discouraging people.

[candibaby]

Okay, so I never wanted a perm. EVER. When I was about 8, I had hair all the way down my back, and my mother said it was too hard to manage so she was gonna perm it. I BEGGED her not to put perms in my hair (not knowing anything about it possibly causing damage, I just thought perming took too much work). She did it anyway. Personally, I think my natural hair was prettier than my relaxed hair because it was really wavy.

So now, every time I see someone with natural hair, I'm like WOW, her hair is really pretty. Whereas, my best friend thinks that natural hair is ugly and nappy. (she just got a perm for the first time 2 years ago). She's like she's sick of hearing me talk about natural hair being soooo pretty, she doesn't. I plan on going natural eventually and she's like, WHY.

So she called me today, while I was sitting under the dryer. She told me she heard that mayo, carrot oil, and vitamin E lotion will make your hair shiny and grow long. I told her I couldn't speak on the lotion and mayo, but that I started using carrot oil and I like it. So she says "how you supposed to be going natural when you keep putting all this stuff in your hair?!" I had to explain to her AGAIN that being natural does not mean you can not put anything in your hair, and that in order to go natural you have to cut off your relaxed ends, you cant just wake up and say HEY! I'M NATURAL!

Anyway, nobody seems to be supportive in my want to eventually go natural. I don't plan on getting perms my entire life, and my best friend pisses me off whenever we talk about hair, because she thinks she is so much better than every one because she has bra strap hair. (forgetting that i too, had bra strap hair until a SHS cut it off). I wouldn't call her hair beautiful, because it's always dry, and rough looking (it doesn't even feel soft).. but every time I try to offer my advice, she brushes it off because I dont have long hair anymore so WHAT advice could I POSSIBLY offer to her? Nevermind the fact that my hair is very healthy and shiny, because it's not long my advice is of no use to her.

Do any of you ladies know people like that, and doesn't it just make you mad?!

Sorry.. had to vent and I know you ladies will understand.

 

[msvaye]

Don/t let her get you down. Because you are returning to natual hair you will learn good hair care ~ not only for natural hair but perm hair can take note. IF she is your friend you should tell her about how you feel about natural hair and stop being unsupportive I would also give her tips on her hair, no one should have dry looking and feeling hair. Good luck on taking the natural route ~~ I hope you take the plunge! Natural for 4 years and have not looked back.

 

[candibaby]

do you have any pictures of your hair, ms vaye? i love seeing natural heads!

*i have told her about this, but you just can't change how some people think.

 

[patience]

Gurl, don't pay her no mind. "Let Your Haters Be Your Motivators" as Porche Foxx on V-103 Radio station in Atlanta says. You have plenty of support right here!

 

[ms_kenesha]

Do not give this hateful woman any more advice. Go natural if that's what you want and don't listen to her nonsense. She's obviously not too bright thinking that going natural is synonymous with not doing ANYTHING to your hair is DUMB!

 

[candibaby]

thanks patience

 

[candibaby]

LOL @ ms kenesha. thats the same thing i was thinking. wouldn't your hair fall out if you NEVER did anything to it? (ie: no washing, conditioning, moisturizing.. etc) thanks.

 

[SherryLove]

[ QUOTE ]
candibaby said:
Okay, so I never wanted a perm. EVER. When I was about 8, I had hair all the way down my back, and my mother said it was too hard to manage so she was gonna perm it. I BEGGED her not to put perms in my hair (not knowing anything about it possibly causing damage, I just thought perming took too much work). She did it anyway. Personally, I think my natural hair was prettier than my relaxed hair because it was really wavy.

So now, every time I see someone with natural hair, I'm like WOW, her hair is really pretty. Whereas, my best friend thinks that natural hair is ugly and nappy. (she just got a perm for the first time 2 years ago). She's like she's sick of hearing me talk about natural hair being soooo pretty, she doesn't. I plan on going natural eventually and she's like, WHY.

So she called me today, while I was sitting under the dryer. She told me she heard that mayo, carrot oil, and vitamin E lotion will make your hair shiny and grow long. I told her I couldn't speak on the lotion and mayo, but that I started using carrot oil and I like it. So she says "how you supposed to be going natural when you keep putting all this stuff in your hair?!" I had to explain to her AGAIN that being natural does not mean you can not put anything in your hair, and that in order to go natural you have to cut off your relaxed ends, you cant just wake up and say HEY! I'M NATURAL!

Anyway, nobody seems to be supportive in my want to eventually go natural. I don't plan on getting perms my entire life, and my best friend pisses me off whenever we talk about hair, because she thinks she is so much better than every one because she has bra strap hair. (forgetting that i too, had bra strap hair until a SHS cut it off). I wouldn't call her hair beautiful, because it's always dry, and rough looking (it doesn't even feel soft).. but every time I try to offer my advice, she brushes it off because I dont have long hair anymore so WHAT advice could I POSSIBLY offer to her? Nevermind the fact that my hair is very healthy and shiny, because it's not long my advice is of no use to her.

Do any of you ladies know people like that, and doesn't it just make you mad?!

Sorry.. had to vent and I know you ladies will understand.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hey Candibaby....When you make the decision to go natural. you are going to have naysayers (and of course they are mainly of African ancestry). You must realize that are suffering from years upon years of being socially reconditioned to hate everything about themselves that is indicative of their African ancestry....Do not waste your energy being mad at people who do not know any better and who choose not to love themselves. It's a result of self hate and ignorance that has been passed down through the generations....It takes a strong woman (mainly those of African ancestry) to decide to go natural and nurture her natural hair. If you are mentally ready and have a high enough self-esteem, what the others say should not even matter to you....

They are the ones who cannot fully deal with who they are.....

 

[sengschick]

[ QUOTE ]
SherryLove said:

Hey Candibaby....When you make the decision to go natural. you are going to have naysayers (and of course they are mainly of African ancestry). You must realize that are suffering from years upon years of being socially reconditioned to hate everything about themselves that is indicative of their African ancestry....Do not waste your energy being mad at people who do not know any better and who choose not to love themselves. It's a result of self hate and ignorance that has been passed down through the generations....It takes a strong woman (mainly those of African ancestry) to decide to go natural and nurture her natural hair. If you are mentally ready and have a high enough self-esteem, what the others say should not even matter to you....

They are the ones who cannot fully deal with who they are.....

[/ QUOTE ]

Preach, girl. Preach. Don't y'all love some SherryLove?!

 

[candibaby]

thanks sherrylove, you made me feel a lot better. I've actually wanted to go natural for some years.. because I've always hated getting perms, but the decision that I'm going to go natural within the next few years has come within the past few weeks. I want to get back to bra strap length first, then I will transition.

 

[SherryLove]

[ QUOTE ]
candibaby said:
thanks sherrylove, you made me feel a lot better. I've actually wanted to go natural for some years.. because I've always hated getting perms, but the decision that I'm going to go natural within the next few years has come within the past few weeks. I want to get back to bra strap length first, then I will transition.

[/ QUOTE ]

Girl, your napptural hair sista Sherrylove is right with you..My stylist put my LAST relaxer in my hair on April 10.

 

[babyblue]

Unfortunately some of your biggest critics will be other Black women(excluding those on hair boards). In my experience othere non-blacks could care less and are surprisingly actually more supportive of how I wear my hair. Pay no mind to negative people, just do 'you'. Eventually if and when you go natural and your friend starts to see all that beautiful healthy hair she just may come around.

 

[UmSumayyah]

I would ignore your friend's comments. You tried to help her and she poo-pooed you. Just keep taking great care of your hair and come here when you need support/advice.

+

 

[A_Christian]

I understand how you feel. In my little 22 years I've learned that sometimes you (and Jesus

) will be your only source of encouragement in various situations. Sometimes even family and friends won't even support you, so you have to pray and encourage yourself!

 

[candibaby]

Thanks ladies, I knew I could at least count on yall to be supportive, funny how sometimes its the people that you dont even know that help you the most.

 

[adrienne0914]

people will try to steal your joy. don't let them!! it's just like sherrylove said. most people don't know any better...

i actually find myself rarely talking about hair less and less unless someone else brings it up. you used to be unable to shut me up. lol! it gets tiring tryna convince people...

 

[TigerLily]

[ QUOTE ]
babyblue said:
Unfortunately some of your biggest critics will be other Black women(excluding those on hair boards). In my experience othere non-blacks could care less and are surprisingly actually more supportive of how I wear my hair. Pay no mind to negative people, just do 'you'. Eventually if and when you go natural and your friend starts to see all that beautiful healthy hair she just may come around.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ditto! And if she doesn't come around, so what? You'll still look good!!

 

[aqualung]

[ QUOTE ]
candibaby said:
She told me she heard that mayo, carrot oil, and vitamin E lotion will make your hair shiny and grow long. I told her I couldn't speak on the lotion and mayo, but that I started using carrot oil and I like it. So she says "how you supposed to be going natural when you keep putting all this stuff in your hair?!"

[/ QUOTE ]

Well, she must have SOME redeeming traits in order to qualify as your best friend! She was nice enough to share her new tip with you. Some girlfriends would be as silent as the grave...

In your position, I would give her the link to LHCF and NP so that she could inform herself (if you haven't already). Then she'll understand the rationale of your routine and what you mean by "going natural."

 

[msvaye]

Sorry candibaby, no pics at this time

. My cousin keeps telling me I should since I decided to grow my hair longer. Will definatly post when I do, I'll send you a message when I do

.

 

[Lovelylocs]

First, stop with the advice!! If she is being nasty and doesnt want it, maybe she needs to see for herself. And no more sharing your hair ideas with her. If she doesnt like it, then dont talk to her about it! Problem solved. Sometimes people don't understand the vision, but once it is done they love it!

 

[phynestone]

I've experienced this too, so I think you should just keep doing what you are doing and let your hair speak for itself. I got really tired of people telling me what I should do with my hair to get it long and that I wasn't taking care of it properly, but they are starting to shut up b/c my hair is getting longer.

 

[CheerHHS]

Finally someone who understands! I'm 16 and trying to grow my hair to back to bra strap (I was naive and thought that I could cut my hair and it would instantly grow back w/o any hard work). Well my friends don't understand the importance of hair care and constantly pick on my "hobo", not jojoba oil and my buns. Yet these are the same people who wear broken hairs everyday like fashion accessories! When I mention CO washes,vitamins, and actually washing my hair weekly they tell me that may hair is gonna fall out. I'm crazy for protein treatments too. I know it gets aggravating but my hair is only 2.5 inches from bra strap. The proof in is the pudding, when you reach your goals the "discouraging people" will have nothing to say.

 

[PretteePlease]

I am 100% natural and I ran into a hater last night. In fact I was on a date with him. I flat ironed my hair(not for the date), and we saw a chick with a fro and I said my fro is bigger than that. He was like how do you expect to get a man with hair like that, THATS NOT SEXY!! No he didn't, then proceeded to say "Walk around looking a mess if you want to." Well I will damn it! This is my 3rd time going natural and I plan on staying that way because I like the options of being nappy, straight, braided out or whatever. Sometimes people won't encourage you so ENCOURAGE YOURSELF!!!!!!

 

[ChildlikeEmpress]

[ QUOTE ]
msportugal said:
...and we saw a chick with a fro and I said my fro is bigger than that. He was like how do you expect to get a man with hair like that, THATS NOT SEXY!!

[/ QUOTE ]
That guy doesn't know what he's talking about. To me, there are few things sexier than a woman with a big, pretty fro. (Okay, so I'm a girl, but my attractions run both ways. That has to count for SOMETHING.

)

~Rochelle.

 

[Ayeshia]

[ QUOTE ]
Lovelylocs said:
First, stop with the advice!! If she is being nasty and doesnt want it, maybe she needs to see for herself. And no more sharing your hair ideas with her. If she doesnt like it, then dont talk to her about it! Problem solved. Sometimes people don't understand the vision, but once it is done they love it!

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree dont speak anymore on the subject to her.

 

[Falon]

[ QUOTE ]
SherryLove said:
Hey Candibaby....When you make the decision to go natural. you are going to have naysayers (and of course they are mainly of African ancestry). You must realize that are suffering from years upon years of being socially reconditioned to hate everything about themselves that is indicative of their African ancestry....Do not waste your energy being mad at people who do not know any better and who choose not to love themselves. It's a result of self hate and ignorance that has been passed down through the generations....It takes a strong woman (mainly those of African ancestry) to decide to go natural and nurture her natural hair. If you are mentally ready and have a high enough self-esteem, what the others say should not even matter to you....

They are the ones who cannot fully deal with who they are.....

[/ QUOTE ]

Nuff said! You go sherry Love!

 

[Maestradiva77]

)))HUG((( for Candibaby! Stay strong girl!!

 

[ricochet]

[ QUOTE ]
SherryLove said:
Hey Candibaby....When you make the decision to go natural. you are going to have naysayers (and of course they are mainly of African ancestry). You must realize that are suffering from years upon years of being socially reconditioned to hate everything about themselves that is indicative of their African ancestry....Do not waste your energy being mad at people who do not know any better and who choose not to love themselves. It's a result of self hate and ignorance that has been passed down through the generations....It takes a strong woman (mainly those of African ancestry) to decide to go natural and nurture her natural hair. If you are mentally ready and have a high enough self-esteem, what the others say should not even matter to you....

They are the ones who cannot fully deal with who they are.....

[/ QUOTE ]

Amen!

 

[candibaby]

Thank you ladies, yall are making me feel a lot better! Cheer HHS, my friends do the same thing. I try not to bring up the subject, because their $.02 is almost always negative. My mom, my sisters, etc.. say my hair is gonna fall out because I use a lot of products (i order samples.. but i dont use them until after i wash my hair to avoid build up and i dont use them at the same time!) they say washing my hair every week will make it fall out. if that's the case, then why has my hair seemed healthier since i started washing more often? at least i dont go pay $40 to the hairdresser every week to do something i can do at home for free!

Megonw, i've shown her the forum before, but she hates her computer so.. i guess she'll never join it. ahwell.

Thanks for the support you guys.

 

[ChoKitty]

You know hun, it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks...it is YOUR hair. If you want to go natural, then do it! Do what will make you feel best!