Former natural in tears..

[PeaceFlow]

Sorry I just needs ome help, I am devastated and my SO is upset for me too because I fear I have double processed.

Whats making me more upset is now that I have stopped talking to one of my closest friends (for other issues) I realised I texlaxed my hair for her because she would ask me why dont I relax it and bring ignorant speech into my house.

I was OK with the first process as it was hardly noticable but reduced to poof but my "friend" couldnt notice and kept on at me to relax every time she saw my fro so I did again with JFM softener, I now have started shedding, have split ends and a bald spot.

The came round shortly after I had it done and forced me to try flat iron on a really high temperature even tho I said no 10 times, asked me to relax it over and over and made allusions to nappy hair. I should have been stronger but having two girls with 3b/c natural telling me to relax had me doubting my natural beauty. At one point she gave me such a disgusted look towards my hair I will never forget and implied my boyfriend would like me better with straight hair even though he didnt want me to process.

Cant stop crying, should I transition or cut it out and be done with it??? How do I become stronger over others opinions next time?

 

[fivetimestwo]

People who are your real friends will accept you as-is...its not thier business what you do with your hair. You need to kick those boop-boops to the curb.

For now I would baby my hair as much as possible to see if it can be saved.

And baby yourself too!

 

[Mook's hair]

Oh my goodness.

I'm so sorry and mad that they pressured you to your breaking point.
They need to get whupped immediately.!
Some friends...sheesh!
I think you should have yourself a good long therapeutic cry.

But know that everything will be alright. it's not the end of the world.
:heart2:I love you.:heart2::heart2:
You are beautiful with natural hair and even with accidentally over-processed hair.


How bad is the damage. maybe you should give it about 2 weeks before you decide. It might not be as bad as you think.

 

[sunshinelady]

Was your first relaxer a lye or no lye?

And, sweetie, never let anyone force you to do anything. You are a grown *** woman!

 

[cmesweet]

Sorry you are going through this.

Here is some info to help you


1. Those girls do not do your hair, they do not live with your hair.
2. If YOU like your hair that is what matters
3. Those girls do not speak for your man
4. Where are these girls now? THey are no where to be found while you are down and feeling bad. This was a hard lesson to learn, but THEY WERE NOT YOUR FRIENDS .

 

[SoAnxious12]

Wow, first and foremost.. a real friend wants the absolute best for you, and will accept you for who you are and not what SHE THINKS you should be like! Second, i think you should learn from this and begin to truly learn and accept your hair... your not going to get anyone else's hair/texture. Most important of all, and this is something i'm learning too... No ONE can FORCE YOU TO DO ANYTHING!(with special exceptions) It's usually a mental decision (known or unknown) ... for example, couldn't you have achieved a straight/looser look with rollersets,weaves,flat irons and other types of "set" styles...

FOr now i hope you do everything you possible need to do to feel better and have a whole new outlook after you've healed some... it'll get better!
p.s if she ever gives you that "disgusting look" towards your hair again... you have my permission to smack her... lol j/k

 

[Transformer]

First breathe...that's it breathe!

Second, life isn't all about the hair! There are your daughters and many other factors that is a lot more important than hair. So let's put things in perspective.

Third, we do what we can for our hair!

My suggestion is to do a really good deep condition...at least 30 minutes with cap under hair dryer, wash with good moisturizing shampoo and braid hair in large braids (no extensions to rob moisture) for next two weeks. Hopefully the hair will normalize and return to the correct ph level.

Now, Dr. Lee is in the house! Tell me why did you listen to your friend? Why was her opinion more valued than your own? Why didn't you trust your own instincts? Mmmm was texlaxing something that you really wanted to do also deep down? Finally, if this was such a really good friend....valued judgement and such, what category of sin could she have possible done to stop you two from speaking?

My good friend....we didn't speak for three weeks and that was in May 1993....we now talk EVERYNIGHT even when I lived in Germany and Japan. Our friendship was worth saving...how about yours? What was the fight about.....? Her husband won a big financial judgement. I told her she no longer needed to feel guilty about leaving him when he was down and out. He now had money which was "buying her release." Let him have it all and walk away from it. She didn't...still miserable...but I don't give spousal advice anymore either.

 

[Duchesse]

I'm sorry you had to go through this. Echoing everyone else, those ladies are not true friends if they felt the need to denigrate you and your appearance. (heffas!)

Hopefully you will decide what is best for you and your hair..take this as a lesson in building up your self confidence so others opinions will not sway you as much.

 

[Guapa1]

Wow AutumnLuv, I'm so sorry to hear that hun.

I'm glad you're not talking to that person anymore. I'm not going to call her your friend, because she isn't and wasn't.

However real talk hun, she couldn't convince you to do it if you really didn't want to. The way to be strong against people like that is loving your hair 100% and believing in yourself.

As for cutting or transitioning. Your upset now, don't think of that now. Wait for a little while and then make your decision. I'm going to PM you my number and if you want to vent just text me and I'll call you.

 

[MissJ]

Sorry I just needs ome help, I am devastated and my SO is upset for me too because I fear I have double processed.

Whats making me more upset is now that I have stopped talking to one of my closest friends (for other issues) I realised I texlaxed my hair for her because she would ask me why dont I relax it and bring ignorant speech into my house.

I was OK with the first process as it was hardly noticable but reduced to poof but my "friend" couldnt notice and kept on at me to relax every time she saw my fro so I did again with JFM softener, I now have started shedding, have split ends and a bald spot.

The came round shortly after I had it done and forced me to try flat iron on a really high temperature even tho I said no 10 times, asked me to relax it over and over and made allusions to nappy hair. I should have been stronger but having two girls with 3b/c natural telling me to relax had me doubting my natural beauty. At one point she gave me such a disgusted look towards my hair I will never forget and implied my boyfriend would like me better with straight hair even though he didnt want me to process.

Cant stop crying, should I transition or cut it out and be done with it??? How do I become stronger over others opinions next time?

And you listened to this "friend" because...?

Were you trying to do the technique that Naturallady (StillAlady) did?

 

[JustKiya]

I wouldn't call those 'women' friends by any stretch - sound more like enemies to me, talking bad about you, disrespecting your beauty, and trying to stir up trouble between you and your man? AND they don't know when no means no?
Hells nawh, sis - you for real might wanna step back and see what kinda 'friends' they really are - sound like crabs, to me.

The shedding and splits ends is most likely your hairs reaction to the double processing - it's stressed, stripped, and dry, dry, dry. I did something similar - but it was bleach and dye instead.

You need protein treatments, deep conditioning, and I would suspect a reconstructer.

Not really familiar with relaxers, but I think you wanna start with the reconstructer, then DC's a day or two after that, then 2 weeks later, a protien treatment, and then repeat that cycle.

Hopefully a more relaxer wise sis will come in and share more...

 

[PeaceFlow]

Thank you so much

I have calmed down now, had a bit of a breakdown because I am disapointed in myself for going down that road of starting to doubt myself. I have been natural most have my life and have fallen for the oldest crap in the book. I am 23 and it was my decision and only mine I can see that now, i miss my lovely hair (here it goes )

I had a funny history with that friend as she used to bully me at school sometimes about physical things but I decided to forgive, third time shame on me. I just feel weak right now thinking about how proud I was before, hope I can stop worrying in general.

Right now its looking like Im going to chop it off probabaly as I fell like reconnecting and getting back to myself and my SO supports me. Thanks for listening ladies.

 

[ladylibra]

Thank you so much

I have calmed down now, had a bit of a breakdown because I am disapointed in myself for going down that road of starting to doubt myself. I have been natural most have my life and have fallen for the oldest crap in the book. I am 23 and it was my decision and only mine I can see that now, i miss my lovely hair (here it goes )

I had a funny history with that friend as she used to bully me at school sometimes about physical things but I decided to forgive, third time shame on me. I just feel weak right now thinking about how proud I was before, hope I can stop worrying in general.

Right now its looking like Im going to chop it off probabaly as I fell like reconnecting and getting back to myself and my SO supports me. Thanks for listening ladies.

and when you chop it off, make sure you tell those b*tches your hair was dry and splitting and falling out all over the place. i'd not only make them feel guilty but use it as a way to make them understand THIS is why i keep my hair natural.

dang why am i encouraging you to lie to people... well it's halfway true right?

and from now on, if your friends wanna see you with straight hair, tell them to buy you a wig... only on the condition that they wear a fro wig at the same time.

 

[hopeful]

I think you've learned your lesson. I think bc'ing will be very therapeutic for you, a fresh start, and it makes a statement about how you feel about yourself and your natural hair. The first time I bc'd, I relaxed about 6 months later, it took me awhile to realize I had done it because of the way my mother looked at my natural hair. She didn't say anything but it was just the way she looked at me, like she was so disappointed. Fortunately I ended up bc'ing again and started over. If I ever relax or texturize again it will be because I want to, not because anybody else wants me to. We all make mistakes, the key is to learn from them, and quickly as possible.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

So sorry you had to go through this, as the saying goes "With friends like them, who needs enemies".

 

[cupcakes]

oh my gosh i am so soorrry this happened to u
i dont think that girl was a friend at all she was probally jelous of ur natural hair..and wanted u to ruin it.
i agree that maybe u should start over fresh with a cut
and STAY AWAY from the haterz

 

[Soul♥Flower]

oh my gosh i am so soorrry this happened to u
i dont think that girl was a friend at all she was probally jelous of ur natural hair..and wanted u to ruin it.
i agree that maybe u should start over fresh with a cut
and STAY AWAY from the haterz

That's what it sounds like to me. Some people are not comfortable with individuality and just aren't happy until you do what they think is right. The good news is that now you can either start all over again and reaffirm what you already know, that hair or no hair...you are beautiful! With all the information on this site alone, you'll be able to get your hair back in shape in not time. ((hugs))

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Good googa mooga gal! I'm sorry about this setback

I'm not sure how your 'friends' were able to sway you to put perm in your hair and to straighten it on such a high heat. Going forward you are going to have to put your big girl panties on and let that ish go in one ear and out the other.

Do you really think you will need to cut it? Maybe you can get some braids and let your hair just do what it needs to do for the next few months. Don't do anything drastic. I am sure any issues can be camoflouged while it goes back to what it was before.

 

[SUZIEq]

Sorry this happened to u. We have to learn our life lessons when they come to us. In this case we see that no one can make decisions for us- we are soley responsible for our happiness (no matter what decisions or choices we make in our lives). Like others said take some time to think on things and ask the universe for answers. The decisions/choices about what to do with your hair will become clear.

 

[sharentu]

with friends like this you dont need any enemies. they just helped you damage your hair sis. ((hugs)) i am sure someone has given you some good advice to reverse the damage. you are beautiful dont let anyone tell you differently...

Sorry I just needs ome help, I am devastated and my SO is upset for me too because I fear I have double processed.

Whats making me more upset is now that I have stopped talking to one of my closest friends (for other issues) I realised I texlaxed my hair for her because she would ask me why dont I relax it and bring ignorant speech into my house.

I was OK with the first process as it was hardly noticable but reduced to poof but my "friend" couldnt notice and kept on at me to relax every time she saw my fro so I did again with JFM softener, I now have started shedding, have split ends and a bald spot.

The came round shortly after I had it done and forced me to try flat iron on a really high temperature even tho I said no 10 times, asked me to relax it over and over and made allusions to nappy hair. I should have been stronger but having two girls with 3b/c natural telling me to relax had me doubting my natural beauty. At one point she gave me such a disgusted look towards my hair I will never forget and implied my boyfriend would like me better with straight hair even though he didnt want me to process.

Cant stop crying, should I transition or cut it out and be done with it??? How do I become stronger over others opinions next time?

 

[2grlsandme]

Thank you so much

I have calmed down now, had a bit of a breakdown because I am disapointed in myself for going down that road of starting to doubt myself. I have been natural most have my life and have fallen for the oldest crap in the book. I am 23 and it was my decision and only mine I can see that now, i miss my lovely hair (here it goes )

I had a funny history with that friend as she used to bully me at school sometimes about physical things but I decided to forgive, third time shame on me. I just feel weak right now thinking about how proud I was before, hope I can stop worrying in general.

Right now its looking like Im going to chop it off probabaly as I fell like reconnecting and getting back to myself and my SO supports me. Thanks for listening ladies.

I was very saddened to hear this has happened to you. My mom always told me "1st time your fault, 2nd time my fault!" We all have moments where we are weak but learn from this and move on. You have an opportunity to start over. Even though alot of us want faster results regarding our hair IT IS NOT A RACE. There is no prize for reaching "floor length" or whatever your goal is. Hair growth is a fringe benefit the main lessons we learn from this site is getting to know ourselves and how to take better care of the bodies GOD has given us.

PeaceandLove

 

[PeaceFlow]

^^ I have no idea whats happened. I have never heard any hair type talk from my family or other close friends.
After I decided to grow the fro I went to the hair dressers for braids and the stylist slipped relaxers into the conversation (because I know she wanted to relax my hair lol) and I found it amusing mostly.

Call me naive but I wasnt expecting it from a friend who dont have my type, especially times when they would make their hair into a loose curled afros and I would compliment then vice versa my fro gets none lol, mixed messages. We have a strange dynamic, this is the same one who uses the term "pretty for a Black girl" accidently.

I was blind and now I see, just hope its not too late to rescueerplexed

 

[hopeful]

^^ I have no idea whats happened. I have never heard any hair type talk from my family or other close friends.
After I decided to grow the fro I went to the hair dressers for braids and the stylist slipped relaxers into the conversation (because I know she wanted to relax my hair lol) and I found it amusing mostly.

Call me naive but I wasnt expecting it from a friend who dont have my type, especially times when they would make their hair into a loose curled afros and I would compliment then vice versa my fro gets none lol, mixed messages. We have a strange dynamic, this is the same one who uses the term "pretty for a Black girl" accidently.

I was blind and now I see, just hope its not too late to rescueerplexed

It's never too late, think positive! Either you will revive your hair, cut it gradually or bc, either way, you will have a head full of beautiful, healthy hair again.

 

[Christa438]

Thank you so much

I have calmed down now, had a bit of a breakdown because I am disapointed in myself for going down that road of starting to doubt myself. I have been natural most have my life and have fallen for the oldest crap in the book. I am 23 and it was my decision and only mine I can see that now, i miss my lovely hair (here it goes )

I had a funny history with that friend as she used to bully me at school sometimes about physical things but I decided to forgive, third time shame on me. I just feel weak right now thinking about how proud I was before, hope I can stop worrying in general.

Right now its looking like Im going to chop it off probabaly as I fell like reconnecting and getting back to myself and my SO supports me. Thanks for listening ladies.

She only switched from bullying you physically to Verbally bullying you and picking at you. IMO she was not a true friend and she probably showed you that in more ways than one which is why you not speaking to her. Good for u. Don't Worry about your hair right now. It will be okay and you will feel proud again. This is your hair and your journey to reach your goal/s. It has to be your way. Ya know we got yo back.

 

[FlowerHair]

Like other said, true friends don't behave like that...

It's only hair, and it will grow out and possibly be even healthier than before now that you're here with us and have access to all this great information!

 

[SouthernTease]

Was your first relaxer a lye or no lye?

And, sweetie, never let anyone force you to do anything. You are a grown *** woman!

Yeah... ditto on that.

 

[Choklatekiss79]

I'm sorry this happened sweetie. I think going forward the only way to stand up to this kind of nonsense is to develop a deeper love for who you are and your own beauty. No one can do that for you. Also it would help if you surround yourself with positive people who really care for and appreciate you for who you are.

Look at it as a learning experience. This will make you stronger for the next time you're faced with this type of thing. chin up!

 

[PeaceFlow]

Thank you Hopeful, Christa, Flower hair, ST, CK

The breakage and shedding has slowed down at last, I used a no lye both times which must have dried my hair right out.

 

[SleepyJean]

Drop that girl!!! She's not a friend and is most likely JEALOUS! I've had ex-friends like that.

 

[laketta]

You do not need ignorant friends like that. I say take this eperience as a learning lesson and nurse your hair back to health. This is a prime example of how pressure from your peers can go wrong. Concentrate on conditioning.