Do you ever feel ugly because of your hair?

[HoneyDew]

Guys,

I feel so unattractive with my hair the way it is right now.

Meanwhile, my boyfriend acts like I am the most beautiful woman alive. erplexed

I don't know what he sees, because most times I look in the mirror like:

I just have to remind myself of my hair goal.

 

[MzTami]

Thanks everyone for replying. I really needed the encouragement and honesty you all have displayed here. I think I'm just going through a rough period with my hair. I'm in a literal hair rut. I'm just....at the end of my rope. It doesn't help that everyone around me has flowing hair (weave or not). I might be putting my insecurities all out on front street but its therapeutic. I don't even want to go to the club anymore because the last time I was the only one in the whole room with natural hair. I saw these beautiful girls with guys all over them and I felt like a fly on the wall, just watching them go by. And the worst part is there's no solution because as ugly as I may feel sometimes I will never relax my hair. I've never had a relaxer. It just wouldn't be me....

In reference to the bolded part, you should be the proudest in the room for having NATURAL hair! I also think your hair is gorgeous!

I can relate to feeling unattractive at times. Since my BC to natural, I sometimes don't have a lot of confidence when going around people that knew me when I had longer hair. My younger sister saw me the other day for the first time since I BC, and she kept saying, "I can't get over this hair of yours gurl, why did you cut all your hair off?" She said this twice in front of her new man, which I was meeting for the very first time. I blew it off because she has always been a little rival to me, and probably was trying to make me look less attractive in front of her new man. I explained to her that it's short but it's all NATURAL(not chemically altered). Of course, she had hers relaxed with a phony pony. She looked cute, but hey, my way isn't for her and her way isn't for me. Anyway, I'm sorry for going a little off topic. But Brownshugaz, if I had your length of hair, I would be happy.

Anyway, I wanted to chime in and let you know that you are not alone with feeling unattractive at times, but your hair is soooooo pretty.

 

[RabiaElaine]

I don't know about ugly, but I definitely feel prettier when my hair is looking good, and I don't feel very attractive when my hair looks bad. I also feel prettier with longer hair than shorter hair.

 

[~*~ShopAholic~*~]

I've never felt ugly because my hair is not the way I would like it to be at that time, I just say I look a mess, lol, but my hair has nothing to do w/my facial features. I know I've been looking a mess all last week and I'm about to do something about it. As long as mine is moisturized and soft I'm cool for the most part.

 

[babyanjel]

For sure. I've even cried when my hair refuses to act right....but that's just me.
For me it has nothing to do with me being natural now (I don't think) because there are times when my curls are so bouncy and shiny and beautiful, but other times they just look a hot mess. Or when it's straightened it just won't do what I want it to.

 

[cece22]

I am having a bad hair day I just took out my long, wavy, flowing, colored, human hair braids. Man I was on top the world I could wear all my cute outfits and fell done. I like my natural hair but going from that to a puff was quite drastic. My new male friend had nothing to say but you got waves as if I am supposed to feel better.

Today I feel like a big kid with a puff and yesterday somebody confirmed what I was feeling. She stated I looked like a little gorl trying to be grown. I know I am beautiful and I am the same person but I have to kick the self-esteem up a notch. It's about confidence so I am going to rock it until weeks end and go back to the wet and wavy's. Well something good happened on my way to work this morning there were about 7 natural women. And one had her hair like I want mines her twists were colored thick and bouncing all over the place. I can wait to grow 3-4 inches to get my hair like that.

 

[HighlyFavored1]

Yea I know that "I am not my hair", but the way it looks really affects me. I think that the main reason I've been able to stretch and bun and airdry this summer is because I care less about how i'm looking here at my internship than I do when I'm back on campus. Ugly is a strong word, but yea...When my hair is greasy i feel greasy, when my hair is a mess i feel a mess, and when my hair is looking hot i feel the same.

 

[OneInAMillion]

Guys,

I feel so unattractive with my hair the way it is right now.

Meanwhile, my boyfriend acts like I am the most beautiful woman alive. erplexed

I don't know what he sees, because most times I look in the mirror like:

I just have to remind myself of my hair goal.

I can completely relate! Yesterday, I didn't want to leave the house for the movies because I hated the way my rollerset came out. I wish it wasn't like this, but my hair rules how I feel about myself. I know, it's pathetic, but it's been like that for a very long time, natural, relaxed, texturized.

 

[Jadacrys]

I was like that for most of my life (mostly when I was relaxed). I think because I felt if my hair looked pretty, I looked pretty (and the opposite applies). In the progress of growing my hair natural, I realize that I can't let a bad hair day ruin my day. I think it was wearing kinky twists, somedays towards the end, they looked hideous. Instead of obsessing about my hair, I use some pins, some click clacks, or a cute scarf. At worst, I tie it back and keep stepping. I realize that if I accentuate the positive and accept the not so positive, that saves me some ill feelings or even depression. I just go with it.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

My thing is because my hair is short, it makes me feel bad. Several times I've been called "sir" and that pissed me off. I'm a full figured woman too and I hate the "stares" I get from others when I'm out. I'm okay w/ my friends and husband, but alone...it just makes me a lil sad. Once my hair grows out some and my working out starts to pay off, then I'll be one bad mamajama!

 

[firecracker]

Uh yeah sometimes.

 

[blkbeauty]

Nope. But if my skin isn't up to par I don't even want to go out the house.

 

[sassyhair]

I second that....my skin has been a problem for me since elementary school

 

[ms-tyler]

I felt no so my best lately, mainly because of this bun.. I've been wearing it since february and I am straight up tired of it. so I pressed my hair and put a lot of big curls and let it flow in the wind. I feel back to me again..

 

[Victorian]

This is actually one of the reasons I wash my hair every day. My only real bad hair days since being natural always occur on a day I'm trying to get a second-day puff or something. Sometimes it turns out fine, sometimes it just doesn't look right, and no amount of misting with water from a spray bottle fixes it--skipping my wash is like playing russian roulette
I do have an assortment of bandanas and scarves for this purpose, though. If it just won't act right, I cover it up with something that matches my outfit and keep it moving. It can put a damper on your day, though

 

[lashay06]

Whenever my hair is done I feel good and look good, but when my hair isn't done I don't feel ugly, but just not as confident as I think I do when my hair actually looks good, but it's amazing I get more compliments and attention, especially from the opposite sex when I feel I look my worst.

 

[JazzyDez]

Yes. If my hair is jacked up...I am jacked up....thats just how I feel sometimes. I know that hair does not define anyone as a person.....but the reality for me is that my hair affects my mood. When it looks good, I feel like I look good and vice versa. I feel this way about my skin too....and whether my belly looks flat in my clothes

 

[leleepop]

I do because it is such a dramatic difference when its done and when it is really jaked up. I have to say it has been a long time since i felt this way because my hair is alot healthier. But I do still have those days just not as many.

 

[Kalani]

Oh, definitely! I can be wearing a plain ol outfit and no make-up but if I'm having a good hair day then I feel great! However, if its a bad hair day than no matter how cute my outfit is or how great my make-up, I'm going to feel crappy that day. Thats just how it is with me.

 

[tippy75]

Are u kidding? My hair is sitting right up on the top of my head. So if it is looking ugly yep I do feel ugly.

 

[HairQueen]

Yes Yes Yes!

My hair is the first thing I worry about when it comes to my looks, it makes such a huge huge difference to how look its actually unbelievable.

Like someone posted earlier some women are fortunate enough to be able to scrape their hair in a bun and go out the door and still look beautiful - I am not one of them!

Its funny because a friend of mine (who is very beautiful) said to me the other day that sometimes she forgets to look in the mirror before she goes out the house. I was like I wish I could to do that but I can't. I have to spend a good while gooming it and making sure the part is at the right angle etc before I can leave the house.

If my hair aint right I don't look or feel right!

 

[SEMO]

I love all the honest from the heart replies. So I'll be honest too.

I'm transitioning to natural and I feel better about my hair now than I did for most of the years I was relaxed. When I was fully relaxed my hair was long and healthy and I got a lot of compliments on my "good hair". But after an honest conversation with myself, I realized that a lot of my self-esteem came from my hair being able to set me apart erplexed . Having the kind of hair that other people wanted.

I was ashamed to admit this, even to myself. I had avoided cutting my hair because I felt (subconciously) that I would be cutting away what made me special . When I realized this, I went out and cut my hair the next day. My brother (who had been telling me to cut my hair for years) came with me to encourage me. It was my first major cut (from APL to jaw length). I LOVED it!

For me, cutting my hair allowed me to enter into a whole new realm of hair freedom. And instead of cutting away what made me "special", I was able to cut away the ugly attitude I had about hair. I was no longer scared of morphing into the hunchback of Notre Dame if I had short hair . Short hair actually brought out my facial features better. I also got the courage to start going natural, after two previous failed attempts.

Bad hair days still get to me sometimes, but it's nothing compared to the self-conciousness and fear of being ugly that I had before. Now, I also love all the different ways that other women can wear their hair (short, long, natural, relaxed---it's all "good hair" to me now ).

 

[jamaicanadian]

I have a love/ hate relationship with my natural hair. I really believe that perception and how u feel about your hair are strongly related. I feel beautiful whenever my white friends compliment me on my natural hair and how unique it makes me, but when Im around my mother and family they comment on how "unpolished" and "christian" I look with my natural hair and I automatically feel ugly. Also as my hair grows longer and I struggle with hairstyling, I feel fustrated and think of all the comments from my family and think about relaxing it again. I just keep in mind my hair goals and look at the hair albums of these beautiful women on LHCF and move on in my hair journey.

 

[carpediem628]

Since we're being honest.....

I was on vacation last week at the beach. When I left home for the beach, I had my little curls pulled up away from my face with a black scarf and I felt really beautiful until I got to the beach and 98.9% of the black men were there with white women who had long flowing hair.

I kid you not, maybe 1 out of every 15 black men were there with a black woman. Just like that, my self esteem went out the door. For the rest of the week, I battled with my transitioning hair, and I finally broke down and pulled out my MaxiGlide and straightened it. Suddenly I felt prettier.

But you know what - I HATE that feeling. It makes me want to go natural all the more. But its so hard. I am truly torn. I am 9 weeks post relaxer and then last relaxer I did was a texlaxer, so I still have texture.

To tell you the truth, I love my texlaxed hair and natural hair - it's so much fuller, thicker, and healthier.....I only wish the rest of the world did - especially our men.

I think if black men appreciated our natural God given looks more, then many of us would feel more attractive and be less likely to chemically alter our hair.

 

[HoneyDew]

I think if black men appreciated our natural God given looks more, then many of us would feel more attractive and be less likely to chemically alter our hair.

This made me think of something my BF( a white guy, btw) said this past weekend. There was a girl on TV with natural 4b hair.

After seeing her, he commented that we should all just go natural at the same time and just let people see and get used to how our hair is naturally supposed to be.

It made me want to just kiss him and throw away all my relaxers. All people need to learn how to love our natural beauty.

 

[carpediem628]

This made me think of something my BF( a white guy, btw) said this past weekend. There was a girl on TV with natural 4b hair.

After seeing her, he commented that we should all just go natural at the same time and just let people see and get used to how our hair is naturally supposed to be.

It made me want to just kiss him and throw away all my relaxers. All people need to learn how to love our natural beauty.

HoneyDew - my man is white too and he is a part of the reason I'm trying to go natural - he encourages me. Honestly, I started dating him after too much rejection from black men (being dark skinned didn't help much), but I realize that I still feel the rejection and it hurts - it confirms for me that I am with the right person.

But yes, it is ironic how he embraces my natural beauty. To tell you the truth - he practically worships it. When I am about to cave in to the relaxer, he stops me and helps me try different styles.

 

[Aubergold]

Brownshugaz, u know we are here (eye to eye)
Sometimes I see all the black girls (even at our school) with the long flowing hair and how the dudes look at them and I cringe b/c I know my hair just won't attract that sort of attention b/c it's not processed. But can ya do?

 

[Brownshugaz]

RavenIvygurl, I know exactly what you're talking about. I spent my entire high school career hiding my hair behind braids. I got to college and went natural. I loved it. But even from the very beginning I felt ugly a lot because I had no hair, or so I thought. It gets to the point where I don't even want to go to the club or parties anymore because I feel ugly. Maybe I put too much power in other people's opinions, but hey. Like she said, what can you do?

 

[ChocoKitty]

Yep--sometimes. Hair and skin have been major issues for me in the past couple of weeks.

 

[Crissi]

Yup, I know the feeling, I feel ugly with short hair, lets not lie, it doesn't suit me aswell as long hair. However my man loves it, and he doesn't care if I kept my 4a/b hair 1/4 of a inch long. My hair was hard 2 handle and unruly at 8inches, I'd cry and get depressed and want to relax it. Don't get me wrong I love my natural hair, but it took 2hours 2 comb before I can braid it. My bbay accepts me the way I am, he said he never wants to see me with a relaxer (or drain cleaner as he likes 2 call it), and that I should grow it out big and long. Even thought I hear these words of encouragement I still feel UGLY.

I can't help it though, when my hair is did I just look and feel so fly, and when it aint done (or short like this), I just feel down.