Getting engaged with out a ring....
- Thread starter vevster
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priceless2608
Well-Known Member
I know of someone who got engaged without a ring, that's because she proposed to him 
Meemee6223
Well-Known Member
I got engaged without a ring. We had been together for so long and one say we just kind of agreed to get married... My dh just doesn't believe in romance... Smh, I love my baby anyway...
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chocolat79
Well-Known Member
If I got engaged, I wouldn't tell anyone until I had a ring. Who wants to be in that awkward position of trying to explain why you don't have a ring?
ETA: I have an acquaintance who's "engaged" without a ring....I usually don't believe it's TRULY an engagement without a ring. I usually think the person is just saying something to save face or just hoping.
ETA: I have an acquaintance who's "engaged" without a ring....I usually don't believe it's TRULY an engagement without a ring. I usually think the person is just saying something to save face or just hoping.
1st time I was engaged without a ring, but no one ever ask to see a ring. I never made a big production out of getting engaged. I just said X and I are getting married next year on Mon\Day and left it at that. I WAS NEVER questioned about my lack of ring. Folks may have thought to themselves, but didn't dare ask where was my ring, but never the less we did get married. We all know plenty of people who have a ring and never get married, so engagement ring or not, all that matters is if you actually do get married. I was never embrassed by the lack of ring or anything. It is all about attitdude and I guess that is why no one questioned me.
We did have wedding bands.
2nd time I was engaged I did receive NICE a ring, but we didn't even get married.
We did have wedding bands.
2nd time I was engaged I did receive NICE a ring, but we didn't even get married.
I guess I am the only person who thinks that question is very personal and rude? If a person doesn't present it to you then one shouldn't ask.
chocolat79
Well-Known Member
I see what you're saying, but you also said you didn't make a big production of it and if you worded it like you said you did (without much enthusiasm it seems, although I can't tell tone on here, just based on how it "sounds" like in my head) or just matter-of-factly, then maybe no one would ask. But if you're all enthusiastic and gushing and you don't have a ring, then I guess I'd be expecting to see a ring
Personally I don't think it's rude, because it's customary in this country to have a ring when you get engaged (generally speaking). AND if someone is telling me they're engaged, then it's generally someone I know well enough to ask to see the ring. If it's someone I don't know well and just happen to be in on the conversation, then I wouldn't ask. But that's just me.
vevster
Well-Known Member
Meemee6223 did you announce your engagement, or quietly get married?
Typically when you announce an engagement folks look for a ring.
Nonie
Well-Known Member
vevster, if you think the people you'll be telling are stuck on seeing rings, then I say keep your bidness to yourself. TBH, I find it pretty superficial and silly that people make rules about so many things...like what an engagement is supposed to look like, how long people are supposed to date before getting married and at which point it becomes "being strung along", at what age people should be married.... Blah blah blah!
IMO what's most important is the commitment to a covenant two people make. All the other fluff is irrelevant IMO and people who worry too much about these things have their priorities all screwed up. Yes, that's MY opinion.
IMO what's most important is the commitment to a covenant two people make. All the other fluff is irrelevant IMO and people who worry too much about these things have their priorities all screwed up. Yes, that's MY opinion.
Nonie
Well-Known Member
@vevster Uhmm... "covenant" IMO doesn't just mean marriage. It means "a promise, a pact, agreement".
"Will you marry me?" is the question asked during a proposal when an engagement ring is to be presented. "Yes" is the answer given to show consent and accord. And after that, the couple call themselves engaged. In other words, you have made an agreement to be married sometime in the (hopefully near) future.
That the world only takes it seriously when they see the ring I consider silly. People act like that ring is what makes it sincere and real, and I call that BS. If people want to exchange rings, fine. If they don't or can't, I say fine again. I find it odd that you know you can get married w/o a ring but don't know you can get engaged w/o the ring. What's the difference? Is one more important than the other? Ms Kardashian had the whole works, engagement ring and wedding ring. Big woo!
IMO tokens are irrelevant. They are fun and OK, but not so important that such a pact would be deemed "non-existent" or be not taken seriously just coz no ring exists.
Nonie
Well-Known Member
LOL@ not that deep. I didn't think it was; but was just answering with what seemed as obviously normal to me as getting married w/o a ring is to you.
I just felt that with the knowledge I have that folks like to see stuff as proof of what you say, that I'd avoid the awkwardness by not saying a thing if he didn't put a ring on it. In fact when people have told me they are engaged, I sorta wait for them to flash the ring. I don't think I've ever said, "Can I see the ring?" Maybe I'm just weird. LOL
I just felt that with the knowledge I have that folks like to see stuff as proof of what you say, that I'd avoid the awkwardness by not saying a thing if he didn't put a ring on it. In fact when people have told me they are engaged, I sorta wait for them to flash the ring. I don't think I've ever said, "Can I see the ring?" Maybe I'm just weird. LOL
nathansgirl1908
Well-Known Member
YOU can call. It BS but the ring is also kind of a reminder that the person is committed about soon to be married.
I see no point in always trying to act as though every tradition or "rule" is somehow silly. That's just a way to continue eroding the boundaries of being engaged and ultimately being married... The same way people say that nonsense about how they don't want to get married if marriage is just a piece of paper.
I dont plan on getting married but when I DID still want to get married, i knew I would not get engaged without a ring. Doesn't matter if it's being sized or not. Have it there when you propose or expect to hear me say, "no." if he doesn't have a ring for me, it raises more than one red flag, the main one being that he may not have the financial means to support a life with me.
I see no point in always trying to act as though every tradition or "rule" is somehow silly. That's just a way to continue eroding the boundaries of being engaged and ultimately being married... The same way people say that nonsense about how they don't want to get married if marriage is just a piece of paper.
I dont plan on getting married but when I DID still want to get married, i knew I would not get engaged without a ring. Doesn't matter if it's being sized or not. Have it there when you propose or expect to hear me say, "no." if he doesn't have a ring for me, it raises more than one red flag, the main one being that he may not have the financial means to support a life with me.
@vevster Uhmm... "covenant" IMO doesn't just mean marriage. It means "a promise, a pact, agreement".
"Will you marry me?" is the question asked during a proposal when an engagement ring is to be presented. "Yes" is the answer given to show consent and accord. And after that, the couple call themselves engaged. In other words, you have made an agreement to be married sometime in the (hopefully near) future.
That the world only takes it seriously when they see the ring I consider silly. People act like that ring is what makes it sincere and real, and I call that BS. If people want to exchange rings, fine. If they don't or can't, I say fine again. I find it odd that you know you can get married w/o a ring but don't know you can get engaged w/o the ring. What's the difference? Is one more important than the other? Ms Kardashian had the whole works, engagement ring and wedding ring. Big woo!
IMO tokens are irrelevant. They are fun and OK, but not so important that such a pact would be deemed "non-existent" or be not taken seriously just coz no ring exists.
Meemee6223
Well-Known Member
vevster yes we told everyone we were engaged. we had been together so long we just didn't care what everyone else thought. we just wanted to get married and that was all that was important. if anyone doubted our engagement they didn't tell us. I really don't see a problem in not having rings... we didn't need to prove our engagement and having a ring doesn't make it any more or less valid imo.
january noir
Sunny On a Cloudy Day
I was engaged without a ring. I got a show dog; Lhasa Apso instead (something I always wanted).
QUEENJAMES231
Well-Known Member
I probably wouldn't tell people (outside of close friends and family) if I got engaged without a ring, but I would have still said yes to FH even of he didn't have a ring when he proposed. I love him and I want nothing more than to be his wife, I just would hate to have to keep explaining to people why I didn't have a ring, it's the first thing people ask to see!
I work in a restaurant and I'm not allowed to wear any jewelry to work but people STILL asked me about it lol. I brought it in just to show everyone, and was so scared I would lose it before I got home
I work in a restaurant and I'm not allowed to wear any jewelry to work but people STILL asked me about it lol. I brought it in just to show everyone, and was so scared I would lose it before I got home
Nonie
Well-Known Member
I don't know where you got the idea that anyone thinks any tradition is silly. I did say that rings are fun and OK but it's when people start to treat material things as the be-all-and-end-all of the gesture that I call it BS.
A few years ago some chick so badly wanted a ring of a certain calibre that her fiancé was forced to buy something beyond his means borrowing from their wedding funds just so as to meet his girl's wishes. She wasn't going to settle for anything less, and then she had the nerve to be upset because the wedding was postponed.
And I find it shallow thinking that you assume that the absence of a ring is a red flag that the guy will not be able have financial means to support a life with you. LOL OK, coz investing in a ring in lieu of long-lasting appreciating assets that would ensure a sound future is a sign of good financial sense huh? OOOOKKKK.
I suppose some things start to make sense as you get older so *shrug* enjoy traditions--regardless of whose traditions they are. Now that I think about it, I don't think my grandma wore an engagement ring so whoever decided that certain traditions are the right ones can GTHOOHWTBS.
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Meemee6223
Well-Known Member
^^^ I totally agree with all of that!!! Couldn't have said it better myself!
Sent from my T-Mobile G2
Sent from my T-Mobile G2
nathansgirl1908
Well-Known Member
Actually the right kind of jewelry IS an asset. And it can appreciate in value. So what are you talking about?
Nonie
Well-Known Member
LOL Rrrright! That's why Suzie Orman and all those people we go to to learn how to be financially secure are so big in advising folks to buy jewelry.
HollyGolightly
Well-Known Member
I was engaged without a ring for the longest time because I couldn't decide which one I wanted.
firecracker
Well-Known Member
Yeah look for it but don't ask where da hell yo ring at my sista
. What if they exchanged tree branches as a symbol of their love and are nonconventional?
january noir
Sunny On a Cloudy Day
Adding ...
I got the dog first and the ring was coming when he was finished with Law school, but I didn't stay engaged long enough. I learned that we were not meant to be and I bowed out.
I got the dog first and the ring was coming when he was finished with Law school, but I didn't stay engaged long enough. I learned that we were not meant to be and I bowed out.