ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing".

[kayte]

I am so tempted to respond...
BUT I cannot imagine WHAT there is to say
the breakup was ...brutal....
he probably just wants to brag about some book deal he's got


I've posted about him...sigh and about abusive realtioships
guess it's time to take my own advice
I can't delete it ..isn't that silly?
I started crying when I saw his name suddenly appear
but I won't respond....abuse is not acceptable

but I am so sad..I still love this man
and think he is so special
crazy...but special.....

I can hear myself trying to rationalize myself into responding
saying no when you must say no and a part of you wants to say
yes

 

[rafikichick92]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

Awwww, poor baby! Stick to your guns, though; stick to your guns.

 

[kayte]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

aww..thank you...

I posted this in advice to someone else ...just last month
I need to re-read... if I was strong ..to decline a reconciliation then
I can be strong enough to ignore this email
I think...............

I was involved last year with a man I thought was perfect!
gorgoeous smart,erudite in the same professional field as I am
published novelist..my age ..supportive... loving..thought I was brilliant
as a writer told me so numerous times
intense pursuit of me...incredible dates..he really put himself out for me
but shortly after that and getting really involved and once I began to really care for him..... and know him....the abuse..emotional and verbal surfaced..along with violent explosive anger ...out of control rage..physical abuse would have been next had I stayed

so the relationship ended...I'm sorry to say I actually wasn't sure even if I should...but I did...he came back and I posted about a possible reconcilation but abuse is destuctive///homicidal even and some kind ladies pmed me warning me
and I did JUST AS I ADVISED YOU

I came to terms that I loved him but that ANY chance of romantic love partnership
would never again happen with him and me
and I forgave him! for my own good when he re-approached me
.I said glad things are better..please good take care of yourself

...and had closure and it was/is
permanently over.
I hope this made sense to you OP
((hugs))

 

[**SaSSy**]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

Just keep ignoring him. If continues to send you unwanted e-mails just save them and take it to court to file an order of protection.

 

[LiberianGirl]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

I would block his email address if I were you. This to shall pass. Stay strong Kayte.

 

[LaGina]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

I agree, hit delete and keep it moving. You gain healing through the passing of time. Don't let and email set you back.

 

[lana]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

I would ignore and delete his email. I would block the email address. I would tell myself over and over everyday that I'm too good for the likes of him. Also I would remind myself that the best thing you can do to get back at someone who is just trying to lure you back in...is to IGNORE them, it drives them crazy! They don't know if you got the message, did you read it or if you immediately deleted it, did you care, did you cry...they will never know because you don't respond. You love yourself enough to let him go. Time heals all wounds, get busy and stay focused. You will get through this and by the way...if you really have some things that you left unsaid, pray about them and also if you need to, go ahead and write a long letter to him and then RIP it up, shred it up and be done with it. This too shall pass.

And if you can forgive him, then forgive him in your heart, because forgiveness is for YOU not them. As long as you hold on to the hurt and pain, it will hold on to you. Sometimes we just need to let it go. Pray to let it go and believe that your prayers are heard. And if you don't have the strength to love yourself enough to stay away from an abusive man then ask God to have the strength FOR you.

 

[mscocoface]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

I want you to remember in vivid detail all the abusive things he did to you.

Now ask your head and your heart if you feel he even deserves the time and energy you are giving just contemplating the thought of reaching out to him?

I don't know you accept on this site and I appreciate you and know that no matter how much you love him or remember those good times, he does NOT deserve even the attention you are giving him now.

There is unhealthy love and there is healthy love. Please Kayte, go do something good and wonderful for yourself today. The first thing being remove all temptation and start by deleting that message.

You are an incredibile lady and someone out there deserves this time and attention. You deserve this time and attention, place it on yourself and your well being.

Take care of yourself!

 

[tetbelle]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

Don't get sucked in be strong. You need to delete, block etc... You can't help your feelings but in this case you need to go with you head and not your heart. Be strong! This may be part of his manipulation to suck you back in.

 

[kayte]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

thank you all
part of me is just......curious...mystfied
what does he want?

and I ended another dating relatoinship recently
where the guy was being reckless with my feelings and I ended it nicely!
...that person beng upset and angry and challenging it and calling me..."Nutty"
HIS emails came in ....today also.....this afdternoon
not too long after other guy's came in

sigh.....
tears......lol
and I was like ...what IS this????
open season on Kayte ?

 

[hopeful]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

Hang in there Kayte. Not open season on Kayte, never. See it as an opportunity to move away from these types of relationships. Turn over a new leaf. No more abuse, no more being involved with reckless people. Move forward Kayte, a sweetheart of a guy is on his way--make room for him.

 

[tada1]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

Kayte, if you must reply simply say
"please do not contact me ever again. I do not want to have anything to do with you"

send and delete all correspondence. If you simply ignore the message, you will find yourself checking your email 100 times a day wondering if he's going to come begging. On the other hand, if you take a stance and send him a clear message saying back off, buddy you will finally have the closure and strength that you need to move on with your life.
Life is too short to waste it on abusive men

 

[Highly Favored8]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

((((HUGS)))) Kayte.

 

[kayte]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

Hang in there Kayte. Not open season on Kayte, never. See it as an opportunity to move away from these types of relationships. Turn over a new leaf. No more abuse, no more being involved with reckless people. Move forward Kayte, a sweetheart of a guy is on his way--make room for him.

those are such sweet words~~
thank you ALL for such wisdom and Highly Favored for the hug!
I have SUCH itchy fingers butI'm staying away
he has not contacted since I said no thank you
I NEVER expected to hear from him EVER again
the ending was so nasty
and it was a Herculean effort to part with some measure of
decency....he's so messed up


the odd thing is when a guy that has issues
and his issues show up...he is shown the door.oke:
so the leaf has been turned over....
but only partly I guess
and I kicked to the curb a couple of steady men in my life who
were like KINGs to me..but I was not in love

~~don't mind me.
I'm just being a cry baby
but I'm not waiting on them


there are irons in the fire..
just weird that men want to hold on when they had the chance
and then acted the fool


and also is odd..that is all happening
during the week of lo-oo-:luv2:ve

 

[Tayw29]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

Kayte in a previous thread you posted regarding Love addiction and all of the characteristics. Coming from a person trying to change the choices i make and the types of men I attract, Please don't answer that email. He has issues and you chose to walk away. You left the relationship for a reason and you made a conscious decision to change and recover from that situation. Going back and forth with him via email is not what you need. Your moving forward and you need to continue on your quest to find the man for you and he is not it. So theres no need to hear what he has to say at thins point. Stay strong and fight that urge girl, delete it and move on.

 

[kayte]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

I think I won't...I am honest enough with myself to know it's a day at a time on this
and each day that passes... it will be harder each day... to answer...and that's good
so that's how I'm taking it ...and Wednesday I leave for Calif..by land travel
I do not fly....so no access to computer or anything for awhile
just miles and miles of road..
I accidentally pulled one of his pictures up looking for something else...and that was difficult

each day I ignore him will be easier,tho
it's not like before when we were involved and I wouldnt talk to him and he''d persist anyways ..

I am still shocked to have heard from him suddenly but
I do not think he will continue to try.... since the breakup
if I am silent ...a day at a time..

I am very very tempted to see what the heck he wants
he's too intense a personality to just drop in ..like this
part of me misses that intensity ..it was intoxicating
and so I still am too attracted.. to be completely detached
but more scared than curious..right now


~~~~

 

[kayte]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

Going back and forth with him via email is not what you need. Your moving forward and you need to continue on your quest to find the man for you and he is not it. So theres no need to hear what he has to say at thins point. Stay strong and fight that urge girl, delete it and move on.

yes.....

 

[Tayw29]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

I've been there sweetie, I know its hard and hearing from them kind of makes us feel better verses him walking away and never looking back. I wish mine would go the hell away and leave me be, but my situation is hard because we have children together. So the boundaries set are few and far between because I have to see him, i have to talk to him and there are days when I weaken but for the most part I keep it short and to the point and children related. This opportunity you have to rid yourself of him is a blessing, especially now that you have taken the steps to move so far ahead. Stay strong and know that you not responding to him will bug him far more than anything you could ever say to him.

 

[Kerryann]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

Kayte hit delete thats all. i know the whole loving thing and blaazay first hand please im begging you not to answer please its just going to bring up more feelings that youve tried to make disappear.


DONT DO IT

 

[kayte]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

I was tempted up to this morning to reach out to him ..before it was too late
but I woke up feeling awful....
I had this horrible feeling and I tried to ignore it and then I knew
I was remembering..

I stopped thinking about how 'hot" he was and how he thought
I was brilliant...very heady stuff..
and some of the fun things we did and how incredibly supportive he was in the beginnig and how loving and how hard he went after me and how delighted I was he was my age and like me ..looked much younger and he thought like I did...that
THIS IS IT..THIS IS THE ONE......

but then I began remembering the rage..all the other things ...he was suicidal
his father committed suicide...his father beat him....taught him to be a profesional boxer and wrestler....so he's conditioned to violence hence.. violent temper

I cant imagine answering him anymore
I am remembering......all of the bad stuff now
& this hurts.....

anytime I reconciled with an ex....the worst behaviors exhibited
during the relationship prior to a breakup
was nothing compared to what they did AFTER the reconciliation
it only gets worse..horrifically

 

[kayte]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

hearing from them kind of makes us feel better verses him walking away and never looking back

this is hard to admit..but

i know the whole loving thing and blaazay

this too

 

[awhyley]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

Awwww, poor baby! Stick to your guns, though; stick to your guns.

I wanted to thank you, but I don't know where the button has gone! It's disappeared again!!!

and I ended another dating relatoinship recently
where the guy was being reckless with my feelings and I ended it nicely!
...that person beng upset and angry and challenging it and calling me..."Nutty"
HIS emails came in ....today also.....this afdternoon
not too long after other guy's came in

Dang, when it rains, it really pours. Not to worry Kayte, things will get better. Stay strong and know that you don't need those losers.

Kayte, if you must reply simply say
"please do not contact me ever again. I do not want to have anything to do with you"

Uh-uh. DO NOT MAKE ANY CONTACT AT ALL. YOU DON't NEED TO, SO DON'T DO IT!!! Without saying a word, he'll get the message.

but then I began remembering the rage..all the other things ...he was suicidal
his father committed suicide...his father beat him....taught him to be a profesional boxer and wrestler....so he's conditioned to violence hence.. violent temper

Damn, what a terrible combo. All the more reason NOT to call him.
When you feel like seeing what he's up you and wanting to chat with him, think of what he put you through. Next week is Valentine's so love yourself, and give yourself the gift of peace of mind, (and heart).

 

[kayte]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

I wanted to thank you, but I don't know where the button has gone! It's disappeared again!!!



Dang, when it rains, it really pours. Not to worry Kayte, things will get better. Stay strong and know that you don't need those losers.


[/B]
Uh-uh. DO NOT MAKE ANY CONTACT AT ALL. YOU DON't NEED TO, SO DON'T DO IT!!! Without saying a word, he'll get the message.

[/FONT]

Damn, what a terrible combo. All the more reason NOT to call him.
When you feel like seeing what he's up you and wanting to chat with him, think of what he put you through. Next week is Valentine's so love yourself, and give yourself the gift of peace of mind, (and heart).

:Run: Seriously.....^^^^^^.

everybody...
yes I care about him .

.but today I care about me a little bit more

 

[SistaSista]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

ITA with most of the posts. I would ignore him and keep it moving. He doesn't even deserve a response. Block him from your emails and enjoy a day at the spa on Valentines Day. You deserve it!

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

(((((((((((((Kayte))))))))))))))))))

I have been there and done that. I know exactly what you mean about missing the intensity. And you are correct that if you forgive the behavior, it WILL escalate and the stunts he will pull after you take him back will make what came before look like a birthday party.

Ah, the abusive ex. Don't think for a second that he just so happened to reach out to you at Valentine's day. He's hoping you will be thinking about romance and he can stir up the good memories you share with him in order to sneak in the back door. No ma'am... time to love yourself this week.

 

[dlewis]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

Hang in there Kayte. Not open season on Kayte, never. See it as an opportunity to move away from these types of relationships. Turn over a new leaf. No more abuse, no more being involved with reckless people. Move forward Kayte, a sweetheart of a guy is on his way--make room for him.

Yep I agree.

to you Kayte.

 

[Spiffy]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

I am sure you are wondering what this guy is thinking since he is contacting you, but whatever it is you believe, divide that by 100. From what you are relaying, this guy is so conditioned to abusive behavior and so distanced from reality, he has no idea of the implications from his actions. Also, have you ever thought he could be sending the same message to multiple women from his past and waiting for the replies to come in to see who's down for the taking? With men like that, women sometimes have to think of themselves as the rule and not the exception because those guys never change and you'll be cropped in with his list of women no matter how inspirational and helpful you think you were to them.

This dude has no regard for what he did to you in the past and will keep flip flapping because guys like that can't commit to being without you just as they can't commit to being with you. As long as he controls the dynamics and Kayte is throwing him some attention everything is good. He is not thinking about your needs, it's all about what he needs at the time and if it's a simple reply to his email, then that may be enough to stroke his ego for him to disappear for another few months until he's due for another ego stroking or weasel his way back in. And trust, a simple reply to an email is enough for inflated personality types to think they've still got you. Any attention is good for them, even a good cursing makes them feel good sometimes.

You said it's been a year or so since you last heard from him? Well, however long it has been, be thankful he is no longer in your life to cause you any harm. So, you are in control of what you may be feeling now. If you keep going over it in your head and wondering, you will feel awful. But if you pick it up like the strong woman I know you are, you won't feel awful and you will actually move past this guy. Block him from your email, cut all contact, don't fret over losing him and celebrate his dismissal!

Good luck!

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

Hey, if you want, I can find this dude and pull a little bit of this on him:

:hardslap:



Stay strong, and please take care of yourself. And we're here if you need us.

 

[kayte]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

[QUOTE

=LadyPaniolo;10130154](((((((((((((Kayte))))))))))))))))))

I have been there and done that. I know exactly what you mean about missing the intensity. And you are correct that if you forgive the behavior, it WILL escalate and the stunts he will pull after you take him back will make what came before look like a birthday party.

missing the intensity

I won't lie..I do ...in that...he was unusual...anything he did was intense
even non-intense things...like...

on our very first date I wore these tights that kept slipping and in one sec unless I hurried I'd be wearing those tights arouond my ankles

I had to walk backwards to the ladies room pretending nothing was going on and he jumped out of his chair..came over right to me....his eyes were like when lightnng strikes.....they look liked an electric blue flash and all he did was ask..... Are you alright.....Can I help you? Are you sure ..anything?

he looked so beautiful.... I just wanted to freeze in that moment
and stare ...he was totally unaware of the effect he was having on me......
I mumbled no nono ..and escaped


I HAVE so experienced the bolded...invited the person back
only to be annihilated
far worse than I could have EVER imagined

Ah, the abusive ex. Don't think for a second that he just so happened to reach out to you at Valentine's day. He's hoping you will be thinking about romance and he can stir up the good memories you share with him in order to sneak in the back door. No ma'am... time to love yourself this week

I couldnt agree more... it's weird...but I guess..not
coincidental... it's happening..now
and in reading this post...ooops...I just did share a memory
ach~

 

[kayte]

Re: ex-dating relationship..abusive writer bf...emails today..to see "how I am doing"

You said it's been a year or so since you last heard from him? Well, however long it has been, be thankful he is no longer in your life to cause you any harm.

It's actully been less than a year...not that it matters
but you're right

Also, have you ever thought he could be sending the same message to multiple women from his past and waiting for the replies to come in to see who's down for the taking?

I'm sorry I had to laugh..

:master:
got this mental image of him feverishly sending out mass emails
or email blast.... bcc-ing all of the women in his life

it's possible...I mean I don't care
but he wasn't really a skirt chaser..he was much very focused in his work
it's how ..we met.. at a networking event for writers

Hey, if you want, I can find this dude and pull a little bit of this on him:

lol...

Thank you all!
Thanks DLweis for the hug!

I will fess up!!! I came very close to contacting him last night and I said
I will NEVER tell..I will just live through the fallout because I know contacting him will guarantee one

but..I could not and but frankly..It's because ...his anger is no joke
you cannot reason with him...he's completely irrational and crazy
and what's funny is ...I am not womdering IF he will get angry
it's all about wondering what happens next WHEN he does get angry
because there is no question...he WILL lose his temper

so truth be told... I'm too chicken ...
too scurred to contact him!
but I guess there are times when fear is a NECESSARY blessing