Getting Back w/ Your Ex

[esoterica]

it seems like a lot of people break up and make up. does it work 2nd time round? would you do it? would it matter who ended it? personally, i'm against the idea. If i ended it, then it was obviously for good reason. If he ended it, well, no way in hell would I get back with a guy that dumped me. Tried it once when i was young and stupid, never again. I still ended up dumping him in the end anyway! BTW, this can be hypothetical.

 

[MzLady78]

it seems like a lot of people break up and make up. does it work 2nd time round? would you do it? would it matter who ended it? personally, i'm against the idea. If i ended it, then it was obviously for good reason. If he ended it, well, no way in hell would I get back with a guy that dumped me. Tried it once when i was young and stupid, never again. I still ended up dumping him in the end anyway! BTW, this can be hypothetical.

I think it really depends on why you broke up.

If it's because certain personality traits and characteristics are lacking, well those things may never change.

But, in the case of me and my older ex, it was just the circumstances at the time that caused us to break up. That's why we're still cool 6 years after the fact. The only reason we never got back together is because we just couldn't be on the same page at the same time.

 

[bluediamond0829]

I would think it depends on the circumstances also.

In my case my ex and I aren't together because we wanted to do different things/goals in life. Would I like for us to be back together, yes in a way. Do i think that we could make it work, maybe. We really didnt communicate with each other and express our feelings to each other. And everything didnt come out until after I moved to another state. But then again I'm sure there is someone out there for me that is alot better and can communicate and take the place of him even though I still have feelings for him. But more likely feelings as a friend.

 

[esoterica]

I think it really depends on why you broke up.

If it's because certain personality traits and characteristics are lacking, well those things may never change.

But, in the case of me and my older ex, it was just the circumstances at the time that caused us to break up. That's why we're still cool 6 years after the fact. The only reason we never got back together is because we just couldn't be on the same page at the same time.

i think in cases like these it's easier to reconcile because the breakup wasn't due to cheating/neglect etc.

 

[esoterica]

I would think it depends on the circumstances also.

In my case my ex and I aren't together because we wanted to do different things/goals in life. Would I like for us to be back together, yes in a way. Do i think that we could make it work, maybe. We really didnt communicate with each other and express our feelings to each other. And everything didnt come out until after I moved to another state. But then again I'm sure there is someone out there for me that is alot better and can communicate and take the place of him even though I still have feelings for him. But more likely feelings as a friend.

definitely. men that can't communicate really are annoying. if i had to move away to find out the truth i would not be too impressed either!

 

[bluediamond0829]

definitely. men that can't communicate really are annoying. if i had to move away to find out the truth i would not be too impressed either!

ITA---thats why i said someone better out there that knows how to communicate and express his feelings....

 

[meaganita]

I usually don't do "take-backs," but I agree that it can depend on the circumstances too. Most of the time I lose interest after the relationship is over, even when the guy wants me back. Other times there might be a feeling of "unfinished business." Sometimes it's worth re-visiting, but most of the time it's best to find closure and move on.

But, currently I'm dealing with the potential of reuniting with someone from my past. We hooked up as teenagers and broke up, but remained close friends as adults. Now that our maturity levels, priorities, and life circumstances have changed, there are some very strong possibilities for the future.....

There are exceptions to just about every rule...

 

[MizAvalon]

I tried it once and it just didn't work. The trust had been completely shattered and there was no way a new relationship could have survived.

 

[Browndilocks]

I've never gotten back with an ex but I've had 1 or 2 try to come back around. I entertained them and went out on a date or something but it just wasn't the same. Kind of awkward actually. I think it would have to depend on the circumstance though. In my case, the exes didn't straight up say that he was trying to get back with me. They'd just start calling and asking me out again as if they were trying to feel what my vibe was before saying anything. erplexed

 

[Misseyl]

Being that I'm a bit older now, I'll say no, no way..Once it's over, it's done. Won't/can't ever be the same again. Finito

 

[Honey6928215]

It depends on the reason why we broke up. If it was mutual then maybe we can try again. But if it's something he did like cheating or him dumping me then HELL NO!

 

[Cloud06]

When it comes to relationships getting back with an is not always best. It depends on the circumstances of why you broke up in the first place. If two ppl can grow together and face any obstacles together, then it may have a chance. In the past some reasons I've broken up with exes was becuz we just grew apart, fianancially, emotionally, or we were into diff. things. Ppl change if you find that ur exes have changed for the better and still tryna holla at you why no back step it may be you soulmate, but if it turns out they bad at their old ways run for the hills! Oh, by the way, I'm new here; hope you don't mind the post. Good Luck!

 

[meia]

I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 3 years a few weeks back. I quickly realized there was too much to be lost if we didn't stay together. So much love to lose, so many beautiful memories that I could never think of sharing with anyone else. The whole time we've been together he's lied, cheated, broken my heart- you name it. Most women would say i'm crazy to be with him (I thought so for a while).... but this time around, so far, is SO dramatically different.

He cares so much for how I feel- he's actually SHOWING that he's changing and giving it so much effort this time around. I can't help but think this time around we've gotten better & grown as individuals (even in such a short, short time). I broke up with him honestly. Even though it was for good reason-- i've noticed that it was all over past things and not over current situations. I was willing to abandon it and he was willing to work with me to fix the deficiency that he helped to create. Its working now... I think its worth it if everyone gets past their respective problems for the growth of both parties and the growth and depth of the relationship

 

[Kurlee]

I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 3 years a few weeks back. I quickly realized there was too much to be lost if we didn't stay together. So much love to lose, so many beautiful memories that I could never think of sharing with anyone else. The whole time we've been together he's lied, cheated, broken my heart- you name it. Most women would say i'm crazy to be with him (I thought so for a while).... but this time around, so far, is SO dramatically different.

He cares so much for how I feel- he's actually SHOWING that he's changing and giving it so much effort this time around. I can't help but think this time around we've gotten better & grown as individuals (even in such a short, short time). I broke up with him honestly. Even though it was for good reason-- i've noticed that it was all over past things and not over current situations. I was willing to abandon it and he was willing to work with me to fix the deficiency that he helped to create. Its working now... I think its worth it if everyone gets past their respective problems for the growth of both parties and the growth and depth of the relationship

thanks for your posting ur story, honestly. I hope this works out for u

 

[meia]

Aww thank you Kurlee!
I'm trying so hard this time. Harder than i've ever tried before....
I think its so worth it if you're willing to look past all of the problems of the past- on both ends....
I'm so hoping this works...

 

[carcajada]

What's done is done. I never reversed myself and what was in store for me to go back to an ex. We're exes for a reason.

 

[FlowerHair]

Well, considering I just got back with my ex I'll vote for it if there aren't any serious problems that I couldn't live with.

I know of many couples that have broken up and gotten back together, and they are still going strong.

For me and my ex, he never stopped calling and wanting to see me etc so there was never a real clean break except for the first 2 months when I didn't want to see him. We never really argued or anything like that. Makes me wonder why we broke up in the first place

 

[lveurslf]

I also think it depends on the situation. I usually try to hang in there until I'm sure he is not the one so I don't have to be on the relationship rollercoaster.

 

[divya]

Undecided. It's not something I've done in the past but I'm considering it right now...

 

[femalegold]

No, it didn't work for me!!

 

[Sojournertruth]

I've gotten back together with an ex once and it was a total disaster. In my case I realized that the reasons why we broke up still existed. But some people have done it and found success.

 

[Poobity]

Nah, that ish ain't gonna happen.

It's at the point the now where I'm like, "Thanks for contributing half the DNA to create our son. We don't have anything to talk about unless it concerns him."

We're civil and cordial with each other, but there's not enough $$$ in the world to make me want to try another relationship with him.

 

[esoterica]

So far about 54% of people would either get back with their ex or consider it. very interesting. women are very forgiving by nature it seems.

 

[Vinyl]

My answer to this question is a ? right now. I got back with my ex after we broke up, but so much has happened between us that sometimes it's hard to get past... plus a whole new wealth of problems popped up. But we still have our good times, so I dunno.

(I hope he isn't reading this. )

 

[FlowerHair]

So far about 54% of people would either get back with their ex or consider it. very interesting. women are very forgiving by nature it seems.

There isn't necessarily anything to forgive...
People part ways for so many reasons other than infidelity and nasty arguments etc.

Honestly, me and my "ex turned SO" never had more than say two big arguments in the 2,5 years that we have known eachother.

 

[erokawa]

I could never be with my ex again, ever. He's stoic, cold, detached... I don't know, no one can really figure it out but there's just something really off about him.

 

[WomanlyCharm]

When my SO and I started dating the first time, we were both young, stubborn, and working to claw our way to the top in our careers. But man, the sparks between us were legendary.
Put together two massive bratty spoiled egomanics and what do you get? Diasater.

Now years later, we're back together, and can look back on those times and say, what were we doing, what were we thinking? We've matured so much and have come to realize a relationship isn't all about mememe...it's about us.

Thankfully there was no infidelity during our first relationship, because that is one thing I will not forgive.

We're both glad we got a second chance to be together. He's my best friend and one of the greatest loves of my life. And if I ever have to let him go again, it will hurt me deeply.

 

[gradygirl]

In my twenties I got back together with my boyfriend after we had been broken up for over a year and now we will celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary tomorrow.

 

[Covergirl5906]

I think it depends on the circumstances surrounding why you broke up in the first place....Overall I really don't think it's a good idea though....pretty soon you start to realize why y'all broke up in the first place

 

[HairQueen]

Well this post is perfect question for me, I just broke up with someone TODAY! (see my thread my 'man' has gone on holiday and not called me).

In my situation I wish so badly in my heart that we could get back together but what would drive me totally insane is if we got back together and he did the same sort of sh@!t to me again, then I would look really STOOPID.

Ever heard the saying 'want want and can't get and get get and don't want'? well that is how I feel about this man. When he had me he didn't really want me and now I am gone he is calling me constantly..