Does your SO/DH travel frequently for work?

[ackee walk]

Every couple of months or so, my SO needs to travel for work. He manages a team of engineers worldwide. He may be gone for as little as 10 days (which is the case now as he's headed off to San Francisco) or a whole month. The extra layer of difficulty with my SO is because he has ADHD, he is not very good with keeping in touch when he is very busy and needs to focus on work. So there's the combination of not seeing him for extended periods of time and not speaking with him often. This is the first time he'll be traveling since we've been together and I need to figure out how/if I can handle this.

Any ladies here whose SO/DH travels a lot for work? How do you handle the time apart? What does he do or what do you do to make you feel comfortable and/or trust that everything is on the up and up while you two are apart? If you've been in the relationship/married for a while, tell me what dealing with the frequent traveling was like when the relationship/marriage was new. And by the off chance that your SO/DH has ADHD AND travels a lot for work (lol I did say off chance), I'd especially love to hear your thoughts.

 

[Transformer]

First, the trust has to be there. Both, I and DH traveled/travels a lot. DH does more than I do now. As for keeping the relationship on the up and up....I never gave it a thought. I'm not naive, and I would certainly deal with the issue if actually proven... but I never got flags.

I guess you should just trust your instincts, and don't sweep yellow flags under the carpet. I think you should be confident and secure in your appeal. Yeah flirtations will happen. Why not discuss this with him openly.

As for ADHD: I have to pack or help DH pack...organize his clothes. We use a "garanimal" system. All clothing items are number, and he has a list that shows what combinations work together. However, I usually pack with a color system...as he will wear totally black for that trip. The next trip totally brown. That way, regardless what his combines it will match.

 

[ackee walk]

First, the trust has to be there. Both, I and DH traveled/travels a lot. DH does more than I do now. As for keeping the relationship on the up and up....I never gave it a thought. I'm not naive, and I would certainly deal with the issue if actually proven... but I never got flags.

I guess you should just trust your instincts, and don't sweep yellow flags under the carpet. I think you should be confident and secure in your appeal. Yeah flirtations will happen. Why not discuss this with him openly.

As for ADHD: I have to pack or help DH pack...organize his clothes. We use a "garanimal" system. All clothing items are number, and he has a list that shows what combinations work together. However, I usually pack with a color system...as he will wear totally black for that trip. The next trip totally brown. That way, regardless what his combines it will match.

Thanks, Ebonybee

Re: the trust having to be there, I agree. But how did it get there? Trust is built, no? I could be wrong but the fact that you did not even have to give it a thought means that your DH/then SO was doing something (or not doing something) that helped you feel that way.

Re: trusting my instincts, I agree here too. What makes it tough for me this time around is that I find myself questioning my instincts because there are things that he does that would normally raise a red flag but his ADHD puts a different spin on it. So for example-- with a different man, if he's constantly unreachable for hours on end, this would generally raise a red flag for me. With SO, I've come to understand that his ADHD makes him forget to charge his cell on a regular basis.

Re: helping pack/organizing clothes-- this system is a great idea.

 

[Transformer]

What i'm asking is...what is his behavior when he's home. Is he the type that is out with the guys a night or two, or a homebody?

Also, our pattern is pretty much to call once a day unless there's an issue I need to keep him comprised.

I say, don't do the cell phone tracking system...it's just not cool. Remember, if he wants to be with someone else....he will. I say....just give him the rope and his true colors will be revealed. But don't let your insecurity ruin it. Let him wonder why you are not calling.

 

[ackee walk]

If work permits, he may go out with the guys once a week or so.

I don't do cell phone tracking. I don't call him frequently to see where he may be. I do get frustrated though because out of the few times I do call, he's usually unreachable. But I hear you, I may just begin to contact him even less frequently than I do now

 

[bravenewgirl87]

Yes, SO travels constantly. I can do nothing but trust him. If I didn't, I would be stopping my entire life to follow him around and see if he's cheating. We keep in contact as often as we can when he's gone. I let me him know through actions and worlds that I love and adore him. What more can you do?

 

[1QTPie]

My current SO (not hubby) travels for MONTHS at a time. He's horrible at keeping in touch. Well, let me take that back. Sometimes he's annoyingly in touch and then it switches, and I don't hear from him by phone for a week or more. He'll text though. *sigh* I get upset, but I approach it in a mature manner.

I basically just express to him that I need to hear from him consistently. We've sorta worked out a schedule so that he calls me around the same time each week. Right now he's away, but he's only an hour and a half north of me. (Last year he was clear across the country.) I can easily drive up to see him anytime I want. We haven't let go of our call schedule though. I treat it as if he's still on the west coast otherwise he will get comfy and forget. Most of the issue is that he lives with other guys when he's traveling for work. Even though all of them are married, they all feel like they are single. (Not in the cheating way.) So they get together and drink and play video games all night.

 

[ackee walk]

Hmm :scratchch Maybe I should suggest we try to implement a schedule of sorts. Got to think about that though-- I want to balance communicating my need to hear from him with not making him feel like I'm trying to control him

My current SO (not hubby) travels for MONTHS at a time. He's horrible at keeping in touch. Well, let me take that back. Sometimes he's annoyingly in touch and then it switches, and I don't hear from him by phone for a week or more. He'll text though. *sigh* I get upset, but I approach it in a mature manner.

I basically just express to him that I need to hear from him consistently. We've sorta worked out a schedule so that he calls me around the same time each week. Right now he's away, but he's only an hour and a half north of me. (Last year he was clear across the country.) I can easily drive up to see him anytime I want. We haven't let go of our call schedule though. I treat it as if he's still on the west coast otherwise he will get comfy and forget. Most of the issue is that he lives with other guys when he's traveling for work. Even though all of them are married, they all feel like they are single. (Not in the cheating way.) So they get together and drink and play video games all night.

 

[ackee walk]

*BUMP* for more responses and also to request this be moved to the relationship forum. probably more appropriate than OT