Dating Ephiphanies: Your "AHA" Moment

[Syrah]

My Epiphany: Going forward, I will only date marriage quality men.

I used to think my friends were crazy and secretly "wanting" or "trying" to get married when they said this. "Girl, I can't date him, he's not marriage quality" and I'd roll my eyes and be like "do you WANT to be married soon or something? If not, why's it matter?".

Stupid MsNadi.

My new thing. I'm done dating men that aren't marriage quality. If I can't see myself marrying because of WHO you are, then I don't need to be dating you. Chances are the same reasons that prevent you from being marriage quality will prevent us from even enjoying the "dating".

It doesn't mean that every man is a potential "marriage partner" or even that I'm looking to get engaged/married, cuz I'm not. It's just that I realize - dating men who are outside of the realm of that "marriage quality" leads to problems. Because there are certain attributes that I like/want in a man and when you lack these, the "dating" won't even work.

That is all.

What about you? When you were single, what were some of your dating epiphanies? Your AHA moments? What have you learned?!

 

[prettypuff1]

I realized that if he is willing to disappoint me with the little things, he will do it with large things. If i can't trust him to call me back, how can i trust you to do bigger things like pay rent.

Even if i do call him back and we stay together, do i wanna live my life
with this guy who is willing to make me unhappy?


That is real and some womene need to get that

 

[lux10023]

*every man that glitters ain't platinum or gold...
*just because you are packaged ever so exquisitely doesn’t mean you are a good man---
*looks r just that looks--depth/quality will mean more in the end
*anyone man that is incapable of doing common sense, lil things will be incapable of doing big things--lets be real
*if you don’t treat the women in your family right—there is no way in hell you will treat me right
*men who did not grow up with a positive male figure in the home may come with some issues—but then again men who did have a father figure can also have issues as well

some things I learned a lonnnnggg time ago----

 

[delp]

*every man that glitters ain't platinum or gold...
*just because you are packaged ever so exquisitely doesn’t mean you are a good man---[/COLOR]
*looks r just that looks--depth/quality will mean more in the end
*anyone man that is incapable of doing common sense, lil things will be incapable of doing big things--lets be real
*if you don’t treat the women in your family right—there is no way in hell you will treat me right
*men who did not grow up with a positive male figure in the home may come with some issues—but then again men who did have a father figure can also have issues as well

some things I learned a lonnnnggg time ago----

So true. Awhile back a meet a "great" guy. No kids, getting his Phd, single, not gay (as far as I could tell), my age thirty something,divorce,..... the more I learned the more I was disappointed. He admitted he was a male whore. He in a career where he has contact with kids and he likes them just a day over 18. I see pics of his previous girlfriends. Can you say R Kelly. Oh, and a male chauvinist pig. Well, Not all the glitters in Gold. He was almost everything I prayed about.

 

[Duchesse]

I'm with you MsNadi on only dating men who are marriage material.

If he doesn't return your phone calls or texts in a timely and respectable time, or disappears and returns thinking there is no need for an apology, he doesn't deserve your time and/or is selfish with his.

Never make excuses for a mans behavior, if it doesn't initially feel right with your spirit, it isn't.

Words are just words. If the actions don't align, gets the stepping.

 

[HrdErndWizDom]

A man will always show you that he is really not that into you, heed the signs and keep it moving. This has always worked for me, sometimes it makes them get their ish together because they see that I will remove myself from that situation with the quickness. You can never be mad at someone for not caring about you the way you need, just find someone who does.

 

[locabouthair]

So true. Awhile back a meet a "great" guy. No kids, getting his Phd, single, not gay (as far as I could tell), my age thirty something,divorce,..... the more I learned the more I was disappointed. He admitted he was a male whore. He in a career where he has contact with kids and he likes them just a day over 18. I see pics of his previous girlfriends. Can you say R Kelly. Oh, and a male chauvinist pig. Well, Not all the glitters in Gold. He was almost everything I prayed about.

I went through the same thing last year.

I was dating this guy who had his own place, bachelor's working on his master's, good job, no kids, own car and trying to buy a house all before age 25. I was impressed because I dont know anyone in that age range that has all of those things. But boyyyyyyy did he string me along I was so hung up on him because of all his accomplishments but I learned that just because he has x,y,z means he's a good man or even the man for you.

 

[locabouthair]

A man will always show you that he is really not that into you, heed the signs and keep it moving. This has always worked for me, sometimes it makes them get their ish together because they see that I will remove myself from that situation with the quickness. You can never be mad at someone for not caring about you the way you need, just find someone who does.

I agree with this. Learned that also with the guy from last year.

 

[prettypuff1]

Another one I figured out was At some point we have to realize that there is better for us than what we are getting and it is up to us to demand it.


I figured this one out when dealing with the issue of do i tough it out because I may not find anyone else. I decided within myself that God has to have something better than this out there for me. I am not so terrible that i deserve the type of unhappiness i am getting( even if it is only a twinge of disappointment, that is still too much) and that there is truly some thing good for me.

There are many women iut there who will stick around and wonder if they can getbetter, you have to be able to you are worth it...

 

[laCriolla]

1. actions speak louder than words

 

[janiebaby]

A man will always show you that he is really not that into you, heed the signs and keep it moving. This has always worked for me, sometimes it makes them get their ish together because they see that I will remove myself from that situation with the quickness. You can never be mad at someone for not caring about you the way you need, just find someone who does.

Just thought it needed saying again.....

 

[Blossoming^]

A man will always show you that he is really not that into you, heed the signs and keep it moving. This has always worked for me, sometimes it makes them get their ish together because they see that I will remove myself from that situation with the quickness. You can never be mad at someone for not caring about you the way you need, just find someone who does.

Very valuable advice, Thanks

I'm with you MsNadi on only dating men who are marriage material.

If he doesn't return your phone calls or texts in a timely and respectable time, or disappears and returns thinking there is no need for an apology, he doesn't deserve your time and/or is selfish with his.

Never make excuses for a mans behavior, if it doesn't initially feel right with your spirit, it isn't.

Words are just words. If the actions don't align, gets the stepping.

Uh huh I'm dealing with this right now had to give the brother the silet treatment like yeah uh huh you think you the ish. Better get with it or keep it moving if he can't realize that i'm a prize.

 

[BackToMyRoots]

A man will always show you that he is really not that into you, heed the signs and keep it moving. This has always worked for me, sometimes it makes them get their ish together because they see that I will remove myself from that situation with the quickness. You can never be mad at someone for not caring about you the way you need, just find someone who does.

What more can be said????

 

[itismehmmkay]

- As soon as you feel that you're being told to leave, do so. It'll all go downhill from there if you don't.

- A man can still love you all while taking you for granted; do not be masked by the love.

- Pride/dignity/respect are not to be underrated

 

[TCatt86]

- As soon as you feel that you're being told to leave, do so. It'll all go downhill from there if you don't.

- A man can still love you all while taking you for granted; do not be masked by the love.

- Pride/dignity/respect are not to be underrated

Good ones!!

 

[ChasingBliss]

- As soon as you feel that you're being told to leave, do so. It'll all go downhill from there if you don't.

- A man can still love you all while taking you for granted; do not be masked by the love.

- Pride/dignity/respect are not to be underrated

So true to the bolded.


Also, just because he spends 23.5 hours a day with you (yuck who really wants that?) and professes undying love for you doesn't mean he isn't cheating on you.

Just because you look like a dyme and think you got that "good good" doesn't mean he's faithful either. News flash for some, you're not the only one capable of bringing that good good and dymes come a dime a dozen... A dog is a dog is a damn dog...

 

[Determined22]

My Ephiphanies:

*What you want may not be what you need

*When a man shows you who he is, believe him. Making excuses or talking about his "potential" does not help. You can't date "potential".

 

[N.P.R. Addict]

The purpose of relationships are to enhance your life. The first time you see that your partnered life is the same as your single life, bounce! I once dated a guy and things were going very slowly. Well I wanted to take a trip to Mexico and he said he could not and suggested that I go with my sisters or friends. I then responded "that's what I did when I did not have a boyfriend." We were over within a week.

ETA-- If you are not getting what you want leave. This is your life and when it comes to what you think you deserve, there is no such thing as being selfish.

 

[adf23]

I agree with "actions speak louder than words". Its a phrase that is overused, so it loses its meaning, but its SO true.

All the confusion surrounding "does he love me?", "does he like me?", etc. can be honestly answered by looking at a man's actions.

Some men are masters at "sweet talk"......while acting a fool, keeping women on the line.

Actions really do tell all- if he is acting right, his intentions are right.

If he is telling you all the right things, but acting crazy, you're probably being played.

 

[tocktick]

don't get excited over a man occasionally exhibiting small signs that he may like you. if he really did, he would have asked you out.

i spent so long thinking there was hope between me and this guy because he would occasionally do things that i thought meant he was feeling me. however, i would ignore the times where it seemed like i was invisible to him. i realised that i'd known this guy for two years (we're classmates) and if that he really liked me, there would have been no mixed signals and he would've asked me out already or at least stop giving me such mixed signals. since i so into him, i guess it was hard to admit to myself that he just wasn't into me too.

 

[Everything Zen]

My epiphany: He's not ready to get married either.

This whole time MisterMan and I have been together was a whirlwind. I felt like he just swooped on me, stuffed me in a bag, looked around to see if anyone noticed and took off running. He started talking about marriage and what we should name our 2nd children on the first date. Within 3 weeks I had keys to his place. Within 2 months he was talking about rings and I met his mother. Then our lives changed lately between both of us getting new jobs, both of us going back to school, my lay off, his father's death and the family feud over the will and him being evicted because they are tearing down his apt. complex to build condos. I realize looking at where he is right now he's just now getting it together for his own security. Too bad you're 36 and wanting to have kids and get married before you become an old man- dude you ain't there yet yourself! Thinking back most women his age probably wouldn't date him. It's not that he doesn't have it together- it's he should have had it together and had MORE than what he does now. I'm 26 and on point with where I should be in my life. Things are working out and the best part is we will grow together into being ready for marriage.

 

[prettypuff1]

My epiphany: He's not ready to get married either.

This whole time MisterMan and I have been together was a whirlwind. I felt like he just swooped on me, stuffed me in a bag, looked around to see if anyone noticed and took off running. He started talking about marriage and what we should name our 2nd children on the first date. Within 3 weeks I had keys to his place. Within 2 months he was talking about rings and I met his mother. Then our lives changed lately between both of us getting new jobs, both of us going back to school, my lay off, his father's death and the family feud over the will and him being evicted because they are tearing down his apt. complex to build condos. I realize looking at where he is right now he's just now getting it together for his own security. Too bad you're 36 and wanting to have kids and get married before you become an old man- dude you ain't there yet yourself! Thinking back most women his age probably wouldn't date him. It's not that he doesn't have it together- it's he should have had it together and had MORE than what he does now. I'm 26 and on point with where I should be in my life. Things are working out and the best part is we will grow together into being ready for marriage.

that is another thing i learned when dealing with older men. If they are 40 and looking at your 20 year old behind, it is usually because he can't find a woman his own age to date. Most of the ones i encountered had issues that women his age could spot a mile a way but younger ones couldn't see it.

 

[Everything Zen]

that is another thing i learned when dealing with older men. If they are 40 and looking at your 20 year old behind, it is usually because he can't find a woman his own age to date. Most of the ones i encountered had issues that women his age could spot a mile a way but younger ones couldn't see it.

Absolutely

 

[Kiadodie]

My Ephiphanies:

*What you want may not be what you need

quote]


Yes, this was my lesson learned this past year. It was a hard pill to swallow. My pastor said, "if you let go of what you want, maybe God will give you what you need."

 

[deltagyrl]

that is another thing i learned when dealing with older men. If they are 40 and looking at your 20 year old behind, it is usually because he can't find a woman his own age to date. Most of the ones i encountered had issues that women his age could spot a mile a way but younger ones couldn't see it.

ding! ding! ding!