Friendship turned into something more............

[mscurly]

Has anyone ever dated or married someone who you were once just friends with?

I've been friends with this guy for 5 years. We're close we can talk about anything. We've gotten each other through relationship drama, family drama. He's real cool peoples. We never kissed/ colored or anything out side of friendly hugs.

Lately I've been thinking about us being more than friends.

I've had major problems in the dating department. Nothing is working out (thats a whole other thread).

He's cute and he always tells me how beautiful I am but never crosses the line or trys to make a move.

My only problem with him is that he's 32 and still lives at home although he recently paid off his credit card debt and is looking for an apartment. He works at a grocery store as a butcher but he's going back to school.

Lately I realized that I may be too superficial when it comes to dating which is why I think I am having so many problems finding a decent man and getting married.

I tend to go after the good looking, wealthy, successful types but there is always drama with those. Mostly other women and having to beat them off with a stick.

I'm tired of dealing with that so now I'm thinking about this guy who I trust and have an actual connection with past the superficial stuff.

Has anybody else dated a friend and have it work out?

I would hate for it not to work out and lose out on a great friend but then who says it won't work out.

 

[Fine 4s]

Aren't there the type of me. You like with good character?

Wouldn't want you to date him and suddenly realize that he doesn't have what you want and you lose interest.
Can you date multiple men at the same time? That's a popular opinion today, check it out....

 

[GodsPromises]

I have and I am right now. In the past we never lost our friendship even when the relationship didn't work. He was my heart and my son's godfather no matter what happened to us as a couple. Until the day he died we were best friends. We had been friends for 30 years at that time last month. It can work just as long as your are both true ful with each other. We never dated until we were in our late teens early 20's after knowing each other for about 5 years at the time.

As for my present, I can't say if it's going to work out or how it's going to work out as it is just beginning. We have knew each other for 26 years and like you have talked each other out of heartbreak and many life situations. We were like brother and sister. We met when he was a freshman in H.S. and I was a senior. He was always a bratty little brother. We talked once the summer he graduated from H.S. but it never went any further than that summer before he left for college. We were out of touch for the next 17 years until 2007 and then it was brother and sister until last month when I went home for my best friends funeral. We shall see what happens.

 

[mscurly]

Aren't there the type of me. You like with good character?

Wouldn't want you to date him and suddenly realize that he doesn't have what you want and you lose interest.
Can you date multiple men at the same time? That's a popular opinion today, check it out....

I've done the dating multiple men thing but I always tend to have that 1 that I like more than all the rest and then end up catching feelings for dude and something happens.

I'm tired of dating randoms I just want someone I know already and that I am comfortable with.

Me and this guy have talked about dating before but only in the hypothetical. But the problem is since we are friends he knows the type of guys I go out with and he feels like I am not his type.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Has anyone ever dated or married someone who you were once just friends with?

I've been friends with this guy for 5 years. We're close we can talk about anything. We've gotten each other through relationship drama, family drama. He's real cool peoples. We never kissed/ colored or anything out side of friendly hugs.

Lately I've been thinking about us being more than friends.

I've had major problems in the dating department. Nothing is working out (thats a whole other thread).

He's cute and he always tells me how beautiful I am but never crosses the line or trys to make a move.

My only problem with him is that he's 32 and still lives at home although he recently paid off his credit card debt and is looking for an apartment. He works at a grocery store as a butcher but he's going back to school.

Lately I realized that I may be too superficial when it comes to dating which is why I think I am having so many problems finding a decent man and getting married.

I tend to go after the good looking, wealthy, successful types but there is always drama with those. Mostly other women and having to beat them off with a stick.

I'm tired of dealing with that so now I'm thinking about this guy who I trust and have an actual connection with past the superficial stuff.

Has anybody else dated a friend and have it work out?

I would hate for it not to work out and lose out on a great friend but then who says it won't work out.

This sounds like one of my good girlfriends and her man to a T

 

[natural_one]

Are you considering him because you really like him or because you are having trouble finding a good match otherwise?

 

[mscurly]

Are you considering him because you really like him or because you are having trouble finding a good match otherwise?

Honestly maybe a little of both

I've thought about us being a couple off and on over the years but like I said in my original post what bugs me about him is his finances or lack there of.

I never saw myself with a man who makes less than me. I always though I'd marry up

If his finances were better this would be a no brainer.

 

[Foxglove]

A 32 year old butcher who still lives at home? You're better than me

 

[C@ssandr@]

Honestly maybe a little of both

I've thought about us being a couple off and on over the years but like I said in my original post what bugs me about him is his finances or lack there of.

I never saw myself with a man who makes less than me. I always though I'd marry up

If his finances were better this would be a no brainer.

A 32 year old butcher who still lives at home? You're better than me

Some men have potential. He sounds like one of them.

First off, I thought being a butcher required some kind of training. When I say that, it means it's nothing like Mcdonalds where anyone can learn everything in one day . Simply put, his current position has some kind of value...

Secondly, he's paying off his debt. Being a debt free is golden, and he's clearly responsible

Lastly, there is nothing wrong with wanting to "marry up". we women want security. We also want to be able to continue or upgrade our current lifestyle. There is nothing wrong with that at all. We want financial support, they want emotional support. Everyone is happy

If you really really like him, sure, give him a chance. But I wouldn't cross that line if you feel that his status is of the utmost importance. He's not where you'd like him to be in life and you don't know where he's gonna end up if all of his personal goals don't pan out.

 

[Lissa0821]

Years ago I had friendship that turned into something more which in the beginning was great. A lot of the guesswork of getting to know each other did not come into play. But in later stages of relationship when it became clear that we were going in different directions, it was harder to walk away because he was my best friend.

I believe it can work if you both want it to work, but that for any relationship no matter how it starts.

 

[mscurly]

Some men have potential. He sounds like one of them.

First off, I thought being a butcher required some kind of training. When I say that, it means it's nothing like Mcdonalds where anyone can learn everything in one day . Simply put, his current position has some kind of value...

Secondly, he's paying off his debt. Being a debt free is golden, and he's clearly responsible

Lastly, there is nothing wrong with wanting to "marry up". we women want security. We also want to be able to continue or upgrade our current lifestyle. There is nothing wrong with that at all. We want financial support, they want emotional support. Everyone is happy

If you really really like him, sure, give him a chance. But I wouldn't cross that line if you feel that his status is of the utmost importance. He's not where you'd like him to be in life and you don't know where he's gonna end up if all of his personal goals don't pan out.

I decided to keep us as friends. Havent said anything to him about it. Although we jokinly agreed to have a baby together if I'm not married in the next 3 years.

But on a serious note. I think I was just being extra emotional (it was that time of the month) So I always get alittle boo whoo ish like awww I want a man.

Now I'm like let me be realistic. I agree 100% with the bolded. Thats the kind of man I want and used to. After dating sucessful actors, athletes, politicians, lawyers, men who owned property. My friend the butcher just doesnt seem enough. Not to sound like a gold digger cause I hold my own but like you said a woman needs security.

He's a GREAT friend but we'll just keep it that way.

 

[VelvetRain]

Seriously you have been friends with a man for 5 years and just wondering if you should be more than friends. Honey if he truly wanted you you would not have been friends for five years. Men don't waste anytime committing to you when they really want you and see a future with you.

This kills me on the board. Why do women get so wrapped up in the fact that a man may still be living at home? Who really cares? You never know as he may be saving for down payment at home or helping take care of older parents.

 

[Middle]

he doesn't sound like the man for you. i'm thinking the reason why he hasn't made a move is b/c he knows he doesn't have enough financial security to date a woman like you. cuz guys don't keep girls around as friends. which is fine, but what concerns me about that after 5 yrs he hasn't gotten his stuff together enough to approach you... what's wrong with him? he may just be un-fixable.

whatever you do, don't date him cuz he probs puts you on a pedestal, and if you date him when he feels he's not worthy enough for you, that will diminish your value in his eyes.

seriously.

men are weird like that.

 

[mscurly]

Seriously you have been friends with a man for 5 years and just wondering if you should be more than friends. Honey if he truly wanted you you would not have been friends for five years. Men don't waste anytime committing to you when they really want you and see a future with you.

This kills me on the board. Why do women get so wrapped up in the fact that a man may still be living at home? Who really cares? You never know as he may be saving for down payment at home or helping take care of older parents.

Actually its not about whether he wants me. We've had this discussion before and he is attracted to me and would date me but he knows the type of men I go for and he HIMSELF has said he doesn't think he is good enough for me. He tried to be with me when we first met but I WASNT INTERESTED. Plus I know his whole dating history and he is too shy when it comes to women. Chicks on this board and everywhere else automatically assume that every man is aggressive and goes after what he wants. There are a lot of men that are afraid of rejection and won't approach or go after a woman because they are afraid to get shut down NOT for lack of interest. Thats a common misconception.

So honey I'm sorry but what you said couldnt be further from the truth.


And secondly I can't speak for every mans plans but this man 1. Aint saving for a house. I know that cause he is looking to move into a basement apartment not looking to purchase a home in the near future. and 2. His parents aren't elderly or sick. He just had a lot of bad credit card debt.

This ninja problem was that he had dreams of being an actor but couldnt turn anything of it. Since he is one of my best friends I know him very well. He lacks drive and real ambition he is one of those people who talks a good game but doesnt follow through with the action to make it happen.

And thanks because me answering to your post just made me realize we couldnt ever be anything more than friends.

 

[C@ssandr@]

Its great that you can be honest with yourself. It doesn't make you a B-word just because you are used to a certain lifestyle and prefer a man who can support it. There are enough women out there who would support a man like your bff. Hell, there are plenty of women out there who would support a man with nothing, nada, no ambition at all. So why feel guilty? (even though we bash Kangs and Quains on here).

 

[southerncitygirl]

mscurly

i don't even think this guy is worth being a s.o. or a friend with" benefits". even with your friendship keep him at arms length, he will continue to try and wear you down till you give him some or hope that there is a chance for y'all sex or relationship wise.

to be honest when i find out men are messy ( emotionally, professionally, financially, and/or lacking drive/motivation) i don't even keep them in the friend zone...i'm all about being in a circle of like minded, ambitious, positive ppl both male and female.