Emotional abuse (Long)

[karezone]

I just realized that I am in an emotionally abusive relationship. For the past year or so, he has criticized me to the point were I don't believe that I can do anything right. He routinely witholds affection as some sort of weird punishment.

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/21

We haven't spoken since Sunday because of a slight disagreement we had in the car on the way to the movies. He lives about 45 minutes away and I am practicing for my license, so when he gets to my home, I drive us both in my car so that I can practice. This Sunday he was late (as has become his routine) the movie started at 7pm and he did not arrive until 7pm. He literally began criticizing me before I was out of the driveway. He continued all the way up the road, until I finally told him to stop. I honestly don't know what possessed me. I guess I was just fed up. You would have thought that I hit him in the mouth or something because he did not say anything else the entire night. In fact he got angry because I would not go through the Cook Out Drive Thru. I am not comfortable enough in my driving to do it yet.

We ended up not seeing the movie because we were too late. I honestly think that he was late on purpose because he wanted to see Quarantine and I wanted to see Eagle Eye. He knows that I don't watch scary movies. If we had been on time, we would have only had time to see EE as we had previously agreed.

As I said before we have not talked since Sunday. I honestly don't plan on calling him, because he always manages to turn everything around and make it seem like my fault.

How would you address someone you feel is emotionally abusive? How would you handle the situation?

 

[alyn308]

I would tell you to go and look at yourself in the mirror everytime you feel like calling him or answering one of his call. Tell yourself in the mirror that your going to talk to a man that has broken your spirit, who treats you like dirt....

I had to do this everyday for a month before I got over the guy I was with

 

[firecracker]

From what you posted he is not the person for you. You guys are not compatiable. Please don't call him and do what the Alyn suggested everytime you get the urge. You need some that respects, supports, and uplifts you. He has too much *****azzness in him from what you described. Leave that passive aggressive manipulator alone please. You can find another man and a good one too. KIM!

 

[TwoKaylas]

I just realized that I am in an emotionally abusive relationship. For the past year or so, he has criticized me to the point were I don't believe that I can do anything right. He routinely witholds affection as some sort of weird punishment.

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/21As I said before we have not talked since Sunday. I honestly don't plan on calling him, because he always manages to turn everything around and make it seem like my fault.

How would you address someone you feel is emotionally abusive? How would you handle the situation?

Dear Karezone... I'm so glad your eyes have been opened to the unhealthiness of this relationship. You haven't spoken to him? Keep that up! Never allow yourself to be subjected to any type of abuse - emotional, physical, mental, sexual... How would I address it? Drop him. Your already thinking you can't do ANYTHING RIGHT (that's a bold-faced lie). It'll only get worse from there. Next he'll be making all your choices for you, isolating you, and more. Know this, you are worth more and deserve better. You don't need a manipulating, disrespectful man, who obviously has low self-esteem (or else he wouldn't have to tear you down), in your life. God bless you.

 

[MissJ]

I would get out of the relationship. My ex-boyfriend, WCG, was emotionally abusive and CRAZY, and I stayed with him for too long.

 

[Ms Red]

Pray yourself out of it and in the meantime, know that emotional abuse often turns physical.

Once he sees that you are beginning to stand up for yourself a little bit, don't believe he won't resort to physically harming you to get his point across. Count yourself blessed that he lives 45 minutes away and not with you. Get out of this relationship while you can still salvage your life, your confidence, your self-worth and esteem.

 

[Misseyl]

I just realized that I am in an emotionally abusive relationship. For the past year or so, he has criticized me to the point were I don't believe that I can do anything right. He routinely witholds affection as some sort of weird punishment.

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/21

We haven't spoken since Sunday because of a slight disagreement we had in the car on the way to the movies. He lives about 45 minutes away and I am practicing for my license, so when he gets to my home, I drive us both in my car so that I can practice. This Sunday he was late (as has become his routine) the movie started at 7pm and he did not arrive until 7pm. He literally began criticizing me before I was out of the driveway. He continued all the way up the road, until I finally told him to stop. I honestly don't know what possessed me. I guess I was just fed up. You would have thought that I hit him in the mouth or something because he did not say anything else the entire night. In fact he got angry because I would not go through the Cook Out Drive Thru. I am not comfortable enough in my driving to do it yet.

We ended up not seeing the movie because we were too late. I honestly think that he was late on purpose because he wanted to see Quarantine and I wanted to see Eagle Eye. He knows that I don't watch scary movies. If we had been on time, we would have only had time to see EE as we had previously agreed.

As I said before we have not talked since Sunday. I honestly don't plan on calling him, because he always manages to turn everything around and make it seem like my fault.

How would you address someone you feel is emotionally abusive? How would you handle the situation?

Be thankful to God he's not your husband and then run for your life.. IMO, he's a potentially dangerous man -- beatings, lowers your self esteem, berates you in front of family/friends, you can't do anything right. Girl you deserve better, get out while you can..

 

[Silkydreamgirl]

You deserve someone who will love and respect you. Someone that criticizes everything you do doesn't respect you. You are beautiful and don't let him manipulate you otherwise. I was emotionally and physically abused. It took a couple of years to pass for me to regroup behind that period of drama in my life. First came the emotional abuse and then he started to put his hands on me. I was too far gone to realize what was truly happening to me. Get out while you can! There is someoneone out there who will treat you like the queen that you are. Break it off as soon as you can. Just stop all communication. Don't pick up when he calls and find something to occupy your time so that you don't call him.

 

[letitgrow0702]

Please know that you are worth so much more. I agree with the previous post about cutting all ties with him. Going forward know that you have every right to teach people how to treat you. Let them know from the very beginning what you will and will not put up with.

 

[QT]

im so sorry to hear that you think you are emotionally abused. most likely if you think you are, things aren't right in your home. it brakes my heart to know how upset you are and what situation you are in. any emotional abuse would "qualify" as emotional abuse toward you. i really hope you get out of this situation.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

ITA with most of what has been posted above.

On the more pragmatic side of things, you need to start being aware of your physical safety more. Don't be surprised if he just shows up at your house, or your job, in order to try to force you to speak to him. He may well be hiding back in the cut when you get home sometime. I don't say this to scare you! I'm just trying to hip you to this possibility. When he finds he's losing control over you, physical violence is a possibility.

You should look into getting some Mace at the very least. Also, tell your supervisor at work about this situation... not every detail. Just work out some kind of signal so that if he shows up you can let her know if s/he should call the cops or not.

Again, I don't want to scare you. I just want you to be safe. I have some experience with this.

 

[natural2008]

Maybe he does not now that he was being verbally abusive, until you brought it to his attention. Especially with you speaking up for the first time about it a couple of days ago about his constant critisim. Also if he is te type that turns around everything to make things seem like your fault that is not healthy either. Good luck and do whats best for you.

 

[SHEANITPRO]

I think I work with an emotinal abuser. His disposition toward women is horrible.

 

[JFemme]

Please read this book.....

The Verbally Abusive Relationship, by Patricia Evans



I found a preview at google books....

http://books.google.com/books?hl=en...a=X&oi=book_result&resnum=7&ct=result#PPP1,M1

and..........

http://www.verbalabuse.com/indexmain.shtml

Hugs,Karezone

 

[Country gal]

I was in an abusive relationship long ago. I always felt like I could do nothing right. I still deal with this person today but not in a romantic way. I still am being made to feel inferior to him.

 

[karezone]

Thanks for all your responses and support. I just can't believe that I let this happen to myslef. I don't plan on calling him. I will take your advice and look myself in the mirror everytime I feel like calling him.

Right now my biggest dilema is finding someone to work on my car. He was also my automotive technician.

Some of you got me scared talking about him surprising me at my house/job/etc to try and force me talk with him. I honestly don't think that he is the type to do that and with my starting a new job, he doesn't know where I work. He also knows that I am never at home alone even on the weekends. If he does, should I be afraid? Like I said before he has never been physically abusive, my biggest fear would be that he would do some expensive damage to my car. He has worked in the auto industry for a while and really knows how to ruin a vehicle.

 

[fuchsiastar]

do you have a garage? if so, I would make arrangements to always have it available to have my car parked in it. If not, get you a good alarm system for some peace of mind. I wish you the best.

 

[prettypuff1]

You deserve someone who will love and respect you. Someone that criticizes everything you do doesn't respect you. You are beautiful and don't let him manipulate you otherwise. I was emotionally and physically abused. It took a couple of years to pass for me to regroup behind that period of drama in my life. First came the emotional abuse and then he started to put his hands on me. I was too far gone to realize what was truly happening to me. Get out while you can! There is someoneone out there who will treat you like the queen that you are. Break it off as soon as you can. Just stop all communication. Don't pick up when he calls and find something to occupy your time so that you don't call him.

I think this is the best way. If you give him a reason and tell him what is going to happen, that will give him the time to come with reasons why you should stay. No one deserves this type of treatment, It is best to get out of this while you can honey. He is 45 minutes away and that is a good thing, just let him keep calling and don't answer...

You WILL have better

 

[**Tasha*Love**]

I agree with what everyone has said thus far. I don't think he will mess with your car anytime soon, he's probably somewhere baffled as hell as to why you haven't called him yet. I really don't know what to say about the car but he sounds controlling and self-centered. You now realize what type of person you are dealing with and its best to just let go if he doesn't treat you right. A good healthy relationship is supposed to build you up, not tear you down.

Good Luck Karezone