Getting over a first bad break-up

[celiabug]

My boyfriend just broke up with me. Everything was fine up to this day. We were hanging out a few times a week and getting along well. On Thursday we had a little argument because we were supposed to do something but instead he went to his home town. But it wasn't anything serious. But then he ignores me the whole weekend. My texts, calls, everything. Then he texts me saying that he can't be with me. This came out of nowhere to me so its such a shock. I'm not sure what to do concidering this is my first real breakup. I'm hurting like crazy and its effecting my everyday activities. Should I just leave him alone and move on even thought I really feel like I should get some type of explaination? I haven't talked to him since Thursday. Sorry its such along post, I just have no idea how to get over this.

 

[ThickHair]

Leave him alone. Go to a private place and let out that horrible, snotty cry, scream, hollar, call him every name in the book and punch your pillow. Then move on. You may not get any closure and if he tells you anything it may be some BS excuse. Please do yourself a favor and don't expect much. You calling and questioning him will just make you seem desperate and that is not a pretty look.

 

[tyrablu]

((hugs)). Break-ups sometimes are never easy. Give yourself time. Talk to a trusted friend if you need to. It would be best you didnt contact him.

Take time for you, learn from it, and move on.

 

[Etherealsmile]

awww, sorry about your breakup but IA with Thickhair, leave him alone! He's not going to give you any explanations until he's good and ready. You continuing to text and call him makes you appear desperate.

This is the stage where you need to be doing as much as possible, spend time with friends, family, pick up hobbies etc otherwise your thoughts will drive you crazy. The more preoccupied you are, the less time you'll have to dwell on thoughts about him


It will get better

 

[bluevalentine]

If i were in your shoes I would want an explanation too, but it's not going to change the outcome, and IMO it doesn't really make it hurt any less. If i were you I wouldn't call or even question him. Consider yourself blessed and lucky that he didn't string you along because it would hurt even worse if that happened.

Give yourself time to heal and move on to someone you really deserve. Breakups are really painful so I totally get what you're going through, and seeing as though this is your first one I know you probably feel helpless but I promise time will heal

 

[renren]

Sry this happened to you grl.... I agree with the other posters... cry your eyes out in private but dont try to contact him, and if he contacts you 'just to see how you are going'..... BE FINE, dont ask for an explanation. If he wants to 'be friends' thats your call but personally I wudnt want someone that treated me like that around.

Trust me...time heals...just give yourself the space and time you need. ((((HUGS)))))

 

[Crystal]

Leave him alone. Go to a private place and let out that horrible, snotty cry, scream, hollar, call him every name in the book and punch your pillow. Then move on. You may not get any closure and if he tells you anything it may be some BS excuse. Please do yourself a favor and don't expect much. You calling and questioning him will just make you seem desperate and that is not a pretty look.

What she said.

Funny thing is that during the moment, break ups seem like the most devasting thing ever... but when you're older and wiser you won't even halfway remember this guy. Wait until you see him 20 years from now when he's fat, got three kids, one is in jail, he's a grandfather at 35 and he works at Bed, Bath and Beyond unpacking boxes for a living..lol Yes, that's a true story, my HS boyfriend.. I thought the world was coming to an end back then and then I saw his fat *** at BBB looking all greasy and I was just like whoa...

You're in the moment so it's fresh pain but this too shall pass, that I can promise you so do what you have to do now(and you'll do some dumb stuff between now and when you're over him) but learn from it and move on with your life. Good luck! We've all been there.

 

[Syrah]

If you want to ask him, do so. But do it in a constructive manner. "Hey, I understand that you no longer want to continue this relationship. And I'm not asking you to change your mind, I'd just like to know why, for my own information".

And then I'd move on. As another poster mentioned, let yourself, cry and be upset - don't act like you shouldn't be. But put a time limit on the sorrow (say, June 1st?).

Get it out your system and then get ready for the summer. Dating during the summer time is the bessssssssssssst and he's going to miss you in your shorts and summer dresses.

And any dude that will "break up" via text gets the side eye.

 

[Hairsnob]

No matter how bad you want to call him, don't. Instead, you'll need some good girlfriends to listen to you where you can call them each time you get the urge to call.

He is expecting you to do what most girls do after a break up, that is, call him and beg for an explanation. I know you want an explanation (as I would too) but right now he probably doesn't even have one. So don't do what he is expecting you to do. Do the exact opposite and he'll think of you as different from other girls and I bet he'll be ringing your phone soon wondering why you're not calling him.

Guys are stupid but they're smart too. They know you'll be emotional right now so they'll probably avoid you like the plague right now because they really don't want to deal with us when we're emotional. So he'll wait for a few days or weeks for you to be calmed down and I bet he'll come a calling.

My best advice would be is to start journaling and actually pretend you're writing him a letter with all your feelings in it. Don't dare send it though. It really does help and you actually trick your mind into thinking you actually said what you wanted to him.

Good luck and I HTH at least a little.

Hugz!!

 

[Makenzie]

I wouldn't ask him for an explanation. He's moved on. If he were to tell you why that may only lead you to start explaining yourself to him.

Sorry this happened. I say get it out your system, let it go, and move on. Only time you need to remember this hurt is when he comes back trying to sweet talk you. Remembering will keep you from falling for the okie doke.

 

[*CherryPie*]

OP, just move on and take care of yourself. Don't torture yourself by asking him why.

I sounds like he met someone in his home town and wants to be with her. Him breaking plans with you to go to his hometown for no urgent reason....then when he got there, he wouldn't respond to your calls, texts, etc. tells it all. Sounds like she doesn't know about you, and he wants to keep it that way.

 

[celiabug]

Thanks for all the advice.. it really is helping.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Oh man...he'll be back (given you remain quiet) and when he does come back...please do not go back....

 

[natural_one]

I wonder if he seen someone or did something while he was at home...Plus the fact that he cancels plans with you to go home. I think for him he was probably plotting on how to break up with you and used this situation as an excuse. I agree with all the ladies, DON'T call or text him, you will be feeding his ego and making yourself look desperate.

 

[bluevalentine]

Oh man...he'll be back (given you remain quiet) and when he does come back...please do not go back....

that is so true. They ALWAYS try to creep back in there when it's too late. hopefully OP will have moved on by then.

 

[celiabug]

I wonder if he seen someone or did something while he was at home...Plus the fact that he cancels plans with you to go home. I think for him he was probably plotting on how to break up with you and used this situation as an excuse. I agree with all the ladies, DON'T call or text him, you will be feeding his ego and making yourself look desperate.

Hmm. I wouldn't be surprised if he did do something at his hometown because he's always there and ignored me while he was there saying that it was the country and there's no service out there but I'm starting to see now that he's been lying. Obviously.


Sent from my MB200 using Long Hair Care Forum App

 

[Leesh]

Oh man...he'll be back (given you remain quiet) and when he does come back...please do not go back....

ITA with BeautifulFlower, If you do, he'll leave whenever the feeling hits him, because he knows he can, and you'll be waiting when he returns! A man will do just what you allow him to do!

 

[diadall]

I wish I had advice, I too have had my heart broken, but I just want you to know that I hope your pain goes away soon.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

I agree with the other ladies. When a man breaks it off with you, either it's been brewing for a while and he needed an excuse to break it off, or he was holding out for someone better ( perhaps in his home town?); same difference I guess.

What ever the case, leave him alone. Do not call, email, text, facebook, twitter - cut it all off. It may be hard for you but it is worth it. It helps maintain some dignity while this thing boils over.

One or both is guaranteed to happen: He will come calling back (and you will decide how to proceed) - or you will eventually get over him. Just don't contact him. There is no use begging a man who doesn't want you.

 

[Klearli]

I always like rubberband therapy. Put a rubberband on ur wrist...Everytime you want to call or text him, ppull the band and pop urself. For me, that snap was like a little snap into reality

Sent from my T-Mobile G2

 

[smwrigh3]

I always like rubberband therapy. Put a rubberband on ur wrist...Everytime you want to call or text him, ppull the band and pop urself. For me, that snap was like a little snap into reality

Sent from my T-Mobile G2

I like that!

 

[LiftedUp]

This is part of breaking up, the heartache, the crying, the thinking about it. After you go through the process you will feel much better.

Leave him alone though. Trying to contact him will make it only hurt more. Delete him from your contacts if you can't resist the urge to call and cry it out and talk it out. You'll be fine *hugs*

 

[Bmack]

What she said.

Funny thing is that during the moment, break ups seem like the most devasting thing ever... but when you're older and wiser you won't even halfway remember this guy. Wait until you see him 20 years from now when he's fat, got three kids, one is in jail, he's a grandfather at 35 and he works at Bed, Bath and Beyond unpacking boxes for a living..lol Yes, that's a true story, my HS boyfriend.. I thought the world was coming to an end back then and then I saw his fat *** at BBB looking all greasy and I was just like whoa...
You're in the moment so it's fresh pain but this too shall pass, that I can promise you so do what you have to do now(and you'll do some dumb stuff between now and when you're over him) but learn from it and move on with your life. Good luck! We've all been there.

This ish is the damn truth! I agree with all the advice. Babe, take this time to do you, love yourself, get your mind right and you will have moved on in no time.

 

[OhmyKimB]

My boyfriend just broke up with me. Everything was fine up to this day. We were hanging out a few times a week and getting along well. On Thursday we had a little argument because we were supposed to do something but instead he went to his home town. But it wasn't anything serious. But then he ignores me the whole weekend. My texts, calls, everything. Then he texts me saying that he can't be with me. This came out of nowhere to me so its such a shock. I'm not sure what to do concidering this is my first real breakup. I'm hurting like crazy and its effecting my everyday activities. Should I just leave him alone and move on even thought I really feel like I should get some type of explaination? I haven't talked to him since Thursday. Sorry its such along post, I just have no idea how to get over this.

There is nothing I can say to you, but offer you a giant hug. That same thing happened to me last yesterday. It took A LONG TIME, but I can finally say I'm okay to people and not be lying. However I do still get really upset and cry. Just give it time. But I'm soo soo sorry babes, I'm so sorry



ETA: I MEANT LAST YEAR, NOT YESTERDAY

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

*lights up a newport one hunni and since dis man out hea tawkin bout some da world gone end tomorrow, lemme pour me some Remy in a TALL glass*

celiabug - c'mere chile n lemme give u a e-hug cuz u hurtin. Ok, enuff of dat. Now have a seat n pay tention.

*passes celiabug a kleenex n takez a swig of Remy*

Looka hea...lemme tell u a lil sumfin bout boys, him pacifically. See, its summa time n its gittin hot outside so he done up jumped and foud some chick dat prolly got his nose wide open. See, just like most dogs, he done jumped da fence thinkin da grass is greener. What he don't know is dat it aint nuffin in dat yard but some weeds and dug up bones. So once da dog gets finished pissin all ova da yard n markin his territory, he'll jump back in his yard.

Now here is where da tricky part comes in for you.

*takes a puff, notha swig and plucks ash*

Whateva u do, don't call him. Trust me one dis one. No text, emails, nuna dat cuz then you will look desparate. When u do stuff like that, u give the dog power. Don't ever give a man the POWER & SATISFACTION that ur pressed and that you need him, because when u do, he will lose all respect for you.

I know u hurtin, but dont let him live rent free in ur mind or ur heart cuz he aint worth it, specially da way he broke up witchu. Feel me?

*takes anotha puff n swig*

Here is what will happen next. He WILL call u back. Uh huh....sho will...cuz see, like most dogs, he's gonna start scratchin on dat back door tryna git back in da house.

Ball in ur court, but see I wouldn't answer his calls at this point cuz u got control then. Hell u got control now.

Leave him be. Men dont like to be ignored, so when he don't hear from u, he's gonna be like dayum.....i aint heardfrom celiabug. Then he gonna start sweatin you.

Then u make him sweat. Dont and i do mean DONT make it easy for him cuz he hurt u.

Anything worth having takes hard work. When u get it, you'll appreciate it, so u make him work.

*takes a puff n swig*

Then you roll up some newspaper and beat da dog on his nose.

Sorry bastid.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

Oh...waidaminit....block his numba if u can.

If he say its ova, aim to please n give him what he want. Its summatime and its gonna be too many brothas out hea for you to have fun with. Fuggedabouthim and DO YOU.

keep me posted shuga......

 

[ellegantelle]

*lights up a newport one hunni and since dis man out hea tawkin bout some da world gone end tomorrow, lemme pour me some Remy in a TALL glass*

celiabug - c'mere chile n lemme give u a e-hug cuz u hurtin. Ok, enuff of dat. Now have a seat n pay tention.

*passes celiabug a kleenex n takez a swig of Remy*

Looka hea...lemme tell u a lil sumfin bout boys, him pacifically. See, its summa time n its gittin hot outside so he done up jumped and foud some chick dat prolly got his nose wide open. See, just like most dogs, he done jumped da fence thinkin da grass is greener. What he don't know is dat it aint nuffin in dat yard but some weeds and dug up bones. So once da dog gets finished pissin all ova da yard n markin his territory, he'll jump back in his yard.

Now here is where da tricky part comes in for you.

*takes a puff, notha swig and plucks ash*

Whateva u do, don't call him. Trust me one dis one. No text, emails, nuna dat cuz then you will look desparate. When u do stuff like that, u give the dog power. Don't ever give a man the POWER & SATISFACTION that ur pressed and that you need him, because when u do, he will lose all respect for you.

I know u hurtin, but dont let him live rent free in ur mind or ur heart cuz he aint worth it, specially da way he broke up witchu. Feel me?

*takes anotha puff n swig*

Here is what will happen next. He WILL call u back. Uh huh....sho will...cuz see, like most dogs, he's gonna start scratchin on dat back door tryna git back in da house.

Ball in ur court, but see I wouldn't answer his calls at this point cuz u got control then. Hell u got control now.

Leave him be. Men dont like to be ignored, so when he don't hear from u, he's gonna be like dayum.....i aint heardfrom celiabug. Then he gonna start sweatin you.

Then u make him sweat. Dont and i do mean DONT make it easy for him cuz he hurt u.

Anything worth having takes hard work. When u get it, you'll appreciate it, so u make him work.

*takes a puff n swig*

Then you roll up some newspaper and beat da dog on his nose.

Sorry bastid.

Commercial break: I just want to say that I luh me some JerseyGirl advice . Your advice is some "girl thanks, the check is in the mail" advice. You always keep it real. I absolutely loves it!

Ok...you may now resume....

Sent from my PC36100 using PC36100

 

[Miss_Luna]

*lights up a newport one hunni and since dis man out hea tawkin bout some da world gone end tomorrow, lemme pour me some Remy in a TALL glass*

@celiabug - c'mere chile n lemme give u a e-hug cuz u hurtin. Ok, enuff of dat. Now have a seat n pay tention.

*passes celiabug a kleenex n takez a swig of Remy*

Looka hea...lemme tell u a lil sumfin bout boys, him pacifically. See, its summa time n its gittin hot outside so he done up jumped and foud some chick dat prolly got his nose wide open.
Sorry bastid.

The bolded is so true. My ex called me randomly the other day saying that this would probably be his last summer to be single since he's getting older. I was just like uh, ok , why are you telling me? He's like "well I mean, I'm probably going to settle down after this summer."

I'm like that's fine. I won't be waiting for you in September though, after you've slept with half of the female population in Brooklyn.

Celiabug, time heals all wounds. Enjoy your summer. Plan a vacation, start hanging with your friends more. Find things you enjoy doing that will keep you occupied and focused on other things. He will come back, they all do. But as others have stated, don't take him back. He didn't respect you enough to break up with you face-to-face and didn't even give you an explanation. Trust me love, he isn't worth your tears.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

Thank you @visciousdreamr2 - im a lot older than most of yall on dis hea board and i have a daughter too, so it hurts me to see anotha young lady hurt behind these sorry reckless men.

Yall know its gettin hot outside, women wearin skimpy stuff so they out here actin a fool. They're children and aint use to nuffin. But soon as it gets cold out, now they wanna bunn up.

And lemme tell yall sumfin else. I dont care if its a month, 6 months or a year down da line, THEY ALWAYS CALL BACK!! Memba dat.

And when he does call celiabug, I would act like aint nuffin happen. I wouldnt even ask him why he broke up with me or anything. You may want too, but don't cuz see when u act all happy n cheerful, that will mess his head up. Trust me. When u act cool and treat dem hoes real nice, he's gonna sit back and try to figure u out. That is scary to a man cuz he aint gonna know how to take you. He cant figure u out and das what you want. And when you act like that, watch his dumb azzz start confessin. He'll start askin u questions n tellin u stuff without u havin to ask.

Now u got him where u want. You have strategically placed him where u want him and like Janet you are in control chile.

Now u got game cuz now u done flipped da script like he did u without u having to say a word. It was ur actions -- the ignoring and playin it cool. Dont get mad and dont let him see u sweat.

 

[Curlybeauty]

Aint nothing like some operant conditioning

I say go to the gym..major stress reliever.