Do You Treat Your Man Like A Child?

MizAvalon

MizAvalon

Well-Known Member
After spending the holidays being around lots of different couples of varying ages and backgrounds, there was a very common thread that I noticed. Many of the women treated their men like children. Nagging him to do something while he sat glued to the tv, just like you would a teenager that you're trying to get to do something. Asking him to do a task only to complain that it isn't done "right" and come behind him to do it they way she wanted it done. Even speaking to him in the same tone that they spoke to the kids. It was crazy to see middle aged men being treated like little kids in their own homes that they are supposed to be the head of. I know some women don't even realize that they do it.

So, I wonder is this a chicken or egg thing? Which came first?
 
No. I don't need to treat or talk to my grown a$$ man of a husband like a child or nag him. If I do need something done, I mention it one time and one time only. After that it goes undone until he takes care of it. I don't care what it is.

All of that "Oh I'll just do it" or "I'll just nag him until he buries his head in the sand/tv/video game so it's done right and timely" will turn any girlfriend/wife into a nagging mule in a matter of months. I remember in our first year of marriage (we've been married 2 years in April) and I reminded him to pay the electricity bill. Well he forgot and I knew he did because I keep track of the finances. Do you think I reminded him again or just paid it myself? NOPE! I said nothing and sure enough our lights got turned off.

Well at first he tried to act annoyed with me asking why didn't I just pay it and I told him verbatim "When I ask you to do something I have confidence that you will take care of it so I assumed you paid it like you normally do. (flirtatious smile --> arm rub)" He just shook his head like "yeah you right", called the energy company, paid over the phone and the lights were on in minutes. He thanked me for not getting mad about the lights being turned off, treated me to dinner that same night and we haven't had any issues since. Even though I was PISSED and I did let him know that our electricity angered me, I don't hold it against him, I don't remind him of his mistake, and to me it's like it never happened.

When I witness someone being treated like a child, I just cringe but thank God for my husband because we don't get down like that.
 
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@Mai Tai Thank you for sharing. That is a wonderful (and very clearly laid out) example.

I don't have a man, but this is something I will have to be mindful of. Maybe its bc I'm the oldest child, but I find it easy to slip into 'mommy mode' Since I have no interest in having that dynamic in a marriage, I'll have to be careful not to start it in the first place.
 
:toocool:very well said. if you allow someone to live at their full potential they will..

@ ditto at the lights going out i would've done the same thing, i would've be stewing insideeee but he wouldn't have known it i would've been sugary sweet and sat back until he took care of it as well :)

i dont like to be nagged so i couldn't imagine that resonating with a man...the minute someone starts nagging me i check out...ugh

Mai Tai said:
No. I don't need to treat or talk to my grown a$$ man of a husband like a child or nag him. If I do need something done, I mention it one time and one time only. After that it goes undone until he takes care of it. I don't care what it is.

All of that "Oh I'll just do it" or "I'll just nag him until he buries his head in the sand/tv/video game so it's done right and timely" will turn any girlfriend/wife into a nagging mule in a matter of months. I remember in our first year of marriage (we've been married 2 years in April) and I reminded him to pay the electricity bill. Well he forgot and I knew he did because I keep track of the finances. Do you think I reminded him again or just paid it myself? NOPE! I said nothing and sure enough our lights got turned off.

Well at first he tried to act annoyed with me asking why didn't I just pay it and I told him verbatim "When I ask you to do something I have confidence that you will take care of it so I assumed you paid it like you normally do. (flirtatious smile --> arm rub)" He just shook his head like "yeah you right", called the energy company, paid over the phone and the lights were on in minutes. He thanked me for not getting mad about the lights being turned off, treated me to dinner that same night and we haven't had any issues since. Even though I was PISSED and I did let him know that our electricity angered me, I don't hold it against him, I don't remind him of his mistake, and to me it's like it never happened.

When I witness someone being treated like a child, I just cringe but thank God for my husband because we don't get down like that.
Click to expand...
 
I have noticed this especially with a friend of mine. She is 17 1/2 years OLDER than her husband. She's in her late 40s, he's in his early 30s. I hear her talking to him in a firm tone take the trash out, don't leave those prints on the refrigerator, counting every penny he spends, giving him a gas & food allowance from the joint account, etc. I was at their house party recently, he opened a bag of bbq potato chips and she said to him very loud and firm in front of a group of people 'that won't get your body where you want it to be. Didn't you just tell me you wanted to bulk up." He politely put the chips back up. LoL That reminded me of a momma/child relationship. I thought it was just the age difference. Maybe it is common. It's not what I would want.
 
I really try to practice the don't do it yourself. My husband is usually good at doing the things I ask him.

I did ask him the other day to change the battery in the smoke detector because it kept beeping. After about 3 days and me asking him to change it about 3x I just ended up doing it myself and I was soooo mad at myself for doing it after I asked him to but I really couldn't take the beeping another second.

But I am going to keep practicing not do things that I asked him to do when he doesn't do them
 
Mai Tai said:
No. I don't need to treat or talk to my grown a$$ man of a husband like a child or nag him. If I do need something done, I mention it one time and one time only. After that it goes undone until he takes care of it. I don't care what it is.

All of that "Oh I'll just do it" or "I'll just nag him until he buries his head in the sand/tv/video game so it's done right and timely" will turn any girlfriend/wife into a nagging mule in a matter of months. I remember in our first year of marriage (we've been married 2 years in April) and I reminded him to pay the electricity bill. Well he forgot and I knew he did because I keep track of the finances. Do you think I reminded him again or just paid it myself? NOPE! I said nothing and sure enough our lights got turned off.

Well at first he tried to act annoyed with me asking why didn't I just pay it and I told him verbatim "When I ask you to do something I have confidence that you will take care of it so I assumed you paid it like you normally do. (flirtatious smile --> arm rub)" He just shook his head like "yeah you right", called the energy company, paid over the phone and the lights were on in minutes. He thanked me for not getting mad about the lights being turned off, treated me to dinner that same night and we haven't had any issues since. Even though I was PISSED and I did let him know that our electricity angered me, I don't hold it against him, I don't remind him of his mistake, and to me it's like it never happened.

When I witness someone being treated like a child, I just cringe but thank God for my husband because we don't get down like that.
Click to expand...
:clap::clap::clap::clap::clap: I would have never thought of handling a situation like this. Thank you for sharing. You handled that like a bawse.
 
ArrrBeee said:
:clap::clap::clap::clap::clap: I would have never thought of handling a situation like this. Thank you for sharing. You handled that like a bawse.
Click to expand...
I loved that post too. I think she's touched on that before because I listened and did the same a few months back. I asked my DH to lead our house more and I'd follow his decisions for our house. He changed our security system company just because a man that came to Inspect said he would if it was him. Well when he changed companies; we were already in a contract with ADT. The man explained to him that we would be signing a new contract and would have to continue to pay ADT. Bull ish. They charged us $700.plus the new company charged us. And told us if we didn't pay it would be on our credit report.

Usually I would have nagged him and told him step by step what to do do and then probably still pay the $700 myself because I'm picky about my credit.

Instead I told him that I trusted him to handle the situation and I supported him in whatever he did. It took three months. He had to dig into some savings (but he straightened it out so they'll be reimbursing him) but I kind of feel he would have drug his feet if I would have paid it off instead of him and wouldn't be as meticulous and aware in the future when it comes to making decisions.

I agree if u let people live to their potential they will.
 
@Mai Tai

*on my knees* "Lord, please let me have the patience that @Mai Tai has to handle a similar situation like this.
WOW! Reminds me of on my favorite Lucie stories.....

ETA: This falls in the category of speaking for a man IMO. This weekend I caught myself doing it and it's so innocent. In fact what goes through my head is, if I can predict what he likes, wants, that means I KNOW him well. I had to check myself real quick. We were ordering a smoothie and I darn near took over the order! "Oh he probably wants a green smoothie" He was like "no." LMAO. He's quiet, soft spoken and not very talkative but he speaks up when he wants.
Oh and this holiday season he got soooo upset with me when I asked him to place a to-go food order. While he was placing the order, the cashier was asking him for details that I hadn't provided him with like 'dark meat or white? traditional collards or vegetarian?" With every question my dumb butt just kept butting in from FAR away. Finally the lady just ended up making eye contact with me asking ME the questions. He looked at me one time....lol

Good timing for me to hear this thread!
 
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BrownSkin2 said:
I hear her talking to him in a firm tone take the trash out, don't leave those prints on the refrigerator, counting every penny he spends, giving him a gas & food allowance from the joint account, etc. I was at their house party recently, he opened a bag of bbq potato chips and she said to him very loud and firm in front of a group of people 'that won't get your body where you want it to be. Didn't you just tell me you wanted to bulk up." He politely put the chips back up. LoL That reminded me of a momma/child relationship. I thought it was just the age difference. Maybe it is common. It's not what I would want.
Click to expand...
If someone chastised their child in public about their eating I would find it hurtful and unnecessary, to call out your SO in public is the height of disrespect. Personally age is irrelevant. For some people that is how their momma spoke to their dad so they are emulating what they have seen. Or they never learned how to communicate within the boundaries of a relationship. I may argue etc but I don't do it in public and I would lose respect if you allowed me to be disrespectful in public. I cringe every time I see a woman going off in public or speaking to them like crap

But sometimes I have to let things go since I can be a little OCD on how I want things arranged/done. If you are doing it then while it may not be the way I wanted it done it got done and I didn't have to do it.
 
Mine has felt terrible the times I've done "his tasks". One time the trash was just sitting there accumulating and I simply put the bag by the door as I was doing a lot of cooking and needed it - but I certainly didn't take it outside. DH felt SO bad, lol! He apologized like three times for not noticing it needed to be taken out. He said he would've appreciated had I asked him to instead of me "taking matters into my own hands" :lol:

Another time I washed a few small things by hand and he again felt bad and told me like a zillion times to please tell him if something needs washing earlier. Our house duties are pretty understood, but if he doesn't do something I may just do it a little partially. His personality isn't the type to let me do "his" things so I guess this may not work with everyone. I've had similar reactions when he does the dishes for example, even if he assures me that he just wants to do something for me. Neither of us tells the other what we need to do...no idea how people handle that on the regular.
 
Mai Tai said:
No. I don't need to treat or talk to my grown a$$ man of a husband like a child or nag him. If I do need something done, I mention it one time and one time only. After that it goes undone until he takes care of it. I don't care what it is.

All of that "Oh I'll just do it" or "I'll just nag him until he buries his head in the sand/tv/video game so it's done right and timely" will turn any girlfriend/wife into a nagging mule in a matter of months. I remember in our first year of marriage (we've been married 2 years in April) and I reminded him to pay the electricity bill. Well he forgot and I knew he did because I keep track of the finances. Do you think I reminded him again or just paid it myself? NOPE! I said nothing and sure enough our lights got turned off.

Well at first he tried to act annoyed with me asking why didn't I just pay it and I told him verbatim "When I ask you to do something I have confidence that you will take care of it so I assumed you paid it like you normally do. (flirtatious smile --> arm rub)" He just shook his head like "yeah you right", called the energy company, paid over the phone and the lights were on in minutes. He thanked me for not getting mad about the lights being turned off, treated me to dinner that same night and we haven't had any issues since. Even though I was PISSED and I did let him know that our electricity angered me, I don't hold it against him, I don't remind him of his mistake, and to me it's like it never happened.

When I witness someone being treated like a child, I just cringe but thank God for my husband because we don't get down like that.
Click to expand...

I love this!
 
Mai Tai said:
No. I don't need to treat or talk to my grown a$$ man of a husband like a child or nag him. If I do need something done, I mention it one time and one time only. After that it goes undone until he takes care of it. I don't care what it is.

All of that "Oh I'll just do it" or "I'll just nag him until he buries his head in the sand/tv/video game so it's done right and timely" will turn any girlfriend/wife into a nagging mule in a matter of months. I remember in our first year of marriage (we've been married 2 years in April) and I reminded him to pay the electricity bill. Well he forgot and I knew he did because I keep track of the finances. Do you think I reminded him again or just paid it myself? NOPE! I said nothing and sure enough our lights got turned off.

Well at first he tried to act annoyed with me asking why didn't I just pay it and I told him verbatim "When I ask you to do something I have confidence that you will take care of it so I assumed you paid it like you normally do. (flirtatious smile --> arm rub)" He just shook his head like "yeah you right", called the energy company, paid over the phone and the lights were on in minutes. He thanked me for not getting mad about the lights being turned off, treated me to dinner that same night and we haven't had any issues since. Even though I was PISSED and I did let him know that our electricity angered me, I don't hold it against him, I don't remind him of his mistake, and to me it's like it never happened.

When I witness someone being treated like a child, I just cringe but thank God for my husband because we don't get down like that.
Click to expand...

This straight out of my mother's play book for us and my dad growing up. She said something once, and if you didn't do it, we all just suffered the consequences. She was not about the nagging life.
 
@thatscuteright
Einh, I'm not so sure about that. It probably didn't start that way and eventually it may tap into some deep inadequacies or insecurities and lead to him not being happy with how he FEELS with her and then he bounces. I wouldn't say with certainty that it doesn't bother him. It may that he's not at the point just yet to throw in the towel. Howeever, you may also be right. There's just no way to tell really...
 
My 2 cents:

I was joking once and said I have 5 kids (really 4 but included DH). He got all indignant. I'm not a child. I hate it when women say that. :blah::blah::blah:

A few weeks later we go on vacation. I told the kids to pack their clothes. I ask DH did he pack. He said yeah. I went behind the kids to make sure they packed correctly. I packed him 1 pair of clothes, socks, undies ( because I know how he do). We get there and he goes through the suitcase. "Babe where's my Xyz?" I dunno. Thought you packed.:pop:

That fool had to wear the same clothes all weekend. Went to Walmart to buy deodorant and shampoo.

I don't treat him like I child but I will say this: if it weren't for me, nothing would get done. At least not expeditiously or correctly. But he is more spontaneous and I am more of a planner.
 
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