Frustrated from sharing!!!!

[goldensensation]

My mother told me that it wasnt a good idea to tell people what I was doing with my hair to make it healthier. Of course, this was after I had already told a step-cousin of mine.

About 8 months ago, we went over to her house for dinner and she commented on how my hair was looking healthier and getting lengthy. Naively, I began to tell her that I started taking vitamins and before I could tell her about my hair products and regimen, she started ranting and raving about these "magical vitamins". Okay, so 8 months passed and I saw her and her family last wednesday for a lunch...

Before she says hi to me, she goes "OH MY GOSH! Look at your hair! Those vitamins!". I blushed from embarrassment- there was a relative of theirs there that I had never met and my step-cousin was making this "big to do". She was all like "I cant believe it!"... I guess she really couldnt because she started feeling all through my hair (checking for tracks). She then tells this woman that I had never met that years ago, my hair would only grow as short as hers (which was somewhat of a lie) and that she is gonna start taking my "magic pills" so that she can get my magical growth.

AM I WRONG FOR BEING A LITTLE PISSED?

Yes, it is a compliment that she thinks that my hair looks great, but it isnt all about my vitamins. It's about the time that I put into my hair! The products! The care! She just refused to acknowledge that. She can take the vitamins all that she wants and she wont see substantial improvement.

From now on, I wont be sharing unless it is to someone in my immediate family (or on the board

).

Can any of you relate?

 

[CinnaMocha]

Goldensensation,

I think a lot of us on the board can relate. There was a similar thread to this about someone elses own account, and the story always seems to be the same. You try and share your new found wisdom with people who are not willing to go the extra mile as it relates to hair (it is a lot of work, but we all know that it is worth it).

And you are absolutely right about the fact that vitamins alone will not "magically" grow your hair, but that is for her to learn whenever she chooses to be ready.

You will have to decide who you what to share your info with, b/c there are going to be many people who are unwilling to receive it (even if they do see your progress). Keep doing what you doing and keep wowing those folks, one day thay may just get it and begin to it together.

 

[Sassygoddess]

Thanks for the story. Everytime i start telling people about my hair i always come off self obsorb and obsessive. so from now i will keep my secret to myself. if they ask i'll just tell them that i'm just taking better care of it and then end of discussion. no info on regimen or products.

 

[remnant]

From now on, I wont be sharing unless it is to someone in my immediate family (or on the board ).
This is the right decision!
I will add this : I have learned to not tell the good things that are happened or will happen to me (work, marriage, promotion,...) for me and my love ones, it gives me more peace of mind (so much jealous and haters near us)!

 

[Temp101]

hush now we cant tell anyone about our hair

 

[blueabyss333]

I feel you. I've only told my roommate and cousin about this website and what I do b/c they're into their hair a lil (both have armpit to brastrap length hair). I got them both to visit this site every once in awhile, but that's it. I don't tell my immediate family, I just let them watch what I do with my hair and that's it. When I was living at home I didn't even let them see me take supplements b/c I felt I would get too many questions about it and comments I didn't want. They don't really question what I do with my hair because they've seen sooo many different methods and routines since I was about 10 and by now they're used to it. They've seen me cut my hair and grow it back healthily numerous of times so I guess they figure I must know a lil something about what I'm doing.

 

[Supergirl]

Honey, don't worry! The story will finish itself when she starts taking the vitamins, but continues treating her hair as she always has. Perhaps then, she'll understand about your hard work and that there is no such thing as a pill/vitamin that will make your hair grow.

 

[blueabyss333]

Honey, don't worry! The story will finish itself when she starts taking the vitamins, but continues treating her hair as she always has. Perhaps then, she'll understand about your hard work and that there is no such thing as a pill/vitamin that will make your hair grow.

Very true Supergirl Good point.

 

[goldensensation]

Thanks for letting me vent!

It's unfortunate that so many of us have to deal with negativity from people when we are only trying to spread knowledge and give helpful suggestions.

Supergirl- You are *so* right!

 

[bludacious]

Sorry, I really didn't see any negativity. Sound like to me she was admiring your growth. We are working so hard to achieve healthier hair, people are going to notice it. You did tell her you were taking vitamins. Vitamins are good for your hair and your health. If she wants to call them magical, then perhaps she needs to get her some so that she can experience the magic and then she will know that it takes more to achieve healthier hair. Now, I might would have stopped her the moment she touched my hair, but other than that, I probably would have shared with the other ladies my regime for healthy hair and the results that I have experienced. I love to see black women with gorgeous hair.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I kind of agree with blu. . .did you correct her or let her go on believing that there are magical vitamins?

 

[goldensensation]

Bludacious and classimami, I like to see women of color with beautiful hair too, but she irked me. I was polite the whole time and said thank you (as she yanked her grubby little fingers through my hair. lol), but she wouldnt let me elaborate. You ladies know how much hard work we put into our hair. It isnt just the damned vitamins.

I dont think that me being on my red dot had an effect on my response.

 

[Lovelylocs]

Blu and classimami, I think it may have been one of those situations where u probably had to be there to truly feel the attitude of the cousin.

I dont share my hair advice with anyone except for my immediate family either b/c other people wont get it.

 

[bludacious]

Bludacious and classimami, I like to see women of color with beautiful hair too, but she irked me. I was polite the whole time and said thank you (as she yanked her grubby little fingers through my hair. lol), but she wouldnt let me elaborate. You ladies know how much hard work we put into our hair. It isnt just the damned vitamins.

I dont think that me being on my red dot had an effect on my response.

You have gorgeous hair. Yes, we work hard for the healthy hair. I'm sure she did irk you putting her hands in your head. Like I said earlier, I would have stopped her for that. I can't stand people touching my hair so I feel you on that. I am sure the other ladies thought she sounded stupid talking about magical vitamins and I am sure they know it is more to it than vitamins because you have gorgeous hair. Just keep doing what you doing so I can keep admiring your hair.

 

[bludacious]

Blu and classimami, I think it may have been one of those situations where u probably had to be there to truly feel the attitude of the cousin.

I dont share my hair advice with anyone except for my immediate family either b/c other people wont get it.

I am sure it was. But of course we were going on what the original poster posted in her thread.

 

[HairPhoenix]

Yeah, I'm gonna put my 2 cents worth in this!! Check the bottom of my siggy.

I have been forturnate to have supportive family members. We all have different hair types in my family (types 2, 3, & 4) and we all discuss what we do with our hair and it's no big deal. Sure, some of them at times would say that my hair looks like a wig, or looks fake, or looks like doll baby hair after I came from the salon. But it was the way they said it that made it okay. Their words came out of admiration and they were boosting my self esteem. Because they know that outside of our family our hair isn't always well received by others. (Sooo many haters out there!)

There are always going to be haters out there. They may hate you for your hair, your body type, your academic success, your career success, the way you walk, the way you talk, the music that you like to listen to, and so on... But you have to decide to not care what other people think about you and what you do.

As far as sharing your hair care routine, I would keep it to yourself unless you know that person cares. Are they supportive of you and your hair success? Are they genuinely asking for your assistance? Or are they asking what you do in passing and not really interested in your answers?

My aunt told me about LHCF and I asked her what was everyone using. She had to explain to me that there is no single "miracle" product. At that point, I wanted to know more. And that's another thing you will find out there. There are so many women who think that there is just one "miracle" pill or hair product that will work (and that just is not the case) and they don't want to put in any effort beyond one solution.

Sorry you had that bad experience. I know what it's like to be in that position and it must be twice as hard when it comes from a family member.

And sorry for the long rant, going off like Homey the Clown. Peace be with you.

 

[bluediamond0829]

okay like you said let her go ahead and think that your healthy hair just has to do with you taking a "magical vitamin" its overall health...she's not going to get the same results...

but i can see how frustrating that can be with someone putting their hands all up in your hair...

i would never disrespect someone like that...and plus that is really crazy...

 

[Supergirl]

Bludacious and classimami, I like to see women of color with beautiful hair too, but she irked me. I was polite the whole time and said thank you (as she yanked her grubby little fingers through my hair. lol), but she wouldnt let me elaborate. You ladies know how much hard work we put into our hair. It isnt just the damned vitamins.

I dont think that me being on my red dot had an effect on my response.

Well, I gathered that your frustration came from her: first off down playing all of your hard work on your hair and not giving you any credit for that...
and then perhaps she implied that you couldn't grow healthy hair on your own, but that it must be some miracle pill that helped you grow all of your beautiful, long hair.

Am I feeling you?
By the way, I keep my hair business to myself pretty much also. People always ask me what I use on my hair and I don't like that question because again there is no miracle product. They're asking because they'd like to grow their hair out too. I usually end up asking them how often they use curling irons and blow dryers on their hair and then when they tell me I tell them that's where the problem lies and that my hair thrives because I don't use those tools to style my hair. Most aren't willing to stop using their heat appliances or to use them minimally.

 

[taraglam2]

I have learned just to "let them see the progress". A lot of people do not believe we will reach our goals of healthy blunt cut bra strap length or healthy blunt cut waist length hair. That just empowers us to work that much harder and prove them wrong. Just keep up your hard work and she will see that just taking the vitamins is not going to get it, yes her strands may become a little stronger but it does take more than that to reach certain lengths.

 

[hairlover]

Thanks for letting me vent!

It's unfortunate that so many of us have to deal with negativity from people when we are only trying to spread knowledge and give helpful suggestions.

Supergirl- You are *so* right!

black people aren't willing to accept that we can do what other races can do as far as growing hair bsl or longer. when my hair reached bsl, everybody i know proceeded to say, " well, you got that good hair anyway" what?! good hair? what is good hair? i would suggest only telling people who are really interested and for everyone else, tell them what they wanna hear.

 

[SherryLove]

i feel you, goldensen, on folks touching your hair... it's irksome, invasive.......my father's wife constantly touches my hair when she sees me because it is longer each time she sees me...LOL....i know she is feeling for tracks......i cannot stand it, but i have to find a way to tell her to stop without sounding too nasty or hurting her feelings.....

now when folks ask me what i am doing to make my hair grow so much, i tell them i do not cut or trim my hair as often... but that's not enough for some folks.... a lot of them swear the woman who does my hair has magical hands or i am consuming some magical hair growth pills.....this used to irk me a lot, but i have learned to just ignore them......i am not in control of other folks and their thoughts... i am just in control of myself, my thoughts, and how i respond to them....

so, goldensen, as the other ladies responded let her keep thinking it's just from the vitamins you are taking... she will soon find out for herself that there are other factors in maintaining healthy hair and achieving a certain hair length....just keep on doing what you are doing to maintain those beautiful, enviable tresses of yours...