Darn that Chris Rock!!

[Shelew]

Just hate that we get the wrap for wearing weaves when so many other races wear them too. Oh excuse me others wear "extensions". No one even questions them and they should not be questioned and nor should black women. I guess that is where the offense comes in for me.

 

[nikolite]

Runwaydream and lizelies, i get your point's. I literally LOL'ed at the examples you gave. I concede, that would be rude for a stranger to verbalize, out of the blue.

This is likely beyond the scope of the current discussion, but I guess what i was getting at was the fact that lots of bw all of a sudden 'get offended' when people start noticing and then commenting on certain things. Like someone upthread pointed out, bw give fuel for this type of response form 'others'. How are you going to get mad or offended when whitey starts to notice that you are trying to get the same hair texture or skin color they have and that these endeavors have turned into multi-million dollar businesses, LOL.

For me, its not them noticing it that's offensive, but them publicly discussing it as fact without acknowledging that there is a problem that they caused.

The comments from the Asian and white guys above were not only generally rude (I doubt they would think to make such statements to a white woman wearing a wig and think it was okay), but they seemed to imply that it makes sense for black women to wear weaves, use relaxer, etc. because our hair is difficult. They make these statements under the assumption that our hair is a curse, so "kudos for overcoming it"/"I understand your plight."

I had an Asian girl once tell me (not ask me but tell me) that we HAD to put grease in our hair to make it grow because otherwise it won't. Not only was she dead wrong but she seemed to assume our hair was just naturally jacked up. Not surprising, but still offensive that she thought she could just say that to me out loud. We weren't friends and barely associates.

I'd be less offended if a white man asked "Is that your hair in braids?" and after she responds, "Ya know, you're hair was really pretty the way it was without the braids." That'd be slightly annoying too, but its saying something very different.

 

[MsSanz92]

This post all the way!!! I absolutely hate the term "creamy crack" as well. I too dislike the association of Black women with crack. I also find the term extremely offensive to those with relaxers.

Too bad some women with relaxers act like any sight of NG is obscene and rush to get a relaxer like it's an addiction. These terms don't come out of nowhere to every stereotype is a thread of truth.

 

[SmileyNY]

Too bad some women with relaxers act like any sight of NG is obscene and rush to get a relaxer like it's an addiction. These terms don't come out of nowhere to every stereotype is a thread of truth.

A crack addiction though?? ...And because of this minority of women who get perms every 4 weeks... EVERY woman with a relaxer deserves to be called an "addict" too? Nah...

A "thread" of truth isn't enough. If it were... Then we may as well accept EVERY stereotype that is thrown at the black community. There's a thread in every blanket stereotype. Doesn't make it right or accurate... And it sure as h3ll doesn't make it acceptable.

 

[Ipanema]

Well, I just saw the movie, and it was pretty sad. He made the majority of black women seem pathetic. He showed the little girl getting a relaxer right after showing the same chemicals burning through a soda can.

Off topic, I wonder how the natural woman on the panel got her hair like that. It looked like tiny braids or twists, but not really.

 

[jennboo]

Well, I just saw the movie, and it was pretty sad. He made the majority of black women seem pathetic. He showed the little girl getting a relaxer right after showing the same chemicals burning through a soda can.

Off topic, I wonder how the natural woman on the panel got her hair like that. It looked like tiny braids or twists, but not really.

Chris Rock ain't made nothin'

IF black women do look pathetic, it is of their own doing. When you know better, you do better.

 

[RegaLady]

For me, its not them noticing it that's offensive, but them publicly discussing it as fact without acknowledging that there is a problem that they caused.

The comments from the Asian and white guys above were not only generally rude (I doubt they would think to make such statements to a white woman wearing a wig and think it was okay), but they seemed to imply that it makes sense for black women to wear weaves, use relaxer, etc. because our hair is difficult. They make these statements under the assumption that our hair is a curse, so "kudos for overcoming it"/"I understand your plight."

I had an Asian girl once tell me (not ask me but tell me) that we HAD to put grease in our hair to make it grow because otherwise it won't. Not only was she dead wrong but she seemed to assume our hair was just naturally jacked up. Not surprising, but still offensive that she thought she could just say that to me out loud. We weren't friends and barely associates.

I'd be less offended if a white man asked "Is that your hair in braids?" and after she responds, "Ya know, you're hair was really pretty the way it was without the braids." That'd be slightly annoying too, but its saying something very different.

SOoo, you don't think a majority of black women think this way already? The Asian was making a reference and a connection to a film. The film was made by a black man about black women. All one needs to do is look around and clearly see why the Asian guy had this sentiment.

 

[RegaLady]

But I think even if they said a lot of black women wear spanx, there's the same implication. She probably would have responded, why do you say that? and then it would've have eventually come to black women being obese.

I wouldn't think, so. After asking why would you say that? I would expect them to say because they got it from a movie, like the Asian man said he got his observation on black women and weave from

 

[jennboo]

For me, its not them noticing it that's offensive, but them publicly discussing it as fact without acknowledging that there is a problem that they caused.

The comments from the Asian and white guys above were not only generally rude (I doubt they would think to make such statements to a white woman wearing a wig and think it was okay), but they seemed to imply that it makes sense for black women to wear weaves, use relaxer, etc. because our hair is difficult. They make these statements under the assumption that our hair is a curse, so "kudos for overcoming it"/"I understand your plight."

I had an Asian girl once tell me (not ask me but tell me) that we HAD to put grease in our hair to make it grow because otherwise it won't. Not only was she dead wrong but she seemed to assume our hair was just naturally jacked up. Not surprising, but still offensive that she thought she could just say that to me out loud. We weren't friends and barely associates.

I'd be less offended if a white man asked "Is that your hair in braids?" and after she responds, "Ya know, you're hair was really pretty the way it was without the braids." That'd be slightly annoying too, but its saying something very different.

On the first bolded, i totally get where you are coming from. I also appreciate the fact that you don't seem to be in denial or living under a rock in regards to colonialism's effect on the way many blacks see and feel about their hair and skin, that makes this convo easier, LOL.

You would be hard pressed to find a white person who understands and acknowledges their ancestors' role in why black's feel the way they do about their hair and skin. Even if white folks did understand and verbally acknowledge this, black people would still get offended, because it is a sensitive issue.

Second bolded: When white people make comments like this, i tend to think that they think it is okay ( and not insulting) since those comments are reaffirmed by what they see in everyday life, i.e. weaved up and straight-haired black women. How could they think it's insulting?

 

[Almaz]

Well I did not sign up for the hair I am cool on that end it was all the other topics that I was interested in I understand where you are coming from but again Hair is personal and I think people who do or say things like this is intrusive obtuese and disingenious Hair is Personal leave it at that. People should take the time to think before they speak especially if they don't know really what is going on. Its just about being conscious and aware of the others persons feelings. But if someone feels that they can say things like that even if they did not mean to be offensive just don't be afraid of the comeback cause not everyone is going to be so gracious.

But I feel you on this I really do Just some folks just seem to overstep boundries when it comes to our hair with backhanded compliements and wonderment ITS amazing how a supposedly undesirable race of women everyone seems to be so fixiated with all thiings that WE DO

I guess i dont understand. With all of us having a paid membership to a site solely dedicated to hair care...which I wouldn't say the majority of the gen pop likely has, I dont mind people acknowledging that it takes time to have nice hair. Because it does!

With all the Dc+pre-poo+protein+henna+heat train+protective style for 2 years+oil rinse+ how to blend a lace wig+ 5year transition+V vs. U vs blunt ends+ fotki +photo docs of hair journey+a hair growth t-shirt+the umpteen other things that many of us actually do do....how is it offensive?

 

[Missjae09]

That comment made his "compliment" null and void..

 

[smoothie696]

Chris Rock ain't made nothin'

IF black women do look pathetic, it is of their own doing. When you know better, you do better.

Thank you!

 

[Polyesterdiva]

I read back through everyone's comments, and maybe i'm a weirdo here, or speaking out for a small silent minority...

But I honestly don't get what all the uproar is about. When I read the words, my first thought was "awww! He probably has a crush on her!" and was just trying to "relate" to her in some horribly awkward way.

So firstly, I honestly believe what he said IS true. Incredibly curly hair IS challenging to take care of, natural or relaxed. It can tangle more easily, and is prone to being dryer. We know first hand. If our it wasn't we'd all have waist length hair!

However, our hair isn't a burden! It's a part of the community that can be beautiful, creative, and a source of pride! If we remembered that, and didn't look down on our own hair sometimes, we wouldn't look for/expect others to be looking down on it (and us) too! ***I've heard more negative hair comments from black people 'nappy this' 'bad hair' that, then I have ever heard from any other group! ****

Secondly, toward the "toupee comment" line of thought, not all awkward "truths" are offensive. If a boy I liked said 'I can tell you've gained weight.....(!)... because you are filling out those pants better than Beyonce' :-D I wouldn't take it as a bad thing.

So awkward comment or not, I'd rather use my energy being offended by a statement that someone meant maliciously, not something harmless meant to be praise. None of us can claim to know everyone single "appropriate" detail of every other culture or gender or whatever..


I try to see the GOOD in people and life. If we don't we will be constantly offended and miserable in this diverse world!

 

[alive]

this thread made me think of one of my Caucasian friends that has chosen to wear her hair at blunt waist length for the past 6 years or so. she always has people telling her to "cut it into a style" or "donate it", sometimes implying that she's selfish for not "doing something" with her hair

i will never forget the day she came to me and said: i wish people would just stop talking to me about my hair. it's mine. what i choose to do with it is a personal thing

i guess there are two sides to every coin. even when it becomes an established fact that not all black women wear wigs and weaves, there will still be people out there that will find something to say about the way we choose to wear our hair

 

[runwaydream]

this thread made me think of one of my Caucasian friends that has chosen to wear her hair at blunt waist length for the past 6 years or so. she always has people telling her to "cut it into a style" or "donate it", sometimes implying that she's selfish for not "doing something" with her hair

i will never forget the day she came to me and said: i wish people would just stop talking to me about my hair. it's mine. what i choose to do with it is a personal thing

i guess there are two sides to every coin. even when it becomes an established fact that not all black women wear wigs and weaves, there will still be people out there that will find something to say about the way we choose to wear our hair

i wish i DID go through all that effort to grow my hair to waist length and some **** has the NERVE to tell me it's selfish to not cut it off and give it to someone else :gotroasted: :210:

 

[brittanynic16]

This is getting interesting

 

[brittanynic16]

WOW! Between that compliment and a paper cut. I'd take the paper cut! I've seen your YouTube btw, your hair is lovely!

Thank you

 

[darlingdiva]

Too bad some women with relaxers act like any sight of NG is obscene and rush to get a relaxer like it's an addiction. These terms don't come out of nowhere to every stereotype is a thread of truth.

It's not a "too bad" issue to me. What about all of the women who don't fit into that box? Why should they have to wear the "creamy crack addict" label?

Regarding the second portion of your comment, I think the major issue with the topic in this thread (as well as many other topics that are discussed on the board) is that people tend to solely view and address matters in the "absolute" spectrum instead of considering and acknowledging all (or numerous) facets.

 

[naijamerican]

I think what really angers me about this is that not only did CR's movie create, as someone so aptly put it, a lot of one-sided collateral damage; but also, he did not at all try to link the use of relaxers and weaves as a means for some women - not all, but real talk, some - to achieving a semblance of a Eurocentric standard of beauty. In other words, if he had directly linked the pursuit of "good hair" to the racism that is at the root of the whole notion of good hair, then it's likely that he wouldn't have armed these ignoramuses with the ammunition needed to make such stupid comments.

As Adel10 put it, this is why we need more voices to tell our stories. Because the ones out there right now who are regarded as a mouthpiece for the struggles of Black folks are doing, at best, a horrific job, and at worst a downright dangerous one that will take many years to correct.

 

[naijamerican]

I read back through everyone's comments, and maybe i'm a weirdo here, or speaking out for a small silent minority...

But I honestly don't get what all the uproar is about. When I read the words, my first thought was "awww! He probably has a crush on her!" and was just trying to "relate" to her in some horribly awkward way.

So firstly, I honestly believe what he said IS true. Incredibly curly hair IS challenging to take care of, natural or relaxed. It can tangle more easily, and is prone to being dryer. We know first hand. If our it wasn't we'd all have waist length hair!

However, our hair isn't a burden! It's a part of the community that can be beautiful, creative, and a source of pride! If we remembered that, and didn't look down on our own hair sometimes, we wouldn't look for/expect others to be looking down on it (and us) too! ***I've heard more negative hair comments from black people 'nappy this' 'bad hair' that, then I have ever heard from any other group! ****

Secondly, toward the "toupee comment" line of thought, not all awkward "truths" are offensive. If a boy I liked said 'I can tell you've gained weight.....(!)... because you are filling out those pants better than Beyonce' :-D I wouldn't take it as a bad thing.

So awkward comment or not, I'd rather use my energy being offended by a statement that someone meant maliciously, not something harmless meant to be praise. None of us can claim to know everyone single "appropriate" detail of every other culture or gender or whatever..


I try to see the GOOD in people and life. If we don't we will be constantly offended and miserable in this diverse world!

I admire your attempt to see the good in what that gentleman said, but I don't. If he was attempting to pay her a compliment out of having a crush on her, he never would have added "that hair" to the end of his statement. I'm all for giving people the benefit of the doubt and for accepting people where they're at as it pertains to where they fall on the spectrum of knowledge about other people's cultures and customs and hair care; but there was nothing innocuous about what that man said. It's our propensity to try to "understand" and sympathize with the mind of an ignoramus that, to me, plays a pivotal role in why these types of things continue to happen day in and day out. While many of us don't view our hair as a burden - or, if we do, we at least welcome it as a challenge - Chris Rock basically told America that the hair that emerges from Black women's scalps is inherently burdensome. That was the message that this man internalized, and that's why he felt compelled to pay the OP that non-compliment. I'm not going to claim that he is representative of all Asians because he's not and I refuse to ascribe a negative characteristic to an entire group of people based on one person; that doesn't take away from the fact that what he as a solitary individual did was dumb.

 

[naijamerican]

For me, its not them noticing it that's offensive, but them publicly discussing it as fact without acknowledging that there is a problem that they caused.

The comments from the Asian and white guys above were not only generally rude (I doubt they would think to make such statements to a white woman wearing a wig and think it was okay), but they seemed to imply that it makes sense for black women to wear weaves, use relaxer, etc. because our hair is difficult. They make these statements under the assumption that our hair is a curse, so "kudos for overcoming it"/"I understand your plight."

I had an Asian girl once tell me (not ask me but tell me) that we HAD to put grease in our hair to make it grow because otherwise it won't. Not only was she dead wrong but she seemed to assume our hair was just naturally jacked up. Not surprising, but still offensive that she thought she could just say that to me out loud. We weren't friends and barely associates.

I'd be less offended if a white man asked "Is that your hair in braids?" and after she responds, "Ya know, you're hair was really pretty the way it was without the braids." That'd be slightly annoying too, but its saying something very different.

THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ETA: And there's one more thing I wanted to add. Normally I would be all for the whole "well, Black people are our worst enemies when it comes to our hair" and "we armed them with the power to make comments like that when many of us are weaved up," etc. etc. But you know what? No. Just no. I emphatically refuse to say that. I'm tired of US blaming OURSELVES for the way other people see us. I'm so disgusted at the level of racism I've observed over the past 3+ years and I now know that even if we do right, it's not enough for some folks. It's not Black women's faults that people of other races make such ignorant comments. Period, point-blank.

 

[yaya24]

lol. thats nothing. right after the movie came out i was still rocking my braids. (i was still growing out my natural hair). and this particular hairstyle took up a lot of hair and i had it in a huge bun in the back of my head. i'm walking to my car and this white guy is walking behind me and goes, "wow, that's a lot of hair, it's nice." i say"thank you." before the words were even out of my mouth he asks "is it all yours?" i'm so taken aback i didn't even think to get offended right away. i kind of stammered "no." with a confused look on my face. i mean who asks that?! plus its BRAIDS! it's clearly not real. and he goes "i didn't think so." then he follows up with "i saw 'good hair' i know a lot of black women wear weaves."

i was then while he skipped away happily without a care in the world .

wooow. Good Hair seriously helped him grow a pair. Last I checked thought clear men were scared of black people.....

 

[Polyesterdiva]

While many of us don't view our hair as a burden - or, if we do, we at least welcome it as a challenge - Chris Rock basically told America that the hair that emerges from Black women's scalps is inherently burdensome. That was the message that this man internalized, and that's why he felt compelled to pay the OP that non-compliment.

Just curious, how would you feel if it was another black women who went up to the OP and said:

"Wow, your hair is beautiful. I know how hard it can be to take care of OUR hair?"

Or even if she said "That hair" but just mean "that" as a reference to hyper curly hair?

 

[blackbarbietea]

He meant well. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Because he's a person of color.

If it was a white person, I would of jumped on his/her back.

 

[nikolite]

Second bolded: When white people make comments like this, i tend to think that they think it is okay ( and not insulting) since those comments are reaffirmed by what they see in everyday life, i.e. weaved up and straight-haired black women. How could they think it's insulting?

I agree with you that black women reaffirm this ourselves, but I think they know full well when they are being insulting. I think most of them also know where the legacy comes from but feign ignorance when they see skin bleaching horrors in Cambodia or watch Good Hair and "discover" that black women are doing this. I think they simply didn't care to notice before or couldn't actually talk about it in public without being called racist, and are now using this as fodder to discuss something "bad" about us out loud. The fact that a black man came out and said that many black women perm their hair because they are ashamed of it only gives them a pass to be insulting about it in public, but it doesn't make them unaware that pointing out anything artifical on a woman's body is an insult. So yeah, while I wouldn't want to give black women a pass for perpetuating it, I'm not giving those dudes one either.

I think what really angers me about this is that not only did CR's movie create, as someone so aptly put it, a lot of one-sided collateral damage; but also, he did not at all try to link the use of relaxers and weaves as a means for some women - not all, but real talk, some - to achieving a semblance of a Eurocentric standard of beauty. In other words, if he had directly linked the pursuit of "good hair" to the racism that is at the root of the whole notion of good hair, then it's likely that he wouldn't have armed these ignoramuses with the ammunition needed to make such stupid comments.

Just wanted to thank you twice for the bolded!

Just curious, how would you feel if it was another black women who went up to the OP and said:

"Wow, your hair is beautiful. I know how hard it can be to take care of OUR hair?"

Or even if she said "That hair" but just mean "that" as a reference to hyper curly hair?

Another black woman saying it is completely different--I think I'd be inclined to correct her and let her know that its not really that hard, we all have different hair and regimens, etc. This doesn't seem to be a good analogy.

 

[Solitude]

Yeah, but ask about 99% of the black population, and I am sure they will agree with him. This is not a brand new notion. Almost all people think our hair is difficult. Heck how many threads on this board seem to imply that.

He wasn't saying anything out of the norm. What seems to be embarassing is that our 'secret' seems to be out. At least thats what some women I went to see this movie with, seemed to imply.

Readyone

Just saw your response...for me, it's not MY secret! That's the annoying part. I've always liked my hair. I don't wear weaves or wigs, either.

I've got 99 problems, but my hair ain't one. I'm on this site, yes, but I enjoy my hair and get compliments on it whether it's long or short, nappy or straight.

Like I said, I don't blame Chris completely. A ton of black women do wear fake hair and a ton of people take these types of movies to heart as the gospel truth. Oh well.