Do you ever feel like... Is this it?

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

You wanted to meet someone, you wanted to be in a relationship, you wanted the companionship and having someone in your corner and then you get it and you're like, is this it? That's how I feel and I'm wondering if it's just me or if I'm just in a relationship with the wrong person. Is it common to feel like you were better off alone when you become involved with a man? That's how I feel, a lot. And we just got serious, as in became an official couple last month and dated six months prior to that. I just want to know if it's just me or if this feeling is a common one. Tia.

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

lol anybody?

 

[GeorginaSparks]

then you havent met the right person for YOU

 

[hopeful]

I think sometimes people really over rate being coupled. It is nice but it is only a part of your whole life, just a a few slices of the pie. Other things like having good health, friends, a challenging career, fun hobbies, etc. are just as important. If you have a lot of other good things going on and he is not bringing something positive to your life, then I think something may be wrong.

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

shockolate,
i'm really afraid you might be right. going in and out of relationships is so draining. i don't think i really have it in me to keep going through this sort of thing. lol

hopeful,
i agree. i know for me at least, i romanticized the whole being in a relationship thing and now it's just a big ole let down. i've really been putting energy into cultivating other relationships and maintaining the other aspects of my life so the relationship isn't the only thing i have. i have to think about the positive things he brings to my life and vice versa. i think there is good and bad but have to weigh both and see which one wins.

 

[Bunny77]

You wanted to meet someone, you wanted to be in a relationship, you wanted the companionship and having someone in your corner and then you get it and you're like, is this it? That's how I feel and I'm wondering if it's just me or if I'm just in a relationship with the wrong person. Is it common to feel like you were better off alone when you become involved with a man? That's how I feel, a lot. And we just got serious, as in became an official couple last month and dated six months prior to that. I just want to know if it's just me or if this feeling is a common one. Tia.

Hmmm... I've always enjoyed the feeling of getting into a new relationship, but in the past, the enjoyment did start wearing off around the six-month mark (which would coincide with you two becoming an official couple).

I thought maybe that was just life, but I can now say that after 11 months with my current guy, I'm really enjoying the ride more and more each day and look forward to the future.

So... at least for me, the "ho-hum" feeling so early on might mean it's the wrong one...

 

[Dposh167]

it happened to me
When I'm single---->I want the relationship
when i'm taken----->i miss being single.

But MY feelings had nothing to do with the man. I was just so used to being on my own, and once I got that quick fix of being in a relationship, I missed my old routine. But it didn't last long. And once that feeling left, I was more appreciative of my situation.

However, in your case, it maybe the guy your with. You didn't explain too much about your relationship with him in your OP. So i'm assuming he treats u well if u guys were together for 6 mos b4 getting serious.

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

it happened to me
When I'm single---->I want the relationship
when i'm taken----->i miss being single.

But MY feelings had nothing to do with the man. I was just so used to being on my own, and once I got that quick fix of being in a relationship, I missed my old routine. But it didn't last long. And once that feeling left, I was more appreciative of my situation.

However, in your case, it maybe the guy your with. You didn't explain too much about your relationship with him in your OP. So i'm assuming he treats u well if u guys were together for 6 mos b4 getting serious.

about the bolded; it was better before we got serious. i fear we are better as friends. part of the problem is i think his guard went up as soon as we got serious and i was left thinking, "what happened to that open, free spirit i met in the beginning?" lol

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

bunny77,
see now that's what i thought. that as time goes on you learn more about each other and things get better. of course there are ups and downs but to be feeling like i'm ret (yes ret, not ready) to go and be single again just feels plain wrong. i know i'm being a little vague in the information i give about the relationship but that's partly cause i think i know what i need to do and don't want to do it. you know that whole intuition thing. *sigh*

 

[hopeful]

^^^You should probably talk to him about the change in his behavior/ personality. I wonder what is wrong and why he has changed? Perhaps he is the type of guy who is nice to date and that's it. Perhaps your relationship has run it's course. You two definitely need to talk or you should consider moving on because it sounds like you're on a path to being unhappy and disappointed.

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

^^^You should probably talk to him about the change in his behavior/ personality. I wonder what is wrong and why he has changed? Perhaps he is the type of guy who is nice to date and that's it. Perhaps your relationship has run it's course. You two definitely need to talk or you should consider moving on because it sounds like you're on a path to being unhappy and disappointed.

indeed. i already talked to him about the change and he said he didn't think he had a chance of really being with me so he just went all out and didn't have any worries. but then once things actually got serious his guard went up. not sure if that makes sense. we've talked a lot and i don't see it making any difference because we are both stubborn. my guard is up now too cause why should i put myself out there if he won't. basically, i feel like i'm wasting my time. i asked him specifically if i was wasting my time with him and he would not answer. that's pretty childish. so...i will likely end things after my birthday. i know that's bad right? lol

 

[hopeful]

Well then what else can you do? If I were you I would also be frustrated. I guess be glad you saw this change after just 6 months, and not after 2 or 3 years. I hate when a man wastes years of a woman's life. Good luck and please keep us updated.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

indeed. i already talked to him about the change and he said he didn't think he had a chance of really being with me so he just went all out and didn't have any worries. but then once things actually got serious his guard went up. not sure if that makes sense. we've talked a lot and i don't see it making any difference because we are both stubborn. my guard is up now too cause why should i put myself out there if he won't. basically, i feel like i'm wasting my time. i asked him specifically if i was wasting my time with him and he would not answer. that's pretty childish. so...i will likely end things after my birthday. i know that's bad right? lol

Awww....sorry to hear that you're going through this.

I think I agree with Hopeful, Shockolate and Bunny.

Either:

1) This guy isn't the right guy for you
2) You two need to communicate a little better
3) It could just be "commitment jitters"

Usually, when you're in a relationship w/the RIGHT person, you're supposed to feel happy, elated, looking forward to the future, and excited! It's not supposed to make you feel down, distressed, or "ho-hum".

I think that if you're feeling "ho-hum" about the relationship, then maybe you had a very high unrealistic view of what being in a relationship is all about, OR you might not be w/the right person. You COULD be w/the right person, but the lack of open, honest communication is hurting your chances of the two of you staying together. Could it just be that he's feeling a little more nervous now that things are more serious between you two? Sometimes people go through periods of uncertainty. That's normal. Just make sure that's not all it is.

Keep us posted!

 

[Britt]

I understand where you coming from OP... but it's very early on to feel that way. I could see being together at least a year before you start to feel that way. I think Hopeful def touched on some key points. There are young to be times when the excitement will begin to wane and things become routine and monotonous. Being that yuos aid yu feel this way already at 6 months makes me being to wonder if you two are compatible. Are you romantically attracted to him?

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I understand where you coming from OP... but it's very early on to feel that way. I could see being together at least a year before you start to feel that way. I think Hopeful def touched on some key points. There are young to be times when the excitement will begin to wane and things become routine and monotonous. Being that yuos aid yu feel this way already at 6 months makes me being to wonder if you two are compatible. Are you romantically attracted to him?

Yeah...I'm beginning to wonder that myself. ARE you??

 

[NeeSee]

You are probably not with the right person, which is something that isn't uncommon. You have so many people that so desperately want to be with someone that they don't take the time to find someone who they have true genuine feelings for and "settle" so to speak only to be disappointed.

 

[Nina_deF]

Yes.
This is usually when I leave.

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

Awww....sorry to hear that you're going through this.

I think I agree with Hopeful, Shockolate and Bunny.

Either:

1) This guy isn't the right guy for you
2) You two need to communicate a little better
3) It could just be "commitment jitters"

Usually, when you're in a relationship w/the RIGHT person, you're supposed to feel happy, elated, looking forward to the future, and excited! It's not supposed to make you feel down, distressed, or "ho-hum".

I think that if you're feeling "ho-hum" about the relationship, then maybe you had a very high unrealistic view of what being in a relationship is all about, OR you might not be w/the right person. You COULD be w/the right person, but the lack of open, honest communication is hurting your chances of the two of you staying together. Could it just be that he's feeling a little more nervous now that things are more serious between you two? Sometimes people go through periods of uncertainty. That's normal. Just make sure that's not all it is.

Keep us posted!

regarding the bolded. he made it pretty clear that he is very insecure with me and women in general so i believe there is a lot of nervousness on his part. let me just put it out there that there is a 9 year age difference between us (i'm older). i have never ever, never ever dated/been with anyone my own age let alone younger. i've always done older only. this was one of the main reasons why i was telling him in the beginning that we should just be friends. so the only thing i'm nervous about is the fact that he is younger and is probably too damn immature. i tried my hardest to find out as much as i could about him before getting involved. we were friends at first, dated then got serious... this is a bad thing to say but being with him makes it easier for me to understand why i didn't date anyone for 2 years! that's pretty bad huh?

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

Brittster,
it's funny you ask if i'm romantically attracted to him cause at first i wasn't. as i mentioned a little earlier, we were just friends and i was trying to keep it that way. i really needed someone over the summer because i was going through a tough time and he was there for me in a big way. even then i didn't really see him in a romantic way but then as we continued to spend time together the feelings developed.

 

[OneInAMillion]

regarding the bolded. he made it pretty clear that he is very insecure with me and women in general so i believe there is a lot of nervousness on his part. let me just put it out there that there is a 9 year age difference between us (i'm older). i have never ever, never ever dated/been with anyone my own age let alone younger. i've always done older only. this was one of the main reasons why i was telling him in the beginning that we should just be friends. so the only thing i'm nervous about is the fact that he is younger and is probably too damn immature. i tried my hardest to find out as much as i could about him before getting involved. we were friends at first, dated then got serious... this is a bad thing to say but being with him makes it easier for me to understand why i didn't date anyone for 2 years! that's pretty bad huh?

Well, is he too immature? Are there instances where this has been a problem? Or is it something in the back of your mind. That would be a dealbreaker for me. My SO is 3.5 years younger, but its not something that's a problem for us. In the beginning I was worried, but at the end of the day, we're on the same page when it comes to things like finances, goals, and general expectations...

In general, I would say, if you're questioning, "Is this it?" as in, "Is this all I'm going to get out if this relationship?," then you have your answer.

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

OneinaMillion,
lol it's not funny but it is cause now i'm beginning to see that he is immature regarding relationships and is not ready for what i'm ready for and he either lied or overestimated his ability to be at that level when we first started talking about relationships.

 

[OneInAMillion]

OneinaMillion,
lol it's not funny but it is cause now i'm beginning to see that he is immature regarding relationships and is not ready for what i'm ready for and he either lied or overestimated his ability to be at that level when we first started talking about relationships.

Hmmm, well then I say that you should go with your gut. I really wish I had listened to myself the times that I questioned whether or not someone was good for me. It would have saved heartache and just time to myself to be honest. Good luck in your decision