Re: Did you lose yourself after you got married? How do you have fun while being marr
JudithO
In the beginning of my marriage I definitely felt like a lost myself a bit. With me, it wasn't so much that I was losing my hobbies but that I wouldn't stand up for myself for the sake of keeping the peace.
For example, everyone who knows me knows that I am OBSESSED with the color purple. However, hubby doesn't like it because he was convinced it's a color for little girls. I would try to tell him that shades of purple could look nice depending on how you decorated, but he wouldn't hear it. Rather than me standing my ground, I gave in to him because I hated arguing. As a result, there is not one ounce of purple in my home and every time someone comes to visit they always say, "I'm surprised there's no purple in here." As trivial as it seemed, it really bothered me that something that made me so happy was nowhere in my home because I didn't want to fight. My disdain of confrontation prevented me from being me.
Then there were things, such as flying a kite that I used to do all the time during the spring or a certain themed meal dinner night for whatever reason that dh wouldn't agree to. t again rationalized that it wasn't worth it to start a fight or cause tension over something trivial like kite flying. So I kept my mouth shut. It wasn't long before I didn't recognize myself any more. Concert going, dancing and singing was something else that I once did all the time but didn't after getting married.
After talking to my mom about it, she encouraged me to speak up sometimes. While I don't want to make it sound like war, I had to learn when to pick my battles. After that, I persisted on some things and let other things go. I also talked to dh about my concern with losing myself and that marriage was about making each other happy and sharing our lives together. He actually understood and agreed to be more willing to do some things that I liked to do and were important to me. He honestly didn't even realize what he was doing. Although, I do have to give him credit because he did encourage me to keep dancing the whole time.
We also came up with a date night jar, in which we put different activities on a popsicle stick and picked one each date night. No matter what activity we picked we had to do it. WE both collaborated on the activities that went in the jar so we could both be fulfilled. Some things were activities that he liked such as go to the bar and watch the eagles game and others were cutesy things that I liked such as go to the park and watch the ducks in the pond or fly a kite.
Lastly, I encourage you to go back to the things that you like even if you have to do it alone. It is perfectly healthy for married people to do things on their own. Like you, I really enjoyed dancing so I now take pole dancing classes and ballet classes at a studio and I've joined a professional dance team. When I'm lucky, I can talk DH into going to a restaurant that plays jazz music. Sometimes the music is so good that we both get up and dance.
Though I understand how easy it is, being married is no reason for you to lose yourself. Good luck with finding your way back to yourself.
This is funny!
) and just generally being out and about. Our social life took a hit when we had kids but now that they're older we're doing more.
