Ending Toxic Friendships

[GraceJones]

I've been friends with a couple for a few years now. I like to hang out with them because we have the same interests and we generally have fun together.

You never really know all the details of someone's relationship, and I've never had one before so I didn't think it was right to judge. But now I'm starting to notice certain things about their dynamic. I noticed it before tried to give it the benefit of the doubt.

However I noticed that the bf will often bring up certain conversations as a way to embarrass the gf in public. We've talked about dating before and sometimes I like to get dating advice from the both of them. I don't have any male friends so I like to get his perspective at times.
I've dated A LOT of guys. Because I know I'm not promiscuous, I'm not ashamed to admit that. Plus, I just see dating as practice.

For example, one night we were at dinner and he asked me how many guys I've gone on dates with. I gave an estimate like 30-40. He turns to his gf and asks her how many bfs she had before him. Then he proclaims he has had 10 gfs during college.

I feel like they probably have frequent arguments about other things and this is his way into scaring her out being single again. It's as though he's saying, "Well Grace has dated 30 men and she still hasn't found a man. You don't really have that much dating experience. You might as well stay with me because it will be much easier for me to move on."

He also tells her about other women's horror stories in dating as if to say, "There are much worse men out there. Most men in my position would treat you badly so you may as well stay with me because I'm the best you can do. I'm the only man that can love you. "

He talks about how easy it was for him to pick up girls when he was single in front his gf. It's like he wants her to feel lucky.

He always finds some type of way to brag about himself and how great he is. Once I saw him at the gym and he was bragging about how fit he used to be and how great he would like if he wanted to make the effort. I was looking at him like . He's about 40-50lbs overweight and nowhere near fit.

I'm really starting to dislike him. I just feel like it's control and manipulation. It's also passive control and manipulation towards me as well because I started to internalize his negativity. I think they have a codependent relationship.

Or IDK. Maybe I'm thinking too much. I've been doing a lot of work on my family issues and daddy issues in therapy and now I'm starting to see certain things that weren't as clear to me as before.

 

[hothair]

Find new friends.

Its hard and odd to be very close friends with a couple as a singleton.

You start getting drawn into their dynamics and its nunya.

Always best to kerp it light and focus on you.

 

[soulfusion]

He sounds like an ass. I can't be bothered with people who disturb my spirit. If I have to think too much about a friendship, chances are it's not for me.

 

[Starian]

Dude sounds emotionally abusive. Unfortunate for the girlfriend, but there's only room for one on the raft. Save yourself. He's using you to make his girl feel insecure and I wouldn't allow myself to be used as a tool for someone else's misery.

 

[GraceJones]

Dude sounds emotionally abusive. Unfortunate for the girlfriend, but there's only room for one on the raft. Save yourself. He's using you to make his girl feel insecure and I wouldn't allow myself to be used as a tool for someone else's misery.

It's a shame because she's very sweet and I like her. She's cute, petite, and when we go out people still ask her if she is over 18. She could do a lot better than her situation and I've told her that many times.

 

[Mai Tai]

How close are you with the gf?

Did you know her before she met him?

Why is he so interested in your dating life?

Why are you telling him your business?

He sounds extremely manipulative and I personally would stay away from them as a couple. He seems like the type that will hit on you behind the GF back and when caught, blame it all on you painting you as a "desperate serial dater". I say let them both go if you are not invested and P.S. I have NEVER taken dating advice from a man (besides my dad).

 

[Starian]

It's a shame because she's very sweet and I like her. She's cute, petite, and when we go out people still ask her if she is over 18. She could do a lot better than her situation and I've told her that many times.

I feel you. I've been in that situation on both ends. Just using myself as a reference, I didn't listen to what anyone else had to say about my man because people believe they are special and an exception to the rule. So I just allowed myself to be verbally and emotionally abused until I got burned out on it/he left me. I wouldn't relive my 20s for all the money in the world because I was stupid and had to learn everything the hard way. People generally don't take advice; they have to experience to learn.

I've also allowed myself to be the barometer of what someone else's woman was or wasn't doing. It was pure ego and I reaped the karma for that many times over.

The bottom line is there are billions of people in the world that don't make you feel like crap/question whether the situation is right for you. This friendship has expired.

 

[GraceJones]

How close are you with the gf?

Did you know her before she met him?

No. I met both of them at the same time.

Why is he so interested in your dating life?

We all talk about dating and other intimate topic with our other friends.

Why are you telling him your business?

I really don't consider that "business." I wouldn't tell him anything I wouldn't want other people to know because he has a big mouth. I would tell anyone that.

He sounds extremely manipulative and I personally would stay away from them as a couple. He seems like the type that will hit on you behind the GF back and when caught, blame it all on you painting you as a "desperate serial dater". I say let them both go if you are not invested and P.S. I have NEVER taken dating advice from a man (besides my dad).

This! Yes, he is! He does it to everyone, even his male friends. He's never hit on me or anything but I hate when he does what I mentioned above ^^
Disrespect towards all women.

I feel you. I've been in that situation on both ends. Just using myself as a reference, I didn't listen to what anyone else had to say about my man because people believe they are special and an exception to the rule. So I just allowed myself to be verbally and emotionally abused until I got burned out on it/he left me. I wouldn't relive my 20s for all the money in the world because I was stupid and had to learn everything the hard way. People generally don't take advice; they have to experience to learn.

I've also allowed myself to be the barometer of what someone else's woman was or wasn't doing. It was pure ego and I reaped the karma for that many times over.

The bottom line is there are billions of people in the world that don't make you feel like crap/question whether the situation is right for you. This friendship has expired.

Thanks for your post.
I don't know what you mean by this.

 

[Starian]

This! Yes, he is! He does it to everyone, even his male friends. He's never hit on me or anything but I hate when he does what I mentioned above ^^
Disrespect towards all women.



Thanks for your post.
I don't know what you mean by this.

Sorry I wasn't clear. I've been in an allegedly "platonic" friendship with a man who constantly compared his girlfriend to me. He would tell her stuff like "Why can't you do such and such like Starian?" and tell me things like "You know how to treat a man, I wish she was more like you in this aspect." Things like that. I fed into it and became way too entangled in someone else's relationship, when it should have been clear to me that he was angling to cheat or just using me as a tool to keep his girlfriend off balance. I hope I explained what I meant a little better.

 

[GraceJones]

Sorry I wasn't clear. I've been in an allegedly "platonic" friendship with a man who constantly compared his girlfriend to me. He would tell her stuff like "Why can't you do such and such like Starian?" and tell me things like "You know how to treat a man, I wish she was more like you in this aspect." Things like that. I fed into it and became way too entangled in someone else's relationship, when it should have been clear to me that he was angling to cheat or just using me as a tool to keep his girlfriend off balance. I hope I explained what I meant a little better.

Oh ok I see. Yeah, he doesn't do that per se, but he definitely uses other women's struggles in dating and relationships as a way to instill fear.

I feel crazy for even thinking like this because most people LOVEEE him. I've called him out on his crap before in other things and everybody wants to look at me like I'm the problem.

 

[awhyley]

I feel crazy for even thinking like this because most people LOVEEE him. I've called him out on his crap before in other things and everybody wants to look at me like I'm the problem.

Don't feel crazy for seeing through his BS. He probably surrounds himself with people he can con. Be glad that you're stable enough to see him for what he is. Hopefully in time, his gf will do the same. If its making you uncomfortable (and it should), it's time to throw up the deuces.

 

[GraceJones]

Do you guys think I can suggest therapy to the gf? If I tell her outright that her man ain't ish she's gonna think I'm a hater. She's so under his spell because they've been together so long. I can't imagine her being happy under these circumstances. He's not the only man in the world.

I'm a little upset about this friendship break up TBH

 

[GetHappy2014]

You were given great advice. But now it's time to do a 'slow fade' out of this relationship. If you are really fond of gf then continue to stay connected with her by dropping a text or call now and again, until he's out of the picture. He sounds very MANIPULATIVE and INSECURE. Other people in your circle may not notice because they are possibly either 'gullible' or 'just don't give a damn'.

 

[007PMP]

Milly rocks in:

Cut it, cut it, cut it, cut it
Cut it, cut it, cut it, cut it
Them bricks is way too hot, you need to cut it
Your price is way too high, you need to cut it
Cut it, cut it, cut it, cut it
Cut it, cut it, cut it, cut it
Them bricks is way too hot, you need to cut it
Your price is way too high, you need to cut it

Milly rocks out...

 

[Black Ambrosia]

He sounds really insecure. I bet he's afraid she'll see she can do better and move on. He's putting in way too much work to make sure she doesn't stray.

 

[GraceJones]

He sounds really insecure. I bet he's afraid she'll see she can do better and move on. He's putting in way too much work to make sure she doesn't stray.

Yes! This exactly!

After one of his speeches about how he could get any girl he wants I replied that I'm sure it wouldn't be hard for her to find someone else either since she's so pretty and level headed.

Ya'll should have seen the look on his face.

#donotcare #fedup #whogoncheckmeboo

 

[caribeandiva]

Yes! This exactly!

After one of his speeches about how he could get any girl he wants I replied that I'm sure it wouldn't be hard for her to find someone else either since she's so pretty and level headed.

Ya'll should have seen the look on his face.

#donotcare #fedup #whogoncheckmeboo

I’d pay good money to see it! In my experience men who brag about the number of women they’ve bagged or their sexual escapades tend to be very insecure. After all you don’t have to work hard to prove what you are, only what you aren’t.