex is an emotional connection with a lot of us. And frankly, some of us don't want to give up the goods early on. I'm not going to have sex with a guy as a truth detector if I'm not ready to have sex with him yet. And like other posters have mentioned, what about pregnancy and STDs?

This advice seems to contradict what a lot of other mental health professionals say on the matter.

 

[tocktick]

I'm so highly amused. Imo, his real reason for this thinking is so that he can get the goodies asap. He's quite transparent. Having sex early doesn't really put the woman in control. Imo, you are more likely to know if you have a good man by waiting for a little while because sex will not cloud your judgement of him and and make you overlook things you shouldn't (as so often happens to many). Furthermore, I think some men will lose interest in a woman who doesn't give it up early on (if he's not really interested) and will move on since easy string-free sex isn't that hard to find. I think after a certain time, it gets harder to just have your "representative" turn up each and every time.

I'm not bothered about when a grown woman chooses to sleep with a man (even though I have my own ideas on a timeframe). However, I think she should do it without being deluded about the possible outcome.

 

[Dragone]

Haha, I have plenty of male acquaintances who are perfect angels until they get what they want, or they figure out you will resist beyond their maximum 'timescale'. And then they are assholes. I think it depends on how long your arbitrary 'goodie giving' time is. A guy can keep up a facade just as well for a month as he can for a week. A year...not so much I would presume.

A man who truly respects you as an equal should not care when you sleep with him. If he has some rule about how long it should be if you are a 'lady' then he better knocking some skulls with his homeboys when they take home their upteenth one night stand. I have never understood why some women happily engage men who have obvious double standards between genders.

 

[antisocial]

I can kind of see his point....I think it just depends on your perspective. I personally don't see sex as me "giving up" anything. Sex isn't just for/about men. I think you should do it when your ready...If that happens to be after 2 dates then so be it. So many women seem to think that making him wait will keep him around but that's not always the case.

 

[anon123]

Man, by his advice you'd be having sex with a new dude every month. I guess you can do that if you want, but "it helps me weed out the non-serious men" seems a seriously stupid reason to do it. Especially given that you don't find out how he feels until you've had sex with him. So it's quite easy to think you are being used for sex by a new man every month. This is not likely to give you a feeling of power. As much as I like sex and want men to find me sexually attractive, I do not want to be seen only as an item of sex, as something only to be used for sex, and to constantly not only allow myself to be used, but offer myself to be. Man, his advice is not even to have sex when you want it, it's to have sex early with a near-stranger whether you want it or not. Say what now?

How about this? If you aren't sure if a man just wants you for sex, how about holding off for a little bit? Rather than not having sex *making* a guy stay with you, it gives you some more time to evaluate him and if sex is all he has in mind, he might just move on. Learn to read signs, as most folks do give you signs and some tell you flat out if you're willing to listen. Be willing to listen.

 

[LunadeMiel]

I had a conversation with a male friend (a mental health counselor) at a function last night and he explained to me that he would advise any woman to sleep with a man that shes dating EARLY in the relationship . This way SHE can decide if SHE wants to continue seeing him after that.-Now SHE'S in control.He says that men show thier true colors after sex and sleeping with him early will allow you to figure out what your dealing with instead of wasting several months to sleep with him and find out that he is nothing like the person that he pretended to be. I'm confused!! Has anyone tried this strategy and what was the outcome??

I never in my life thought that I would say this but... I sorta agree.... At least take a peek at the goods before you decide to move ahead... *sigh*

 

[cheetarah1980]

No man is going to stick around indefinitely just to get the goods if he has no intention of being with a woman longterm. Your friend's advice has ulterior motives written all over it and is hardly for a woman's good at all.

 

[heyfranz]

If you're just looking for a good time, why wait if you're really feeling him? if you're looking for long term - wait. You should meet his whole family before sleeping with him, hang out with his friends, your friends, see how he acts in front of everyone.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

WTF. A woman should KNOW early in the relationship if she wanted to stay with him or NOT. You don't have to sleep with someone quickly. That is the problem now people shagging to early in the relationship to figure out if it is just the sex or do they really LIKE this person and usually when it starts out like that it fizzles.

ITA, that guy is a f***in idiot.

 

[sandee1on1]

It sounds like he's giving out faulty advice so he can talk to you.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

He's giving that advice because He's a GUY. Duh. That's how they think. I think having sex early in the relationship puts the ball in their court. If we have sex with them and they are absolutely great, we will prolly start to see the "relationship" (I use that term loosely) through rose colored glasses. We would see things progressing a lot faster than they really are. We will start being nicer and more accommodating to them, while their true colors come out. It just starts a disaster waiting to happen. No thanx.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Nah, that's too much test driving on my behind.

Have sex because you want to, not because you're looking for a certain outcome

 

[calmsensual1]

So, I told someone im seeing about this and here's what he said

"This is true. Weak dudes can't see clearly until they bust a nut"

Then I said its bad advice. and he said:

"its not bad advice, leslie. what he said was true, but it may not have been applicable to you personally. i say separate sex from relationship. if you want to have sex do it safely with someone you respect and care about. a relationship is based on other qualities"

I still say hellllll naw.

 

[TayMac]

Eh...it could work and it could backfire. I just believe in doing it when YOU are ready with no other expectations than a good time.

 

[BotanyGrl]

He's not saying that a woman should do this to decide if she wants to stay with him or not. He is saying that most men are phony until you give up the goods and this may weed out the phonies.

Did he also mention that a huge majority of men will lose respect for you if you sleep with them early? There are many ways to weed out undesirables and giving it up is not the route that I recommend a woman choose.

Sidenote...This is another reason why people need two active parents in their life. Dispensing and listening to advice like this is just reckless.

 

[ebonylocs]

I can kind of see his point....I think it just depends on your perspective. I personally don't see sex as me "giving up" anything. Sex isn't just for/about men. I think you should do it when your ready...If that happens to be after 2 dates then so be it. So many women seem to think that making him wait will keep him around but that's not always the case.

Ummm. I agree about not seeing sex as "giving up" anything to a man. A woman shouldn't ever have sex if she isn't doing it for herself. But this guy isn't making sense. He is not advising women to have sex on their own schedule, when they feel comfortable, when *they* *want* it. He's telling them to have sex early (whether they're ready or not) as some kind of BS detector or truth serum.

Ha. I've never met a guy that was that mysterious and opaque that I needed to use punani to evaluate him. Waiting a little and getting to know the guy works as well, if not better, than any sex truth serum. And what's more, it's safer and less draining emotionally and physically.

So, I told someone im seeing about this and here's what he said

"This is true. Weak dudes can't see clearly until they bust a nut"

Then I said its bad advice. and he said:

"its not bad advice, leslie. what he said was true, but it may not have been applicable to you personally. i say separate sex from relationship. if you want to have sex do it safely with someone you respect and care about. a relationship is based on other qualities".

I don't think this is exactly what OP describe the guy as saying. Not confusing sex with love etc in a relationship. I can dig it. But using sex to see whether or not a guy is a jerk? FAIL. Use your intuition, common sense, and time.

 

[sky_blu]

Nah, that's too much test driving on my behind.

Have sex because you want to, not because you're looking for a certain outcome

Exactly! I think its better to wait to see their true colors not sleep with them to see their true colors. That does NOT put you in control by sleeping with them early, waiting is what puts you in control. Now if you figure there is nothing more there than the physical attraction and you want to go ahead and do something without expections go all out. But if you want something to progress further I would advise not sleeping with a guy early

 

[JinaRicci]

It sounds like he's giving out faulty advice so he can talk to you.

Thank you!! Same thought here- either that or the counselor has become the patient.

 

[Moccaqueen]

So I called a male friend of mine on this one and asked what he thought about it. He said this guy is totally right (WHAT!). He agrees that a guy will be on Ps and Qs until he "gets the booty". He told me that a man can't even see straight because he has sex on the brain (esp if that is all he is out for). There are women out there that he has considered loose for sleeping with men too soon, but it was more because of the way they carried themselves than the act. He and his current GF slept together on the first date and are still together a year later. I have the inside track that she is the one he wants to marry. Now I am confused... like most of you I am not into casual sex, but maybe we are all wrong and the men are right about this one.

 

[calmsensual1]

Thats what my friend said too, but he said WEAK dudes can't see until they bust a nut.