First breakup...

[Rei]

How long did it take you to get over it?

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 9 months. I knew it was coming but I still feel so very very stupid. I wasnt even in love with him. I don't really get why I'm such a stupid mess right now...I know damn well he's not over there sitting at home crying over me. Why does he deserve the same... the thing is I dont know hwo to reconcile the logical 'well this kind of **** happens' part of me with the 'well you're worthless' part of me. Which is so dumb and untrue! But I can't help feeling this way. Its usually very hard for me to like someone else. I'm not attracted to other men very easily. Usually I end up being more attracted to their personality+brains first before anything else, and for that to happen, I usually have to know them pretty well. Which leads to being friends with them first. which leads to liking them as a person, which is why its so ****ed up when its made completely clear that they do not like me as a person. That somehow, somewhere I ****ed up, now I'm BORING. I'm not successful enough I guess, not affectionate enough, not I don't know, good enough in bed. Most of these things I know are untrue and stupid but how do you stop feeling them? I saw it coming, I really did...but I told myself I was just being paranoid and tried harder just to fail. How can you MAKE someone continue to like you? it was a stupid attempt, i was stupid for trying so hard.

I thought something was wrong with me for the longest time, I didn't like anyone. No crushes, no interest in any and anything. So finally someone comes around that I actually LIKE that I really like and it ends up stupid and ruined. I was never afraid of being alone before how did he ruin me in just 9 months? what happened to all of my stupid self sufficiency? I really hate feeling this weak right now

im sorry if this seems kind of streamofconciousness right now but I just wanted to get things off my chest. I just want to forget that he ever existed

 

[NaijaTroll]

Took me over 2 years mainly cos he was the one I had actual feelings for and took him seriously.
You';re just gonna have to tink about why you two broke up. Yes you'll have the "wat's wrong with me" moments on your head but Im gonna assume he wasnt excatly perfect himself and think of that and at least you know now that you're capable of really liking/loving someone to that point
Hope he doesnt live close?

 

[nik83]

I feel your pain, only the guy that played me got with the girl literally next door, so through my pain I still had to see him almost everyday. At the time I thought I would never get over it, I even contemplated moving, but my mom told me to get over it, and he wasn't worth the tears, and why would I run from my home, it would just show a sense of weakness. I was way to giving of myself and it bit me in the a$$, at least it was a lesson learned. We were together for a little over a year, I think my crying and the feeling my heart was going to rip out of my chest lasted about a year. A lot of it though was me thinking there was something wrong with me. Like you said, you didn't even love him, so a lot of what your feeling is probably the "How did I put myself in the position?" That was my feeling. Take the time to figure out what makes you wonderfully you, and explore your faults so you know in the next relationship whats not going to work for you so you can KIM. The right person is out there for you, he just hasn't found you yet, but he is looking.

 

[Poohbear]

Less than a month

 

[Katherina]

Three months. I wasn't completely healed at that point but I limited myself to three months of mourning (I marked the date on my calendar). It probably took four to five months to start dating again, eight months before I was totally over it, and nine months before I started seriously seeing someone else.

I had similar thoughts to yours and I wasn't in love with the ex either, but he had become a close friend to me, and the way it ended was quite ridiculous, so I became depressed. You'll get through it. Just set a date - say, three months for mourning.

You don't want to be consumed so much so that it interferes with your life long term. He's not your mother or anyone so close who deserves more time. You want to heal and move on. You can do it. Be committed to getting over it.

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

Girl, it hurts but you have to find things to occupy your time. Those feelings hit hard, but the more you find time for constructive activities the less time you have to feel sorry for yourself. Then after a month or two, you will have some clarity. The longer you focus your energy on the negative feelings, the longer it takes to get over the end of the relationship.

 

[Etherealsmile]

The first and only guy I ever loved, it took me more than a year to get over him completely.

I'm sorry you're hurting OP

 

[TrueToHair]

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