Dating - when should i invite him in?

[Bublin]

I've just started dating again and i'm wondering what the 'rules' are when it comes to inviting him into my home.

I've only had one date and we have talked on the phone alot. He calls me before he starts work and when he finishes at night.

He is a very busy man and so we can't see each other until the weekends. He's not opposed to going out during the week but as he finishes work at about 9pm and has to get up at 5am every day its not practical to go out during the week.

Is it too early to invite him over for dinner or for just for the evening for a chat and a drink?.....i don't want anything more than that by the way!

Should i wait until after he invites me to his place?
Should i just leave it at weekend dates for now and see how it goes?

I'm also mindful of not wanting him to 'get his feet under the table' too early.

 

[Candy_C]

I've just started dating again and i'm wondering what the 'rules' are when it comes to inviting him into my home.

I've only had one date and we have talked on the phone alot. He calls me before he starts work and when he finishes at night.

He is a very busy man and so we can't see each other until the weekends. He's not opposed to going out during the week but as he finishes work at about 9pm and has to get up at 5am every day its not practical to go out during the week.

Is it too early to invite him over for dinner or for just for the evening for a chat and a drink?.....i don't want anything more than that by the way!

Should i wait until after he invites me to his place?
Should i just leave it at weekend dates for now and see how it goes?

I'm also mindful of not wanting him to 'get his feet under the table' too early.

Wait for him to invite you to his place

that way you know he hasnt a live-in woman!

 

[janiebaby]

Is it too early to invite him over for dinner or for just for the evening for a chat and a drink?.....i don't want anything more than that by the way!

Should i wait until after he invites me to his place?
Should i just leave it at weekend dates for now and see how it goes?

I'm also mindful of not wanting him to 'get his feet under the table' too early.

Wait until you go over to his place (not just an invite). I know so many women who let men come over to their place to watch tv or what have you and have never set foot into his place.

ETA: I must also add that I don't care how sweet, nice, kind, or considerate he may seem...he's none of that until he invites you over during the day and brings you around his people (not his boys).

 

[mzcris]

Hi there..IMO...when you feel comforable and there is an inner peace within you...that's when you should invite him in.

And congrats on your new Beau...I hope all works out well for the both of you...

 

[KatKronicles]

i agree , you should visit his home a few times before inviting him to your place, also, do not invite him in unsolicited, and when he does solicit you to come in politely explain the reasons why you just dont allow anyone to step over your threshold.

Be wary of men who always want to " come over" or "drop by". The answer is always no.

Once you get his address do a background check on him.

 

[sonce]

Is it too early to invite him over for dinner or for just for the evening for a chat and a drink?.....i don't want anything more than that by the way!

Should i wait until after he invites me to his place?
Should i just leave it at weekend dates for now and see how it goes?

I'm also mindful of not wanting him to 'get his feet under the table' too early.

You know what, I faced this question recently. So I ran a small study using the guys I was dating. Like the guy you are dating, all the men I'm dating are very busy because they are professionals. All of them were gentlemen at first. There are two groups: Invite (got an invite to my place or I went over to their place after a few dates) and No Invite (get to spend that paper at restaurants and will see neither hide nor hair of my place, plus I'm not coming over). So, four guys, two scenarios:

Guy 1: We went on a few dates and I decided to invite him up. He was a perfect gentleman but I noticed that after two or three times, he got too comfortable with me. Meaning that he started to speak of dates solely in terms of me coming to his place or him coming to my place. I'm not down with that kind of tomfoolery because I'm a 'wine and dine' type of girl. If I want to chill at home at night, I'll call some of my girls over and make a real night out of it. So, I cut him off for a week and when I started taking his phone calls again, I stopped letting him come over and we went back to the restaurant, film and public outings schedule.

Guy 2: We went on a few dates and he invited me to his home at night for some wine, dinner, and a movie. I went and he was touchy-feely until I made it clear I wasn't okay with that. The next time, he was touchy-feely again, and even more aggressively so. I stopped going to his place and will not invite him to my place for a long time. He is firmly in the doghouse and will be getting elimidated soon unless he does something amazing for me (I'm not outright cutting him off because he is wonderful in so many ways).

Guy 3: I have not invited him up and will not invite him up since he is part of the second group (no invites) in my study. He has taken me to all sorts of nice places all over town and we are having a lovely time. He was a perfect gentleman when I first met him and remains so.

Guy 4: Also part of the No Invite group. Same as Guy 3: wonderful and keeps finding new ways to spice up our dates.

----------

So, what have I learned? Inviting guys over makes them get comfortable. They might try to make a move or get reluctant to go back to taking you out regularly. Depending on who you are, that might not be a bad thing but for me (I am celibate, like to keep men on their toes, and am used to very fine dates and experiences), it is a very bad thing. Also, I think that the "Cheap Date" label and treatment (when men treat a woman as less than because she doesn't make them work for her) is a distinct possibility when you let a guy come over instead of pulling out his credit card to treat you to dinner at your favorite place. On the other hand, keeping them out of your home and in public keeps them firmly in courtship mode and removes any risk that they might try to get some or might try to cheap out on you. Just my experience from these four guys and other guys I dated over this summer.

 

[Bublin]

i agree , you should visit his home a few times before inviting him to your place, also, do not invite him in unsolicited, and when he does solicit you to come in politely explain the reasons why you just dont allow anyone to step over your threshold.

Be wary of men who always want to " come over" or "drop by". The answer is always no.

Once you get his address do a background check on him.

I'm actually a cop - ha ha ha!
...........I met him through friends.

Hell, i will not have anyone dropping by unannounced that's for sure.

I was thinking on our next date - should i offer to pick him up and see if he gives me his address? Or should i let him carry on being a gentleman and let him pick me up?

 

[janiebaby]

I'm actually a cop - ha ha ha!
...........I met him through friends.

Hell, i will not have anyone dropping by unannounced that's for sure.

I was thinking on our next date - should i offer to pick him up and see if he gives me his address? Or should i let him carry on being a gentleman and let him pick me up?

Now Bublin you just answered your own question.

 

[sonce]

I was thinking on our next date - should i offer to pick him up and see if he gives me his address? Or should i let him carry on being a gentleman and let him pick me up?

Girl, you don't have his address yet? By hook or crook, I get my hands on last names, addresses and driver's licenses by the second date. I believe nothing (not even that the name the guy offers is really his name) unless it is verified. I have had funny experiences with men who tell me they are 30 or 31 and their driver's license says DOB: 1972 or 1970 (it has happened to me three times - well, twice that I know for sure, and the third guy kept changing his age when I caught him off guard. I guess older men think they have to lie to get with a younger girl, which is funny because I actually like men who are in the 33-40 range. If they'd have come clean from the start, I'd have been perfectly happy instead of having to dump them for lying.). Another guy was an Investment Banker yet he was not living in a posh area like all the other I-Bankers I've dated (picked up on that from his address - I know the area he lives in). That's when he came clean to me about his ex-wife and children who were draining his finances...and this is after him initially telling me he had never been married!

 

[janiebaby]

You know what, I faced this question recently. So I ran a small study using the guys I was dating. Like the guy you are dating, all the men I'm dating are very busy because they are professionals. All of them were gentlemen at first. There are two groups: Invite (got an invite to my place or I went over to their place after a few dates) and No Invite (get to spend that paper at restaurants and will see neither hide nor hair of my place, plus I'm not coming over). So, four guys, two scenarios:

There is a wealth of good info on here. Thanks for posting!

 

[Candy_C]

I'm actually a cop - ha ha ha!
...........I met him through friends.

Hell, i will not have anyone dropping by unannounced that's for sure.

I was thinking on our next date - should i offer to pick him up and see if he gives me his address? Or should i let him carry on being a gentleman and let him pick me up?

yep do the second one

until he says

"hey baby wanna come over to mine for dinner?"

 

[Candy_C]

Girl, you don't have his address yet? You're definitely a new arrival on the dating scene. Men are trifling and cold out here in the dating game. By hook or crook, I get my hands on last names, addresses and driver's licenses by the second date. I believe nothing (not even that the name the guy offers is really his name) unless it is verified. I have had funny experiences with men who tell me they are 30 or 31 and their driver's license says DOB: 1972 or 1970 (it has happened to me three times - well, twice that I know for sure, and the third guy kept changing his age when I caught him off guard. I guess older men think they have to lie to get with a younger girl, which is funny because I actually like men who are in the 33-40 range. If they'd have come clean from the start, I'd have been perfectly happy instead of having to dump them for lying.).

u knwo what, i dnt intend to find out these things but i usually do also.

i wanna know who u hang around with, what area you live and i'm finding out if you love your momma too

 

[Bublin]

OK Sonse, i have just seen your post.

Excellent research.

Mmmmmm - i think i'm gonna go with the no invite for now and see how it pans out.

The reason why i ask is because i met my ex boyfriend at my home during a leaving party i held for my parents. He then came by the next day, to help with clearing up (!) and then before we knew it we were seeing each other every day. He still maintained the 'wining and dining' though and didn't get too comfortable in my home too early. This was 2 years ago.

Before that i was single for 18 months and before that i was with my then boyfriend for 8 years.

So i'm kind of rusty as to what to do as i don't want to give the wrong impression.

 

[bluediamond0829]

You know what, I faced this question recently. So I ran a small study using the guys I was dating. Like the guy you are dating, all the men I'm dating are very busy because they are professionals. All of them were gentlemen at first. There are two groups: Invite (got an invite to my place or I went over to their place after a few dates) and No Invite (get to spend that paper at restaurants and will see neither hide nor hair of my place, plus I'm not coming over). So, four guys, two scenarios:

Guy 1: We went on a few dates and I decided to invite him up. He was a perfect gentleman but I noticed that after two or three times, he got too comfortable with me. Meaning that he started to speak of dates solely in terms of me coming to his place or him coming to my place. I'm not down with that kind of tomfoolery because I'm a 'wine and dine' type of girl. If I want to chill at home at night, I'll call some of my girls over and make a real night out of it. So, I cut him off for a week and when I started taking his phone calls again, I stopped letting him come over and we went back to the restaurant, film and public outings schedule.

Guy 2: We went on a few dates and he invited me to his home at night for some wine, dinner, and a movie. I went and he was touchy-feely until I made it clear I wasn't okay with that. The next time, he was touchy-feely again, and even more aggressively so. I stopped going to his place and will not invite him to my place for a long time. He is firmly in the doghouse and will be getting elimidated soon unless he does something amazing for me (I'm not outright cutting him off because he is wonderful in so many ways).

Guy 3: I have not invited him up and will not invite him up since he is part of the second group (no invites) in my study. He has taken me to all sorts of nice places all over town and we are having a lovely time. He was a perfect gentleman when I first met him and remains so.

Guy 4: Also part of the No Invite group. Same as Guy 3: wonderful and keeps finding new ways to spice up our dates.

----------

So, what have I learned? Inviting guys over makes them get comfortable. They might try to make a move or get reluctant to go back to taking you out regularly. Depending on who you are, that might not be a bad thing but for me (I am celibate, like to keep men on their toes, and am used to very fine dates and experiences), it is a very bad thing. Also, I think that the "Cheap Date" label and treatment (when men treat a woman as less than because she doesn't make them work for her) is a distinct possibility when you let a guy come over instead of pulling out his credit card to treat you to dinner at your favorite place. On the other hand, keeping them out of your home and in public keeps them firmly in courtship mode and removes any risk that they might try to get some or might try to cheap out on you. Just my experience from these four guys and other guys I dated over this summer.

ITA ^^^^

just recently experienced the same nice guy perfect gentlement---but when its getting in the late hours(12 or 1) he acts like his feet turns into bricks and doesnt want to leave--and i basically end up insulting him in somekind of way(Get the hell out)--or shoving him out in a playful manner(but im really serious as hell)...so he wants to linger around like he's Denzel smooth or like my clothes are all of sudden going to fall off..i think not...

so he got too comfortable with the idea of coming over(because dont get me wrong i dont mind watching movies and ordering takeout)--but its just a way of being cheap--and then he got to the point of trying to rush the relationship---the whole thing with trust came up and being comfortable around him(hold up bruh ive just knwn you for about a month and half--and no trust isnt built up that fast--trust is something you earn)...and see he cant invite me to his place bcuz he lives with his parents--and im not even going there especially when we are just dating and going out....

so this is just a scenario and example of how inviting a man that you are just dating over can turn...

for now on im keeping my place as my sanctuary--and meeting at restarurants and the movies etc--and even with him because he's been acting real shady lately....

 

[Bublin]

Girl, you don't have his address yet? By hook or crook, I get my hands on last names, addresses and driver's licenses by the second date. I believe nothing unless it is verified.

Er, no.

Shoot i feel so niave right now....

How do i go about asking him for all his ID? I did meet him through by best-friend. He is also a work aquaintance of her brother.

 

[Candy_C]

Er, no.

Shoot i feel so niave right now....

How do i go about asking him for all his ID? I did meet him through by best-friend. He is also a work aquaintance of her brother.

lol dont feel niave

not many women do get addresses so quickly, some men miay see it as stalker-time!

aslong as you find it out before you let him know what your bathroom looks like

 

[Bublin]

ITA ^^^^

just recently experienced the same nice guy perfect gentlement---but when its getting in the late hours(12 or 1) he acts like his feet turns into bricks and doesnt want to leave--and i basically end up insulting him in somekind of way(Get the hell out)--or shoving him out in a playful manner(but im really serious as hell)...so he wants to linger around like he's Denzel smooth or like my clothes are all of sudden going to fall off..i think not...

Ah, now this is what i'm afraid of.

I hate it when people overstay their welcome like they ain't got no home to go to. Then they put you in an awkward position when you have to ask them to leave.

 

[sonce]

Er, no.

Shoot i feel so niave right now....

How do i go about asking him for all his ID? I did meet him through by best-friend. He is also a work aquaintance of her brother.

I don't think you are naive. I think you have not yet been burned. I am young and I had such a great experience with my first two boyfriends that I thought all men were like them. In just six months of being single, I'm checking wallets when guys go to bathrooms, googling men's names, and going to local courthouses.

Anyway, I don't ask for such things. If you ask, they know you do not believe and if they are liars, they will redouble their efforts to deceive you. It is best to act naive and trusting while working behind the scenes to effect your agenda. For instance, one guy described how eerie the streetlights on his block looked. I insisted (giggling and pouting) on seeing them for myself, so we ended the date by walking down his block, at which point, I looked at his door and memorized the street and number. I got my hands on another guy's license by grabbing his wallet when he left me alone in the car (I think that was God at work because his license revealed that he had lied about his age, and his wallet revealed a number that I called when I got home and found out was a woman's.). I googled, yahooed, and msned another guy and eventually found a website. I am vigilant now (heck, I don't even think about it anymore. It's just second nature to gather info now) because I don't have to repent at leisure later. A trifling man can ruin lives and ain't nobody ruining mine.

 

[sonce]

u knwo what, i dnt intend to find out these things but i usually do also.

i wanna know who u hang around with, what area you live and i'm finding out if you love your momma too

I hear ya!

There is a wealth of good info on here. Thanks for posting!

Sure thing! Sistas need to be smart and vigilant and any way in which I can help with that is my pleasure.

 

[itismehmmkay]

Chill with the weekend dates.