Did you have a 'closure' conversation with your ex?

[Fine 4s]

For those of you who believe you can still have feelings for an ex AND start something new, did you seek 'closure' at some point? Did you have a conversation either in person or via telephone and about what? Was your current SO aware of the closure conversation or meeting? How did you reassure them that the meeting was not an attempt to rekindle anything? Should one simply move on and leave any lose ends as is?

 

[SummerSolstice]

no i never do... sometimes it happens months later by accident but i just vanish and respond to texts selectively

 

[Seeking8Rights]

Yes, with a few and they were way before DH and I dated/married.

Are you looking for closure or something?

 

[JudithO]

I did.... I needed to have that conversation to truly move on and enjoy my marriage. DH doesn't kno I did.... I needed to hear myself think/say that I married the best one for me and that closure conversation did it for me.

 

[lesedi]

Closure doesn't exist. One party needs to accept the decision and make their own choices off the back of it. Seeking closure can be never-ending and it's draining on you and also leaves you in a vulnerable space because the honest truth is.......nothing he says will be enough 'closure' for you...
I have had so-called 'closure' conversations where I acted as if I'd be fine with what was said but in reality, I was using my need for 'closure' as an excuse to see him again OR I was hoping that seeing him again could change things.... Not cool.

 

[tinkat]

Closure doesn't exist. One party needs to accept the decision and make their own choices off the back of it. Seeking closure can be never-ending and it's draining on you and also leaves you in a vulnerable space because the honest truth is.......nothing he says will be enough 'closure' for you...
I have had so-called 'closure' conversations where I acted as if I'd be fine with what was said but in reality, I was using my need for 'closure' as an excuse to see him again OR I was hoping that seeing him again could change things.... Not cool.

ITA! Especially with the bolded. The only closure I need is with myself.

 

[B_Phlyy]

Closure doesn't exist. One party needs to accept the decision and make their own choices off the back of it. Seeking closure can be never-ending and it's draining on you and also leaves you in a vulnerable space because the honest truth is.......nothing he says will be enough 'closure' for you...
I have had so-called 'closure' conversations where I acted as if I'd be fine with what was said but in reality, I was using my need for 'closure' as an excuse to see him again OR I was hoping that seeing him again could change things.... Not cool.

All of that

I have some passive/aggressive tendencies and would never have a face-to-face talk, but I have written a letter or two. We still ended up not being together and me wonder about some nothing weeks or months after they had already moved on. "Closure" (whatever that means) never happens instantly or just cause you want to. I think the age old adage of "time heals all wounds" is probably as close to closure as one can get.

 

[lesedi]

All of that

I have some passive/aggressive tendencies and would never have a face-to-face talk, but I have written a letter or two. We still ended up not being together and me wonder about some nothing weeks or months after they had already moved on. "Closure" (whatever that means) never happens instantly or just cause you want to. I think the age old adage of "time heals all wounds" is probably as close to closure as one can get.

You have to mourn the relationship and go through all the steps of grief until one day its dinner time and you realise you haven't thought of him all day There are no shortcuts and most men are not going to be 100% honest during 'the talk' in any case.... so how you gonna base how you live YOUR life on what SOMEBODY ELSE says to you??

 

[MizzBrown]

No. Just stop talking to them, block their calls....they'll know.

You usually always KNOW when its over. People dont like to be the one to have to verbally say it is so theres no need for a wasteful conversation about it.

 

[shortycocoa]

My ex-husband and I had several. All of them were at his request, as I already knew what time it was. I didn't see the point and told him that it didn't matter what I said because it would never be good enough of an answer for him.

Then I asked him why it mattered so much if he didn't believe me anyway...

 

[Fine 4s]

I know one guy who wrote a letter to someone after they broke up years ago and he had moved on years ago too! Could it be because he's not happy with his current SO or just about letting go of things he never got a chance to say? In this case it was a letter.