Facebook Relationship Status Dilemma

[softblackcotton]

Scenario: I just started to officially date a good guy friend of mine for about 3 weeks. We were friends since 2008. Everything is fine, however, I am not ready to tell everyone I know that I am in a relationship with him.

On Facebook
Today, He changed his relationship status first to from "single" to "in a relationship." Followed by a gush of friends comments. His friends are also very active namely live on Facebook.

Now He wants to add me as his significant other on Facebook.

I have not had any relationship status on Facebook profile for a very long while, "single" "complicated" or "whatever." I removed relationship status from my profile way back in 2006. I just let the most important people in my life know. All of Facebook does not need to know right now. I feel that he may be upset that I do not want to proclaim our relationship to the Facebook world especially since he is so active on it.

I also will not be changing my profile pic to a picture of me and him ever. Although, it's ok if he and I are tagged in a pic together. I still want and need to be an individual. I don't like when some women get into a relationship and change every profile pic to a pic of them and their SO. It seems like they can not stand alone. I am not worried about him changing his profile pic to a pic of me and him because men hardly ever do that. Hardly. Unless they are head over heels in love namely p***y whipped.


My question is: Am I wrong for feeling the way I do about not wanting to proclaim my relationship all over Facebook? By the way, he is my first boyfriend ever. I am 25.

 

[anon123]

No, you are not wrong. 3 weeks seems like a short amount of time for that, anyway. Just have to find a tactful way of saying you don't like to show all your business on FB. I'm not the most suave person, so perhaps someone else can help you with the wording.

 

[Maracujá]

My question is: Am I wrong for feeling the way I do about not wanting to proclaim my relationship all over Facebook? By the way, he is my first boyfriend ever. I am 25.

I don't think you're wrong at all, you're the one in the relationship so you decide whether you want to tell the world or not. And try to explain to him why you'd rather not change your status on FB.

 

[Bunny77]

I agree with everyone else. Congrats on the boyfriend, btw... so you had the exclusive relationship talk and all that?

(Just gotta check! You know me! )


As for Facebook, you can do whatever you want, and I understand exactly where you're coming from. You don't have any obligation to add a status simply because you now have a boyfriend. It's funny how seriously people take FB, considering that it hasn't even existed for a full decade. Couples over the last 6,000 years of civilization survived without updating statuses, so you can too!

I think that if you just say to your boyfriend what you told us in this post, that should work. Good luck!

 

[lavaflow99]

Nothing more to add. Well said by the ladies above. 3 weeks is too early for a FB proclamation. It's your FB page and you can put on there as much or as little information that you want. Your BF should hopefully understand how you feel about it.

 

[Spiffy]

I just have to say this is the first time I have ever heard a young lady complain about not wanting to change her facebook status to in a relationship. It's usually the other way around; ladies trying to get a guy to change the status to in a relationship.

I am sure many people would say a man's gesture to make a relationship known via meeting his friends and family is a huge step. It's funny how technology has led people to make use of social media as the modern day display of a relationships significance. This may be his way of making a proclamation; since he's so active it may mean something to him.

However, I agree with everyone else, you are not wrong for not wanting to change the status and in my opinion it does not mean anything if you do or do not make the change. I applaud you for not getting caught up in the hype.

 

[qchelle]

Nothing new to add

Of course you're not wrong for not wanting to change your status. Especially after just 3 weeks.

I never change my relationship status on FB either (I deleted that part too). For the same reasons you listed. Also because I don't actually 'know' all of my 'friends' on FB. So it's really not everyone's (read: strangers) business

 

[kismettt]

nope.

i think fb relationships are so awk b/c when people break up, everyone comments on it. like "what happened?" or "good" or "you can make it through". just really uncomfortable stuff. i've even seen some people "like" it

i think leaving it blank is fine.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

nope.

i think fb relationships are so awk b/c when people break up, everyone comments on it. like "what happened?" or "good" or "you can make it through". just really uncomfortable stuff. i've even seen some people "like" it

i think leaving it blank is fine.

this. i like to leave mine blank.

 

[Bmack]

nope.

i think fb relationships are so awk b/c when people break up, everyone comments on it. like "what happened?" or "good" or "you can make it through". just really uncomfortable stuff. i've even seen some people "like" it

i think leaving it blank is fine.

I agree. I don't see the big deal. Let him know u are private in that respect.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I agree to do what you want. I didn't update my FH status until we were engaged. Before that it didn't have ANY relationship status. He also updated his...infact it was his idea but I was cool with it. He also added me as his fiance, and I confirmed it. I don't see anything wrong with it. I know I'm an individual, but I don't think there's anything wrong with showing that I am in a relationship, so it doesn't bother me. However, I feel that everyone must do what's right for them.

 

[Onyx]

nope.

i think fb relationships are so awk b/c when people break up, everyone comments on it. like "what happened?" or "good" or "you can make it through". just really uncomfortable stuff. i've even seen some people "like" it

i think leaving it blank is fine.

My ex added my name in his relationship status the minute we became official as a couple and it caused all kinds of unnecessary drama . All of a sudden female "friends" came out of the woodwork and started writing slick ish on his page and cosigning every little comment he made, even though they had no history of commenting prior to him adding me. A lot of his friends that I barely knew sent me friend requests when we started dating, so you can imagine that it was incredibly awkward when we broke up.

Change your status when you are ready. Leaving it blank or "in a relationship" should suffice for only 3 weeks.

 

[gabulldawg]

You're not wrong for being uncomfortable. For the longest time my DH and I weren't even friends on facebook. I just didn't want to deal with the hassle/drama. Eventually we did become friends. Then he took the lead and wanted to proclaim that we were in fact in a relationship. By the time he wanted to do it I was ready for it.

If you're not ready, then you should let him know. But I think it's important to explain why. Otherwise it may seem a bit shady. Just bein real. Cuz if a guy came at me and was hesitant to show others that we were in a relationship (in any form) I may give him the side eye. So you may have to deal with that. He may come to his own conclusions for why you don't want your relationship status known.

A question you may need to answer is how important it is for you to keep your "business" to yourself. What if he wants to break things off because you don't want to change your status? It's a possibility...

 

[silenttullip]

Nah he's ur first bf he should understand u wanna take things slow as long as ur comfy if he changes his status back to single or removes it in general until ur ready. I mean I'm 24 and engaged BUT mine is blank because people are too nosey, people talk too much, and I get frustrated sometimes and would go from single to complicated to divorced (maybe not that far) but I wouldn't want everyone seeing all that change maybe in the same week just because I'm pmsing or something so I keep it blank. Now due to his profession being engaged or having a wife is a bigger deal so he put it there and it's cool.

 

[simplertimes]

The way guys are these days you should be flattered he mentions your existence.

I understand why you hesitate to change your status though, I would too because I'm private

 

[FemmeFatale]

This is so funny! My male best friend was JUST telling me about all the drama going on in his life in regards to FB relationship status, he changed it the other day and added the girl's name..the women have been UPSET, someone even tried to come through and bust his windows last night! Some have even gotten at the girl! Women are crazy and delusional!!

 

[luckiestdestiny]

^^^Wow at the drama. I guess it depends on the type of people who are your facebook friends. I'M SURE some women are curious...because they've pm'd my FH with where's her picture (I put a funny pic up, not mine...although I was planning to put some up it did give me pause)...I'd love to see her! RIIIIGHT. I'm sure some mean well but for others I'm sure it's a sizing up thing. But for the most part he's had tons of congratulations and "we knew it would happen"! And on and on. I was really happy to see that my FH has spoken so well of me. After the proposal, my FH and I went to one of his friend's weddings and everyone there (who knew him) were saying things like so THIS is (name). I've heard so much about you! I KNEW he was going to ask you. And one of his best friends that I'd only talked to over the phone (as he lives in another state but was there for the wedding) said that he was elated that my FH popped the question. He said he knew from the beginning we got together because FH knew I was the one (we were friends first) but didn't want to come on too strong, so he tried to play it cool, but was waiting until enough time passed to pop the question. It was really fun knowing that he'd spoken so well of me to others that they felt like they already knew me. So pretty much on facebook his friends congratulated him and sent well wishes to the both of us. And he has a ridiculous amount of facebook friends (over 300) and no one has shared any animosity. So I guess that means no crazy exes lol! And that he picks good people to be around, so I guess that's cool now that I've read these comments. This facebook thing is getting too serious

 

[softblackcotton]

I agree with everyone else. Congrats on the boyfriend, btw... so you had the exclusive relationship talk and all that?

(Just gotta check! You know me! )


As for Facebook, you can do whatever you want, and I understand exactly where you're coming from. You don't have any obligation to add a status simply because you now have a boyfriend. It's funny how seriously people take FB, considering that it hasn't even existed for a full decade. Couples over the last 6,000 years of civilization survived without updating statuses, so you can too!

I think that if you just say to your boyfriend what you told us in this post, that should work. Good luck!

Yes we had an exclusive relationship talk several times initiated by him. We went back and forth, well actually it was me going back and forth. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to be his girlfriend or not. I do agree that some people about taking facebook way too seriously. There are some people who really believe "it's not a real relationship until it is confirmed on facebook." Maybe when you are in college or high school, but other than that. Grow up people.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

If you do decide to change ur status just make ur page private if it isnt already. People are so nosey. I would also avoid making status updates about relationship probs or just the relationship in general I mean its okay to say "going to the italian festival with my SO" but not "so glad xyz and I had that talk. Im so happy we're back together again. Now i can finally get a good night's sleep" Its super corny and just idk......

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Yes we had an exclusive relationship talk several times initiated by him. We went back and forth, well actually it was me going back and forth. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to be his girlfriend or not. I do agree that some people about taking facebook way too seriously. There are some people who really believe "it's not a real relationship until it is confirmed on facebook." Maybe when you are in college or high school, but other than that. Grow up people.

Hmmm...I think this might be the deeper issue here.

Are you SURE you really want to be his girlfriend?? That aspect might be causing the uneasiness about your facebook "status" more so than simply the "privacy" aspect of it. Ykwim??

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Some facebook status offer too much info. I have a relative who posted that her son dad is a deadbeat and that is ok cause she is the mom and dad. Considering I had no idea the father was no longer with her or in the baby life her status told me and everyone else on her page. I don't even list if I am single on my page, no one needs to know my status especially the nosey folks.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

nope.

i think fb relationships are so awk b/c when people break up, everyone comments on it. like "what happened?" or "good" or "you can make it through". just really uncomfortable stuff. i've even seen some people "like" it

i think leaving it blank is fine.

that's cold @ the bolded. i'm single and have no desire to change my status until i'm engaged, to be honest. all the people who need to know will know. relationship status changes when you're grown just feel extra awkward.

 

[SelahOco]

I think he should have asked you before he did that on FB. If I was you, I'd explain my position, but since he's naturally going to feel like you're hiding him, I would remind him of ways that I've openly declared him as special to you. Maybe he met your friends, your family, etc.

If I was him, I would still give you the side eye, cause he's gonna wonder what's so hard about just letting people know. But he should have told you that he was gonna so it first - so you could decide how you both wanted to handle it on FB.

 

[Imani]

I am not on facebook, I really dislike it, actually, always have.

But my current boyfriend (also my first boyfriend at 26) is one of those people who loves facebook has million "friends" and is on there all the time. He did the pic of us as his profile and also changed his status to "in a relationship". I don't know, it is all so "extra" to me. Like, soon as he changed his status to "in a relationship", I mean literally in minutes, maybe even seconds, he had folks messaging him and writing on his wall, like who is this chic, etc. Like seriously people, get a life!

And then, we recently had a brief falling out, although never ever talked about officially breaking up, but he had a tantrum and went and changed his facebook status to no longer in a relationship (which is another post for another day and burned me up like hot fire inside). How do I know? Bc people were calling me, like "why did you and XYZ break up? what happened? etc" And I'm sitting there dumbfounded, like, wow, really, we broke up? This is news to me, good job on making me look like an idiot.

Point is, in my experience, facebook is messy. Chile, leave it blank!