Do you not want children?

[NaturalLibra]

I'll preface this by saying I've never been in a relationship romantic or sexual so whenever I say I don't want kids I usually get the automatic "you'll meet the right person and change your mind response"

While i can't predict the future I think my decision is Reasonably thought out. I just don't feel I have the personality that would handle having anyone so dependent on me for the rest of my life and even when their children are grown parents don't have it easy at all. I also think it would be a huge mistake to compromise my decision and Have a child for the sake of my future husband but it worries me in how to handle relationships as most men who don't have kids already seem to want one.

Those of you who don't want children for please share your reasons or thoughts such as

- do you think you'll feel the same in 10, 15 even 20 years ( I know it's impossible to know for sure)

- has it ever been an issue in a relationship? How would you deal with letting a potential SO know? Under any circumstance would you change your mind for your spouse.

And pretty much anything else related you wanna add.

Thanks ladies!

 

[Makenzie]

My ex husband and I felt that if children came so be it, but we would not plan for it. I still feel the same way but not as strongly. I'm older now and think about children from time to time, mainly when I'm hormonal. I don't regret not having children.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

Nah, I don't want children. I'm 26 if that matters. I like children, but they're not for me. I'm not sure if I'll feel the same way in ten years. Perhaps at that time I'd like to date a guy who already has a child and doesn't want anymore.

 

[MizAvalon]

I'm 34 and I don't want children. I have felt this way since I was a child.

I tend to not take younger people who say they don't want children seriously because 9 times out of 10, they change their minds. Even though I hated when people didn't take me seriously when I was younger, I see now why they didn't.

Just not interested in all that goes with being a mother. Never have been.

 

[hopeful]

For now if I were you I wouldn't tell people I don't want children, especially someone you're dating. I think it would be best to say you aren't sure. That way if something becomes serious you will have left your options open to go in either direction. I thought I didn't want children up until I turned 27, then I just changed my mind and I was ready and I can't imagine my life without them. If having children is something you continue to feel very strongly about then stand your ground and don't waste time and energy explaining yourself. You have every right to be childless. Children are way too much work, headache & $ to have if you don't want them. I'm sure there are men out there who would be thrilled to find a woman like you .

 

[anon123]

I didn't begin to seriously think I might want children until I was almost 30. Before 25, I definitely did not want them. I'm not sure what changed. I don't think it was about finding the right guy, just feeling differently about the future and a possible relationship to children.

 

[jamaica68]

No and I never have. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world, kudos to all that do it well!

 

[Imani]

I'm about to be 28 in a few weeks. Never wanted kids. I have never even babysat before. And yes, it has been an issue in past relationships/dating bc a lot of guys are used to women who are dying to have their children and they think that must mean I don't like them/something is wrong with me bc I'm not into children right now.

I would never say never. I always figured maybe I'm a late bloomer and will want to have kids when I'm in my late 30s/early 40s or something. Or it could just not be in the plans for me ever. I am around other folks little girls that I think are cute, but its like yeah, they're cute for like 3 hrs maybe, then I'm ready to keep it moving, lol.

This is definitely something I've pondered over as far as dating. But I'm taking a 1 year hiatus from dating after my last break up so I got a while to think about my approach. I like the previous poster who said to just say you're not sure; only thing w/that is how long can u keep saying that? I was with my ex for like a year a half and I still was like "I'm not sure", and this was one of the (MANY) issues leading to our breakup.

I've honestly just thought about saying **** it all and being single forever. Or dating older men who've already had their children and they are now grown. Or maybe I'll meet that one person that'll make me change my mind.

 

[cutiepiebabygirl]

I'm 28 and I'm sure of this...I don't want anymore children.

I have 1 child now that is enough, for me.

I know I'm not childless...but I have the same issues with men, that a childless lady would.

They look at me funny...they say it's because of my past experiences...they think they can change my mind.

They have all these preconceived notions about me and what it takes to "break" me.

I have decided to pursue relationships with men who have kids and are no interested in having anymore (ie : vasectomy - no slip ups please ).

I even have "old folk" telling me that I can not truly "lock" a man in without having his baby...that somehow that will make us closer. nono:

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

37 I don't really care for them that much so if it never happens more money to spend on me.

 

[babyb900]

Growing up I wanted four children

Now that I'm grown? Aw hecky naw.

I am way too selfish for chidren and I dont have the patience for them. I dont want kids and I have no problem telling anyone that asks.

 

[StarFish106]

Nope I will be 40 this year with no kids and it never bothered me. In all the convo's DH and I had kids were never at the top (or middle or bottom) of the pile. In 07 I had a hysterectomy and that sealed the deal for me. Not interested in adoption for the most part either. I have always had sick parents and have had to help take care of one or the other. My dad has passed on and now it is my mother's turn and I am an only child. I just don't have the mental energy to do both and I am being honest. So I try to help my mom in the best way I can (she is still independent but there are some long term health issues).

We are good with it.

 

[azuquita_morena]

At this moment, at 25 y.o, I'm starting to lean towards not having children. It's not that I don't like children, actually I love children. It's just I'm afraid that my child[ren] would turn out a certain way, even when I did my absolute best as a parent. Plus, I believe that I want to have certain things in order (such as a responsible/loving husband, huge savings, significant income, etc) before I have children, and I'm not at that point yet in my life. Parenthood is one of the biggest (if not the biggest) commitments a person could make, and I don't want to enter into to it lightly. I may decide to have children 10 to 20 years from now, but that's only after I have everything in my life in order.

I haven't been dating lately, so I don't know how my decision has affected my dating experience. However, I am sure I wouldn't have too many problems with finding men who feel the way I do on this matter.

 

[Akemi]

I'm 24. I don't want children. I like children, and I think I could be a great mother, but becoming a mother just isn't something that appeals to me.

 

[softblackcotton]

I'm 25 and I don't want children. Like you, I've never been in any considerable romantic/sexual relationship. I'm an only child though, so I'm a little obligated to have at least one child for the sake of carrying on the family genes. I may be open to the idea if I am married to the right man, however, I will wait until the very last eggs are about to drop out.

 

[Oasis]

i've always loved children. srsly. but i've not really ever had a strong desire to have them.

i'm way too selfish and what i love about my cousins is that i can bring them over and have a good time with them and then take their lil asses home when they start getting on my nerves. and i know it's kinda naive but i wanna be a drifter, never staying in the same place for too long, moving from country to country and i don't think that'd be too good for kids.

but i'm only 22 and i change my mind as much a i change my socks so who knows?

 

[cmw45]

1) I love children...other people's children.
2) The world is overpopulated and I'm just doing my part.
3) I think we need to bring the "village" back. You know, it takes a village to raise a child. Not everyone in the village had children. I can be a great mentor, friend or godparent to one of the children of my sorors, friends or family members all plan to have.

That being said, I just turned 25 in December and I have no plans to ever have children.

 

[Etherealsmile]

I am 26 and I used to want children in my teens and early 20s. The most curious thing happened when I hit 23, I started debating whether or not I actually wanted kids. For the past 3 yrs I've had some interesting dialogues with myself lol and I can't come up with a single good reason as to why I should have kids.

The thought of having a child just because my future husband wants one is nauseating to me because I will most likely end up resenting that child.

My parents want grand babies but that's just too bad because I don't want any children.

I can't imagine bringing a child into this world...a world so full of hate, violence and people struggling to find out who they are and barely living their lives to the fullest.

I'd hate to be a young child in today's world...things have changed so drastically, most for the worst and I have a feeling things will continue to get progressively worse. My views may be on the pessimistic side but this is how I see the world today. It is a cold, harsh place and I would not wish it upon my offspring

 

[CarmelCupcake]

I am 26 and I used to want children in my teens and early 20s. The most curious thing happened when I hit 23, I started debating whether or not I actually wanted kids. For the past 3 yrs I've had some interesting dialogues with myself lol and I can't come up with a single good reason as to why I should have kids.

The thought of having a child just because my future husband wants one is nauseating to me because I will most likely end up resenting that child.

My parents want grand babies but that's just too bad because I don't want any children.

I can't imagine bringing a child into this world...a world so full of hate, violence and people struggling to find out who they are and barely living their lives to the fullest.

I'd hate to be a young child in today's world...things have changed so drastically, most for the worst and I have a feeling things will continue to get progressively worse. My views may be on the pessimistic side but this is how I see the world today. It is a cold, harsh place and I would not wish it upon my offspring

I feel you. However, if i was a young child i would hate it even more to not be brought into the world at all. But at the end of the day, its your decision, and if you do not want any children, that is your decision, no one else's. Do not feel pressured OP and i hope everything works out for ya.

 

[LivingDol1]

i'm 29 and i definitely do not want to have children. i've known this ever since i was a child! i've never been married but in previous relationships, the guy i was dating had the same feelings i did in regards to children.

i think it's borderline rude when someone tells you that you will "meet the right guy and you'll change your mind." as if having children is to be expected of every couple... i know that i would like to get married some day... but i'm looking for a guy to spend my life with and travel with... and live comfortably. i'm not looking to have a child b/c my future husband wants one and then squander all of my hard earned $$ away on college education, kids' clothing and all of that. i am too selfish.

my brother has a child and so my parents won't have to worry about not having a grand child.

 

[Oasis]

I feel you. However, if i was a young child i would hate it even more to not be brought into the world at all.

"i would be super upset if my mom never got pregnant with me or aborted me."

i've heard people say this and i don't understand it. how would you feel this way if you didn't exist? how would you feel anything at all? if you as a person don't exist neither do your thoughts and opinions.

 

[NaturalLibra]

I haven't been dating lately, so I don't know how my decision has affected my dating experience. However, I am sure I wouldn't have too many problems with finding men who feel the way I do on this matter.

Yeah I guess I sometimes feel so strongly about it in practice that I'm like how will I really feel when I'm all in love and whatnot. The thing is a year ago I was the one telling people they'll change their mind until I sat down and thought about the fact that I was attracted to the more romantic aspects of childrearing (pregnancy, the miracle of birth, creating a joined life with you loved one etc) but had absolutely no intrest in the practical aspects and the worse thing I wouldn't want to become is a bad mother or one who goes though all the proper motions but secretly
Resents having to do it. I don't think I could handle that at all

I tend to not take younger people who say they don't want children seriously because 9 times out of 10, they change their minds. Even though I hated when people didn't take me seriously when I was younger, I see now why they didn't.

For now if I were you I wouldn't tell people I don't want children, especially someone you're dating. I think it would be best to say you aren't sure. That way if something becomes serious you will have left your options open to go in either direction.

Yeah, I'd say I agree with keeping it non-committal until the convo is necessary. I wouldn't say it on the first date, lol. I do wonder about timing the balance between to early and too late cause I wouldn't want anyone to feel I decieved them. Even though I mentally can't wrap my imagine changing my mind I'll try to stay open to possibilities and not be totally rigid until I have enough experience to say im 1000% sure (I think I'm @ 200% lol)

"i would be super upset if my mom never got pregnant with me or aborted me."

i've heard people say this and i don't understand it. how would you feel this way if you didn't exist? how would you feel anything at all? if you as a person don't exist neither do your thoughts and opinions.

I kind don't either. My mom has said (nit cruelly) that if she had the choice knowing what she knows now she probably wouldn't have had kids and I've never even been insulted by that cause I see what shed been through. Just to start my sister has had a serious illness these 20 years and I was born very premature plus she's done it on her own. She's been amazing even when our personalities have clashed and as I get older we get closer and closer but I think she's very exceptional and I have no idea how she did it. It'd one of the reasons she encourages me tp take advantage of the opportunities I have that she didn't

 

[Etherealsmile]

"i would be super upset if my mom never got pregnant with me or aborted me."

i've heard people say this and i don't understand it. how would you feel this way if you didn't exist? how would you feel anything at all? if you as a person don't exist neither do your thoughts and opinions.

I honestly would not feel offended if my mother at one point or another told me she wished she never had children. That line of thought has so many emotions and history running behind it that to be offended by that person's thoughts means you (general you) might not be seeing the whole story.

If I honestly had a choice in the matter, I would not have been born and that is the honest truth. The things i have endured and gone through in my life, I would not wish on anybody.

To bring a child into this world is always a choice one has. I'd rather not make that choice because as I stated, looking at the world around me, I could not bear the thought of my child going through many of the things that children in today's world have to deal with.

If at some point or another I have a great desire for children, I'd rather adopt and help a few of the billion children around the world who have nobody to care for them.

My line of thinking is not common I know, but this is how I feel

 

[Imani]

I hate when people tell me that I'm selfish for not wanting kids. When oftentimes the reasons for some people for wanting children are pretty selfish as well. They want someone to love THEM, look up to THEM, be a reflection/representation of THEM, be cute/cuddly to entertain THEM, to fill some void for THEM, for status reasons bc all of their friends are married/have kids,etc.

 

[LivingDol1]

"i would be super upset if my mom never got pregnant with me or aborted me."

i've heard people say this and i don't understand it. how would you feel this way if you didn't exist? how would you feel anything at all? if you as a person don't exist neither do your thoughts and opinions.

lmao! that is just as annoying as someone saying, "Well, you were a child once too!" really? no S*** SHERLOCK! that's still not going to change my mind. idiots. some people are too simple.

and i do know of some people who regret having a child. it is real. children are not always "god's miracle blessing". how do you think the parents of serial killers feel?

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

I have 4 and had I known ALL that it would entail, I wouldnt have had any. Thats keeping it 100.

 

[Etherealsmile]

I hate when people tell me that I'm selfish for not wanting kids. When oftentimes the reasons for some people for wanting children are pretty selfish as well. They want someone to love THEM, look up to THEM, be a reflection/representation of THEM, be cute/cuddly to entertain THEM, to fill some void for THEM, for status reasons bc all of their friends are married/have kids,etc.

I never understood this either. The choice to have children is often selfish more than anything. Parents want their children to carry on their legacy, someone to take care of them when they are older etc the list goes on and on.

I still have not heard a valid reason why people think NOT having children is selfish. I don't understand the logic, it is as though they are saying, it would be better for you to have a child you might end up resenting just because that's what women doerplexed. I don't get it.

A person choosing to live their lives for themselves is not a selfish choice, what is selfish is having children just because that's what people do (not a concrete reason to have children IMO), neglecting those children and not raising them to be productive members of society.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

I've noticed something as well:

The ones who get mad at people who say they don't want kids are the ones who just want you to have kids because they have them. :/

I also wonder how long will folks keep seeing, "When you get older, you'll change your mind." Will they be saying this when I'm 46? I mean, really?

 

[MizAvalon]

I've noticed something as well:

The ones who get mad at people who say they don't want kids are the ones who just want you to have kids because they have them. :/

I also wonder how long will folks keep seeing, "When you get older, you'll change your mind." Will they be saying this when I'm 46? I mean, really?

How old are you now? People usually begin to settle down with those comments once you are in your 30's. Younger people are usually not taken seriously when they say they don't want kids because 9 times out of 10, they will change their minds. It also doesn't help their cause when they tell you that they don't kids and then immediately follow it with "I will only have them if XYZ".

They want kids, they just don't want them right now.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

How old are you now? People usually begin to settle down with those comments once you are in your 30's. Younger people are usually not taken seriously when they say they don't want kids because 9 times out of 10, they will change their minds. It also doesn't help their cause when they tell you that they don't kids and then immediately follow it with "I will only have them if XYZ".

They want kids, they just don't want them right now.

I'm 26. I wouldn't count myself a "young" though.