Could it be me?!

[SimpleKomplexity]

I'm all about this Law of Attraction. I think that you attract people who you are like, deserve, or can handle at the moment. Some people jsut attract bad energy for some reason.

This is my question. Yeah I know...another one...

So this boy has been begging to meet me somewhere. I say no. He says that he really wants to see me for Christmas. I say I'm spending time with family. He shows me a pic. Do you know another durn "boy" done went and showed me his chi wah wah? Seriously. I got so pissed off I couldn't even speak. I just deleted his number and avoided his calls. TELL ME WHY THE HECK DO I KEEP ATTRACTING THESE SAME DUDES?! Does "Skripper" as Firecracker would say appear on my forehead..... Does Ludacris's "She's a Ho" song play in the background when I enter the room? Or do I just look easy?! WTF is up? Why do I keep attracting these same guys. The ones who have no convo, no life, and only think about "boning" a female and having there way with them. I believe I deserve better, but why isn't better showing up? Is it in my conversation?

WHAT AM I DOING TO DESERVE THESE TURDS? I changed a lot of things about myself in these past few months. I don't mention or talk about sex to any guy I talk to. I try to talk less, and stay mysterious. I stay upfront if they bring it up, that I'm not that type of girl. I'm I'm not your booty call material. I don't take phone calls after 11. I don't take last minutes dates. Could I do anymore?

What am I doing wrong? It seems like every few steps I take forward, soemone knocks me back and says, "Chick who you playin?"

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

I thought you were already dating your friend? (The one from Xmas who didn't buy you anything at first). Why didn't you just tell him you're in a relationship?

 

[Dposh167]

.. Does Ludacris's "She's a Ho" song play in the background when I enter the room?

LMAO....this line is funny as hell!...but seriously....i'm in the same boat as you tho!...i think a lot of people are quick to say 'it must be you'...but honestly....sometimes It IS THEM!.

I don't know you very well to tell u that.."it must be you" (even tho you'll get that response soon ). sometimes we may have to expand our horizons. I can't complain about always meeting a hood dude..when ummmm i'm always going to the hood clubs ya know!....but at the same time...meeting a guy at starbucks doesn't mean he'll be a gentleman either...idk...im just rambling in this late nite talk

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

I thought you were already dating your friend? (The one from Xmas who didn't buy you anything at first). Why didn't you just tell him you're in a relationship?

Tell him I was in a relationship? I dun even wanna talk to the fool. Why can't I just chill with a nice guy...I'm so tired of these...I don't even have an adjective

The guy I was seeing? Nah we're not dating. I realized he's not for me. He's very shy and we dont' have much in common We will always be childhood friends, but I don't think it will go any further. He's a good person to spend time with though. I spend New Years Eve with him. ...But even he...I stopped talking to him as much when I found out he wanted me to be his first. I told him i would not because of yada yada...he was coolw ith it...but I just felt...I dunno like I was on another page with him.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

LMAO....this line is funny as hell!...but seriously....i'm in the same boat as you tho!...i think a lot of people are quick to say 'it must be you'...but honestly....sometimes It IS THEM!.

I don't know you very well to tell u that.."it must be you" (even tho you'll get that response soon ). sometimes we may have to expand our horizons. I can't complain about always meeting a hood dude..when ummmm i'm always going to the hood clubs ya know!....but at the same time...meeting a guy at starbucks doesn't mean he'll be a gentleman either...idk...im just rambling in this late nite talk

So true... *sigh* You know to be honest I have never been to a "hood club" It was never for me. I'd rather settle for a tiki barr or small setting. But shoot at the library, on campus, or even church I keep attracting these guys ...that to say the least...are not for me. These are the guys attracted to me. it just makes me sit back and wonder...why ya know?

This situation happened so long ago well liek Christmas day, but it's really bothering me. I've been thinking about it, and I jsut wonder where do I go wrong? Why can't I meet some nice brotha into his books whos funny and fun to talk to. Is that so much to ask for?

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Where are you meeting these "people"?

How are you presenting yourself?

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Where are you meeting these "people"?

How are you presenting yourself?

Hmm Maybe he's the last of the bunch rays: I met him through a friend. The friend was on College uv. I hate that site. It's a dating site, but it seems like it's no good men on there, only some freak who's 30 and older or 20 with 2 kids looking for a booty call.

A month ago I got rid of all my accounts. Collegeluv, facebook,match, whatever dating sites I was on, because I read the Rules and was determined that the next guy I talked to would come to be instead of vice versa (among other reasons).

I meet guys mostly at the mall or library...I present myself as Kris. Your normal know it all...next Mz. Obama. Dressy Casual, Energetic, and Intelligent...I dunno if my "fun" personality is regarded as a sex pot but all it keeps ending me up with is some loser with sexual intentions. Lucky for me, I usually screen them out before we ever go out...but dang....why can't one break the mold of the past

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Hmm Maybe he's the last of the bunch rays: I met him through a friend. The friend was on College uv. I hate that site. It's a dating site, but it seems like it's no good men on there, only some freak who's 30 and older or 20 with 2 kids looking for a booty call.

A month ago I got rid of all my accounts. Collegeluv, facebook,match, whatever dating sites I was on, because I read the Rules and was determined that the next guy I talked to would come to be instead of vice versa (among other reasons).

I meet guys mostly at the mall or library...I present myself as Kris. Your normal know it all...next Mz. Obama. Dressy Casual, Energetic, and Intelligent...I dunno if my "fun" personality is regarded as a sex pot but all it keeps ending me up with is some loser with sexual intentions. Lucky for me, I usually screen them out before we ever go out...but dang....why can't one break the mold of the past

A) What did you expect from a boy on a site entitled "Collegeluv"? I mean, really, the typical boy on a site of that nature (I have never heard of it but I'm just guessing) is probably not interested in a serious, meaningful relationship. Just a guess. You probably need to choose a new venue. And if your friends are going to call themselves "hooking you up" they need to do a better job of presenting men who are halfway decent. Be sure they know what you are looking for in a man to avoid the mismatching.

B) Ok, I think you have to remember that just because a man approaches you doesn't mean you have to give him the time of day. Some men will try every woman he passes that day so it's not necessarily you...some men are just trifling. Those are the ones you give the pursed lip smile and keep walking.

C) Know it all...fun personality...these are not necessarily bad things, but they are probably better saved for the "getting to know you" phase versus the "Hi, my name is ____" phase in the mall. I've observed that women who are all over the place upon initial meeting get perceived as unintelligent and/or easy by many men. I'm not entirely sure why this is, but I have witnessed this repeatedly. There's a difference between being slightly aloof and charming and being chatty and a smarty pants. I really can't say which you are, but it's something to think about. Let him come to you and let him guide the conversation...that will usually tell you everything you need to know.

 

[gabulldawg]

Are you aggressive in your approach to guys? In your last post you described yourself as being energetic and fun. You also insinuated that you have done the pursuing of guys in the past. Those factors in itself definitely can give guys the wrong idea about you. I guess it's just up to you about whether or not you would want to change those things about yourself in hopes to attract different types of men.

I will also agree that some dating sites are not the best places to find a quality man.

 

[Cincysweetie]

Hun, you're young. A LOT of boys are JUST thinking about sex at that age, like a 100x's a day. Don't be so hard on yourself. Now if you entertained this nonsense, THEN I would say that maybe you are the problem.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

This is very non-LOA-ish thinking, but there seems to be more rejects than decent, relationship-loving and wanting men out there. You're just doing your share of wading through the idiots. I'm sure many of us have been there.

And positive thinking and attraction or not, they're still gonna be out there in search of easy you-know-what. It's your job to be discerning and just keep it moving when you encounter one of those guys.

 

[Ramya]

Hun, you're young. A LOT of boys are JUST thinking about sex at that age, like a 100x's a day. Don't be so hard on yourself. Now if you entertained this nonsense, THEN I would say that maybe you are the problem.

Right. There are a lot of stupid young boys out there who will TRY YOU just to see if you will put up with that hot mess and give them what they want. Don't fall for it. When they show their behind, keep it moving. No need in entertaining mess. BUT if these little boys are all that you are meeting maybe you should work on your presentation and approach.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

ok girl lemme tell u this 2 yrs ago when i was a lil insecure my self esteem wasnt gr8 but boy did i knw how to fake the funk lol my whole life atthat point was a bit helter skelter and i attracted helter skelter men lol i attracted the emotionally wounded, the sex crazed and even the downright crazies lol then i though golly gosh!!! what happening before this i attracted gr8 guys with a few weirdos of course i mean they are out there u can never 100% escape lol, its about how u present urself even somewhat subconsciously as well, i would say especialyl subconsciously its all in body language.

Im back on form now mentally and everything else and im surrounded by good guys again (but like i said a weirdo will always try to slip in)

If you are doing online dating (which i have tried) yes u can get a few crazies there as well some can try and fool u by acting normal at first but soon reveal themselves (no pun intended) so dont ever rush to meet anyone

 

[sharentu]

you are a young lady and dont be so hard on yourself. things happen for a reason. just continue to work on yourself and mature and keep positive about who you would want in your life. positive vibes count for a lot, also keep your eyes and ears open to know what you dont want, so you wont get tricked again. you i am sure will be fine.

 

[kayte]

can share my experience...

I'm real circumspect about an intial interest
my telephone number???

USUALLY THEY GIVE ME THEIRS.....AT FIRST
OR WE DON'T TALK

I'm so private... I value that...

when..they get my number

and it's NEVER my cell....way too ascessible
and I HATE being texted unless it's a more serious involvement
and I rarely...rarely give out email

but by the time they get to have my number usually..they've had to walk
the plank...

and have been appropriately screened...

 

[JFemme]

I'm all about this Law of Attraction. I think that you attract people who you are like, deserve, or can handle at the moment. Some people jsut attract bad energy for some reason.

This is my question. Yeah I know...another one...

So this boy has been begging to meet me somewhere. I say no. He says that he really wants to see me for Christmas. I say I'm spending time with family. He shows me a pic. Do you know another durn "boy" done went and showed me his chi wah wah? Seriously. I got so pissed off I couldn't even speak. I just deleted his number and avoided his calls. TELL ME WHY THE HECK DO I KEEP ATTRACTING THESE SAME DUDES?! Does "Skripper" as Firecracker would say appear on my forehead..... Does Ludacris's "She's a Ho" song play in the background when I enter the room? Or do I just look easy?! WTF is up? Why do I keep attracting these same guys. The ones who have no convo, no life, and only think about "boning" a female and having there way with them. I believe I deserve better, but why isn't better showing up? Is it in my conversation?

WHAT AM I DOING TO DESERVE THESE TURDS? I changed a lot of things about myself in these past few months. I don't mention or talk about sex to any guy I talk to. I try to talk less, and stay mysterious. I stay upfront if they bring it up, that I'm not that type of girl. I'm I'm not your booty call material. I don't take phone calls after 11. I don't take last minutes dates. Could I do anymore?

What am I doing wrong? It seems like every few steps I take forward, soemone knocks me back and says, "Chick who you playin?"

Its very simple really...

STOP entertaining mess, messy people...

Decide what you want and say NO to anything or body that shows up otherwise...

See Kayte's post...

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Thanks ladies so much. I think I'm on the right path, I just need a few talks here and there.

Man do you know how hard it is to cut all the guys who are not benefitting you? Especially if that's all you talk to lol. I thought I'd be lonely if I deleted my facebook, collegeluv, myspace accounts, but I'm actually not missing much.

I feel like I have so much "space" to grow and make lifelong relationships with. With people (and men) who are not looking to disrespect or hurt me.

I like Kayte's method. It goes against "The Rules" but I think I'ma start doing some kinda of similar method. I think deleting all my frivolous accounts will help to "screen" a lot of the guys I meet also.