Getting Discouraged ALREADY about going Natural!!!

[Poohbear]

I hope this doesn't offend anyone...

I've been looking at some of the natural hair albums and have been discouraged by what I see (especially the ones that have done the big chop). Some of the pictures of short natural hair are scaring me!

I think in my head, "I dont want my hair to look like that!"

I don't know whether to go natural now just because of some of the pictures or just extend my relaxer for a long period of time.

But I really dont want to go back to relaxing though because I dont want to be doing that for the rest of my life.

Should I texturize or just extend my relaxer for a long time? I've seen some encouraging naturals (like hairlove, silvergirl, and other ones with shoulder length or longer natural hair)...maybe I should stop looking at the albums and do what works best for me...

 

[alliyah4eva203]

this will proberly be the first of many setbacks. you have to hang in there(it's only been 2 days).
what is it excatly you don't like about the pics you have seen

 

[Poohbear]

[ QUOTE ]
alliyah4eva203 said:
this will proberly be the first of many setbacks. you have to hang in there(it's only been 2 days).
what is it excatly you don't like about the pics you have seen

[/ QUOTE ]

some would look unattractive, dry, and unhealthy to me...

 

[alliyah4eva203]

relaxed hair can also have that appearence but it does'nt mean all relaxed hair is like that just like all natural hair will not look like that if you take care of it properly.
dry = proper moisturizing
healthy = take care of it so it will be healthy

 

[BrEE]

have you checked out bublinbrownsuga's photo album?? she transitioned and her hair is the BOMB!!!!!!! she's my inspiration when i plan to go natural(dont know when that is though).

 

[OnceUponAtime]

Re: Getting Discouraged ALREADY about going Natura

I couldn't do the big chop either, but I've also transitioned a few times before (but not as healthily, because I wasn't empowered by knowledgeable women), so I have developed patience.

I think that you would do well. You are actively learning on this board and probably more prepared than I was when I started in July '03. Don't get nervous. I have had no major setbacks during my continuing transition (just one small one because I didn't maintain my genlteness routine for a couple of months). I have nothing but positive things to say about my transition.

 

[Poohbear]

[ QUOTE ]
alliyah4eva203 said:
relaxed hair can also have that appearence but it does'nt mean all relaxed hair is like that just like all natural hair will not look like that if you take care of it properly.
dry = proper moisturizing
healthy = take care of it so it will be healthy

[/ QUOTE ]

I know...I just wanted to vent my thoughts so I can get advice from you all

 

[alliyah4eva203]

Re: Getting Discouraged ALREADY about going Natura

check out these pics. her hair is beautiful
http://f1.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/coffyisis/album?.dir=/CURLY+hair

 

[Poohbear]

[ QUOTE ]
bree said:
have you checked out bublinbrownsuga's photo album?? she transitioned and her hair is the BOMB!!!!!!! she's my inspiration when i plan to go natural(dont know when that is though).

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes I did and I loved her hair too!

 

[chanou]

I did the big chop when I went natural 5 years ago Then again I have a cute round face. If you take care of your hair, it should grow in no time at all. My hair was shoulder length in 2 years time.

The texture of your new growth is way different than what your natural hair will be, so don't look at your new growth and think you're going to have 10 inches of unmanageable texture.

You're on this board, as long as you take care of your hair it will never look unattractive, dry, and unhealthy.

 

[BrEE]

Re: Getting Discouraged ALREADY about going Natura

[ QUOTE ]
alliyah4eva203 said:
check out these pics. her hair is beautiful
http://f1.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/coffyisis/album?.dir=/CURLY+hair

[/ QUOTE ]

MAN, i love her hair. isn't it tenxturized though?? btw where do naturals get those headbands that will make there natural hair stay slicked back like that when they were it in a puff??

 

[Falon]

In your mind what do you want your hair to look like?

If you want your hair to be straight then the relaxer is probably the best way to go.

If you get a texturizer and you want it straight you will have to blow dry it...which will = breakage from heat abuse eventually.

If you want a curly kinky look than a texturizer may be right for you.

Or you can go natural and press sometimes. But if you are going to press all the time then you might as well not do it! The benefits of going natural will be negated by having to press all of the time. Also, there is the hassle of your hair reverting when it rains or you sweat.

But you have to remember that a texturizer is still a relaxer it is just milder in form to retain some of your natural curl pattern. It is still a chemical process. People with texturizers are no more natural than us with relaxers.

I think that you have to have realistic expectations of what you want your hair to look like and how you are going to acheive that look.

You know your hair type. There is nothing that can be done to change that so you have to work within that framework.

And remember that just because relaxing is part of your life and gives you the look you want for now doesn't mean you will have to do it for the rest of your life. You are young yet, and who knows what kind of technology is going to be available in 20 or 30 years!

Good luck

 

[Nay]

Pooh, the beauty of natural hair is that it can and does take on so many different extremes.

If you look at my hair when it is washed and air dried with no products, I look like that Gossamer character in my Avatar. No joke. For years I kind of hated my hair because I thought that it was a pain in the natural butt. It didn't shine. It didn't have soft, touchable waves.

But NOWADAYS I am having a love affair with my hair that you would not believe. My hair is exactly the same, but what changed was my knowledge of how to make my hair do different things.

Don't let a couple pics discourage you. We African-Americans have some multi-faceted hair on our heads.

 

[gabrielle2]

i dont think you are mentally ready for the transition to natural hair. when you are..u will know and be ready for whatever comes to you. u cant base your hair on another's head. that is their hair. just because it appears to look a certain way doesnt mean that it is..nor that your hair will look that way.

anyway, for now, seems that you should keep relaxing. when ever you are ready to make that transition, go for it.

 

[kitchen_tician]

Re: Getting Discouraged ALREADY about going Natura

[ QUOTE ]
bree said:
[ QUOTE ]
alliyah4eva203 said:
check out these pics. her hair is beautiful
http://f1.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/coffyisis/album?.dir=/CURLY+hair

[/ QUOTE ]

MAN, i love her hair. isn't it tenxturized though?? btw where do naturals get those headbands that will make there natural hair stay slicked back like that when they were it in a puff??

[/ QUOTE ]

DITTO, her hair looks great. It's absolutly beautiful and truly healthy. Lots of inspiration.

 

[pookeylou]

I transitioned for 7 months. In the meantime I read alot about natural hair. Looked at tons of albums. It's important to do the mental transition as well as the physical. If you dont...you will expect your hair to look like a texturized look...and then when you see that your natural hair may have a tighter coil...get dissapointed.

It takes time to love your hair as it is...especially if you have been relaxed for along time.

Give it time.

 

[saga_30311]

<thinking, I may be one of the albums she's referring to, but that's ok>

One of the first things a long-term natural shared with me that helped me look at my hair differently was that natural hair has an incredibly different texture than straight hair. In her words "it's like comparing suede & leather. Leather's surface is smooth, and reflects light, so it appears shiny. Suede has a nap, and absorbs light - therefore it appears matte. Natural hair is to straight hair as Suede is to Leather." Man, I wish I could remember who I'm quoting, but I digress...

What appears to be dry, unhealthy and (therefore) 'unattractive' may just be tighly coiled hair that is well-oiled, healthy, well-taken care of - and just nappy & absorbing light. Part of my nappy journey was transitioning my mind, and learning about my natural hair. Your questions/concerns are valid, and this something you should definitely explore. One disclaimer though - it's probably best in the early stages of your journey, to try to get past the "I want hair like _____ (insert lovely Natural sista's name here)" phase. Every nappy head is COMPLETELY different, and you don't want to end up disappointed later.

I can't even front - I'd love for EVERYONE to go natural.

Reality is, not everyone is ready for it.

 

[Armyqt]

Saga, I LOVE your hair. It's so healthy and thick

You're mos def a natural hair inspiration

. Great post.

 

[Poohbear]

chanou- thanks for your comment! That is so true! I have a cute round face too... and a big head!

I shouldn't worry if I already take good care of my hair and have this board for hair advice

Falon- thanks for the advice, put Aaliyah pressed her hair straight all the time, I think every two months or something

Nay- I will try not to let pictures discourage me

gabrielle & pookeylou- thanks for mentioning that it's a mental transition as well as physical. I really dont want to go back to relaxing, i will try not to worry about my hair so much or other people's hair and focus on my goals

 

[jainygirl]

[ QUOTE ]
gabrielle2 said:
i dont think you are mentally ready for the transition to natural hair. when you are..u will know and be ready for whatever comes to you. u cant base your hair on another's head. that is their hair. just because it appears to look a certain way doesnt mean that it is..nor that your hair will look that way.

anyway, for now, seems that you should keep relaxing. when ever you are ready to make that transition, go for it.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree. i think maybe you should wait and see what developes as far as how you feel about natural hair. because the fact is that not everyone has loose curled natural hair. and even if you do have some you may have a patch of nice coils right next to it. you have to be ready to except so much about yourself when you go natural. it's not just cutting off some relaxed ends, it's about excepting who you really are underneath it all. good luck and hope you find something that works for ya

-- jainygirl

 

[gabrielle2]

thats great to hear POOH! i wish you well in your journey..(which ever one you decide) just know..the roads are not always easy. 20 months natural and i still struggle from time to time. i had to learn to appreciate my hair for what it is..and what it does and not look at the next natural haired woman and be mad because my hair isnt as coily/curly or whatever. its truly MENTAL

 

[kitchen_tician]

Pookeyloo, I really like your photos. Your hair seems very moisturized and healthy.

Wow, I wish I had the patience and determination to go completely natural. I tried it and it didn't work for me. I think because I was not ready both mentally and physically as stated by many of you. I wish I had the support of you all when I was in the transition phase and maybe I wouldn't have given up after 7 months. So anky girl you are blessed to have such a valuable resource of strong sisters who are walking in your shoes.

 

[pookeylou]

[ QUOTE ]
Poohbear said:
chanou- thanks for your comment! That is so true! I have a cute round face too... and a big head!

I shouldn't worry if I already take good care of my hair and have this board for hair advice

Falon- thanks for the advice, put Aaliyah pressed her hair straight all the time, I think every two months or something

Nay- I will try not to let pictures discourage me

gabrielle & pookeylou- thanks for mentioning that it's a mental transition as well as physical. I really dont want to go back to relaxing, i will try not to worry about my hair so much or other people's hair and focus on my goals

[/ QUOTE ]

I had a party on Sunday...a natural hair class/party. I wish I knew you then...I wish you lived near me. It was so fun...and the ones that attended said it really helped them.

We talked about transitioning, how to do it successfully, what tools and recipes to use on our hair.

You can do it. Give it time.

Please read "Hair Story"
If you can find it...Get Tekeyah Crystal Kemah's book "Natural Hair/Natrual Woman" It has tons of styles to try during your transition.

Research the chemical makeup of relaxers.

That is a lot of work to do...but after that...let us know how you feel and we can provide even more tips.

Blessings to you...you will reap what you sow with your hair. You watch...you keep treating it right...your hair will show you its appreciation.

Smooches.

 

[Irresistible]

Re: Getting Discouraged ALREADY about going Natura

[ QUOTE ]
pookeylou said:
I transitioned for 7 months. In the meantime I read alot about natural hair. Looked at tons of albums. It's important to do the mental transition as well as the physical. If you dont...you will expect your hair to look like a texturized look...and then when you see that your natural hair may have a tighter coil...get dissapointed.

It takes time to love your hair as it is...especially if you have been relaxed for along time.

Give it time.

[/ QUOTE ] ITA

I belive it takes a strong motivation and strongly embraced convictions (whatever they might be for that person) to go and STAY natural. if you just want hair like someone else, and thats your only reasoning, then you might be in for a huge let down

you have to want YOUR hair natural, and not someone else's, its definitley an interesting and rewarding journey for those that do fully embrace it and stick with it

maybe some of the pics you saw, those ladies are LOVING their hair just as it is and its healthier than ever before....you never know. im sure they are learning their hair and are on their way to a beatiful healthy mane if they stick with it

i can think of a lot of days, if someone would of saw a pic of my hair and based their decision to go natural soley on that...well they might not have

it takes time and its a process, dont even put pressure on yourself, take it one day at at time to figure out whats gonna be best for you

 

[Poohbear]

Pookeylou...where r u from?

 

[pookeylou]

[ QUOTE ]
kitchen_tician said:
Pookeyloo, I really like your photos. Your hair seems very moisturized and healthy. Wow, I wish I had the patience and determination to go completely natural.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thank you so much for the kind words.

I dont know who started the info on "condition washing"...but that TRULY saved my hair during my transition.

Since then Shea butter has been my saving grace. It truly holds the water in my hair...keeps it flexible...my hair stays moist for at least 24 hours. It stays soft...not crunchy. I NEVER went through that "scab" phase that so many go through after they BC. It really stayed very soft.
I drank alot of water...and I soaked my hair in water whenever it asked for it. It truly is the cheapest "product" for transitioning/natural hair.

I knew that I could not feel confident with a severe BC (or a twa)...I needed length. So I planned on transitioning a year. But for some reason 7 months was enough. I think I needed those 7 months to get in my mind what I was going to get at the end of the transition too...

To chop before then..would have frustrated me, dashed any unfounded hopes and I would have returned to relaxing. Which for my hair...would have been disasterous.

 

[Poohbear]

Re: Getting Discouraged ALREADY about going Natura

[ QUOTE ]
Irresistible said:
I belive it takes a strong motivation and strongly embraced convictions (whatever they might be for that person) to go and STAY natural. if you just want hair like someone else, and thats your only reasoning, then you might be in for a huge let down

you have to want YOUR hair natural, and not someone else's, its definitley an interesting and rewarding journey for those that do fully embrace it and stick with it

maybe some of the pics you saw, those ladies are LOVING their hair just as it is and its healthier than ever before....you never know. im sure they are learning their hair and are on their way to a beatiful healthy mane if they stick with it

i can think of a lot of days, if someone would of saw a pic of my hair and based their decision to go natural soley on that...well they might not have

it takes time and its a process, dont even put pressure on yourself, take it one day at at time to figure out whats gonna be best for you

[/ QUOTE ]

I think it is kinda hard for me to stay motivated because I don't have my friends and family to motivate me. I told my boyfriend and he thought I was crazy. My mom was okay with it and when I told my sister about it, she just rolled her eyes. I'm afraid to tell some of my girl friends because they'll really think I'm crazy. But I dont worry about what other people think. I just mentioned that because I think I need the people I care about to motivate and support me. And dont get me wrong...I am someone that likes to take risks and challenges to achieve what I desire. So Im up for this natural hair challenge.

 

[Poohbear]

Re: Getting Discouraged ALREADY about going Natura

pookeylou...whats the password to your transitioning album?

 

[gabrielle2]

Re: Getting Discouraged ALREADY about going Natura

there is a thread on np right now about transitioning in secret. i didnt tell anyone i was going natural. (except for my coworker who overheard me when i finally said it...a former coworker walked in with her natural hair and i said..THATS IT! i am going natural!..and my sis in law who helped trim my hair during the transition) my parents didnt know (even though i was almost 30...i wasnt looking for their support. it was something i wanted to do..and i was going to do it. my mother doesnt like it..who cares? daddy doesnt have anything to say..brothers didnt care for it..still DONT CARE (one of them have a natural wife..but i guess its ok because she has naturally curly hair) its about ME and what i want.

waiting on the stamp of approval never worked for me

 

[pookeylou]

[ QUOTE ]
Poohbear said:
Pookeylou...where r u from?

[/ QUOTE ]

I am in Cincy, Ohio! Where are you?