Getting engaged with out a ring....

Nonie said:
LOL Rrrright! That's why Suzie Orman and all those people we go to to learn how to be financially secure are so big in advising folks to buy jewelry. :lachen:
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Say what you want. Doesn't matter because it's true. Every single woman I know who got a decent ring has seen it appreciate in value. Susie Orman deals more with the conservative and traditional financial advice. I wouldn't expect her to advise people to buy jewelry. She doesn't seem to deal with those kinds of people. I dare you to tell someone like Vanessa Bryant that her purple diamond ring isn't an asset. Lol. :lachen::lachen::lachen:
 
Nonie said:
I don't know where you got the idea that anyone thinks any tradition is silly. I did say that rings are fun and OK but it's when people start to treat material things as the be-all-and-end-all of the gesture that I call it BS.

A few years ago some chick so badly wanted a ring of a certain calibre that her fiancé was forced to buy something beyond his means borrowing from their wedding funds just so as to meet his girl's wishes. She wasn't going to settle for anything less, and then she had the nerve to be upset because the wedding was postponed.

And I find it shallow thinking that you assume that the absence of a ring is a red flag that the guy will not be able have financial means to support a life with you. LOL OK, coz investing in a ring in lieu of long-lasting appreciating assets that would ensure a sound future is a sign of good financial sense huh? OOOOKKKK.

I suppose some things start to make sense as you get older so *shrug* enjoy traditions--regardless of whose traditions they are. Now that I think about it, I don't think my grandma wore an engagement ring so whoever decided that certain traditions are the right ones can GTHOOHWTBS. :lol:
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But you are doing the same thing.... Just because I decide that THIS tradition is the right one for ME doesn't make me shallow. And I'd tell you to GTFOOHWTBS if you said it did.

No, I wouldn't consider myself engaged without a ring. DH and I discussed marriage, possible dates, what city to do it in, even interviewed a wedding planner before we got formally engaged. Did I consider my self engaged before 2/16/05 when he got on 1 knee and asking for my hand in marriage ring in his hand? Nope. We were just on the path toward marriage, but not engaged yet. Talk is cheap...personally prefer actions to speak louder than words. Any man can say he wants to marry you, but putting up the $ is usually more difficult for a man that is not really serious. Will a ring guarantee anything? Nope, just like skipping the ring doesn't guarantee anything. It's just my personal preference.
 
^^^^^ We also talked about marriage, date and venus before he actually proposed I also did not consider that to mean an engagement until he got down on one knee and asked.

It's funny because FH actually tricked me and gave me a homemade keychain that said "Marry Me" on it and I said yes instantly.

He pretended to not have a ring, but it was waiting on me when we got home. (He laid a path of rose petals leading to the ring)

During the car ride home I was a little bummed that I didn't have a diamond but I wanted to be his wife more than I wanted a ring.

So if I had to wait another month/year or even just get married without it I was OK with that.


ETA
I agree different people have different traditions/values that are important to them so I think that if an engagement ring is important to someone then I'm sure the person that's doing the asking will take that into consideration before he asks.:yep:
 
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We got engaged without a ring. We were actually out of town visiting his family and just decided we wanted to get married. We did......3 weeks later.:look: If we hadn't decided to get married so soon I would have definitely wanted a ring, though. Fast forward 16 years and I'm on my 4th ring, same DH:lol: I think I may actually keep this one.
 
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Nonie said:
I don't know where you got the idea that anyone thinks any tradition is silly. I did say that rings are fun and OK but it's when people start to treat material things as the be-all-and-end-all of the gesture that I call it BS.

A few years ago some chick so badly wanted a ring of a certain calibre that her fiancé was forced to buy something beyond his means borrowing from their wedding funds just so as to meet his girl's wishes. She wasn't going to settle for anything less, and then she had the nerve to be upset because the wedding was postponed.

And I find it shallow thinking that you assume that the absence of a ring is a red flag that the guy will not be able have financial means to support a life with you. LOL OK, coz investing in a ring in lieu of long-lasting appreciating assets that would ensure a sound future is a sign of good financial sense huh? OOOOKKKK.

I suppose some things start to make sense as you get older so *shrug* enjoy traditions--regardless of whose traditions they are. Now that I think about it, I don't think my grandma wore an engagement ring so whoever decided that certain traditions are the right ones can GTHOOHWTBS. :lol:
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I so agree with you. My grandmother didn't wear an engagement ring either. At that time too, only the women wore wedding bands once married. The men didn't wear rings.
 
@JayAnn0513 so if he couldn't afford the ring or decided that he'd buy you guys a home in both your names instead as the symbol of your plan to get married, you'd scoff at that coz you MUST have a ring?

Also how can you say in the same sentence that a ring doesn't guarantee anything and then also say talk is cheap? Your point? :look: If neither means ish, then the hell?

Monkey see, monkey do is what I see here. And we all wonder why people end up in cults. They are told this is how things must be. And so that becomes their law. Why it's so important, they can't really tell you. Just can't afford to be seen not looking like the Joneses. God forbid people know I claim to be engaged and my man appear too cheap to buy me a ring. I remember another chick venting on a forum about how her man was going to buy her a 1/3 carat ring but she wanted 1 carat. WTF is all that about?

Like I said, rings are fun and OK, but y'all need to get your priorities right. So focused on material things you forget to focus on the important things. And we wonder why marriages just seem like a joke these days.

nathansgirl1908 continue believing that that material thing is the most important thing. I know better. I know people who'd rather have honest-to-goodness love and faithfulness over a ring that can buy the earth. Material things without happiness ain't sh**. I am sure if Vanessa Bryant were asked if she'd rather have a cheating hubby who gives her the earth or a man who's 100% true to the covenant he made to her and never strays, she'd choose the latter unless she's happy about being part of a row of public toilets where Mr can bring in anyone he feels like and not worry about how dirty he leaves her.
 
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I would prefer to even get a $10 ring during a proposal. It would just be more special. Wouldn't be a deal breaker though

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QUEENJAMES231 said:
ETA
I agree different people have different traditions/values that are important to them so I think that if an engagement ring is important to someone then I'm sure the person that's doing the asking will take that into consideration before he asks.:yep:
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This is true. Everyone who cares about someone will seek out to make them happy as best as they CAN. I don't think anyone who really cares would willfully just decide to selfishly not do the best they can to make the one they love smile. But the thing that blows my mind is when the focus is so much on the gesture than the actual covenant it represents.

QUEENJAMES231, you didn't consider yourself NOT ENGAGED because you didn't get a ring. Yes you were disappointed but your focus was on the meaning of what just transpired. You didn't get an attitude and not accept the proposal or consider it null until a ring showed up. Seems there are many who'd not have had your attitude and that's what I find strange.

My friend's neighbor was at home one day when she heard a gun go off. Her hubby was a cop and was upstairs changing to come down for dinner but blew his brains out instead. Why? He felt inadequate and unable to do everything he wanted to for his wife. The economy was bad and everyone was in trouble but that he couldn't continue giving his wife the life he either believed she expected or was worthy of was hard for him to bear. Maybe he feared she'd leave him, but I always wondered why he assumed she'd not understand. Why did he assume she expected any more than he could give or why was his self-esteem was so low? I guess we'll never know. But I'm sure his wife reading the suicide note wished she'd let him know in no uncertain terms how much she appreciates him and how little all that other fluff matters in the light of what they have in their relationship. He did this because he knew his life insurance would provide for her what he couldn't. I don't know if the wife made him feel this way, but it seems we take a lot for granted and just don't realize how important it is to reinforce the fact that people and what we have with them matters so much more than what they can give us. It seems it takes a calamity of sorts like a tsunami for people to realize that having everyone they love having survived it is more important than that home or car or ring they acted like they could not live without.
 
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nathansgirl1908 said:
Most insurance policies don't pay out for suicide. And don't try to blame this woman for this man's selfish act.
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I'm not blaming anyone for anything. Just making a point that we need to stop placing value on the wrong things. The selfish dude had his priorities all wrong. He actually thought that his wife valued things more than having him in her life? I wonder why? Maybe he read posts like these? Maybe he has the same thinking as some of you that Vanessa Bryant is happier about that ring than having a faithful man. Point is, dude killed himself because he doesn't know what is important in life. And neither do many people, it seems.

ETA: Some insurance policies do have a suicide provision that states that if the person covered by the life insurance policy dies as the result of suicide within two years from the policy issue date then any beneficiaries would not be able to collect the death benefit. Otherwise, after the two year suicide provision period, the policy will pay the death benefit to the beneficiaries. So his might have had this provision or he may just have assumed wrong.
 
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My DH gave me a beautiful engagement ring. If he couldn't afford a ring at the time I would have still said yes.


ETA I would never ask to see an engagement ring because not everyone gets one and I don't believe in putting people on the spot.
 
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nathansgirl1908 said:
I don't recall anyone saying anything remotely close to that. Please show me the post where that was states.
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Well the fact that a marriage covenant was broken and all you could say about that was what a great investment the ring she got was leaves room for all sorts of conclusion on what your thinking is. Might be the wrong deduction, but hey, unless you clearly say "I'm not thinking that Vanessa Bryant is happier about a ring than a faithful man" I'm no mind reader so I make my conclusions by the info I have at hand and from what you've posted so far, I'm pretty sure I'm not far off about where your priorities lie.
 
Nonie said:
Well the fact that a marriage covenant was broken and all you could say about that was what a great investment the ring she got was leaves room for all sorts of conclusion on what your thinking is. Might be the wrong deduction, but hey, unless you clearly say "I'm not thinking that Vanessa Bryant is happier about a ring than a faithful man" I'm no mind reader so I make my conclusions by the info I have at hand and from what you've posted so far, I'm pretty sure I'm not far off about where your priorities lie.
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No, you aren't a mind reader. You are also trying to stir up something because I clearly made the reference to Vanessa Bryant within the context of our conversation about rings being assets. Spare me your BS, and don't put words in my mouth. You know nothing about me, and you don't know anything about my priorities.
 
^^ You are right, no one knows anyone else around here so deductions are made by what is posted. So don't be mad coz I made a conclusion that was inaccurate about you If you don't want people making assumptions about you that could be off maybe you should avoid sharing your POV. :look: Otherwise if you really want people to know you, write an autobiography so we can know the real you that you'd like us to know. Otherwise, just decide what you've decided (smart! :up: ): what the truth about you is and dismiss the wrong assumptions and KIM.
 
Nonie said:
@JayAnn0513 so if he couldn't afford the ring or decided that he'd buy you guys a home in both your names instead as the symbol of your plan to get married, you'd scoff at that coz you MUST have a ring?

Also how can you say in the same sentence that a ring doesn't guarantee anything and then also say talk is cheap? Your point? :look: If neither means ish, then the hell?

Monkey see, monkey do is what I see here. And we all wonder why people end up in cults. They are told this is how things must be. And so that becomes their law. Why it's so important, they can't really tell you. Just can't afford to be seen not looking like the Joneses. God forbid people know I claim to be engaged and my man appear too cheap to buy me a ring. I remember another chick venting on a forum about how her man was going to buy her a 1/3 carat ring but she wanted 1 carat. WTF is all that about?

Like I said, rings are fun and OK, but y'all need to get your priorities right. So focused on material things you forget to focus on the important things. And we wonder why marriages just seem like a joke these days.

nathansgirl1908 continue believing that that material thing is the most important thing. I know better. I know people who'd rather have honest-to-goodness love and faithfulness over a ring that can buy the earth. Material things without happiness ain't sh**. I am sure if Vanessa Bryant were asked if she'd rather have a cheating hubby who gives her the earth or a man who's 100% true to the covenant he made to her and never strays, she'd choose the latter unless she's happy about being part of a row of public toilets where Mr can bring in anyone he feels like and not worry about how dirty he leaves her.
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If he can't afford a ring he can't afford to be married. I'm not looking for the freaking Hope diamond. I know more than 1 person who's ring cost less than an iPhone. There is also nothing contradictory about my other statements. Talk IS cheap and nothing is a guarantee. I've been with my husband for over 10 yrs and we take marriage VERY seriously. Our commitment is forever and I'm glad he thought I was worth a ring. You know some of us are lucky like that. I didn't have to choose between true love and a ring. I got both.
 
JayAnn0513 said:
If he can't afford a ring he can't afford to be married. I'm not looking for the freaking Hope diamond. I know more than 1 person who's ring cost less than an iPhone. There is also nothing contradictory about my other statements. Talk IS cheap and nothing is a guarantee. I've been with my husband for over 10 yrs and we take marriage VERY seriously. Our commitment is forever and I'm glad he thought I was worth a ring. You know some of us are lucky like that. I didn't have to choose between true love and a ring. I got both.
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:lol: OK. Not sure what some of the above had to do with the price of eggs, but thanks for sharing, I guess. :up:
 
JayAnn0513 said:
If he can't afford a ring he can't afford to be married. I'm not looking for the freaking Hope diamond. I know more than 1 person who's ring cost less than an iPhone. There is also nothing contradictory about my other statements. Talk IS cheap and nothing is a guarantee. I've been with my husband for over 10 yrs and we take marriage VERY seriously. Our commitment is forever and I'm glad he thought I was worth a ring. You know some of us are lucky like that. I didn't have to choose between true love and a ring. I got both.
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Thank you. I think that's where some of this is coming from. People are pretending that they eschew material things but the reality is that the choice was made for them. Their SO couldn't afford a ring and they just felt they had to accept the proposal without. Being unable to buy a ring indicates that his finances may not be in such great shape.
 
LOL Narrow-mindedness sure is rampant in these parts. Not doing something apparently means poverty and nothing more, huh? And doing something means you're rolling in it, huh? OKKKKK.

What's so funny is in life I find those with hardly talk about it--coz why state the obvious. Those who are all about it tend to need to talk about it.
 
I can't speak for everyone else but I know I don't pretend to eschew material thing at all. I'm not better than anyone else and I know my way isn't the only way.

I also said I was bummed when I thought that I wasn't going to get a ring. I wanted a ring but i just would never say no to marrying the man I love because he didnt present me with one.

I didn't feel like I had to accept a proposal without a ring I choose to say yes because as i said being his wife means more to me than a diamond.

I know that I am trying to finish my first degree and my FH is thinking about going to get his masters. We want a house and to have kids so if I had to wait to get a diamond until after we accomplished those things I wouldn't mind.

Also as I've said different people have different values and traditions that's why this forum is so great we all get to learn about what other women believe in.
 
Nonie said:
LOL Narrow-mindedness sure is rampant in these parts. Not doing something apparently means poverty and nothing more, huh? And doing something means you're rolling in it, huh? OKKKKK.

What's so funny is in life I find those with hardly talk about it--coz why state the obvious. Those who are all about it tend to need to talk about it.
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You are being pretty narrow minded in here yourself. You are also making a lot of assumptions about people based on the question in the OP and basically saying I'm shallow and materialistic because my values are different than yours.

As far as "talking about it" this is a message board, that's what we do here...we talk about things.
 
I want a ring when I'm proposed to. I don't want gifts for my birthday, Valentine's day, Christmas, etc, but I would like an outward token of the covenant we share. *shrug*

The person that proposes to me would be very aware of this.
 
if my SO couldn't afford a ring at the moment..but wanted to propose to me. I would be fine with it. I would be willing to wait (not long tho) for him to come up with the ring.
Him wanting me to be his wife...and wanting us to be together forever on this journey called life. THAT means more to me than some ring.

Perhaps b.c. me and my SO are long distance, i've noticed that some things we would originally care about...we don't anymore. We would be more excited just being 10 steps away from each other everyday...then worry about some big lavish wedding. So maybe that's why my idea of an engagement ring at the moment of proposal doesn't mean too much to me
 
Ya'll are flooring me!! There is no right or wrong in this situation; it's about YOUR personal preference. <sigh>

AS FOR ME, I would like a ring or a gift (down payment for a house or my dream car) symbolizing our promise to marry each other. I was going to give my future fiancee' a gift/ring (after he proposes). Because I feel I should show him a symbolic jester of my promise to marry him as well.

Sidenote: Let's be honest....you can get a diamond/CZ/or other stone rings for about $150 or less.

My ex-friend hubby didn't have enough money to buy her a ring "that she deserves" (his words). So he got her a ring with her birthstone in it for a whooping.....$80 from Jewelry TV.com.

Because it was important to him, to show her he was serious about marrying her. He got MAD RESPECT for it and she was proud of her ring.
 
No. I would never accept an engagement without a ring, if you can't afford a ring then you can't afford to be my provider either. A ring to me signifies a man's commitment and intentions as well as his ability to give me what I want, the only reason I would marry someone would be to elevate my lifestyle so a ring-less proposal would be equivalent to him not being financially capable.

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i will be honest. yes i would love to have a ring or a gift with a formal marriage proposal. i just don't like to assume things and prefer something tangible.
 
I wear rings on ALL my fingers despite being divorced, so people who know probably wouldn't notice the new ring on my "wedding finger". Also, I don't ever want to be proposed to. I'd rather we seriously discuss marriage and decide that we want be with each other permanently. I wouldn't announce an engagement. I'd state that we're going to get married (insert reasonable time period). That's it. I'm super logical and have very little interest in most traditions. If he wants to give me a ring as a token, I'll accept it and probably wear it on a necklace everyday, but I wouldn't expect it. I'm more interested in buying a condo!
 
When I announced my engagement my 10 year old told me mommy its not official without a ring! There you have it from the mouths of babes

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I kinda make a mental note when someone tells me about their engagement and don't have a ring. It has never been my intention to "put someone on the spot" to ask to see the ring, but it's my 1st reaction to congratulate them and my 2nd reaction to look at their left hand. If that is an embarrassment to them, maybe they need to wonder why.
Basically, I think if you're traditional enough to even get married, then you would be traditional enough to expect a ring. This is not directed at any particular person, just saying.
 
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