Disappointed yet again

[prettypuff1]

This is why i don't usually date.

So this past Tuesday I went out with a guy that i have known for a long time. I have liked him since I first met him almost 2 years ago, but I am just now getting to going out with him. We went out to a medical school talk and then we went out for dinner and drinks afterwards. It was good conversation the whole night and I really felt good about it. When we got back to the car ( he drove), we started kissing and well we got very physical this night... We were together most of the night and I thought we were at least on the path to dating...

Well i was wrong; when i talked to him yesterday and i asked him what was going on between us, and he said that he liked me and that he wanted to be friends with benefits..... Needless to say, I am quite disappointed in how this shaped up. Now i am all for the friends with benefits situation, particularly when i don't see any long term potential in the guy. But this time, I actually do like this guy( although that is fading fast). I always got the impression that he was a really nice well rounded individual, particularly when dealing with other people. I really thought that i had gotten to know this guy, and now i am just disappointed in how this turned out. I know that i got to physical with him to fast but i did think that i had gotten to know him enough.

I know what i need to do, I want to take it back to just being friends. I know that i want more with him than what he wants and i don't want to be hurt by this....

I need some advice, or hugs or similar situations pleaze!!!

 

[nychaelasymone]

You answered your own question honey......I'm not sure if 'physical' means you guys did the do but regardless, he told you what he wanted and now its up to decide if you can handle that. Personally, I think you need to break from him for a while until you are emotionally able to handle just being his friend. None of us can tell you what to do but don't set your self up to be hurt or to have expectations that will never be met. If you want a relationship with a man, then just wait. I'm sure you have enough to worry about in life with out the added stress of a man who wants to be friends w/ benefits. Honestly, that game gets old after a while and you are left feeling empty and u wasted your body and energy on someone who didn't truly appreciate it. JMO.....

All the best to you.

This is why i don't usually date.

So this past Tuesday I went out with a guy that i have known for a long time. I have liked him since I first met him almost 2 years ago, but I am just now getting to going out with him. We went out to a medical school talk and then we went out for dinner and drinks afterwards. It was good conversation the whole night and I really felt good about it. When we got back to the car ( he drove), we started kissing and well we got very physical this night... We were together most of the night and I thought we were at least on the path to dating...

Well i was wrong; when i talked to him yesterday and i asked him what was going on between us, and he said that he liked me and that he wanted to be friends with benefits..... Needless to say, I am quite disappointed in how this shaped up. Now i am all for the friends with benefits situation, particularly when i don't see any long term potential in the guy. But this time, I actually do like this guy( although that is fading fast). I always got the impression that he was a really nice well rounded individual, particularly when dealing with other people. I really thought that i had gotten to know this guy, and now i am just disappointed in how this turned out. I know that i got to physical with him to fast but i did think that i had gotten to know him enough.

I know what i need to do, I want to take it back to just being friends. I know that i want more with him than what he wants and i don't want to be hurt by this....

I need some advice, or hugs or similar situations pleaze!!!

 

[stinastina]

I know this is going to sound old fashioned, but it works all the time (even the Millionaire Matchmaker says it !). If you want a lasting relationship, don't give up the goods until you have had the talk about where things are going. As far as being friends and hoping he'll change his mind, I would suggest moving on. I am sure you will find someone who will appreciate you and not want to take advantage of your feelings so he can get off whenever he needs to.

 

[Lucie]

I am sorry honey. I don't think you should swear off dating but maybe you should tweak your behavior a bit. I don't know if you went all the way with him but if you did, learn from it. Most men do not get serious with a woman they sleep with quickly. There are some exceptions but they are far and few in between.

In the future, make sure you establish what you want before you get initimate with a man. Also, even if he does tell you he wants the same things you do, let him prove it to you. My husband told me very early on what he would do for me and he has kept his word. Initially, it was nice to here but words mean nothing without actions.

((( HUGS )))

 

[Mejayt]

I have been in this situation before and I chose to stick around thinking that maybe we would evolve into something more but it never happened and I was left feeling miserable. If a guy tells you that he just wants to be friends with "benefits" then that's all that he wants from you. If you are unable to handle that then move on quickly. There are plenty of men out here who will actually want to have a relationship with you and respect you.

 

[prettypuff1]

I know.. I really messed this one up. I really liked him and I got kind of excited with the chance i guess since i truly didn't think it would happen. But i ruined it again

 

[Lucie]

I know.. I really messed this one up. I really liked him and I got kind of excited with the chance i guess since i truly didn't think it would happen. But i ruined it again

Stop beating yourself up honey. He is not the only fish in the pond. You learned something from this experience and in the future you will be better equipped to get the results you desire.

 

[Honey6928215]

I'm sorry this has happened to you. But from now on cut off all communications with this guy because he used you and he made it clear about what he wants from you. You don't want a relationship like that. So let it be known that you are not down with the 'Friends With Benefits' and keep moving. When he calls don't even answer because evidently he only wants one thing.

I hope you learn from this. A friend told me that if you really like a guy, DON'T SLEEP WITH HIM!'

 

[gone_fishing]

Not fussin'

But ladies, until he is YOUR man (or unless you like bed buddies) please keep your leggs shut.

I mean AT least there should be a gf/bf commitment before you have sex with him.

We have really got it screwed up.

SEX doesn't come first.

You know that saying what comes first, the chicken or the egg? and how nobody is certain of the answer and it is pondered over and over again. This is NOT like that.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

I know.. I really messed this one up. I really liked him and I got kind of excited with the chance i guess since i truly didn't think it would happen. But i ruined it again

Its okay...we all make mistakes. Now that you know this, try to not get too into it during the first few dates. This happens all the time with women...keep it moving....

 

[tarheelgurl]

Never get too "physical" the first date.........keep them guessing and give them something to work for. He probably figured you were "easy" and would bed any men on the first night......that's what I have been told.

But we all make mistakes......don't beat yourself up over it.

 

[berry87]

Don't beat yourself up over it. Take it as a learning experience.
Perhaps you should take some time away from the dating scene and whenever you're emotionally ready make sure to take it slow.

 

[Dposh167]

its hard to turn a bootycall into a bf. I just left an experience like that very recently. I thought that after a while, he'll start to see more in me than just 'friendship sex' and boy was i wrong. The ladies are right...if all he wants is sex then that's what he wants. and ur only gonna hurt urself in the end.

friends w/ benefits is a very tough game to play. There's no such thing as fair. Just b.c. u feel a certain way doesn't mean the other person feels the same way. Emotions don't mean shyt. so If u don't feel up to playing the game then plain & simply...DON'T.

 

[Kiadodie]

Don't feel bad. It has happened or will happen to most of us.

Just remember as the others have said, do not give it up that easy no matter.

 

[donna894]

I'm just agreeing with what the other ladies have said. Stop beating yourself up. Apparently, he is not the one. So that means the one is still out there. Live and Learn and Move On.

 

[prettypuff1]

Ok ladies... I feel much better now about it....

 

[klb120475]

Ok ladies... I feel much better now about it....

Good!

 

[vestaluv1]

Yep. Call me old fashioned or whatever but if a guy is really worth it, you don't need to get 'very physical' as you said so soon.
Not trying to be funny but you're not more special than any other girl then are you.
If a guy can't be around me without getting 'the goods' for a VERY LONG TIME then I don't feel used, disappointed and I know I made a lucky escape. I haven't lost anything in the long run.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I know this is going to sound old fashioned, but it works all the time (even the Millionaire Matchmaker says it !). If you want a lasting relationship, don't give up the goods until you have had the talk about where things are going. As far as being friends and hoping he'll change his mind, I would suggest moving on. I am sure you will find someone who will appreciate you and not want to take advantage of your feelings so he can get off whenever he needs to.

Indeed! I'm sorry you were burned but just keep it moving mamas.

 

[vevster]

I know.. I really messed this one up. I really liked him and I got kind of excited with the chance i guess since i truly didn't think it would happen. But i ruined it again

I don't think you ruined it. If he was the guy for you making out with him after knowing him 2 years would have just sealed the deal. Not blow it all away.

Do not beat yourself up!

 

[Princess4real]

Not fussin'

But ladies, until he is YOUR man (or unless you like bed buddies) please keep your leggs shut.

I mean AT least there should be a gf/bf commitment before you have sex with him.

We have really got it screwed up.

SEX doesn't come first.

You know that saying what comes first, the chicken or the egg? and how nobody is certain of the answer and it is pondered over and over again. This is NOT like that.

Hmmm, not according to some people on the forum! I'm sorry, but I had to go there! I'm sorry your feeling bad, but you have already been given some great advice from the ladies that have posted before me. We all have done things we wish we could go back and undo. Believe me, I would be the first one in line. On a positive note, at least you really liked him and you gave yourself to someone you really wanted to have a future with.

 

[MJ]

I'm sorry that happened to you. You need to read "Why Me Love B!tches." Your experience sounds eerily like some of the ones the author discused in the book .

 

[VelvetRain]

Not fussin'

But ladies, until he is YOUR man (or unless you like bed buddies) please keep your leggs shut.

I mean AT least there should be a gf/bf commitment before you have sex with him.

I so agree with all of this. Current SO was waiting a loooong time as I wouldn't have had it any other way. I just had to know if he was interested in sticking around for the long term.