Friends with the ex

[varaneka]

When your SO is friends with their ex is it a big deal? Are you friends with any of your exes? Does it make a difference to you if that ex of your SO is married? I personally don't befriend exes, so I think I have a bias against those who do. I feel like this bias may or may not be warranted, though. What do you all think?

 

[ThickHair]

Exhusband and I are cool. In the past after the divorce we have gone on some dates, and whatnot. No sex with the ex though. That stopped 6 months before we seperated. He is still close to my nephew. It isn't forced and we DON'T have to be friends because we never had kids together. It isn't for everyone though.

 

[tiara76]

still friends with a few of my ex's...especially my most recent one....I don't mind men being friends with their ex's...esp if they were serious relationships..shows that love is present in his life...its easy to tell if he is still hung up on her or if he just has love for her...if they aren't friends i like when men don't refer to their exe's in a negative light no matter what they may have went thru, take accountability for their own mistakes in the past with women and still wish for the women well...esp if they share any children....men who tend to hold grudges against or talk down about women they have been with speak alot for where they are with themselves and they haven't "let go" yet

 

[FlowerHair]

I don't mind personally, I would think it much worse if he were enemies with his ex.
I think a friendly break-up is the best kind of break-up.

As long as his ex doesn't intrude on our privacy as a couple...I'm good

 

[Kerryann]

I am friends with most of my ex's and i would feel no way about my mate being friends with his

 

[Taliah]

Anti friends with the ex.
Impossible to not talk about your current relationship
and I don't want to hear about it and I'm not into talking about mine.

 

[OneInAMillion]

Anti friends with the ex.
Impossible to not talk about your current relationship
and I don't want to hear about it and I'm not into talking about mine.

This is where I stand. Some people don't know where to draw the line and both of my exes fit in that category. I'm friendly with them, but not necessarily friends .

 

[Triniwegian]

An ex is an ex for a reason IMO.
My SO does not keep in touch with his and I do not keep in touch with mine.
We didn't start out as frineds and I don't see the point of trying to force a friendship after it's all said and done.
And further, I think it's disrespectful to your curent SO to keep in touch with an socialize with someone you used to do the dirrdy-dirrdy with.

 

[KeraKrazy]

I don't think exes can be friends particularly if one or both of you were in love, there's always someone who got the raw deal at the end of it and its not a healthy situation. I didn't stay friends with my ex cos I knew at some point he was gonna move on and so was I, I most definately wouldn't want to hear about his new girlfriend and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want to hear about his replacement either

 

[Lisa]

I'm friends with my ex's but lets be clear how friendly are we talking. When I say I'm friends we will call or email every so often to catch up and when we run into each other we hug and chat for a minute and that is IT!

We are definitely not best friends. We are not talking, texting, or emailing every day, every week, or even every month! I think there is a line.

 

[makeupgirl]

I'm more like an associate with my ex. I mean we will talk on IM and facebook but we don't hang out. I'll ask but it's more on my part. After a while I"m like why, I'm hindering myself for my blessing to come. Plus, my ex and I it always leads to sex and I'm not trying to go against God's word. So, somethings are not worth it. So my ex and I are not friends, we are definitely associates.

 

[ClassicBeauty]

No friends with the ex! When I decided that I was going to marry DH, I changed my cell phone number. Actually, I changed carriers. LOL

I instructed my mother, friends, relatives, etc not to share the number. I'm very close to my ex's mother, but she honored my wishes not to share the number. I don't think I gave it to her until after we were married. DH knows how much I love her, and he's fine with our relationship. My prior relationship lasted over 4 years, and there was just too much tension when I decided to be serious about DH. He tried to be my "friend" but in reality he was just trying to sabatoge and keep me in his back pocket. No thanks!

I'm confident that I made the right decision. I'm pretty sure that we'll bump into my ex at a few weddings this summer. Hopefully there will be no drama and no tension. We're both happy with our individual lives, so we "could" be friends, but I prefer that we just don't.

 

[tiara76]

I don't think exes can be friends particularly if one or both of you were in love, there's always someone who got the raw deal at the end of it and its not a healthy situation. I didn't stay friends with my ex cos I knew at some point he was gonna move on and so was I, I most definately wouldn't want to hear about his new girlfriend and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want to hear about his replacement either

or you were in love and actually grew in it together and just happened to part ways as more evolved people....real love doesn't beat people down

I talk to my exes about current relationships and vice versa....my best male friend is someone i dated before we became best friends...his current girlfriend had a serious issue with it at first and me and her talked about it and now she calls me for advice on her relationship with herself and with the relationship with him.....everybody is growing and evolving

just depends on the people and where they are at with themselves

some people have alterior motives for staying "friends"....some are genuine....gotta be able to see through to people to know the real

 

[biancaelyse]

I am friends with my ex but a lot of things had to be in place for it to work:

• A lot of time has passed and we have both "matured" from when we dated!!
• I am also friends with his wife and she knows I don't want her husband in any way
• My husband is cool with it and he knows I'm not pining after dude
• The 4 of us have decent "couples chemistry" and hang out whenver we are in the same city

 

[brownelovely]

I don't think it's cool to be friends with exes but I could deal with SO's as long as they didn't cross the line. Some have and they got the boot. Sometimes exes don't realize they are the EX and decide to try to overstep their boundaries.

 

[Nyssa28]

It's not my cup of tea.

 

[darlingdiva]

I agree w/ Theo: exes are exes for a reason. I understand that every break-up isn't bitter, but there are some parts of the past that should remain just that--the past.

I don't communicate w/ any exes & neither does my husband. He used to, but I had him nip it in the bud.

 

[Arian]

An ex is an ex for a reason IMO.

Took the words out of my mouth...

 

[varaneka]

so should I tell my guy I don't want him befriending his exes? lol

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

so should I tell my guy I don't want him befriending his exes? lol

That's def up to you...I think before you do anything you should try and get a sense of what type of relationship he and his ex have...I am friends with both of my exes...and one is actually a friend...while the other continues to throw money @ me, tries to make his relationship seem miserable, and tells me he loves me and he sees himself with me in the future n all of statements r unsolicited... completely inappropriate

 

[varaneka]

ok well I'll just wait to find out if his is inappropriate. I'm just glad his ex is married now lol

 

[tinkat]

I guess it depends on the person and their situation. Me personally I am friends with the ex and he is currently "talking" to someone who don't understand the "closeness" that we have. But I think that he has explained it to her and she respects it I guess. Honestly we are in different states but we still communicate, I have nothing but love for him. It is also not like we communicate every single day either. I personally would not be uncomfortable if I dated someone who was cool with the ex. I just think its all about respect and knowing the boundaries. I feel like if my new guy stepped out on me with the ex, it was just not meant to be...it is what it is.

 

[dark_lovely]

or you were in love and actually grew in it together and just happened to part ways as more evolved people....real love doesn't beat people down

I talk to my exes about current relationships and vice versa....my best male friend is someone i dated before we became best friends...his current girlfriend had a serious issue with it at first and me and her talked about it and now she calls me for advice on her relationship with herself and with the relationship with him.....everybody is growing and evolving

just depends on the people and where they are at with themselves

some people have alterior motives for staying "friends"....some are genuine....gotta be able to see through to people to know the real

I agree

 

[kandi1280]

I'd rather errr on the side of caution and let the past remain the past. No hostility, no anger but there is no reason to remain in contact either. Things happen for a reason and if we weren't meant to be, then we weren't meant to be. Many people end up blocking their blessings that way.

 

[julzinha]

I think it depends on how the relationship ends. If it is mutual and doesn't end with someone being cheated on or cursed out, why not still be friends. They could still be a good person and a great friend even though you're not in a relationship

 

[C(squared)]

I don't know. This can be murky territory. If enough time has passed and the feelings are nil, then maybe. But I'm in the same boat with the other ladies, an ex is an "X"! I don't stay too friendly with my ex's...I will be cordial in public but depending on the way things ended, I may just forget about/ignore the person, literally and figuratively. I try to stay away from drama and focus on the future. I have enough friends.

Creolesugarface, if it makes you uncomfortable, I would not hold back. Shoot, you have to sometimes make that be know because holding your tongue can come back to bit you. I hope everything works out for you!

Just my 2 cents.