Don't even know how to feel.
- Thread starter shespoison
- Start date
shespoison
Well-Known Member
I vented here told her how I feel and I honestly feel a lot better for it. *** em. Whats done is done.
ambergirl
Well-Known Member
Was your girlfriend lonely? She may be making up excuses and pretending to have forgotten because she just wants to be in a relationship and this guy is available and willing.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Oh okay
. Welp I think that's about as much closure as you are going to get. That's her story and she's sticking with it. Every single time I've called someone out on BS they feign innocence, like what? Omg I would never hurt you girl. I'm not like that and yada yada. Don't fall for the okey doke.
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
OP unfortunately when a guy "friend" has feelings for you, the relationship is FOREVER changed. It can NEVER go back to being "just buddies".
It sounds like this guy has been harboring romantic feelings for you for a LONG time, and you have moved on from liking him in a romantic way, and that's OKAY. But you do need to be more clear in the future about how you feel.
Sometimes it might take not even hanging out with a guy "friend" who has feelings for you if you know that you don't feel the same way and can't reciprocate. But sleeping with him isn't really giving him the impression that he's just a "friend" and that there are zero feelings on your end. Idk...maybe I have the story backwards, and maybe you didn't sleep with him after you lost feelings for him, but oh well....it is what it is.
A guy won't hang around forever. I say forget them for a little while and go your separate ways.
I think eventually you will be to be friends with him/her again, but maybe right now you can't.
It sounds like this guy has been harboring romantic feelings for you for a LONG time, and you have moved on from liking him in a romantic way, and that's OKAY. But you do need to be more clear in the future about how you feel.
Sometimes it might take not even hanging out with a guy "friend" who has feelings for you if you know that you don't feel the same way and can't reciprocate. But sleeping with him isn't really giving him the impression that he's just a "friend" and that there are zero feelings on your end. Idk...maybe I have the story backwards, and maybe you didn't sleep with him after you lost feelings for him, but oh well....it is what it is.
A guy won't hang around forever. I say forget them for a little while and go your separate ways.
I think eventually you will be to be friends with him/her again, but maybe right now you can't.
shespoison
Well-Known Member
After all the processing today I am ok. I dont feel 100% but I am not angry or sad. Its just whatever.
We slept together when we were dating.....It was many years ago.
And to whoever said Dee was lonely, she is. I know it. She had been separated from her husband for a year and he treated her terribly.
We slept together when we were dating.....It was many years ago.
And to whoever said Dee was lonely, she is. I know it. She had been separated from her husband for a year and he treated her terribly.
OP unfortunately when a guy "friend" has feelings for you, the relationship is FOREVER changed. It can NEVER go back to being "just buddies".
It sounds like this guy has been harboring romantic feelings for you for a LONG time, and you have moved on from liking him in a romantic way, and that's OKAY. But you do need to be more clear in the future about how you feel.
Sometimes it might take not even hanging out with a guy "friend" who has feelings for you if you know that you don't feel the same way and can't reciprocate. But sleeping with him isn't really giving him the impression that he's just a "friend" and that there are zero feelings on your end. Idk...maybe I have the story backwards, and maybe you didn't sleep with him after you lost feelings for him, but oh well....it is what it is.
A guy won't hang around forever. I say forget them for a little while and go your separate ways.
I think eventually you will be to be friends with him/her again, but maybe right now you can't.
Last edited:
shespoison
Well-Known Member
He called me and apologized. He said that I rejected him so much he didnt think I would care. He says he understands why I feel that way after speaking to me.
The damage is done. I see how entirely inappropriate our friendship is and how it doesnt really even serve us well.
The damage is done. I see how entirely inappropriate our friendship is and how it doesnt really even serve us well.
NewYorkgyrl
Well-Known Member
I had to come back to this statement. And I may be just a little bit nosy but:
If you can feel so much for someone that you at one time was attracted to and colored with MORE THAN ONCE and in your adult life...what the heck makes you NOT COMPATIBLE?
You mentioned that you know for a fact you guys are not compatible. I am curious to know what exactly makes you feel that way when you guys have gone through and shared so much and he basically worshipped the ground you walked on.
shespoison
Well-Known Member
He frustrates me, we argue all the time. We just always seem to keep it going regardless. We cant relate on some very basic levels. One thing I didnt mention is that at first I was in love with him. For 2 years he rejected me. So after that I moved on and kept moving.
Once I loved someone else, I never viewed him the same.
ambergirl
Well-Known Member
Well that's interesting.
OP even though I think your friends hooking up is strange, I also think there is something going on here for you with this man. Maybe liking the fact that he was our there pining for you. I also am wondering if he's seeing your friend to get a reaction from you.
Anyways, sounds like you are letting it go.
Nichex
Well-Known Member
Reading the whole thread I completely understand the way you have been feeling.
I have also been in a similar situation in the past.
I to would be annoyed at one of my close friends goin their with an ex of mine, but like some of the ladies said before the type of friendship you had was actually unhealthy.
Going back to my experience the lines were definitely blurred (never sexually, but definitely emotionally) but it was one of the best friendships I ever had. We loved eachother, got on so well and had complete trust, but we never discussed being in a relationship so i know definitely from my point of view i was happy as friends.
When the closeness side of our friendship ended I was really upset because he was such a big part of my life. I confronted him on the issues, we talked about it but we drifted apart quickly after that.
Looking back the way i felt about the situation it was though i was going through a break up. Which wasnt right if we were just friends the whole time.
In hindsight friendships with the opposite sex that are as close as that, I believe wont ever last. One may develop feelings and if it isnt reciprocated then eventually you have to pull away. Which is what your friend did (really badly though). Even if that doesnt happen, i personally dont think anyone would be happy with their partner being so close with a friend of the opposite sex.
I have also been in a similar situation in the past.
I to would be annoyed at one of my close friends goin their with an ex of mine, but like some of the ladies said before the type of friendship you had was actually unhealthy.
Going back to my experience the lines were definitely blurred (never sexually, but definitely emotionally) but it was one of the best friendships I ever had. We loved eachother, got on so well and had complete trust, but we never discussed being in a relationship so i know definitely from my point of view i was happy as friends.
When the closeness side of our friendship ended I was really upset because he was such a big part of my life. I confronted him on the issues, we talked about it but we drifted apart quickly after that.
Looking back the way i felt about the situation it was though i was going through a break up. Which wasnt right if we were just friends the whole time.
In hindsight friendships with the opposite sex that are as close as that, I believe wont ever last. One may develop feelings and if it isnt reciprocated then eventually you have to pull away. Which is what your friend did (really badly though). Even if that doesnt happen, i personally dont think anyone would be happy with their partner being so close with a friend of the opposite sex.
Christa438
Well-Known Member
Sending (((Hugs))). I can understand how u feel and Im sorry you have to go through this. Anyone Ive been in love with and been in a relationship with and made love with is off limits to my bestie. I dont care how long it's been. And the same goes for me with the men she cared about. I wouldnt even want to be with anyone who adored her for that long and then decided to pay me some attention, nor would I want anyone whom I KNOW she was intimate with at all. Oh no Ive never been that chick and never will be. I know my bestie feels exactly the same. I tend to push people who I find shady or hurtful outta my life easily and move on happily. But thats me. In yr case, if these are long-time, close, wonderful friends maybe you can let it go and continue with the friendships and be happy for them... Tough spot to be in. Both he and she placed themselves in an awkward situation. They'll realize soon enough. Ive seen stuff like this when I was much younger and it's just not good or well thought out lol...oh well... (((hugs))) Trust life goes on
I don't get why her friendship has to end with Dee or the guy at all! If I had a friend who got with a guy I put in the friend zone, regardless of the closeness or sex they can be together. Why do I care, because I don't want him like that. If she so happen to, then best wishes. If we did things that would be seemed as inappropriate before, it would cease because he is in a relationship with someone. That closeness we shared would be reserved for a man I do have those feelings for.
Unless, I missed something, Dee understood you guys to have a friendship as well right? Did you voice to her you didn't think of him like that? She probably didn't think it would be a big deal at all. Maybe they will be good for each other, who even knows. If he is a good man, than just be happy for them. I would have a conversation and question why they couldn't just say they were feeling each other.
It wouldn't have changed them being together anyway, but at least you wouldn't be caught off guard. I know couples where one was in a relationship with the other and it didn't work out. Then the person got with an associate of that person and became a couple. There was no hard feelings or explanations owed.
Unless, I missed something, Dee understood you guys to have a friendship as well right? Did you voice to her you didn't think of him like that? She probably didn't think it would be a big deal at all. Maybe they will be good for each other, who even knows. If he is a good man, than just be happy for them. I would have a conversation and question why they couldn't just say they were feeling each other.
It wouldn't have changed them being together anyway, but at least you wouldn't be caught off guard. I know couples where one was in a relationship with the other and it didn't work out. Then the person got with an associate of that person and became a couple. There was no hard feelings or explanations owed.
Farida
Well-Known Member
I think the friendship cannot last. IMO people who have slept with each other will always be attracted to each other on some level. OP says she is not but did she not mention being drunk once and trying to get with him?
Even if by some miracle you are completely repulsed your SOs will never be 100% comfortable with your relationship especially if you get married. ESPECIALLY where one of you is still attracted to the other one. That is just a recipe for hell.
Fine 4s
Well-Known Member
My guy has made it very clear that he wants nothing to do with anyone I was intimate with. I'm friends with most of my exes. *gulp*
However there are some exes that I'm like WTF was I thinking? So uhm, no, can't EVAH go there again.
shespoison
Well-Known Member
***Update- for those who care lol.
I am completely over it. I spoke with him and after talking to him I realized it is 100% necessary for our relationship to change whether he decides to date her or not. I caused that man a lot of pain and I had no idea...even though its not my fault he chose to hang around me and my then SO's.
As of right now they are not dating (because of me). But I apologized to them both because I made a fuss and now I really dont care. So they are up in the air right now. Ugh Imma mess.
I am completely over it. I spoke with him and after talking to him I realized it is 100% necessary for our relationship to change whether he decides to date her or not. I caused that man a lot of pain and I had no idea...even though its not my fault he chose to hang around me and my then SO's.
As of right now they are not dating (because of me). But I apologized to them both because I made a fuss and now I really dont care. So they are up in the air right now. Ugh Imma mess.
Wow...so they missed out on an opportunity to be happy together because you made a fuss! A fuss over someone you didn't even want like that. I hope there is another reason besides you fussing because those two are crazy. If I got with a guy my girl did not want, she can fuss all she wants. I will not miss an opportunity to have a true connection with that guy I DO want! LOL!
Yeah...because the HAS to be some kind of feelings there. If there wasn't you truly don't care who dates who when you don't want them. I think a little jealousy came into play, and many times folks don't want to admit it! My gf used to hang around these guys and said she wasn't with any of them. It seems she used to joke around and talk more to a particular guy. I inquired about their status and she told me it was strictly friendship.
So when I would see her in that circle I never thought anything of it.
So months later, the same guy starts talking to me and we became friends. We even started dating each other. It seemed our friendship changed after us getting together. One of our other girls told me that her and him were F buddies.I had not a clue because my friend was secretive and you never knew who she wasn't sleeping with. So when I asked her why she didn't tell me she shrugged it off. Even though another one of our friends, told me she would say negative things about our relationship. Well, I CONTINUED to date him, because we were getting along well. I was not going to cut it off because she didn't speak up.
