Dealing With Negativity Towards Your Hair In The Workplace

[Amerie2304]

So yea, amazingly I haven't experienced any negativity towards my natural hair from my family or friends but I have at my workplace. I really didn't expect this and not sure how to deal with it. I wore a straight wig almost the whole Winter and once it started getting warm out, I decided to let my fro out to breathe.

Coworker 1 - Black coworker looks at my hair and calls me Kizzy (from Roots). Cool, I can take a joke. She has a curly weave and another coworker (white) says Oh, your hair is curly like Amerie2304. She responds, no, my hair is "curly", her hair is "nappy-curly". Me: what?? She wouldn't repeat what she said. Before ppl start jumping on the "nappy isn't a bad word" bandwagon, I know the context in which she used it and it was meant to be insulting.

Coworker 2 - Spanish porter (who barely speaks english) looks at my hair and says "what happened"? Me: What do you mean? He says what happened to your hair, it's not straight anymore. Me: That wasn't my hair; this is. Him: "It looks more better straight". Um, okay.

Coworker 3 - I show a coworker a pic of Melissa Gorga (attached) who is Italian but ppl in the OT forum are speculating is half black. I ask coworker what does she think since she is Italian. She looks at the pic and says I've never seen an Italian with hair like that. She said "that" like it was gross or something. It made me wonder what she would have said had I showed her a pic of someone with type 4 hair like mine.

At the end of the day, I know these random people's opinions doesn't matter but it certainly doesn't make me feel good. I feel like putting my hair in a bun tonight just so I don't have to deal with people's stupid unwanted comments. Has anyone else had to deal with negative comments towards your hair in the office? If so, how did you deal with it?

 

[MyAngelEyez~C~U]

I chalk it up to ignorance and keep it movin'. U will find that attitude is more prevalent among minorities, though. White folks LOVE my hair. Negros hate on it unless they're natural. Most times is females with janky hair themselves that wanna say dumb shyte.

My thing is I don't care if folks wanna get relaxers, but don't attempt to try to tell me what to do with mine. And try to get negative with it and u might find yourself embarrassed dealing with me. I ain't neva scared, lol.
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[melissa-bee]

Maybe because your hair is "new" to them they don't know how to act, as sad as it may sound.
Once they get used to it they will shut up. My friends used to act a fool when I first went natural and now they say nothing.

 

[Myjourney2009]

fluck em......

 

[addaboutmyhair]

I'm texlaxed but I was natural for a long time and in corporate America. I have to say, non blacks got on my nerves with the "Can I touch your hair?" stuff (No you can't pet me with your unwashed hands). But it was always black folks and some other minorities (Indians and Latinos in my personal experience) who wanted to insult you over having natural or curly hair. I even remember company visits during college and having black women telling me braids and natural hair could never look professional. Well I rocked my from in corporate America and did well. Just make sure you look on point and step over the haters with issues.

 

[Natty_Virgo]

fluck em......

This!

I have gotten so many comments about my BC that I did last week its ridiculous. I thought my family would be more supportive but they keep telling me its a good thing I have a pretty face cause my hair looks bad. What the hell ever. Screw those ppl at your job.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

This!

I have gotten so many comments about my BC that I did last week its ridiculous. I thought my family would be more supportive but they keep telling me its a good thing I have a pretty face cause my hair looks bad. What the hell ever. Screw those ppl at your job.

My family (well, my brother) is the same way. He does not like certain textures of natural hair.

Example: My sister is biracial she has very loose curls. When she wears her curls, he doesn't say anything. When i wear mine (4b or whatever the tightest is around here) he has something smart to say.

I remember my old boss said of my hair looked like I put my finger in the light socket.

Then I got the ones that say I'm "brave" for wearing my natural hair.

Then when my friend was going to get her hair done for her wedding and I walked in with her with a puff, the broad paid no attention to her hair and stayed lookin' at mine the whole time she was talking to her!

Just screw 'em all.

 

[GoodMernin]

It is getting really hot out nowadays and the sun seems like it is getting closer to the earth.

When natural black hair is the only thing that will keep people's scalps from burning off of their heads "their" whole demeanor will change.

 

[faithVA]

What I actually say or do may vary from situation to situation, but they get the same attitudinal response. I am always sending the message, that you may be confused about my value but I am not. And you may think what you want but you will respect me. They typically straighten up because they understand I'm not going to play with them. I haven't had any sistahs say anything to me. I think I come across as I wish you would say something. A lot of times its more about what you don't say than what you do.

 

[MyInvisibleChyrsalis]

Please don't put any stock in what random people say about hair texture, or you will be hurt over a non-issue. I would never ask any co-workers what they thought of my 4a hair because I know what time it is. But you might want to shut down the hair conversations now before they see you roc a wig and try to embarass you due to their own ignorance. Exp: "Oh, hey! Are you wearing that wig again?" loud and curious.

 

[Myjourney2009]

When I was natural I had to endure many people telling me what they thought about my hair. I just SMILED and kept it moving


Most of these people dont even deserve an answer from you.


I have a neighbor whom I barely speak to
Neighbor 1: what happened to your hair, *blink blink stare
Me: Nothing with a big O SMILE
Neighbor *blink blink look away

Most of these people are accustomed to seeing black woman with eithier SL relaxed hair or some type of weave. I wouldnt give them the time of day.

 

[Myjourney2009]

If you dont want to hear it then ignore them. *those annoying people will go away* trust me they will.

Where your hair in a bun if you think it will help but eventually you are going to wear a style that they are not accustomed to. You can weather this storm.

 

[mizspecialk]

The poster who said that you're going to get the most shade from other black folks is so right. A woman with natural hair makes some uncomfortable because they're seeing something in you that they don't like about themselves. In their minds, even the most the most fried, damaged straightened hair looks better than a head full of naps. But guess what? That's their problem not yours. You have to learn to be confident and tune out the weak minded, self hating fools. Don't be afraid to check people who make out of pocket comments either. You can do so in a polite and diplomatic manner without yelling or cursing. That's my favorite approach because it always leaves them flabbergasted and looking silly.

I agree with co-worker # 3 about the chick from RHONJ though. I've lived in Jersey my whole life and I know many Italian Americans. None of them have hair like that. If I had to guess her ethnicity I would say she was either Dominican or Puerto Rican. There are a lot of them in Jersey too and she definitely fits the profile.

 

[Curlykutie]

You need to carry a sock full of batteries for those ignorant folks.

 

[bb09]

When I was natural I had to endure many people telling me what they thought about my hair. I just SMILED and kept it moving


Most of these people dont even deserve an answer from you.


I have a neighbor whom I barely speak to
Neighbor 1: what happened to your hair, *blink blink stare
Me: Nothing with a big O SMILE
Neighbor *blink blink look away

Most of these people are accustomed to seeing black woman with eithier SL relaxed hair or some type of weave. I wouldnt give them the time of day.

That really is the best approach! Or blank stare and that person will Never ask you what you're doing with your hair again

 

[Amerie2304]

The poster who said that you're going to get the most shade from other black folks is so right. A woman with natural hair makes some uncomfortable because they're seeing something in you that they don't like about themselves. In their minds, even the most the most fried, damaged straightened hair looks better than a head full of naps. But guess what? That's their problem not yours. You have to learn to be confident and tune out the weak minded, self hating fools. Don't be afraid to check people who make out of pocket comments either. You can do so in a polite and diplomatic manner without yelling or cursing. That's my favorite approach because it always leaves them flabbergasted and looking silly.

This is def true. Me personally, if I don't have anything nice to say, I don't say anything at all. But obviously not everyone thinks like me. So yea, next time someone says something out of pocket, I'm just gonna tell em to keep it moving.

 

[Second2None]

Some co-workers say things out of ignorance, however you don't have to let them make you feel uncomfortable. If you feel like some remarks are out of line you do have professional recourse through your management team or hr dept.

I've heard some inappropriate things regarding hair and weight in the workplace, normally a stern stare and curt "that's an inappropriate thing to say." is enough to silence foolishness.

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[TeeMBL]

A bun won't help, trust me. My coworkers just comment about how I didn't feel like doing my hair when I bun.

Then I have the resident "stylist" (I'm not sure if she's really a stylist or not, anywho) that tells me I should wear me hair down more, it looks better. I explain that the bun is used as a protective style for my ends. To which she replies that a wrap (yes a wrap that is combed down) is a protective style

Needless to say she will never touch my head, and I won't even go into the time she picked up a pair of office scissors and trimmed her hair, as a demonstration. I'm not one to gossip....but her hair is back to shoulder length...

 

[Natty_Virgo]

My family (well, my brother) is the same way. He does not like certain textures of natural hair.

Example: My sister is biracial she has very loose curls. When she wears her curls, he doesn't say anything. When i wear mine (4b or whatever the tightest is around here) he has something smart to say.

I remember my old boss said of my hair looked like I put my finger in the light socket.

Then I got the ones that say I'm "brave" for wearing my natural hair.

Then when my friend was going to get her hair done for her wedding and I walked in with her with a puff, the broad paid no attention to her hair and stayed lookin' at mine the whole time she was talking to her!

Just screw 'em all.

Lol yea screw them all. I don't understand how some people are so negative. Your old boss was way outta line. SMH

 

[SherylsTresses]

So sorry you are going through this OP. We are here for you though. I so thankful my department loves my hair. Now two of my co-workers are going natural.

 

[Myjourney2009]

A bun won't help, trust me. My coworkers just comment about how I didn't feel like doing my hair when I bun.

Then I have the resident "stylist" (I'm not sure if she's really a stylist or not, anywho) that tells me I should wear me hair down more, it looks better. I explain that the bun is used as a protective style for my ends. To which she replies that a wrap (yes a wrap that is combed down) is a protective style

Needless to say she will never touch my head, and I won't even go into the time she picked up a pair of office scissors and trimmed her hair, as a demonstration. I'm not one to gossip....but her hair is back to shoulder length...

What in theee he!! She actually trimmed her hair in the office

 

[Prudent1]

What I actually say or do may vary from situation to situation, but they get the same attitudinal response. I am always sending the message, that you may be confused about my value but I am not. And you may think what you want but you will respect me. They typically straighten up because they understand I'm not going to play with them. I haven't had any sistahs say anything to me. I think I come across as I wish you would say something. A lot of times its more about what you don't say than what you do.

Amerie2304,
This right here^^^ says it best for me. I shared in another post how my current boss said, "Oh I see you combed your hair today" the first time he saw it flatironed (I started this job about a yr ago). Boss or not, I told him I comb my hair everyday and kept doing what I was doing. I didn't even give him the the courtesy of breaking for eye contact. Then he said, "You know I mean it's straight or relaxed." So I told him I don't relax my hair, don't ever plan on relaxing it, and that I would relax mine the minute he relaxes his. I told him I never knew he was sooo knowlegeable about women's hair. All the while continuing to perform my work. That cut out all of his comments for the next several months. If I wear it flatironed or stretched (which is rare) he makes sure to comment on how long it is in a round about way but never directly. I was in the office talking to someone else once but said loud enough for all to hear that I don't wake up in the morning wondering how ppl in the office will feel about my style and hair choices. Hmphh, I wish a ninja would...
(((another E-HUG for you)))
For the most part my HHJ has been well supported but there are those in the church (yes & AMEN), in the family (big ups to my outspoken auntie from Dallas,TX), and on the job who don't understand why I would not 'comb/straighten' my hair. At those times I logged onto here and looked at folks like Mdwezi, Nice&Wavy, DLewis, Adoraadora, Honeycomb, sisterslick, ediese, butterfly08, biancaelyse, boingboing, flowerhair, bostonmaria and too many others of varying lengths and textures and said if they can do it, I can too. There are so many beautiful women here those I listed just happened to have joined before me. I gave myself 3 years to reach my LT goal of going from EL to full MBL. Cause one thing is for sure hon, when you are swangin that pretty hair you protected and nourished it shuts all comments down completely. Like another poster said, you don't have to get out of pocket and unladylike. Time is on your side. Now at work two other women have gone natural, one other wears her MBL hair wavy more often, and I've influenced at least 3 other ppl to become LT stretchers. That's without me approaching them, they came to me. In this hair journey just like in life, you got to develop some thick skin. I get mad love from random ppl on the streets while rockin my various PS. It's all about the total package. Hair clean and pretty much split free? Nails and toes done? Clothes clean and pressed? Accessories and hair toys simple and cute? Body language on point? Conversation right? Check, check, check.

 

[Giselle685]

What I actually say or do may vary from situation to situation, but they get the same attitudinal response. I am always sending the message, that you may be confused about my value but I am not. And you may think what you want but you will respect me. They typically ....

I know that pic is big. There is a girl who got this Bobraz done and I showed someone at my work place who happens to be a caucasian male that I wanted this style. His response is that he didn't like it because it looked crazy.

People baffle me.. I can't wait to get over them... all.

 

[bludaydreamr]

Op, I had a very similar experiences with my coworkers when I first started to wear my natural to the office.
I had a BM cowoker tell my I looked like Celie; he was trying to make a joke. I was upset, but with a straight face, I told him I couldn't care less about what he thought about my hair, but I hope that he didn't ever say that or make his daugther feel bad about her hair and walked away. He came back and apologized later that day.

A woman with natural hair makes some uncomfortable because they're seeing something in you that they don't like about themselves. In their minds, even the most the most fried, damaged straightened hair looks better than a head full of naps.

A BW, a manager, came and told me I could blow dry my hair, I told her I know, but I choose not to because I'm growing my hair out. After that she gave me the side-eye for a long time that is until I straighten my hair, and it was even more beautiful then my relaxed hair. This is when I realized she was uncomfortable with herself not my hair.

 

[YaniraNaturally]

I completely understand what you mean. My co-workers are so obsessed about what I do with my hair. I really don't understand why, because I don't give one rass about what they do with their hair. They dye it, cut it, perm it etc. and I have nothing to say. I grow my perm out and everyone's up in arms erplexed

 

[Roux]

A lot of people are quick to say that natural hair in at work isn't a problem and that people are just nervous about nothing and it's stuff like this that proves that it is still a problem for some.

I also don't agree that you should ignore it. Black people are always taught to ignore discrimination and racism and not let it get to you...but I disagree. In this day and age we are armed with laws and legislation that protect us in cases of discrimination and racism and we need to put them to use.

Let your coworkers know that you don't like derogatory comments about your hair. If they continue, go to HR.

 

[Solitude]

The negative comments are uncalled for, but it probably is a shock for you to go from a straight wig for months to your natural hair. Like, that's two totally different looks.

I remember when I used to wear weaves occasionally...people would comment about my length constantly changing...not that surprising to me. If I went to braids, my co-workers would tell me they liked my straight hair better...I couldn't really blame them. I wore my hair straight so often that it seemed like it was my preference, too.

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[HauteHippie]

Your co-worker might think she gets a pass to say whatever since she's Black, too. Annoying.

As for the Italian girl, there used to be an Italian girl on this forum with puffy 4B hair. I honestly wouldn't have thought she was just Italian. I think someone asked and she said she was also Irish.

There seems to be a quiet fascination with my hair at work, but it's not so different than the interest in my Persian co-worker's hair. About 4 of us are hair obsessed (me, a multiracial woman, an Italian woman and the Persian woman) and we swap tips. I'm lucky b/c my boss is just so cool. He really hires on merit and not looks. He's not from the US and has never even blinked hard at my hair... even when it's big!

Also, up until recently I was the only Black woman working there and no one else paid attention to my hair.

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[NaijaNaps]

That's horrible! Some people never learn to keep their negative thoughts/attitudes to themselves.

It's funny, I wear my hair in all types of funky styles to work (corporate america) and the only negative comments I've gotten were from older black women in the south. The "you really wear your hair like that to work" comments. I wanted to be like, you really continue to wear that busted weave to work - but you know, I was being polite. Something that some people can't understand.

 

[IslandDiva08]

People like that are ignorant.....I have learned to ignore them and their negativity and keep it moving.