First Date post break-up... Disaster

TinyBlu

TinyBlu

Well-Known Member
I'll just say this... I am reminded why I HATE dating. I am so upset that I have to go through this stage AGAIN!!

... I finally got some interest from someone under 50 from the United States on Match.com. We communicated over email for a while, and talked on the phone a couple of times, and last night I agreed to meet him at a restaurant.

He suggested we meet at a sports bar to watch the NCAA final game. I had no problem with that because I am a huge sports fan. First, he lied about his height. The guy was a shrimp, yet I digress... So we get to the sports bar, and he complains about the noise (It's a SPORTS BAR), He asks the waitress to reseat us three times because of it. As we reviewed the menu, he voiced his disappointment that they didn't have a "heart healthy" section on it (It's a SPORTS BAR). I don't think many sports bars offer Whey Protein Shakes! I purposely let him order first, because I wanted to see what he would get. Of course, a plain turkey sandwich and water... are you kidding me? He then proceeds to tell me that's why he doesn't eat out because he can't monitor his diet. He bragged about eating practically the same menu for two years!!!!! Granted, he had a nice body, but LIGHTEN UP!!! I work out a lot, too, but there is something called balance. I was expecting to have wings and beer on game night...

So as this painful date progressed, I felt like I had to carry on most of the conversation and I had to be more reserved because I didn't want to scare the poor man. Who responds to your team scoring with a golf clap?:wallbash::wallbash::wallbash:

Then I realized how much I missed my ex as I was sitting there. We would have had SO much fun watching the game, eating junk food and cheering...

So, I am now wondering if I was just nit-picking this guy to death because he wasn't my ex. He was a nice guy, but just seemed REALLY up tight. So, he called me afterwards and said he had a really good time. I am on the fence about going on a second date with him, but I do want to at least give him a fair chance. Maybe he was just nervous...

So, Should I or shouldn't I? At this point, I am really not feeling the guy, but several ladies on this board said they weren't feeling their SO's at first. Advice PLEASE!
 
It's a sports bar... what was he expecting?? He sounded like kind of a drag to me.
Although, to be fair, it was a first date, and he could very well be more relaxed and outgoing once he gets more comfortable with you. I'd try a second date, and see if he lightens up at all. If not, I'd call it quits.
 
Shrimp + being reseated 3 times + complaining about food, noice at a sportsbar + eating the same thing for 2 years....

No thanks.
Go fish!
 
dayum. i felt like i went on the date with you. he's an azzzhole, so let him be. u don't need da headache, and ur not obligated to go back out with him just because he asked. just tell him no, you ain't feelin it, and keep it movin...
 
Everything that needs to be said has been said here. Hope your second post date is better than your first.
 
i couldnt get past the reseating---and the complaining about noise---wtf---ugh

nexttttttttt--complaining ***..gtfoutta here
 
:ohwell: After being reseated 3 times, and eating turkey sandwich and water in a sports bar???:lachen: I would have been too through by half time.

So considering the date, and how much you didn't like it, what makes you want to go out with him again?

(I'm honestly really curious, not being facetious)


-A
 
Remember frist impressions are usually the right ones.

There is a difference in not feeling someone and thinking someone is pain in the butt. He sounds like the later.

I think all of us agree this guy was complaining waaaaay too much for a first date. If you had said he was reserved or nice but you didn't feel anything our responses would be different.
 
Arcadian said:
:ohwell: After being reseated 3 times, and eating turkey sandwich and water in a sports bar???:lachen: I would have been too through by half time.

So considering the date, and how much you didn't like it, what makes you want to go out with him again?

(I'm honestly really curious, not being facetious)


-A
Click to expand...


I tend to be really picky, and it hasn't served me in the past, so I was thinking maybe I was just nit-picking because this guy wasn't my ex. I actually started missing my ex during this date. I am trying to give the guy the benefit of the doubt and hope that he was just nervous. It does sound like a bad date, doesn't it?
 
I think it's ok to be peeved about being moved 3 times and about his unreasonable complaints about the restaurant. He sounds like someone with unrealistic expectations....AND uptight. I was :rofl: @ the "heart healthy menu" and the "turkey sandwich and water". :lol: I'm STILL :lol: Booooo-ring. Did you order beer and wings.

Is he old? Ugh.
 
I wouldn't waste my time with him. I wouldn't expect anything different on the second date. And then he lied about his height?!! Uh uh :nono: That would have probably turned me off more than anything else. He seems so uptight and insecure.

Ok, so if yall went somewhere that was more quiet and YOU still have to do all the talkin, then what you gonna do? I mean, I guess you can give it another shot but just be ready. :look:
 
TinyBlu said:
I tend to be really picky, and it hasn't served me in the past, so I was thinking maybe I was just nit-picking because this guy wasn't my ex. I actually started missing my ex during this date. I am trying to give the guy the benefit of the doubt and hope that he was just nervous. It does sound like a bad date, doesn't it?
Click to expand...


He sounds very diva like. No, its not just you being picky, trust me

If you go out with him again, hopefully he won't act like he got a stick stuck up you know where...

-A
 
He sounds like an O.K. guy, just not the right fit for you. There's no harm in going on another date with him though, if you want to know for sure.
 
While a lot of women might not have been into their SO/DH on the first date, most of them at least thought the dude was okay. I don't know anyone who had a bad date and was totally turned off initially by a man who later became a future husband.

Dating is frustrating, yes, but I think the way to at least temper expectations is to not have any going into the date. I went out on a whole lot of dates in a six month period between my breakup in late 2008 and meeting SO in 2009. I kicked men to the curb very quickly during that time... I knew what I wanted, and didn't waste time with those who didn't measure up. After a few bad dates, you can be like :rolleyes:, but if you're focused on your mission, you just get back out there and keep at it.
 
mscocoface said:
There is a difference in not feeling someone and thinking someone is pain in the butt. He sounds like the later..
Click to expand...

Too true, and a distinction that merits repeating.

Many of us here formed loving partnerships with men we were lukewarm about on the first few dates but who treated us and OTHERS with pleasant, cheerful respect from minute #1.

BIGGGGG difference from complaining, nitpicking and, most importantly, repressing your natural enthusiasm and comfort level from minute #1~:sad:
 
I think you ladies are right. I have talked to him on the phone since then, and though he is a nice guy, he just seems to be a little to rigid (doesn't like to eat out because he wants to know what's going into his food, etc.)

He seemed a little more laid back on the phone, and swears he is not as uptight as he came across (TRUST me, I was like dude, WTH?!?!). I did find out that he does drink, but he is coming off a 3 month workout hiatus and is trying to balance his metabolism... whatever that means.

As I said before, I am committed to physical fitness as well, but I do know how to let go. In fact, I tend to reward myself with good food (man shall not live by salmon alone). He strikes me as someone who just doesn't know how to relax. I even asked him if he was overweight in a past life because he is so obsessive about his body (which is nice, BTW).

I dunno. I am REALLY trying to give him a fair shake. He DOES have a nice resume, and I'm not getting any younger! My pickiness has led to me being alone up until this point!

He has agreed to let me pick the place if we go out again. I am going to try to liquor him up and see if that makes a difference. Either that or indoor sky diving (seriously). Maybe both...

I will keep you guys posted!
 
TinyBlu said:
I think you ladies are right. I have talked to him on the phone since then, and though he is a nice guy, he just seems to be a little to rigid (doesn't like to eat out because he wants to know what's going into his food, etc.)

He seemed a little more laid back on the phone, and swears he is not as uptight as he came across (TRUST me, I was like dude, WTH?!?!). I did find out that he does drink, but he is coming off a 3 month workout hiatus and is trying to balance his metabolism... whatever that means.

As I said before, I am committed to physical fitness as well, but I do know how to let go. In fact, I tend to reward myself with good food (man shall not live by salmon alone). He strikes me as someone who just doesn't know how to relax. I even asked him if he was overweight in a past life because he is so obsessive about his body (which is nice, BTW).

I dunno. I am REALLY trying to give him a fair shake. He DOES have a nice resume, and I'm not getting any younger! My pickiness has led to me being alone up until this point!

He has agreed to let me pick the place if we go out again. I am going to try to liquor him up and see if that makes a difference. Either that or indoor sky diving (seriously). Maybe both...

I will keep you guys posted!
Click to expand...

TinyBlu,
I'm glad that you decided to give him another chance. First impressions are not always what they seem --- sometimes people are nervous. Also, it sounds like you are doing a lot of comparison to your ex. I've done that too and then I have to remind myself the reasons for the end of the relationship. I read the book "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough." I tell people that the author's use of the word "settle" is misleading. Basically the author is saying don't end up like her, without a mate because of being too picky. Decide if the person has the qualities to make a good mate, husband, father and go from there. Your guy's rigidness --- is that a quality that you can work with (maybe he had a bad experience of someone putting something into his food :perplexed)? There is no right or wrong answer --- it all comes down to what is important to you.

p.s. men lie about their height like we lie about our weight.

Keep us posted!
 
I don't know about this guy. The things he complained about would have been ok if he were there by himself. But a date is about BOTH people. Did he at any point ask if you were comfortable with the menu, the seats, the noise, the date as a whole? Did he seem concerned about you at all or was it just about you entertaining him the whole night? I'd say if you go out with him again, just look for a pattern of selfish behavior.
 
hair_rehab said:
I don't know about this guy. The things he complained about would have been ok if he were there by himself. But a date is about BOTH people. Did he at any point ask if you were comfortable with the menu, the seats, the noise, the date as a whole? Did he seem concerned about you at all or was it just about you entertaining him the whole night? I'd say if you go out with him again, just look for a pattern of selfish behavior.
Click to expand...


Good questions... He did ask me if I was OK with the venue, and I said yes because I really do like sports, and it was a good place to meet a cyber date (lots of people, etc.) The entire night I was addressing his rigidness with jokes like telling the waitress "He would like a salad with no lettuce please" or constantly repeating "It IS a sports bar", so he got the message.

On the subsequent phone conversation, he did apologize if he came of a little too up tight. I don't think he's selfish, but I do have to monitor my actions. I have been in cases like this before where I do find myself altering who I am in order to make the other person comfortable. NO MORE.

That's why I am glad he is letting me pick the venue for the next date. Let's see how he responds to the junk food, indoor sky diving and hard liquor!:lachen::lachen:

That is 200% Tinyblyu! If he can roll, I'm willing to give him a chance!!
 
If you have to drunken up a man just to make him tolerable it's best not to bother. If things get serious, you'll be with sober him most of the time.

And as for the rest go for it!
 
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