Finding out where things stand

Glib Gurl

Glib Gurl

Well-Known Member
So...I've been seeing someone for about a month now. Save for a bump in the road ( where he was pretty much testing me to see what he could get away with) things have been going well. We talk on the phone every day and see each other at least once a week. A few weeks back he mentioned something about "needing to do something about [my] single status..." But in the same convo he admittedly was not ready to stop dating other women. ("Well then then I guess I have to keep dating other guys.") But essentially we are acting like a couple.

I'm not all that interested in chasing this man down and making him give me a title. At the same time I don't want to play myself and just be a member of the team.

Any tips for addressing the situation?
 
Glib Gurl said:
So...I've been seeing someone for about a month now. Save for a bump in the road ( where he was pretty much testing me to see what he could get away with) things have been going well. We talk on the phone every day and see each other at least once a week. A few weeks back he mentioned something about "needing to do something about [my] single status..." But in the same convo he admittedly was not ready to stop dating other women. ("Well then then I guess I have to keep dating other guys.") But essentially we are acting like a couple. I'm not all that interested in chasing this man down and making him give me a title. At the same time I don't want to play myself and just be a member of the team. Any tips for addressing the situation?
Click to expand...

my best advice is don't do anything and see what happens. you don't have to chase him... if he wants you bad enough, he will let you know. is he actually dating other women? he may say he wants to but is he actually doing it? I'm learning you have to pay more attention to what men do opposed to what they say and go from there.
 
Don't press. If you enjoy his company without further commitment...so be it. If you want more....continue looking....no exclusivity. He sounds like he's waiting on the next big thing. It's too early in the relationship to want more or for him to mention dating others. I recommend letting loose of the reins and see where the horse leads.
 
I would probably fall back a little and be a bit unavailable. If you are seeing other guys then go on a couple dates. Let him bring it up and go from there.
 
He has to come around on his own. Try being a little less available, like don't take his calls everyday anymore, maybe skip hanging out with him for a week.
 
Glib Gurl said:
So...I've been seeing someone for about a month now. Save for a bump in the road ( where he was pretty much testing me to see what he could get away with) things have been going well. We talk on the phone every day and see each other at least once a week. A few weeks back he mentioned something about "needing to do something about [my] single status..." But in the same convo he admittedly was not ready to stop dating other women. ("Well then then I guess I have to keep dating other guys.") But essentially we are acting like a couple.

I'm not all that interested in chasing this man down and making him give me a title. At the same time I don't want to play myself and just be a member of the team.

Any tips for addressing the situation?
Click to expand...

That's exactly where things stand. What's there to question? He doesn't want exclusivity.

Did you say you need to do something about your single status or did he say he needs to do something about it?
 
Urban said:
That's exactly where things stand. What's there to question? He doesn't want exclusivity.

Did you say you need to do something about your single status or did he say he needs to do something about it?
Click to expand...

We were talking about some financial/business issue - I don't remember what - and I was explaining my rationale for how I operated saying, "Well, I'm single so I need to protect myself." And that's where his comment came up.

In response to his remark about needing to do something about my single status, I asked what that meant to him because to ME that meant not dating other people ... And he got real quiet *lol*

Thanks for your feedback ladies. It falls in line with my instincts ... Thankfully my job is causing me to travel for the next few weeks so I have no choice but to be less available ....

Will keep you all posted!
 
Glib Gurl said:
We were talking about some financial/business issue - I don't remember what - and I was explaining my rationale for how I operated saying, "Well, I'm single so I need to protect myself." And that's where his comment came up.

In response to his remark about needing to do something about my single status, I asked what that meant to him because to ME that meant not dating other people ... And he got real quiet *lol*

Thanks for your feedback ladies. It falls in line with my instincts ... Thankfully my job is causing me to travel for the next few weeks so I have no choice but to be less available ....

Will keep you all posted!
Click to expand...

Sounds like he was talking to hear himself talk. Guys make me sick.
 
If after a month of dating and talking daily you have to address the situation of where things stand then he is not the one. He said he wants to continue to date other people. That's where you stand--at least for now.
 
continue dating other people. that whole we're in a relationship so you cant date anyone else but we're not gf/bf is the oldest trick in the book.
 
I had to learn the hard way that there's a HUGE difference being "acting like a couple" and actually being one. I agree 100% with everyone who's said that you should continue to date other people and give you :up::up: for following your instincts.
 
Others have already said it. :yep: Keep your options open (and make sure he knows they are open) until you get a commitment from him.
 
Gah IDK.

Its been a short space of time and you are allowing him to play bf while he has other women.

Its not the same as two people casually dating and getting to know each other while seeing other people. He's been able to move on to a further stage of intimacy and very regular contact with you.

I suspect that is why tested you to see what else he could get away with because of that. I am advising you to protect your heart with this guy. He tested you to see how badly he could treat you without being checked. That doesn't sound like someone who has your best interests at heart. What if you didn't check him? Would he have been ok treating you less than your worth. :ohwell:

I agree that you should reduce contact, talk/date others AND monitor the situation. Think about whether you want to give this guy a status in your life. I always approach dating that way and its very beneficial. The man should be auditioning in the early months to be a part of your life. You decide whether he's good enough for you:yep:.
 
Glib Gurl said:
So...I've been seeing someone for about a month now. Save for a bump in the road ( where he was pretty much testing me to see what he could get away with) things have been going well. We talk on the phone every day and see each other at least once a week. A few weeks back he mentioned something about "needing to do something about [my] single status..." But in the same convo he admittedly was not ready to stop dating other women. ("Well then then I guess I have to keep dating other guys.") But essentially we are acting like a couple.

I'm not all that interested in chasing this man down and making him give me a title. At the same time I don't want to play myself and just be a member of the team.

Any tips for addressing the situation?
Click to expand...
I havent read the other responses, but here's mine:

When they want exclusivity, they just ask for it.

Dude is BSing you. The bolded is a fishing line they use to lure the girl to chase after the hook of 'possible' committment. Of course, the end game there is getting the cooch. Some women would hear that line and jump in the sack to seal the deal.

Dont fall for it!


I've seen my friends back in our 20s go through this with man after man. It was real irritating to watch.

He will not committ to you. Keep dating.
 
DarkJoy said:
I havent read the other responses, but here's mine:

When they want exclusivity, they just ask for it.

Dude is BSing you. The bolded is a fishing line they use to lure the girl to chase after the hook of 'possible' committment. Of course, the end game there is getting the cooch. Some women would hear that line and jump in the sack to seal the deal.

Dont fall for it!


I've seen my friends back in our 20s go through this with man after man. It was real irritating to watch.

He will not committ to you. Keep dating.
Click to expand...
^THIS!!!^^THIS!!!^^THIS!!!^ When a man wants to be with you, there will be absolutely NO doubt in your mind because he will flat out say so. And, not only will YOU know you're his girlfriend, he'll make sure that OTHER peopole know it too.
 
Thank God for this friggin' website. Seriously, some of the best advice ever. Worth way more than $6.50 per year, way more.
 
Co-signing with md_lady and darkjoy!

A man that wants to be with u will tell u. No blurred lines, no ambiguity; just pure bliss (or his best attempt at it lol)
 
Do you want exclusivity? The "being part of the team" comment makes me wonder if you can handle dating someone whom you know is dating other people and possibly being intimate with them....if you can't, bounce now because it will only get worse. You must really like this one....
 
GG ~ Maya said it best: When a person shows (tells) you who they are, believe it! He done told you where you stand.


hopeful said:
Thank God for this friggin' website. Seriously, some of the best advice ever. Worth way more than $6.50 per year, way more.
Click to expand...


LISTEN!!!! :lol: We don't need Bev hiking up the price to like $100 a year or something. Let this be our little unstated secret. :look:
 
Glib Gurl said:
A few weeks back he mentioned something about "needing to do something about [my] single status..." But in the same convo he admittedly was not ready to stop dating other women. ("Well then then I guess I have to keep dating other guys.") But essentially we are acting like a couple.
Click to expand...

I would talk to him about this comment. Because acting like you're a couple while he's still looking is not what's up. You don't have to be confrontational, just ask if he's still looking and based on his answer you act accordingly. This doesn't need to be an argument.
 
Do people not talk about what they're looking for in a relationship any more?

I don't date just to date (no way, you gotta marry me if you want it, yes, plain and simple as that, I don't have time to catch feelings for nothing, and I know this doesn't work for everyone). :yep:
 
Glib Gurl said:
We were talking about some financial/business issue - I don't remember what - and I was explaining my rationale for how I operated saying, "Well, I'm single so I need to protect myself." And that's where his comment came up.

In response to his remark about needing to do something about my single status, I asked what that meant to him because to ME that meant not dating other people ... And he got real quiet *lol*

Thanks for your feedback ladies. It falls in line with my instincts ... Thankfully my job is causing me to travel for the next few weeks so I have no choice but to be less available ....

Will keep you all posted!
Click to expand...

Perhaps my comprehension is off Glib Gurl, but did he say you need to do something about your singleness or did he say he needs to do something about your singleness?
 
Allandra said:
Do people not talk about what they're looking for in a relationship any more? I don't date just to date (no way, you gotta marry me if you want it, yes, plain and simple as that, I don't have time to catch feelings for nothing, and I know this doesn't work for everyone). :yep:
Click to expand...

"I don't have time to catch feelings for nothing,"
This line had me rolling! It's so simple and so real lolololol
 
It's only been a month and you two are acting like a couple with him still dating other people and he's been testing you? You guys have been rocking and rolling in such a short time frame. I think you giving too much of yourself too soon has De-motivated him. He's chillin' on easy street but waiting for more of a challenge to stroll by. :nono:

He has told you he wants to continue seeing other people, which is pretty much a rejection but he wants to continue being a "couple." The ball is in your court now. I agree with everyone else, start dating other guys and let him know you aren't ready for a relationship yet. :yep:
 
I think you have your answer already. Men don't waste any time to lock you down per se if they see a future with you. The fact you have been dating him a month with no commitment is a huge red flag. He's not claiming you as you being his girlfriend. It doesn't take a man months to decide if you are capable of that title. I say roughly two week the most. You saying or alluding that you were gonna keep dating other men put the nail in the coffin as where this whole situation is going. This guy is not taking your serioulsy in any capacity. I say cut the whole thing off.

His agenda right now is on taking a trip or several trips to "smashivlle" with you.
 
Glib Gurl

Please read this blog: http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk

Do not read on your iPhone. You end up with the shortened, harder to read version of this extremely helpful website. View it from an iPad or laptop. Take a weekend or two, take care of you, and read, read, read. Everytime you doubt yourself or find yourself wondering what is up with this guy, or any guy for that matter, go back to her articles.
 
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