Do you offer up your contact information or let him request it?

[Glib Gurl]

It's been said that men love the *chase* and that nobody wants what is readily available.

At the same time, I do know there are shy guys out there and/or instances where a man needs to be encouraged *cough*chased*cough* in order for a relationship to commence. (At least one of my friends got her husband that way . . . she really had to chase him . . . but now they are happily married. They're both non-black, btw.)

But, my dealings with Dutch Chocolate taught me that no matter how shy a man is, if he really wants you, he will come and get you.

So, in getting back out into the dating world, I am being very particular . . . and I'm not offering up my number readily. If someone wants it, they will ask for it. Also, there are some guys who will offer up their own numbers or email addresses (without asking for mine). Maybe I'm overthinking this or getting too siddity or whatever, but to me, that says that the guy wants me to chase him . . . and uh, it ain't happenin. Nope. Not gon' do it.

What are your thoughts on this? Is it better to let the man pursue you, especially in terms of exchanging contact information? Does offering it up (unsolicited) start off the relationship on a negative foot? Or does it not matter at all - the important thing is just that you two start communicating?

 

[ambergirl]

It's been said that men love the *chase* and that nobody wants what is readily available.

At the same time, I do know there are shy guys out there and/or instances where a man needs to be encouraged *cough*chased*cough* in order for a relationship to commence. (At least one of my friends got her husband that way . . . she really had to chase him . . . but now they are happily married. They're both non-black, btw.)

But, my dealings with Dutch Chocolate taught me that no matter how shy a man is, if he really wants you, he will come and get you.

So, in getting back out into the dating world, I am being very particular . . . and I'm not offering up my number readily. If someone wants it, they will ask for it. Also, there are some guys who will offer up their own numbers or email addresses (without asking for mine). Maybe I'm overthinking this or getting too siddity or whatever, but to me, that says that the guy wants me to chase him . . . and uh, it ain't happenin. Nope. Not gon' do it.

What are your thoughts on this? Is it better to let the man pursue you, especially in terms of exchanging contact information? Does offering it up (unsolicited) start off the relationship on a negative foot? Or does it not matter at all - the important thing is just that you two start communicating?

Yeah, I've found other race women can get away with a whole lot of aggressive (even ho-ish) behavior and not be penalized or labeled...just don't work like that for us for the most part IMO. Even brothers will accept a whole lot of ho-ish mess off a non-black woman and still wife her when same behavior in a sister would get her plenty of screwing and not much else.

In my early dating life I had no problems being the first to make a move and almost to a man it never works...as in long term, respectful relationship....I say be flirty and open and if he's interested he'll make the move and ask for the digits.

 

[MissJ]

I don't think there's ever a reason to chase a man, because he will go with the flow as long as it's beneficial and convenient to him. When it's no longer comfortable for him to accept your advances, you will find out where you really stand with him. Then how much time will you have lost thinking he was interested when he really wasn't?

 

[keykee]

It's usually the man who asks for my number.. and if I am interested I give it to them (my cell # of course).
But I think I've gotten a man's number before so I'll call them or send them a msg.

Some guys are dumb and need to be encouraged. You have to push them and show them you're interested and they will eventually come along.
it depends on the situation.. when you meet a man and you're talking to them you get an idea of those that would just be another date and those who you know you really want to get to know more.
So.. if you want someone really bad.. you should go after them (just not in a stalkerish way haha).

 

[ThickHair]

I gave my cellphone, no problem. If he called he called if he didn't oh well. It is not that serious. People make it seem like if a women offers her number first she is destined to chase the guy always.

I have always offered my number because I don't do the email nor text discussions. If a guy wants to get to know me he is going to have to call me and ask me out. That is it and if a guy did not ask me out on a proper date on that first phone call, (yes, I said it) no need to further communicate because he was not trying to date me, he just wants to take me to bed.

Ladies are really making it more difficult than it needs to be. Remember it is ultimately OUR decision not the man.

 

[Chocolatelove2010]

...............

dp

 

[jouissance]

I know many people conceive of dating as chasing but it's not a concept that really resonated with me personally. I neither wanted to be predator nor prey. I generally sought out men for companionship first and if anything romantic developed, so be it, so I never had any problem handing out my phone number or e-mail if I felt a personality attraction. If the attraction was just on a physical level, I'd probably let him make the first move.

 

[HoneyA]

I let them request it. I know they will anyway so I just wait for them to do it. If they don't, their loss. Like someone else said, it's not that serious. If by some freak of nature one doesn't another one will.

 

[Glib Gurl]

I let them request it. I know they will anyway so I just wait for them to do it. If they don't, their loss. Like someone else said, it's not that serious. If by some freak of nature one doesn't another one will.

Well dang . . . go 'head on then, with yo' confident self!

 

[Mai Tai]

I've never asked a man for his number and I never will. Point blank. If he is too shy or dumb to form the words to ask for it, then this is not the type of man for me. What can I say...I like men who can take charge.

All this "shy guy" mess is an excuse for men to play a passive role in pursuing women. One who is truly worthy of my number does not have to be coaxed or convinced into asking for it, so yeah...won't be any "offering" of the digits from me.

 

[MizAvalon]

I don't offer my contact information. If he wants to see me again, he will ask. If he doesn't, then he is too passive to be a match for me anyway.

I don't coddle these men. If you don't have the nerve to ask for a woman's number after sitting and talking to her all night at a party, then just go away. Seriously, GO. AWAY.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I love these reponses But to answer the question, no I have never volunteered to give a man my contact information. He should ask, cause if he doesn't, he doesn't really care. Or not enough, at least.

 

[lesedi]

A man who wants your number will ask for it. I refuse to start off a potential relationship with me being 'the chaser'. Nope, no, nah

 

[lea86111]

yeahhhhh, no sir. I don't offer i know that if a guy likes you, he will ask for them digits. Believe me, he will. I used to have a guy friend that was shy about approaching women and most of the time women approached him, but when he really liked a girl he would make it happen no matter what.

 

[Glib Gurl]

I used to have a guy friend that was shy about approaching women and most of the time women approached him, but when he really liked a girl he would make it happen no matter what.

And this is what I believe will ultimately happen . . .


Thanks ladies!

 

[makeupgirl]

My guy friend and I were discussing something like this. I told him that this guy I'm seeing, didn't call for a week after we went out. My friend was like, well you know where he lives, so why don't you go over. I said, no the guys were meant to do the chasing. He states that it's doesn't matter but he prefers the girl to chase him. What's funny about this is that my friend has only dated once, so sudden he's the guru of relationships.

The guy I was seeing did call finally, almost 2 weeks ago claiming he was in the hospital. I'm like ok. I'm not really invested in this anyway and just want to take it slow. So, we hung out the same day we talked. He said point blank, I'm going to call you to make sure you get home ok. Never received a call and he called last wed, we spoke for 2 mins and then he said I'll call you back. Again, didn't hear from him, until yesterday. Well, I was sleep when he called the first time and was out of my room, when he called again. I can't stand game playing, if you're into to me, you're into me. If not, that's fine too. However, I wish some guys would stop assuming that when they call us, we are going to automatically throw caution to the wind and drop everything for them. I did that when I was younger, but I have wise up a bit.

So basically for me, I'll give the guy my cell phone # but if he doesn't call, that's not my problem and I'm not going to ask for his number.

 

[caribeandiva]

I let them ask for it.

 

[JollyGal]

I think that it is better for him to ask for it.

It's so tempting to give out your number but it is best to just leave it alone.

 

[kismettt]

i don't think it matters. but i'm not into shy guys, so if he is shy/doesn't ask for it, i leave it at that. i've offered it a few times to guys that were obviously shy but i just find shy men so unattractive that nothing came out of it. i know quite a few girls that made the first move/gave them their number first & are in relationships. i don't believe in hard & fast rules for everyone, but for me, you ask you get it. don't ask? i'm not interested.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I don't offer my contact information. If he wants to see me again, he will ask. If he doesn't, then he is too passive to be a match for me anyway.

I don't coddle these men. If you don't have the nerve to ask for a woman's number after sitting and talking to her all night at a party, then just go away. Seriously, GO. AWAY.

OMG...THANK YOU!!
Seriously, what is up with that?? I see this all the time! I mean, I know that sometimes men DO need a little coaxing/encouragement, but if you've been sitting there talking to a woman, and she's open, friendly, smiling at you, making conversation, you two have some things in common, then what ELSE are you waiting for in order to ask her for her number? I don't get it.

But see....I don't waste my time thinking about these types of men anymore. If he's not making any "interest signals", he doesn't even exist in my mind as a "potential" anything but a friend.

But, my dealings with Dutch Chocolate taught me that no matter how shy a man is, if he really wants you, he will come and get you.

So, in getting back out into the dating world, I am being very particular . . .

Hold up a second Glib... Did I miss a step? What happened with you and Dutch Chocolate? I know you two were dating at one point and then decided to take a break. But what happened?

yeahhhhh, no sir. I don't offer i know that if a guy likes you, he will ask for them digits. Believe me, he will. I used to have a guy friend that was shy about approaching women and most of the time women approached him, but when he really liked a girl he would make it happen no matter what.

BINGO!!!

Women make the mistake thinking that if a man is "shy" he will NEVER approach . PUH-leeze! If a man is interested...he will approach. Even the most SHYEST most sociably awkward type of men have approached me or have eventually invited me somewhere/called me/texted me or done SOMETHING to show me that they were interested. I'm telling it straight...no chaser. Sure, it may have taken them a LOOOONG time to finally get to the point where they could approach me or invite me somewhere or whatever, but in the end, I knew he was showing interest. I didn't have to "guess" too long whether or not he was interested in me. Plus, his friends kind of let the cat out of the bag too.

 

[tallnomad]

I don't offer my contact info to men. I let them initiate that question.

Awhile back, I did take a guy's number. We had mutual friends and we talked all night at a party. At the end of the night, he was really excited about me having his number.

I did feel some kind of way about him not asking for mine. He is FINE and is used to women chasing him. I sent him a text a week later, and then he continued to just text me and we rarely ever spoke on the phone. I see by me taking his number and me being the one who sent him the first text, that set up a weak, imbalanced relationship that was set up to fail. He's a muscle head dumb dumb anyways. Dealing with him, I realized that if a guy offers me his number, without even trying to get mine, then he is not really interested.

If I am interested in a man, and if he asks me for my number, I will readily give it. However, if a guy asks me for my number and if I've had great conversation with him at an event, but I'm not really feeling him, then I will tell him to give me his number or email address. That means I see him as friend status or probably won't call or contact him anyways.

 

[VelvetRain]

I had the nicest conversation with a guy in the grocery store tonight of all places. We talked for close to 30 min which was really odd. I so wanted to tell him here's my number give me a call sometime although I didn't. Right as I said well I have to get going it was nice chatting with you he asked for my number. I guess I will see if he actually gets around to calling though. So I guess this just wait and see approach if he wants the number and asks for it really works lol.

 

[cheetarah1980]

Nope. I find that men who won't ask for you number just aren't interested. The ones who offer up theirs and say, "call me," are just plain lazy. I actually had one guy email me and say that he's waiting patiently for my call. Well he can keep waiting for that one, but he shouldn't hold his breath.