Do I tell or do I fake the funk?

[Oasis]

I’m not in a relationship nor have I ever been (I’m 22). I’d like that to change in the year 2011 so I’ve decided to start online dating.

I’ve been talking to a few people casually and eventually I’d like something semi-serious. My thing is when this happens, the seriousness I mean, should I tell that I’m inexperienced or should I pretend like I’ve been doing this my whole life? When I say I’m inexperienced I REALLY mean it. It wouldn’t matter to me if I was simply a virgin but the whole NEVER even been kissed thing at my age makes me seem like some sort of weirdo. Please reserve your judgment and laughter. erplexed

I know I’m getting a little ahead of myself, as I don’t have anyone to even have this awkward and embarrassing conversation with yet, but when the time comes what should I do? When it’s time for that first kiss should I just lean in and let the lips do what it do? Or should I say “Yo! Hole up! I’m new at this. Teach me how to Dougie?”

 

[Lovelylife]

Same thing I've been thinking about. I'm in the SAME exact situation as you. Never been kissed or in a relationship also.
I didn't know whether to lie, divert conversations or how to wait until I'm like...yeah, you are my first for everything.
I don't want my innocence to be taken advantage of.

 

[TamedTresses]

No judgment or laughter here, I took my time getting started as well. You don't have to share anything that you're not comfortable sharing. After you get to know a guy, it's likely that you will want to share almost everything with him. He'll find out in due time.

 

[celiabug]

I was in a situation like this too. I had my first kiss when I was 17. I told the boy that "I've never kissed anyone before and so if its bad I'm sorry". He was understanding and told me he would teach me. It all turned out good.

 

[shantea]

Hello & merry Christmas !
I honestly believe that you should be straight up and honest with whoever you decide to talk to. Because with you being honest you can decipher the other person's reaction therefore you'll know if they are going to be mature enough or the right person for you. The person should respect your personal choices and should be willing to be patient with you. When the time is right you should be able to be comfortable and tell whoever without fear of judgement. You should be proud that you have held onto your gift! good luck

 

[Afrolatina]

I’m not in a relationship nor have I ever been (I’m 22). I’d like that to change in the year 2011 so I’ve decided to start online dating.

I’ve been talking to a few people casually and eventually I’d like something semi-serious. My thing is when this happens, the seriousness I mean, should I tell that I’m inexperienced or should I pretend like I’ve been doing this my whole life? When I say I’m inexperienced I REALLY mean it. It wouldn’t matter to me if I was simply a virgin but the whole NEVER even been kissed thing at my age makes me seem like some sort of weirdo. Please reserve your judgment and laughter. erplexed

I know I’m getting a little ahead of myself, as I don’t have anyone to even have this awkward and embarrassing conversation with yet, but when the time comes what should I do? When it’s time for that first kiss should I just lean in and let the lips do what it do? Or should I say “Yo! Hole up! I’m new at this. Teach me how to Dougie?”

Hi!
no laughter or judgment here promise!
I didn't start dating until I was about 19...sad, I know lol...
but, i'll tell you the truth, IMHO... I wouldn't mention it because it shouldn't honestly matter how experienced or inexperienced you are... When I started dating, I actually met my ex online... we were together 4 years... we met, developed a relationship, etc., and I told him, from jump that I was inexperienced... he told me he was too (he was about 17 at the time- long story about his age lol but mostly he lied and told me something different when we were talking).. apparently, he had been sexually active since single digit ages, he was NOT a virgin and this was NOT his second relationship (he'd had like 6-7 before the age of 17)... saying all of that to say this, don't fake anything.. but don't offer up unless you feel like it's getting serious and you have the time in the relationship to back it up (6-9 months in).

Just let these relationship develop on it's own and see where it takes you...
I say all of this because there are quite a few "scam artists" out there looking for inexperienced partners because they want to play/mess around, etc., and you don't want to attract any of these lowlives...

as far as it being obvious to your partners, it shouldn't be... you would be surprised how the human body kind of picks up on things- saying that to say this, kissing shouldn't be a problem.. don't overwhelm yourself with too many details or anything now, just let the relationships unfold, don't let anyone pressure you into anything, don't do anything you're uncomfortable about and enjoy every moment... usually your first relationship can leave some pretty sweet memories that will last a lifetime... take it slow and listen to your heart and mind every step of the way!
btw i'm here for you if you need any help since i've been where you are!

 

[BostonMaria]

First of all kudos to you for staying a virgin. No judgements here.

I think that if he has good intentions he will take what you say as a good thing. I say go with the flow and try not to over analyze the situation.


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[ScorpioBeauty09]

I’m not in a relationship nor have I ever been (I’m 22). I’d like that to change in the year 2011 so I’ve decided to start online dating.

I’ve been talking to a few people casually and eventually I’d like something semi-serious. My thing is when this happens, the seriousness I mean, should I tell that I’m inexperienced or should I pretend like I’ve been doing this my whole life? When I say I’m inexperienced I REALLY mean it. It wouldn’t matter to me if I was simply a virgin but the whole NEVER even been kissed thing at my age makes me seem like some sort of weirdo. Please reserve your judgment and laughter. erplexed

I know I’m getting a little ahead of myself, as I don’t have anyone to even have this awkward and embarrassing conversation with yet, but when the time comes what should I do? When it’s time for that first kiss should I just lean in and let the lips do what it do? Or should I say “Yo! Hole up! I’m new at this. Teach me how to Dougie?”

I just turned 23 and I'm in the same situation as you. I've always been honest about it. The last guy I liked I told him I'm a virgin, never been kissed and he was cool with it. The subject always seems to naturally comes up (usually by the guy) so I've never felt the need to bring it up myself. I always use it as a chance to tell the guy what won't be happening and I've never had a bad reaction. I say be honest, it's a perfect opportunity to find out if you're on the same page but the key is to wait for the right time.

Remember if a guy reacts negatively he's not worth it and is only trying to get some.

 

[Oasis]

thanks guys! i feel so much better knowing i'm not alone.

it's just hard when practically everyone my age and even below is doing "it" and i don't really know how to approach the situation when the time comes.

 

[msdeevee]

It is a truly sad statement on the world that we live in that a young woman has to feel ashamed or embarrassed or made to feel like a weirdo because she has preserved herself.

I don't think that your status should be an issue at all in getting to know someone. When you get to the point where you feel like you are in a relationship with someone you can share then and if he's special I would think he would be proud that you are a woman that has placed a value on your gifts.

In this time it is a special thing to still be a virgin at your age and not a technical virgin that has been felt up ,fondled and licked to death but didn't take that final step.

Be proud of yourself and confident in your choices so that you can attract someone who is like-minded.

I don't mean any dis to whomever has made a different choice. I'm addressing this individual OP so no need to try to school me.

 

[CarmelCupcake]

Other person, I just want to tell you that there is nothing wrong with being a beginner at having a serious relationship, kissing, sex, etc. No one should feel pressured into doing something until they themselves are ready. But anyways, If I were on a date and me and my date were discussing relationships, you could bring up the fact that you have never been in a relationship before. When it comes to kissing, I would just go with the flow. You don't necessarily have to tell him that you have never kissed anyone before, unless he asks you about your kissing. When the discussion of sex comes up, be frank with him that you have never had sex before, and if you do not wish to have sex, be very upfront and honest. Well, good look OP! Everything is going to work out well for you. Oh, and please be careful when you are online dating.

 

[Lita]

First of all kudos to you for staying a virgin. No judgements here.

I think that if he has good intentions he will take what you say as a good thing. I say go with the flow and try not to over analyze the situation.


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I commend you as well...Non-things wrong with being a virgin...Thats your body & its very special..If someone really like you they will understand..Please continue to take your time..God Bless!




Happy Hair Growing!

 

[ppp422]

OP you are not alone at all! And not being as "experienced" as most people out there is nothing to be ashamed of, it is virtuous. At 18, I thought I was such a weirdo, to have never had a bf and when I told people they would assume that I had to have "crazy high expectations to not have found anyone." When I went to college three of my good friends, were like me and had never been in a relationship before.

I am 23 now and didn't have my first bf until I was 21. I was up front with him about everything and he claimed to have had only two gfs before me (I seriously doubt it; and am single now). When I was dating at the time, I didn't want to give this information to anyone and have their ideas of "inexperienced girls without bfs" proceed me. I just thought that it could make me a target for some without good intentions etc. When I thought that my ex bf was going to kiss me, I watched youtube videos of people kissing so that I would get it right.

I am not a pro at online dating (or any dating for that matter) but I think that you should bring up your dating history only when it comes up in conversation. Its not necessary to be the first thing that you talk about. I don't think that you should pretend to have done/experienced anything that you haven't. You are perfectly imperfect just the way you are!

 

[texasqt]

thanks guys! i feel so much better knowing i'm not alone. it's just hard when practically everyone my age and even below is doing "it" and i don't really know how to approach the situation when the time comes.

You'd be surprised to find out that the majority at your age and even below aren't doing it. It's just not talked about as much because everyone assumes everyone else is doing it.

My opinions:
1. Kissing and being intimate is not the only reason you're in a relationship especially in the beginning stages. Relax and focus on building the friendship. Get to know one another (if you're looking for a serious relationship) first and express that your speed is not to rush anything. He'll understand what you mean and if he doesn't want to move at your speed then let him zoom on by. This will keep you from kissing all those frogs that don't turn into princes.

2. I wouldn't share it, not up front anyway. Sometimes that will open the door for you to be taken advantage of. If he asks, then share but watch his intentions. Not saying that because he's asking he's out to get you but if he's asking he's letting you know what his interest may or may not be. Some people are interested in casual relationships with sex included. Others may be looking for someone without a lot of miles. You'll know. Trust your gut instincts. But like I said if you're interested in a long-term relationship, the focus needs not to rest solely on the kiss or other intimate activities.

If you take the time to get to know the person and they are interested in getting to know you and you find that you both like each other beyond physical appearances, the first kiss, whether good or bad, will be the first of many kisses you will share with lots of room and opportunity for improving

 

[imaccami]

I don't think you should feel embarrassed. A lot of black women are in their late 20's or early 30's and never been kissed or in a relationship, so don't feel alone.

I don't think you should tell him just because you think he will notice that your kissing technique is off or something like that. Kissing is natural and your body knows what to, so it's highly unlikely you'll be bad at it or that he'll be able to tell it's your first kiss. And if he does notice anything, he'll just think that you're nervous or something like that.

Just go with the flow when that moment comes.

If you want to tell him for other reasons you can, but just be very careful that he isn't someone who would take advantage of that information or try to mislead you about his own experiences.

 

[kismettt]

i was a sophomore in college when i had my first kiss. i faked the funk. and he told me it was the most sensual kiss he ever had. it depends on what you feel comfortable with. i felt lame being that old & never being kissed. but apparently, i'm naturally a good kisser

i'd be open about being a virgin though (once you get to that point). i don't understand how girls just don't tell. that hurt, i would have died if he thought he could just dive right in.

 

[Nyssa28]

Don't be embarrased, I have a cousin that's close to 50 in the same position. I'd just play it cool and look for kissing tips until the time comes. There really isn't much to it.