Torn!!!!!!!! Natural or Relaxed......I dont know what I want

[Hidden_Angel]

I don't know if I want to relax my natural hair or keep it natural!


I'm so lost right now and I've been craving to relax it so I can cut off these rough ends but at the same time I'm loving my 4aish curls!

Help!!!!!!! Should I relax or leave it be?

 

[meecee]

Giiiirrrrlllllll I'm in the same boat. Right now I'm going to force myself to wait it out a few months and see if I still want a relaxer. I'm going to wait till the summers over to get it flat ironed (pointless right now cuz its been more than 90 degrees everday for the past few weeks where I am). In the meantime I'm going to try some braids, a weave, anything to keep myself from doing anything drastically permanent.

How long have you been natural? Maybe the feeling will pass for you.

 

[lnhair]

I think that you should weigh the pros and cons of being relaxed and do the same for being natural. Why can't you cut off the rough ends that you have without being relaxed?

 

[Hidden_Angel]

close to a year now! But I want to relax it but at the same time I love my curlly hair! I damged my hair by blow drying it so iv pretty much lost all curl to my hair! I really dont know what i want to do.......*sigh*

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I was in the same boat about a week or so ago. Just remember, the creamy crack looks tempting, but you will have to start relaxing now on a regular basis. Plus you are now going to be dealing with chemicals. Just hold out and really think about it. I wanted to perm so bad but I'm now glad I didn't. Give it a few weeks then revisit your feelings.

 

[sunshinelady]

I think you read my "Natural Story" post. Every natural will want to get a relaxer when you get to ear length. Consider getting a wig and starting some intensive conditioning treatments to see if you can improve your natural hair. If after that, you still want to relax, then go for it.

 

[Bint Yusef]

I getting my hair put in braids next week just because of this. I need to hide my hair for a while so I wont be so obsessed with it. I will probably start doing presses more regularly after the braid break.

 

[Hidden_Angel]

I'm ear length and I do have the urge to touch that creamy crack!.....

I might just go bald and start all over again... It well put me 6 months behide but I think I might need a fresh start all together

 

[glamazon386]

I'm ear length and I do have the urge to touch that creamy crack!.....

I might just go bald and start all over again... It well put me 6 months behide but I think I might need a fresh start all together

Are you still DCing missy?

 

[Hidden_Angel]

Are you still DCing missy?

Yes. But my hair has gotten a about 50% better but one the other hand it still looks crappy! I talked to Angie10 on the phone and she said i should try and clarify it once again and see how things go. I'm going to I pray my hair bounced back if not I'm cuttin!

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Maybe U just need a trim. If U do wanna relax and keep your curls, you can always texlax. Hope U find the answers U seek.

 

[SEMO]

Maybe you should "try out" straight hair for awhile by flat ironing. This will allow you to see yourself with straight hair and let you know it you might really prefer straight hair to your curls. Just make sure you use a good heat protectant (I can personally recommend Biosilk).

 

[meia]

HONESTLY i'll let you in on what I considered when I went natural:

NATURAL
PRO: I save money on haircare entirely. I don't need to spend any money but on products.
PRO: I don't have to have my ends burned and crunching off in my hand when I run my hand through my hair.
PRO: If I go into the rain, forbidding any frizzies, I don't have to worry about straightening anything again and having to deal with that mess
PRO: I can finally enjoy my hair as it is soft and even though I have my bad hair days it's just so much easier to manage
PRO: It helps to make me look different instead of looking like most people in my family
PRO: I can really control the styling without feeling like I need much assistance
PRO: More natural hairstyles take and can be incorporated more easily than ever
CON: There will probably be days where my hair gets badly knotted or when the texture changes and although it might be hard to deal with, I can work through it better than I could if my relaxed hair was knotty
CON: Sometime the hair can be dry and brittle even still so it does require a load of babying of course
CON: There are days where I get so frustrated and just want to take a perm to the hair but that can't be helped- sometimes there are just bad days
CON: You can't use heat at all because your hair will get singed (mostly depending on hair type but in my experience it can be a problem)
PRO: 7
CONS: 4


RELAXED
PRO: The styling is incredible and sexy- having straight hair blowing in the wind is just incredible...sigh
PRO: Having straight hair gives you a reason to pamper yourself and go to the salon and take good care of yourself
PRO: Straight hair is generally more accepted professionally and does tend to equate to a more polished look to most although I dont always agree
PRO: Relaxed hair provides for better styling options so far as cut and color
CON: Stylists rarely know what they are doing and thus good ones are hard to find- and so you're looking at having your hair mostly done THE OPPOSITE of how you like

CON: My edges fall out very easily and aided in receeding my hairline
CON: My hair ends get brittle and require so much more care and treatment
CON: My hair would shed so much more than it should and then I was used to
CON: Does anybody really know the effects of all those chemicals anyways?
CON: I would get scaly scalp after and it would give me dandruff which I didn't have naturally
CON: Relaxing hair is really a physical imposibility when you are pregnant because of the chemicals so its best to get me away from that now in case

PRO: 4
CONS: 6

The results spoke more than volumes for myself and thats why today i've been natural for almost a full year somehow..... best decision I could've ever made. HTH!

meia

 

[SEMO]

HONESTLY i'll let you in on what I considered when I went natural:

NATURAL
PRO: I save money on haircare entirely. I don't need to spend any money but on products.
PRO: I don't have to have my ends burned and crunching off in my hand when I run my hand through my hair.
PRO: If I go into the rain, forbidding any frizzies, I don't have to worry about straightening anything again and having to deal with that mess
PRO: I can finally enjoy my hair as it is soft and even though I have my bad hair days it's just so much easier to manage
PRO: It helps to make me look different instead of looking like most people in my family
PRO: I can really control the styling without feeling like I need much assistance
PRO: More natural hairstyles take and can be incorporated more easily than ever
CON: There will probably be days where my hair gets badly knotted or when the texture changes and although it might be hard to deal with, I can work through it better than I could if my relaxed hair was knotty
CON: Sometime the hair can be dry and brittle even still so it does require a load of babying of course
CON: There are days where I get so frustrated and just want to take a perm to the hair but that can't be helped- sometimes there are just bad days
CON: You can't use heat at all because your hair will get singed (mostly depending on hair type but in my experience it can be a problem)
PRO: 7
CONS: 4


RELAXED
PRO: The styling is incredible and sexy- having straight hair blowing in the wind is just incredible...sigh
PRO: Having straight hair gives you a reason to pamper yourself and go to the salon and take good care of yourself
PRO: Straight hair is generally more accepted professionally and does tend to equate to a more polished look to most although I dont always agree
PRO: Relaxed hair provides for better styling options so far as cut and color
CON: Stylists rarely know what they are doing and thus good ones are hard to find- and so you're looking at having your hair mostly done THE OPPOSITE of how you like

CON: My edges fall out very easily and aided in receeding my hairline
CON: My hair ends get brittle and require so much more care and treatment
CON: My hair would shed so much more than it should and then I was used to
CON: Does anybody really know the effects of all those chemicals anyways?
CON: I would get scaly scalp after and it would give me dandruff which I didn't have naturally
CON: Relaxing hair is really a physical imposibility when you are pregnant because of the chemicals so its best to get me away from that now in case

PRO: 4
CONS: 6

The results spoke more than volumes for myself and thats why today i've been natural for almost a full year somehow..... best decision I could've ever made. HTH!

meia

Great pros and cons lists!

 

[Blackoutzangel05]

If you are having problems with the damaged part, I don't believe that relaxing is going to solve that. I would keep conditioning and clarifying and all sorts of things to get the curl back and if that doesn't work, try a straw set or something. I believe its easier for a natural to look relaxed then vice versa. I feel you on this struggle but every time I get right there I turn back. You can do this!

 

[caribeandiva]

I think you should let it be for now. think about it some more. You don't wanna regret relaxing and then have to transition all over again.

 

[SparklingFlame]

While you are at this crossroad maybe you might want to try pressing your hair and if need be do a trim. That way you can have strait hair and if you change your mind wash your hair and you will have you curls again!

 

[DDTexlaxed]

If you are having problems with the damaged part, I don't believe that relaxing is going to solve that. I would keep conditioning and clarifying and all sorts of things to get the curl back and if that doesn't work, try a straw set or something. I believe its easier for a natural to look relaxed then vice versa. I feel you on this struggle but every time I get right there I turn back. You can do this!

ITA, I've done it 7X! Belated congratulations on our marriage, Blackoutzangels05! You look so gorgeous in your pic!

 

[seraphinelle]

Try straightening it first.

Can't be more help, I'm struggling myself.

LOL.

 

[glamazon386]

HONESTLY i'll let you in on what I considered when I went natural:

NATURAL
PRO: I save money on haircare entirely. I don't need to spend any money but on products.
PRO: I don't have to have my ends burned and crunching off in my hand when I run my hand through my hair.
PRO: If I go into the rain, forbidding any frizzies, I don't have to worry about straightening anything again and having to deal with that mess
PRO: I can finally enjoy my hair as it is soft and even though I have my bad hair days it's just so much easier to manage
PRO: It helps to make me look different instead of looking like most people in my family
PRO: I can really control the styling without feeling like I need much assistance
PRO: More natural hairstyles take and can be incorporated more easily than ever
CON: There will probably be days where my hair gets badly knotted or when the texture changes and although it might be hard to deal with, I can work through it better than I could if my relaxed hair was knotty
CON: Sometime the hair can be dry and brittle even still so it does require a load of babying of course
CON: There are days where I get so frustrated and just want to take a perm to the hair but that can't be helped- sometimes there are just bad days
CON: You can't use heat at all because your hair will get singed (mostly depending on hair type but in my experience it can be a problem)
PRO: 7
CONS: 4


RELAXED
PRO: The styling is incredible and sexy- having straight hair blowing in the wind is just incredible...sigh
PRO: Having straight hair gives you a reason to pamper yourself and go to the salon and take good care of yourself
PRO: Straight hair is generally more accepted professionally and does tend to equate to a more polished look to most although I dont always agree
PRO: Relaxed hair provides for better styling options so far as cut and color
CON: Stylists rarely know what they are doing and thus good ones are hard to find- and so you're looking at having your hair mostly done THE OPPOSITE of how you like

CON: My edges fall out very easily and aided in receeding my hairline
CON: My hair ends get brittle and require so much more care and treatment
CON: My hair would shed so much more than it should and then I was used to
CON: Does anybody really know the effects of all those chemicals anyways?
CON: I would get scaly scalp after and it would give me dandruff which I didn't have naturally
CON: Relaxing hair is really a physical imposibility when you are pregnant because of the chemicals so its best to get me away from that now in case

PRO: 4
CONS: 6

The results spoke more than volumes for myself and thats why today i've been natural for almost a full year somehow..... best decision I could've ever made. HTH!

meia

I like that you broke all this down but we also have to remember that some of these things are specific to the person's hair. And some of these I don't agree with. Some of the things you mentioned there are plenty of ladies on the board that the opposite holds true for. But I guess that goes back to the whole idea of "what works for one person's hair may not work for anothers".

Dani, I'd say keep trying to baby it and wait it out to see if it reverts. I think if you relax now it might do more harm than good. Give it some time and then decide for sure what you want to do. You could go back to the braids and let it grow out and chop again later too.

 

[meia]

Great pros and cons lists!

Thank you, SEMO! It certainly wasn't easy going natural- but I do believe that in being informed you make generally better decisions so I think for anybody making any drastic hair change, there should be some definite consideration thrown towards the PROS and CONS that way you make the best decision for you given what you feel are the best and worst sides of the decision.

I like that you broke all this down but we also have to remember that some of these things are specific to the person's hair. And some of these I don't agree with. Some of the things you mentioned there are plenty of ladies on the board that the opposite holds true for. But I guess that goes back to the whole idea of "what works for one person's hair may not work for anothers."

I don't know- honestly I tried to keep it a general as possible and, especially with the natural pros and cons, I think were pretty dead-on and I haven't been relaxed for almost a year so if i'm missing something on that end, oh well...For instance, the part about heat- I don't think heat in any capacity is good directly on hair whatever type you are...it might look okay on a type 4 and burnt on a type 3 but generally heat shouldn't be done at all on ANY hair type honestly... but these were mearly discretionary...

And honestly, amidst the variety of trials and tribulations of hair types I think everything I outlined fits any hair type...I don't believe there is any real difference in caring for any type of hair minus for instance, stepping up the conditioning or stepping down the conditioning- i think all guidelines can easily fit every hair type with a few adjustments

 

[Braided~Beauty]

I kept going back and forth over this in my mind as well when I took my braids out last year. I could not commit either way so I just braided my hair back up and did not think about it for a year. I am so glad I did not do anything pernament because a year later I am loving my natural hair and would not even consider a relaxer.
Soooo, my advice would be- if you are not feeling 100% one way or the other just put your hair away for a while (braids or whatever) and take some time to think over it...even if that is a few months...
by that time your damaged areas will have grown out and you can cut those bad boys off and enjoy your curls again.
HTH!

 

[PinkSkates]

Originally Posted by bmoreflyygirl
I like that you broke all this down but we also have to remember that some of these things are specific to the person's hair. And some of these I don't agree with. Some of the things you mentioned there are plenty of ladies on the board that the opposite holds true for. But I guess that goes back to the whole idea of "what works for one person's hair may not work for anothers."

I absolutely agree with this statement. I'm natural and I use heat once and sometimes more a month. And my hair is healthy and I have no problem maintaining my length. I have grown and maintained 2 inches of new growth since February. It's all about finding the right products for your hair and how you care for your hair on a daily basis.

 

[meia]

I absolutely agree with this statement. I'm natural and I use heat once and sometimes more a month. And my hair is healthy and I have no problem maintaining my length. I have grown and maintained 2 inches of new growth since February. It's all about finding the right products for your hair and how you care for your hair on a daily basis.

I do realize that anyone can use heat and have healthy hair but any type of heating tool does tend to make, especially ends, coarse no matter how good one is with a flat iron or a blowdrier. It wouldn't matter if someone had the healthiest hair in the world- its just facts that the ends of your hair are the oldest therefore tend to be the driest and most brittle just naturally. Compound that with the stress we exert on them (ie heat, chemicals, etc.,) and you're looking at a possible problem....

Also, I don't think it has a hinderance on length... my sister actually has successfully relaxed and straight-ironed although her hair can sometimes be very dry or broken at the ends and she takes good care of it. I think its all about the products so I certainly agree here but even still it can't be discounted that the stress we put on our hair DOESN'T stop our hair from growing- rather it COMPLICATES things a bit more...

 

[meaganita]

I do realize that anyone can use heat and have healthy hair but any type of heating tool does tend to make, especially ends, coarse no matter how good one is with a flat iron or a blowdrier. It wouldn't matter if someone had the healthiest hair in the world- its just facts that the ends of your hair are the oldest therefore tend to be the driest and most brittle just naturally. Compound that with the stress we exert on them (ie heat, chemicals, etc.,) and you're looking at a possible problem....

Also, I don't think it has a hinderance on length... my sister actually has successfully relaxed and straight-ironed although her hair can sometimes be very dry or broken at the ends and she takes good care of it. I think its all about the products so I certainly agree here but even still it can't be discounted that the stress we put on our hair DOESN'T stop our hair from growing- rather it COMPLICATES things a bit more...

I have type 4a natural hair, and my hair gets very soft with both a blow-dry and silky soft with a flat iron when done properly. I don't put any products on my hair besides poo & con before I flat-iron. Although heat is not necessarily good for the hair, I think the extent of heat damage is based on temperature and how often it's used. Also, hair that is well taken care of is typically not broken and dry.

 

[natstar]

I getting my hair put in braids next week just because of this. I need to hide my hair for a while so I wont be so obsessed with it. I will probably start doing presses more regularly after the braid break.

That's what I did. I really wanted to straighten, but I know that doesn't fly in the humid summer. I put my hair in dry twists and I got some length and I don't have to think about it.

 

[bLackButtaFly]

HONESTLY i'll let you in on what I considered when I went natural:

NATURAL
PRO: I save money on haircare entirely. I don't need to spend any money but on products.
PRO: I don't have to have my ends burned and crunching off in my hand when I run my hand through my hair.
PRO: If I go into the rain, forbidding any frizzies, I don't have to worry about straightening anything again and having to deal with that mess
PRO: I can finally enjoy my hair as it is soft and even though I have my bad hair days it's just so much easier to manage
PRO: It helps to make me look different instead of looking like most people in my family
PRO: I can really control the styling without feeling like I need much assistance
PRO: More natural hairstyles take and can be incorporated more easily than ever
CON: There will probably be days where my hair gets badly knotted or when the texture changes and although it might be hard to deal with, I can work through it better than I could if my relaxed hair was knotty
CON: Sometime the hair can be dry and brittle even still so it does require a load of babying of course
CON: There are days where I get so frustrated and just want to take a perm to the hair but that can't be helped- sometimes there are just bad days
CON: You can't use heat at all because your hair will get singed (mostly depending on hair type but in my experience it can be a problem)
PRO: 7
CONS: 4


RELAXED
PRO: The styling is incredible and sexy- having straight hair blowing in the wind is just incredible...sigh
PRO: Having straight hair gives you a reason to pamper yourself and go to the salon and take good care of yourself
PRO: Straight hair is generally more accepted professionally and does tend to equate to a more polished look to most although I dont always agree
PRO: Relaxed hair provides for better styling options so far as cut and color
CON: Stylists rarely know what they are doing and thus good ones are hard to find- and so you're looking at having your hair mostly done THE OPPOSITE of how you like

CON: My edges fall out very easily and aided in receeding my hairline
CON: My hair ends get brittle and require so much more care and treatment
CON: My hair would shed so much more than it should and then I was used to
CON: Does anybody really know the effects of all those chemicals anyways?
CON: I would get scaly scalp after and it would give me dandruff which I didn't have naturally
CON: Relaxing hair is really a physical imposibility when you are pregnant because of the chemicals so its best to get me away from that now in case

PRO: 4
CONS: 6

The results spoke more than volumes for myself and thats why today i've been natural for almost a full year somehow..... best decision I could've ever made. HTH!

meia

This is a very helpful list Meia! ITA with what the other ladies are saying.

My roommate has been struggling with the same thing. I'll tell you like I told her. The thing about staying natural is you can do that and stillstraighten or do what you want, but once you relax you lose that curl and the only way to go back is to cut. It's up to you, adn there is nothing wrong with choosing to relax, just be sure you're ready for the consequences.

Also it is true that almost every natural woman willl struglle with that point where you just aren't a fan of your hair. I thought I looked like a man, but you braid it up, and let it grow, and you get over it. This too shall pass. Lots of hair blessings, and I'm sure whatever you choose will be fabulous!

 

[ChoKitty]

I'm in the same boat, but the opposite. I have no clue what my natural hair looks like since my parents have relaxed since I was little..and I've tried once, and it looks like all I have is straight poof, no curls...just tumble weed. Of course, I didn't do a BC because me and short hair don't mix. It drives me up the wall and I never feel comfortable.

 

[Hidden_Angel]

THANKS FOR tHE REPLES GIRLS!

I'm feeling much better about my hair and I do plan on getting it flat ironed and trimmed this week. After talking to Angie10 on the phone she gave me lots of encouragement and I feel 100% better!

I would have replied sooner but been busy with work so I'm just no even seeing all he wonderful replies.

I know I'm going to keep my hair natural because I thouht about it and I dont want to have to deal with relaxing, just have to fat iron at the shop and be able to make sure i do my own protain treatments and DC on a daily basies