"Getting In The Way"

[SHEANITPRO]

There are so many single people that are oblivious to what it takes to keep people interested in them. So many of us focus on the absolute wrong thing, that we end up getting in our own way of making a connection. Here’s the thing: just because you have a great resume and look great on paper, doesn’t mean the right person will chase you down or fall into your lap.

If you really think about your last dating mis-adventure, you could probably pinpoint where you went wrong. It’s not always “I picked the wrong person” either. It’s possible that it is you or me. We are sometimes part of the problem and may not know it.

One thing that I have noticed that I do is act very aloof with men that I am interested in. I have had this problem for quite a while and even when I actively try to change it, it seems to be a defense mechanism that kicks in like a knee-jerk reaction.

What do you think is getting in the way for you?

I have noticed that in Atlanta where I live, a man can think that his great car, fly clothes, and a little swagger (that word is not going away, is it?) is enough to make women fawn all over him. Oh, some fawn over him, alright! This is also the same guy that will complain about women who are too materialistic and shallow.

While the single women in Atlanta can boast of their hot looks and gym tight figures, they are happy to turn the heads of gentleman. They showcase their looks and accomplishments but will complain that men don’t take them seriously.

They get upset when they can’t keep a man interested beyond a couple of weeks. They haven’t quite figured out how to capture a man’s imagination and his mind.

So, let’s be honest, what is getting in the way of our dating relationships?

Are you working on things that have impeded you in the past?

 

[tiara76]

one thing i have learned is that being open and yourself will attach people to you like glue...not to mention my charming abilities can easily cross over to manipulation on more of a selfish tip that has one goin crazy so I do conscious checks on myself to make sure that my intentions and heart is in the right place when dealing with males...one of my main issues with relationships with men is that if im completely myself they fall hard and I more so become aloof in order to not hurt them because for years i knew that I wanted to do alot of experiencing and that it would only be a matter of time before I was on my way....one guy intimidated me, my soulmate and me and him are super close today....this year another guy completely threw me off and scared me to death that i tried to withdraw from him...however that didn't work so I just had to go with it....my relationship with myself i realized is what needed to be completely understood before I could/can really be open to something more serious...

 

[aribell]

I realized recently that I allow my concern for not rejecting men who are not what I want to actually keep me from moving on to what I do really want. I can be very passive in relationships and will not assert what I want and ensure that things are going in the direction that I want them to go in. This isn't about chasing men, but rather about not communicating my desires and expectations for the relationship, even when it is not what I am ultimately seeking.

I think that in relationships this makes it feel like there's not really a connection there. I'm not bringing my full self to the table. And if you don't bring your full self, something will always seem like it's missing.

I also have some real ambivalence about serious relationships that has been keeping me in situations that I know won't last long term.

 

[Glamorous_chic]

I realized recently that I allow my concern for not rejecting men who are not what I want to actually keep me from moving on to what I do really want. I can be very passive in relationships and will not assert what I want and ensure that things are going in the direction that I want them to go in. This isn't about chasing men, but rather about not communicating my desires and expectations for the relationship, even when it is not what I am ultimately seeking.

I think that in relationships this makes it feel like there's not really a connection there. I'm not bringing my full self to the table. And if you don't bring your full self, something will always seem like it's missing.

I also have some real ambivalence about serious relationships that has been keeping me in situations that I know won't last long term.

i do the exact same thing. and also like the op i also start to act aloof, when i'm really into someone. definently a defense mechanism. i also tend to be too available and give too much of myself early on, which i know only hinders my progress, b/c there is no "mystery". so, i'll tend to zoom from aloof to overly available once i get the vibe that they are into me.

 

[adf23]

Good thread.