Shinka
Well-Known Member
Okay...so I'm finally saying this because I don't want to be in denial about it. I feel like I can't say this to anyone in my life because I think they will judge me or dismiss me as emotional. I don't find fulfillment and Love in Christ.
I don't know how either. This isn't for lack of trying or counseling. I fasted celibacy for 6 months in beginning of 2008 cause that is what God told me to do. I still yearned for love from a man. I still yearn for companionship and physical comfort.
Maybe I give up on my counseling and "fasting: in different forms too early. I know me not feeling that way in Christ is why I still mourn the death of the only person I knew I could depend on in life, my brother. This is why I stayed in a bad marriage too long, or one could say why i married in the first place. This is why i still yearn for my x-fiance despite his mental abuse.
I can't find fullment in the Lord and I try, I really do try. I can get peace, and foresight from God. I get filled with the Holy Spirit and I speak in tongues as moved by the spirit, and I have experience of prophecy. I've been exorcised of demons etc.
I like the ability to feel God's Love and for it to fulfill my natural yearning to be loved. I've asked for it and still no luck. I mentally know God Loves me. I feel when God is pulling me to come back. I want to be physically feel Loved. You know how a baby yearns for a mother's touch, I yearn for it too. Maybe because I could never depend on my mother and she was verbally abusive too. She was a horrible mother.
I don't know how to fix this problem, as I ultimately feel like it will be my downfall. I don't look after Love from just anyone becaude I have a big wall and I don't love easily, but when I do. I'm overly loyal and when I finally do feel for someone it clouds my judgement.
Anyway back to the point. From reading the brokenhearted thread, How can I have God fulfill this cup that only he can fulfill? I tried so many times and I don't feel it.
I don't know how either. This isn't for lack of trying or counseling. I fasted celibacy for 6 months in beginning of 2008 cause that is what God told me to do. I still yearned for love from a man. I still yearn for companionship and physical comfort.
Maybe I give up on my counseling and "fasting: in different forms too early. I know me not feeling that way in Christ is why I still mourn the death of the only person I knew I could depend on in life, my brother. This is why I stayed in a bad marriage too long, or one could say why i married in the first place. This is why i still yearn for my x-fiance despite his mental abuse.
I can't find fullment in the Lord and I try, I really do try. I can get peace, and foresight from God. I get filled with the Holy Spirit and I speak in tongues as moved by the spirit, and I have experience of prophecy. I've been exorcised of demons etc.
I like the ability to feel God's Love and for it to fulfill my natural yearning to be loved. I've asked for it and still no luck. I mentally know God Loves me. I feel when God is pulling me to come back. I want to be physically feel Loved. You know how a baby yearns for a mother's touch, I yearn for it too. Maybe because I could never depend on my mother and she was verbally abusive too. She was a horrible mother.
I don't know how to fix this problem, as I ultimately feel like it will be my downfall. I don't look after Love from just anyone becaude I have a big wall and I don't love easily, but when I do. I'm overly loyal and when I finally do feel for someone it clouds my judgement.
Anyway back to the point. From reading the brokenhearted thread, How can I have God fulfill this cup that only he can fulfill? I tried so many times and I don't feel it.