Zuhus
Active Member
As I write this, I feel like I am progressing into depression this week. Ever since I decided to be a faithful tither this year, I have had the WORST financial year. I am not talking about a hand-to-mouth kind of thing, but there's even nothing on the hand 
! This is the year that I paid my first fruits for the first time, sowed into numerous Gospel channels than I ever did and tithed faithfully for the better part of the year, WITHOUT FAIL. I work at a restaurant and I even tithe ALL my tips . I have remained positive, believed God at His word, spent the MOST time than all my years combined, seeking after God's word and even dying to flesh for the sake of my wonderful Abba father. What do I get in return? I cant even manage to get some money for my own food, not even a loaf of bread at times! My laptop broke down beyond repair, when I am just about to start writting my Ph.D thesis and of course, if I cant afford my own food, forget about me buying another computer. I am an orphan and support most of my family in Africa. Due to these bad times, my jobless sister at home was evicted from her house, my grandmother developed a serious kidney problem that required alot of medical care, not to mention the bills. Still, all that didnt matter to me, coz I know I have my Jehovah Jireh and in the midst of all that, I still tithed faithfully. I have a younger sister who's in the Netherlands, and she still cannot find even part-time employment, so I supprt her and even help her pay her school fees. What really discorages me is that my 2 sisters have been the MOST faithful tithers I ever knew. They are the ones who encouraged my habitual tithing. It just dawned on me that if they, who have been more faithful in their tithing over the years are experiencing all these problems, year after year 
, could I also be falling a victim? I know this is a stupid mentality, knowing how big our God is, but doesnt He say His word will be followed by signs and wonders? Friends, I think I am now arriving at the other end of the scale where I feel even more depressed than the very day I became an orphan 
. I feel like the only place where I use to go to and where ALL my help and strength came from (The Lord), is now shut! It's very depressing beacuse I have always tried my best to follow God's command. I know I am not completely 'clean' or whatever, but ladies I do all my best to follow and keep God's word. As I'm writting this, my visa is about to expire and here in the EU, non EU's rarely get jobs, so I wonder what's going to be. I know numerous of my friend's who did get married or had kids with people they didn't love, just to have permanent residency here. Me, being the faithful christian that I am, begged God never to let that happen to me. They are now comfortable and dont have to pay the crazy amount of school fees I do as they are now considered EU, not to mention them not worryong about their immigration status. I feel like I am under a serious curse, like God is not talking to me. I feel so let down and soooooo depressed. I may be reaching that point where I feel that all this might not be worth it in the end. I know I may be wrong, but that's how I really feel. God has forsaken me
! This is the year that I paid my first fruits for the first time, sowed into numerous Gospel channels than I ever did and tithed faithfully for the better part of the year, WITHOUT FAIL. I work at a restaurant and I even tithe ALL my tips . I have remained positive, believed God at His word, spent the MOST time than all my years combined, seeking after God's word and even dying to flesh for the sake of my wonderful Abba father. What do I get in return? I cant even manage to get some money for my own food, not even a loaf of bread at times! My laptop broke down beyond repair, when I am just about to start writting my Ph.D thesis and of course, if I cant afford my own food, forget about me buying another computer. I am an orphan and support most of my family in Africa. Due to these bad times, my jobless sister at home was evicted from her house, my grandmother developed a serious kidney problem that required alot of medical care, not to mention the bills. Still, all that didnt matter to me, coz I know I have my Jehovah Jireh and in the midst of all that, I still tithed faithfully. I have a younger sister who's in the Netherlands, and she still cannot find even part-time employment, so I supprt her and even help her pay her school fees. What really discorages me is that my 2 sisters have been the MOST faithful tithers I ever knew. They are the ones who encouraged my habitual tithing. It just dawned on me that if they, who have been more faithful in their tithing over the years are experiencing all these problems, year after year , could I also be falling a victim? I know this is a stupid mentality, knowing how big our God is, but doesnt He say His word will be followed by signs and wonders? Friends, I think I am now arriving at the other end of the scale where I feel even more depressed than the very day I became an orphan . I feel like the only place where I use to go to and where ALL my help and strength came from (The Lord), is now shut! It's very depressing beacuse I have always tried my best to follow God's command. I know I am not completely 'clean' or whatever, but ladies I do all my best to follow and keep God's word. As I'm writting this, my visa is about to expire and here in the EU, non EU's rarely get jobs, so I wonder what's going to be. I know numerous of my friend's who did get married or had kids with people they didn't love, just to have permanent residency here. Me, being the faithful christian that I am, begged God never to let that happen to me. They are now comfortable and dont have to pay the crazy amount of school fees I do as they are now considered EU, not to mention them not worryong about their immigration status. I feel like I am under a serious curse, like God is not talking to me. I feel so let down and soooooo depressed. I may be reaching that point where I feel that all this might not be worth it in the end. I know I may be wrong, but that's how I really feel. God has forsaken me
Last edited:
. Well, at least I get to laugh at my situation at times. But I just dont know.
