Dating Unattractive *to you* Men

[metro_qt]

I already know that I may come off as superficial....

But, i've just been set up by a friend with a guy, who had seen me about a month ago, and recently asked about me.
We spoke on the phone, things are great, he's a really nice guy, relationship oriented and all, and set up our first date for tomorrow. Proactive.

I check out his facebook pics... and.... me no likey.
He likes me a lot already... but, he's just not my type. As my friend said,
there are many women who would like him... he's muscular and all that...

but.. to me? i'm not attracted. I pretty much know tomorrow that I still won't be attracted to him in person.

I'm not saying i know what the outcome of this date will be,
but...
I feel that if this date goes well, it would be leading him on to go on any other dates...
(he's already set up a date for saturday as well. lol.. yes. it's only thursday, and we haven't been on the first date yet)

I'm asking for stories or even advice from any of you who have been out with men that you weren't initially attracted to...

what eventually happened?
How did you deal with it?

 

[Bunny77]

Hmmm... I try not to judge people on pictures alone, because I've got a few crappy ones out there that I HATE. I think I look better in person than in pictures.

This guy might be better looking than his picture, so if I were you, I wouldn't rush to determine anything about whether I like him or not until after we meet and talk.

I will not get involved with someone that I find unattractive. That's not going to happen. But I have dated men that I initially thought were just "okay," but the more time I spent with them, the more attractive they grew to me. I can even say that about one guy I've been dating now for about six weeks... he gets cuter to me each time I see him.

Now, there are some types of men that I will never ever ever find attractive, no matter how nice they are (i.e. overweight dudes... not just, "oh, they could lose 10 pounds" overweight, but 50+ pounds overweight).

On a different note, I agree with you about not wanting a Saturday date before you've even gone out on Thursday. He's asking too much too soon, IMO.

 

[metro_qt]

Lol, thanks.
I guess I had seen him at the party we were at, but he didn't even hit my radar, which is why i guess i never noticed him.

Like you, I try not to go out with people i'm not attracted to, because to me it feels like i'm settling. Why be someone's star, when they're not yours?

But at the same time, don't judge a book by it's cover, right?

Hmmm... I try not to judge people on pictures alone, because I've got a few crappy ones out there that I HATE. I think I look better in person than in pictures.

This guy might be better looking than his picture, so if I were you, I wouldn't rush to determine anything about whether I like him or not until after we meet and talk.

I will not get involved with someone that I find unattractive. That's not going to happen. But I have dated men that I initially thought were just "okay," but the more time I spent with them, the more attractive they grew to me. I can even say that about one guy I've been dating now for about six weeks... he gets cuter to me each time I see him.

Now, there are some types of men that I will never ever ever find attractive, no matter how nice they are (i.e. overweight dudes... not just, "oh, they could lose 10 pounds" overweight, but 50+ pounds overweight).

On a different note, I agree with you about not wanting a Saturday date before you've even gone out on Thursday. He's asking too much too soon, IMO.

 

[Bunny77]

Lol, thanks.
I guess I had seen him at the party we were at, but he didn't even hit my radar, which is why i guess i never noticed him.

Like you, I try not to go out with people i'm not attracted to, because to me it feels like i'm settling. Why be someone's star, when they're not yours?

But at the same time, don't judge a book by it's cover, right?

Yes to both things!

I say go out with this guy with an open mind. One thing that I don't do is automatically dismiss someone because he's not my type... and I try to maintain enough of an open mind so that I don't prejudge a guy who I might not "think" that I'm attracted to.

My rule is this... if I find you just OOOGLY or if you have physical qualities that are on my no-no list, then I can't do it. But if you are decent looking (and I think most people are decent looking), but maybe not my type, then I'll give you a chance to grow on me... cause you never know.

Especially when I look at some couples and am like, ... and then I'd get a little envious at how happy they look together... obviously, they found each other attractive enough!

 

[TayMac]

I'd do the first date but tell him to chill on the others. I know myself..I take terrible pictures and people usually say I'm cuter in person. So that may or may not be the case for him. He may be nice looking and STILL not your type.

As of now you've set yourself up to not like him and that will make any other flaws he has double for you but try to go on the first date with an open mind.

 

[varaneka]

ummm I only did this when I felt like I needed attention ASAP LOL

so needless to say, those guys didn't have a chance because I'd made up my mind that I didn't want anything serious and long-term

 

[metro_qt]

LOL
he's not OOOgaly.. i'll give that to him.
So yes, I definitely will follow your advice, keep my mind open, that's the least i can do. And just have fun... free lunch right?

Any other decisions will be made on a full stomach tomorrow night, after i've met him. lol

Yes to both things!

I say go out with this guy with an open mind. One thing that I don't do is automatically dismiss someone because he's not my type... and I try to maintain enough of an open mind so that I don't prejudge a guy who I might not "think" that I'm attracted to.

My rule is this... if I find you just OOOGLY or if you have physical qualities that are on my no-no list, then I can't do it. But if you are decent looking (and I think most people are decent looking), but maybe not my type, then I'll give you a chance to grow on me... cause you never know.

Especially when I look at some couples and am like, ... and then I'd get a little envious at how happy they look together... obviously, they found each other attractive enough!

 

[metro_qt]

I'd do the first date but tell him to chill on the others. I know myself..I take terrible pictures and people usually say I'm cuter in person. So that may or may not be the case for him. He may be nice looking and STILL not your type.

As of now you've set yourself up to not like him and that will make any other flaws he has double for you but try to go on the first date with an open mind.

I think that's exactly what i'm going to do.
Thank you!

 

[Bunny77]

LOL
he's not OOOgaly.. i'll give that to him.
So yes, I definitely will follow your advice, keep my mind open, that's the least i can do. And just have fun... free lunch right?

Any other decisions will be made on a full stomach tomorrow night, after i've met him. lol

Sounds like a plan to me!

Have fun and enjoy the free lunch!

 

[TayMac]

LOL...that's it girl! I'm all about some free food!

 

[LightEyedMami]

I Agree that you should go on at least one date; Because although im completely aganist dating someone your not attracted to, pictures CAN make you look completely different. I have tons of terrible pictures that make me look terrible. So just see how you feel after the date

 

[metro_qt]

Lol thanks guys, i'll keep you all updated...

 

[kismettt]

2 stories


i was not intitially atrracted to my so. i saw him at an open mic night & was like 'oooo ' & then afterwards at the light rail was like 'o, never mind'. but i was drawn to him & i find him sooo sexy now (also, before him i dated really buff dudes, & he was supperrrrr skinny & now he has filled out a bit...so hes more slim...plus im in love with him which makes him 50 million times hotter )

and the second dude

i thought he was ok. looked at his fb. he seemed like the sweetest guy ever (volunteered with children in africa, had tons of friends who all seemed to love him, had a good sense of humor, similar interests etc.), he was average looking, but not attractive to me. wayyy too skinny for me. i convinced myself not to judge & wanted to like him so badly. i ended up hating him (found him sooo annoying, mostly because i really wanted to be with a guy that seemed so nice & had so much going for him...even though i was completely not attracted to him.)

anyways,

point is...be open. his personality may win you over....

 

[rara171]

well i'm just gunna say this:

if a man likes you, you're being nice to him and he feels like you're out of his league... get ready to receive 100+ text messages about how much he loves you and how different you are.

i happen to attract the psychos so this has happened alot. i give them an inch and they take a couple light-years.

i don't like to go on dates with guys unless i know i will b attracted to them.

but you never know...? i may be the only creeper-magnet.

lol

 

[Almaz]

As long as when you look at him in his face and go DAYUM!!!. Then keep an open mind

 

[Dposh167]

the last guy i dated was NOT ATTRACTIVE at all. it was really hard for me at first cuz when i'm not feeling you physically, i don't want u touching, kissing me,...nothing!

so How did i become attracted to him?
His confidence was outta this world. He looked good in suits. always kept his edge up nice. He knew he was pretty (lol)....He was unattractive in a sense...but other things made him attractive.

after months of just being friends...i actually started to like him. He treated me well. and before u knew it....i was attracted. Don't put a timetable on when u should start feeling him physically. just let it flow, and keep an open mind. it can be hard...but i got thru it. and i'm glad i did, cuz he's really a wonderful person

 

[HairQueen]

I already know that I may come off as superficial....

But, i've just been set up by a friend with a guy, who had seen me about a month ago, and recently asked about me.
We spoke on the phone, things are great, he's a really nice guy, relationship oriented and all, and set up our first date for tomorrow. Proactive.

I check out his facebook pics... and.... me no likey.
He likes me a lot already... but, he's just not my type. As my friend said,
there are many women who would like him... he's muscular and all that...

but.. to me? i'm not attracted. I pretty much know tomorrow that I still won't be attracted to him in person.
I'm not saying i know what the outcome of this date will be,
but...
I feel that if this date goes well, it would be leading him on to go on any other dates...
(he's already set up a date for saturday as well. lol.. yes. it's only thursday, and we haven't been on the first date yet)

I'm asking for stories or even advice from any of you who have been out with men that you weren't initially attracted to...

what eventually happened?
How did you deal with it?

I agree with you esp the bolded parts. I know when I do or do not find someone attractive I won't wake up the next day and suddenly find them attractive if I didn't the day before. Also the attraction for me isn't just about his looks its how I feel around him/his presence etc.

Having said that I would go on at least one date who I wasn't totally keen on but was ok. The problem is that like you say you then feel like you are leading them on. I am in that siutation now, went on a date with a guy who now keeps calling for more dates. Its hard to say no because he is a really nice guy just not for me.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I check out his facebook pics... and.... me no likey.
He likes me a lot already... but, he's just not my type. As my friend said,
there are many women who would like him... he's muscular and all that...

but.. to me? i'm not attracted. I pretty much know tomorrow that I still won't be attracted to him in person.

I'm not saying i know what the outcome of this date will be,
but...
I feel that if this date goes well, it would be leading him on to go on any other dates...
(he's already set up a date for saturday as well. lol.. yes. it's only thursday, and we haven't been on the first date yet)

I'm asking for stories or even advice from any of you who have been out with men that you weren't initially attracted to...

what eventually happened?
How did you deal with it?

@ the bolded above: Well, don't speak to soon!!! I know of a LOT of people that actually look better in person than they do in thier pictures. I've been known to take some awful pictures myself, and I don't think that pictures can really do some people justice. Some people just aren't photogenic! So, I wouldn't judge a book by its cover.

Plus... when you see him in person there's more to him that you can judge besides just his looks. YOu can get a feel for how you feel when he's around you, whether or not he's confident, and also judge how he treats you. Sometimes it's not actually how a guy looks that draws me in, but his whole essence...his whole being. So, hopefully you'll go in with an open mind.

Hmmm... I try not to judge people on pictures alone, because I've got a few crappy ones out there that I HATE. I think I look better in person than in pictures.

This guy might be better looking than his picture, so if I were you, I wouldn't rush to determine anything about whether I like him or not until after we meet and talk.

I will not get involved with someone that I find unattractive. That's not going to happen. But I have dated men that I initially thought were just "okay," but the more time I spent with them, the more attractive they grew to me. I can even say that about one guy I've been dating now for about six weeks... he gets cuter to me each time I see him.

Now, there are some types of men that I will never ever ever find attractive, no matter how nice they are (i.e. overweight dudes... not just, "oh, they could lose 10 pounds" overweight, but 50+ pounds overweight).

On a different note, I agree with you about not wanting a Saturday date before you've even gone out on Thursday. He's asking too much too soon, IMO.

My thoughts exactly. This guy may look better than his pictures.

Besides, you said that you like the conversation that you have with him, and he seems nice to you over the phone, so those are pluses!! The only thing worse for me than a guy who is UGLY is a guy who can't carry on a decent conversation. I don't care if he looks like Brad Pitt or Dwayne Johnson...if he's dumber than a box of rocks, or can't carry on a conversation with me, then he is CROSSED off my list! I'm sorry.

Let me tell you, there was a guy that a guy friend of mine tried to hook me up with 2 years ago. He just showed me his picture. In his PICTURE he looked ugly to me. To the point where I laughed in my friend's face. BUT...a few months down the line, the guy friend introduced me to his friend since he was in town, and although he wasn't "handsome", he was better looking than his pictures! Not only that, but this guy was sooo charming!! So friendly, so easy to talk to, and he knew how to talk to women. He made me feel soo comfortable, and we had a lot in commmon, plus, he had a sense of humor too so that was a plus! Do you know we ended up talking for a long time (for at least a year) over the phone and he was someone I could actually see myself with! So, sometimes you just have to meet someone in person!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I'll also add to however....

Don't settle!! If you've gone on a few dates with this guy and you're STILL not feeling it, then I would just be honest with him and break it off before hurting him. There's nothing wrong with tasting a little bit before deciding that you dont' want the whole "cake". You know what I mean?? We women are like that sometimes. Men see a woman they're attracted to and automatically know pretty much if they want to pursue something with her. But women sometimes have to warm up to a guy. A woman can eventually warm up to a guy depending on how he treats her, how he makes her feel, and the conversation that they have with the guy.

But there's nothing saying that there's a contract binding you to this dude just becuase you go on a couple of dates with him. So...I would just relax, have fun, and don't even worry about it. Just pay attention to how he makes you FEEL.

Sometimes how a guy makes you FEEL when you're around him can be the biggest determining factor letting you know whether or not this guy is for YOU or not!

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

I'll also add to however....

Don't settle!! If you've gone on a few dates with this guy and you're STILL not feeling it, then I would just be honest with him and break it off before hurting him. There's nothing wrong with tasting a little bit before deciding that you dont' want the whole "cake". You know what I mean?? We women are like that sometimes. Men see a woman they're attracted to and automatically know pretty much if they want to pursue something with her. But women sometimes have to warm up to a guy. A woman can eventually warm up to a guy depending on how he treats her, how he makes her feel, and the conversation that they have with the guy.

But there's nothing saying that there's a contract binding you to this dude just becuase you go on a couple of dates with him. So...I would just relax, have fun, and don't even worry about it. Just pay attention to how he makes you FEEL.

Sometimes how a guy makes you FEEL when you're around him can be the biggest determining factor letting you know whether or not this guy is for YOU or not!

**** I did this just recently and the guy had a meltdown on me. So be sure if you feel him starting with the I like you so much stuff during those first few dates t o break it off. Believe me it got real ugly!

 

[luvn_life]

I Agree that you should go on at least one date; Because although im completely aganist dating someone your not attracted to, pictures CAN make you look completely different. I have tons of terrible pictures that make me look terrible. So just see how you feel after the date

Totally cosigning on the picture thing. Sometimes when i take pics I'm like what the heezy is the deal. Why do people even think I'm cute because some my pics make me look big, greasy and just totally jacked. I have to learn a signature pose that makes me look photo-ready at all times. Sorry I got all off topic.

If you're still not attracted to him after the date, I would let it go. I sometimes feel like I'm letting the person on if I continue to date them to see where it goes even though I know I'm not attracted.

That's why I tell friends: NO HOOKING ME UP!!!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

**** I did this just recently and the guy had a meltdown on me. So be sure if you feel him starting with the I like you so much stuff during those first few dates t o break it off. Believe me it got real ugly!

Oooo...really?? LOL! Wow... ummm... okay yeah thanks for adding that in.

That's why I don't even usually give guys a chance when I can sense that they are already TOO into me and they haven't even gone out with me yet. If I'm not even liking how they look on the outside, and he's soooo enamored with me, then I usually won't even really do a private one-on-one date with him.

I wouldn't want him to have a melt-down on me.

But honestly, if he's acting this "heartbroken" after only a few dates with you, then I'm thinking that he may have had some other deeper issues that stemmed from nothing having to do with you. He was probably not worth it anyway in the long run if he's that let down so soon.

 

[Kerryann]

go out with him 1 time because u already set urself up not to like him already simply because he is not attractive. just go and be nice about it while turning him down for the other dates lol. trust me i would do the same thing men do it to us

 

[laCriolla]

I wasn't physically attracted to my ex boyfriend. I knew him for 3 years before we started going out. I thought he was the U word lol, but he was really nice, and we had a great time together as friends.

So when he got the nerve to ask me out, I gave him a shot.

by the time we made our relationship exclusive (a few months) i thought he was the most beautiful man in the world. personality is what counts.

 

[tocktick]

I tried it but it didn't work out for me. It's worth stating though that it wasn't just not being physically attracted to him that made me end up dismissing him. It was a factor though because even though I tried to put aside the lack of attraction, the guy always just felt like a glorified male friend. I couldn't expect to move the relationship along to even just kissing without feeling like a phoney.

After a while, I become a tad irritated with his own affection towards me (I feel like **** for saying that, btw) but it was my own fault for acting as if something was there. I should have been real with myself. I don't think it's shallow to admit that attraction is amongst the important criteria you have when it comes to dating.

eta: if I were in your shoes, I would probably still go on the first date if he's ok-looking in the picture and write it off to him being un-photogenic for now.

 

[sky_blu]

Had the same story as Poochie, I ended up falling way too deep for him, and had a kid LOL! After him I decided to date guys I was physically attracted too but the common denominator between them all is that they all had ALOT of confidence and other traits that made them even more attractive than their physical.

 

[MissNina]

I'm a Libra woman and am all about aesthetics. If you're not attractive to me, I leave it alone. Looks are as important to me as financial income or job stability. Major deal breaker.

I dated one guy who wasn't attractive to me and just no. I hated kissing him. Everyone else thought he was so adorable but I did not see it at all. His looks never grew on me or anything. He just had pretty eyelashes lol

 

[metro_qt]

I'm going to update..
I went on the date with him on Friday.
It was a lunch date.
It actually lasted 9 hours. lol
We lunched, we sat on patios, we walked around, checked out a festival, hung out with some of his friends...
He's a really cool person.

NOPE. no attraction at all on my part.
NONE...NONE...NONE...

it's weird. he's like the perfect person, except his looks, as in, i kept thinking in my head, if he looked like someone else... but had his personality, this would be perfect!!!
yeah. i know that's mean, but that's just how i felt.

He not only invited me for brunch the next day, but something else for next week, and some special event he's holding the week after.

He really likes me. I wish i felt the same.

But. that means, he's perfect for someone else,
I will just keep it moving, and find the person that's right for me.

 

[Moccaqueen]

Metro QT, go out on the date with a positive attitude and keep it friendly. Don't go on a romantic first date because he may take it as something it's not. If you two hit it off, then set the second date as a more romantic one. You never know, the man may treat you like the queen you are and blow your mind with conversation then all of a sudden transform into finest thing walking the earth to you. If nothing sparks at least you guys can remain friends, and you could possibly hook him up with someone who may click with him.

Our posts came in at the same time...
Glad you had a good date with him, but if the the attraction is still not there then let him know. Right now he obviously feels a strong connection, and you should kindly decline any further dates with him.

 

[prettyFine]

i just couldn't. me and ugly just never mixed.